Author's Note: Happy Friday! DON'T READ UNLESS YOU'VE SEEN THE SEASON FINALE: Did anyone else jump up and scream and go crazy and pretty much freak out when Dan picked up the phone and said 'Hello Blair?' or was that just me?! The whole Dairness of that episode was enough to make all my hatred for Georgina melt away, especially when Blair gave her what she deserved, and then some!! That piece of Chair at the end was cringe-worthy, and then what about this new guy for Blair? Grrrrr. Well, we're not writing the show, so what can we do? I will say this: Dan and Blair are both single now, so the possibilities are endless! You're going to want to ring a few necks during this chapter... Enjoy it all the same!

Chapter Fifteen
"Sooner or later this will fall apart
It takes more than science
To save a failing heart
I wanted to keep you
And hide you from the sun
But no one could reach you
But enough of these pointless noises
Enough of just counting down
This is not a test
If love is not the answer
Then maybe I misunderstood the question."
-Aqualung

Steam rose up from the cut of juicy meat, aromatic and hot. Grill burns were etched across the steak, but artfully so, and Dan smelled the seasoning and natural deliciousness of the meat rise from his plate. The twice-baked potato that also sat on his plate was enough to make anyone's mouth water, with a buttery smoothness, a dollop of sour cream, and just enough pepper that he knew it wouldn't agitate his mouth. A hint of melted butter glistened on the steamed vegetables coloring his plate; his favorite side dish at Carny's Steakhouse, joining his favorite entree on a very hot plate. But despite his preferences, Dan was having a hard time even thinking about eating the food. All he could do was sip his soda and hope that his anxious stomach settled.

"Have you gone vegetarian?" Rufus asked teasingly from across the table, taking a bite of his extremely sloppy, but delicious, personal pizza.

The only reason Dan had even ordered the meal was for his father's benefit, but now he realized he would probably have to eat it too. With trepidation in his actions, he picked up his fork and knife and began to cut the meat in front of him. He raised the piece to his mouth and began to chew. It would have been delicious under any other circumstance, but right now he felt like gagging. The image of Blair, lying on the bathroom floor, steam covering her body in beads of sweat and anxiousness, reentered his mind and he had to force himself to swallow the food within his mouth instead of spitting it out. He couldn't stomach the idea of her doing what she was doing to herself, and he found his nervous stomach was only getting worse and worse. And sitting down with his father to talk about girls and his curfew was not what he would have preferred to do at that moment.

Rufus watched Dan gulp down some soda and then eat a small forkful of potatoes. Because his actions were stilted and strange, Mr. Humphrey tried to make light of the situation, hoping for an explanation, "Watching your figure, son?"

"No, I'm just- I guess I'm not as hungry as I thought I was," he said, not looking his father in the eyes.

They ate in silence for a few minutes.

Dan managed to slowly eat his meal, washing everything down with water and soda every other bite. Rufus watched his son closely, trying to figure out his strange behavior. When it became clear that watching Dan's eating patterns wasn't going to reveal anything to him, he decided to just come out and talk about what he had taken him to dinner for. He pushed his chair a little closer to the table and wiped his mouth before carefully thinking over his words.

He finally said, "Dan, I wanted to talk about your not coming home last night."

Dan froze a little, fork raised above his steak. Looking up, he waited for his father to speak again.

"Look, son, it's just-" he fumbled with his words, trying to find a proper way of going about the conversation. "You haven't known Serena that long and I'm not sure if it's good for you to be spending the night together already."

For a moment Dan didn't say anything, instead he translated all of his father's words to go along with his situation with Blair.

You haven't known Blair that long and I'm not sure it's good for you to be spending the night together.

"Dad, I'm pretty sure I love her-"

Rufus shook his head, "Dan, you're young. Serena's very beautiful, and probably a lot of fun, but you might need to slow down a bit."

Blair's very beautiful, and probably a lot of fun, but you need to slow down a bit.

"I don't like her because she's fun- Dad, she's- she's just amazing."

"That may be, but she's also sixteen years old."

Dan shook his head, "She's seventeen."

Serena was, in fact, still sixteen.

"Regardless?" Rufus began. "You're too young, and it's too fast. You've spoken to me about Serena, and I've tried to help you- But you were so unsure whether or not you even liked her, and now you're- I don't know- spending the night with her?"

You've spoken to me about Blair.

Dan shook his head, "I've never spoken to you about her."

"Yes. You said you weren't sure if Serena was the girl for you because of who her best friend was."

You said you weren't sure if Blair was the girl for you because of who her best friend was.

The translation wasn't working, and it was making Dan frustrated. All he wanted- All he needed- was advice, and he knew his dad could give him that. Through all the problems and questions he'd had in his life, his father had always been there for him, without question, without judgment, unconditionally. And unlike some teenagers he felt comfortable talking to his father about parties where there was drinking and girls he had liked or kissed. So now, he decided, was the best time for him to be honest with his dad. This lying and sneaking around behind his own father's back was making him feel too uncomfortable anyway.

So, Blair Waldorf or not, his father would help him.

Sighing, Dan dropped his voice, saying, "Dad, can I just tell you the truth?"

"Sure," Rufus said slowly, as if he should be afraid of whatever the truth was.

Dan rubbed his jaw with the heel of his hand, thinking about how he could word this without seeming like a selfish, horrible, inconsiderate, ass of a hypocrite.

Yeah, that's a tough one.

"Dad, I was telling you the truth when I thought I liked Serena," he paused. "But, I know I don't feel that way about her anymore."

"What-"

He cut his father off, "I've still been seeing her, although I don't exactly want to."

"Dan, what are you talking about?" his father asked, urgency and worry creeping into his voice.

Swallowing, Dan said, "I've been seeing someone else too, behind Serena's back- Behind everyone's back."

"Dan, are you gay?" his father asked in a hushed voice. "Because if you are, I don't care, you're still my son and I still love you-"

Dan shook his head, "Dad- No," he ran a hand through his hair, growing slightly frustrated. "I've been seeing another girl behind everyone's back- And she has a boyfriend too, so it's really complicated now."

"You?" Rufus shook his head, as if he couldn't understand any of this information. "But why? Why are you still seeing Serena if you want to see someone else?"

"Because Blair Waldorf told me to?" Dan said cautiously, as if waiting for a bomb to go off.

It took a minute for Rufus to say, "Blair? As in Serena's best friend?" Dan nodded. "Well- I mean- Who is it you're seeing secretly?"

"Blair Waldorf?"

Rufus allowed his jaw to drop a little, and he stared at his son for a good long minute.

Finally, he managed to say, "I thought- Didn't you say Blair was everything you hated about the Upper East Side?"

"She's different, Dad- I got to know her and I- It's complicated and confusing, but- I think I love her."

Rufus nodded slowly, "And she's who you were with when you didn't come home?"

"Yes, it was her birthday yesterday. Everyone forgot, even Serena and her boyfriend- I wanted to make it special for her- I'm sorry-"

His father silenced him by raising his hand, "Dan, you don't have to explain yourself," he nodded slowly.

"But you just said I couldn't spend the night with Serena, why could I spend the night with Blair?" he asked, his eyebrows creased in confusion.

Rufus laughed a little, "Because I saw the look in your eyes when you said you think you love her," he nodded. "I think you do, and I trust you with your feelings. Just be careful with them. But what about Blair, does she feel the same way?"

Yeah Humphrey, does she?

"Oh my God," Serena said shrilly. "I love-love-love this movie!"

Because Serena was laying on her stomach, with her eyes far away from Blair at the opposite end of the bed, and because Nate was so entranced in the movie, and Serena, Blair rolled her eyes.

About four hours had passed since Dan had left, and Serena and Nate had invaded. She was beginning to feel itchy with restlessness and annoyed to no end, as if she wanted to jump out of her skin. First, they had put on Breakfast at Tiffany's, because Blair was sure that would be the only thing that could get her through hanging out with the two. And when the credits began to roll, after they had consumed two bags of buttery popcorn, and several boxes of varying candy, Serena had declared that they should watch Pierce Brosnan in Die Another Day, instead of another Audrey Hepburn film. Nate readily agreed with this idea, having seen enough old-time Audrey Hepburn romance to last him a lifetime. So they watched the action movie, with Serena swooning all over the place, declaring her love for the Irish actor. Nate curled his feet unconsciously at all the action-packed parts, and Blair observed the two of them, feeling her anger fester.

They had come to her house to celebrate her birthday. And then they had refused to watch the movies she wanted, to do what they wanted instead. Cringing couldn't tide her over any longer, she felt like she needed to hit someone. Preferably someone blonde, or male. Instead, she pushed herself deeper into her mother's Swedish mattress and crossed her arms, fuming.

Nate winced, "He better not-"

"He's gonna!" Serena retorted playfully.

"No-No-No-N-"

Serena sat up as they both watched and squabbled over the movie, pointing at the screen, "BAM!" she barked, startling Blair so much that her heart began racing.

"I'll be right back," she said, standing and disappearing out of the bedroom and down the hall. Looking for a place to hide, to get away, she went into her room, closed the door, and hid in the back of her closet, allowing herself to be drenched in quiet darkness.

Hugging her knees to her chest, she focused on the sound of her own breathing, and the calm silence of this small space. Resting her forehead on the tops of her knees, she sighed heavily, allowing her whole body to vibrate and relax with fatigue. So many thoughts and worries were bouncing around in her head all the time, so much so that she couldn't have a moment to herself anymore. Guilt over using Dan, over what her true feelings were, were still eating her up inside. Her anger towards Serena and Nate for screwing her over and betraying her through furtive glances and secret text messages was battling the desire to forget her whole plan in the first place, to get back at them. Revenge and control had always been her best skills, but now, now she almost wanted to be honest with Dan, wanted to fix everything and make it different. But Serena and Nate were being so heinously disloyal that she couldn't help but feel like she should at least wait until the winter formal to decide.

Whatever she decided, she was obsessing over the choices and opportunities, the ideas and the possibilities. She played out scenarios of what could go wrong and what she could to prevent those, what she could do to help herself later on. Nightmarish thoughts of Dan finding out what she had been planning and ignoring her forever because of the selfish bitch that she was plagued her mind, causing her to worry and wonder. But she didn't care about Dan, right?

Suuuuuuuure.

And with all these thoughts whirring behind her eyes, dealing with Serena and Nate's faux best friend/boy friend behavior was driving her insane. They were too cheerful, too happy around one another, hoping their emotions would spill out and infect Blair and she would act like everything was great and dandy, even though it wasn't. She couldn't take it. She needed seriousness and quiet right now, not loud and immature ridiculousness. What she needed was someone like Dan, to just understand what she needed.

But she wouldn't admit that to anyone, let alone herself.

That night Dan had a hard time falling asleep.

Any time he closed his eyes he saw Blair's small frame, lying on her bathroom floor, steam surrounding her, a delirious and timidly panicked look in her glazed eyes. He heard her voice, telling him, with much difficulty forming the words, to leave, embarrassment and privacy forcing her to react when she was hardly conscious. He felt her soft fingers grasping his arms, trying to push him away; her balled up fists beating at him out of frustration and anger; her hair tickling his face and neck as he lay, his arms wrapped around her, on her bed. And it haunted him; it bothered him and worried him, and made him toss and turn, twisting his sheets around his body.

The minutes of the night ticked away, red and luminescent on the digital clock, and he wished he could just fall asleep. An escape from his twisted and confused thoughts was what he wanted, and sleep would have been perfect, but it would not close itself upon him.

Why does she do it? he asked himself. Is it just because she wants to be thin? Or is it because she's trying to think about this problem, as opposed to the other problems in her life?

He didn't care either way. He wasn't going to judge her if it was just to stay thin, or if she couldn't help it at all, he just knew that he wanted to help her, that he wanted to fix this problem for her. And he worried she'd distance herself from him, cut off all contact and communication, secret or not, now that he knew about her problem. Staring at the ceiling in the dark, Dan shook his head and frowned.

"Oh Blair," he whispered into the darkness. "You're like a goddamn maze."

Try an indecisive labyrinth of designer labels and neurotic tendencies.

At school that Monday, Blair noticed Dan trying to catch her attention more than once. Whether he was sneaking her covert glances across the courtyard, or sending her thoughtful texts during physics, she knew he was concerned, and it made her antsy. During lunch she was so distracted that she ripped back the top of her yogurt cup and sent strawberry-flavored cream across the steps of the Met. Serena was the only one sitting with her, and she watched Blair's agitated actions with concern and distraction.

"Bee, are you okay?" she asked, popping a piece of fruit into her mouth.

Blair looked at Serena, as if noticing her sitting beside her for the first time, "I'm fine," she chuckled. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"You just seem a little tense."

"I'm fine," Blair said again, wiping a little yogurt off of her leather boots with a napkin.

Silence descended upon them, interrupted solely by the sound of traffic and voices around them. Blair didn't look at Serena, only focusing on mixing the rest of her yogurt with her spoon. The blonde, however, was searching the steps, as if looking for someone, ignoring her lunch all together. After a few long seconds, Serena turned back to Blair, when she felt Blair's face was placid enough, she asked, "Where are Kati and Is?" Blair gave Serena a nearly scathing look as she placed her yogurt cup on the step below her.

Shrugging, she said, "How should I know?"

"Can I use your phone to text them then?" she insisted. "I forgot mine at home."

Blair waved her hand at her, "Whatever," and she focused on blowing at her coffee.

Silently, Serena went through Blair's phone, until something made her fingers freeze.

"You have a text," her voice sounded sick and tight.

Blair gave her a confused look, wondering why Serena's behavior was suddenly so constipated, "So?"

"It's from Dan," she said, her voice turning angry. "He wants to know if you're okay."

The brunette froze.

Serena bit her lower lip, looking away, almost seeming like she was going to cry, or scream, "Why are you and Dan texting, Blair?" she demanded. "I thought you hated Dan."

"Why would I hate Dan?" Blair reacted quickly.

"Because you always used to say he's Brooklyn trash, and that I can do better," her voice was so accusatory that Blair nearly winced.

Knotting her eyebrows, Blair said, "Dan? Dan's from New Have- Oh!" she made it seem like she was finally understanding the whole situation. "You thought it was a text from your Dan!" she forced a smile. "It's from Dan Allbridge, he lives next door to us in Connecticut."

"I don't know a Dan Allbridge," Serena said suspiciously.

"That's because he just moved there- Our parents made us talk and stuff- He's really nice," she took her phone back from her friend. "Don't worry, I'll call Kati and Is."

As Blair pressed the phone to her ear, listening to it ring, she took a big sip of her coffee, wincing as it burned the roof her mouth, her tongue, and her throat. 'Close call' was the word that came to her mind.

Not regarding the coffee.

Dan waited outside of Blair's building, his shoulder's hunched against the cold. His jacket was buttoned closed, but the windy November air was creeping up his sleeves and under the fabric of his clothes, causing goose bumps to rise on his skin. He began to rub his palms together, blowing hot breath onto them every few minutes. His thin, St. Jude's uniform pants were allowing the gusts right through them, and he was losing the feeling in his calves, so he began to stamp his feet a little. Basically, he looked like a demented Weeble, wobbling around to keep warm.

"A little chilly, Dan?" Peter, the doorman, called from under the awning of the building.

Dan gave him a good-natured eye roll, "Yeah, you keep making fun of me over there in your nice wool coat."

"Why don't you wait inside?" the man offered with a chuckle.

"No," Dan said hesitantly, preferring to focus on the striking cold, as opposed to what Blair would say when she saw him. "I'm okay-"

Suddenly, a familiar, but incredulous, voice cut him off, "Dan?"

Dan turned and saw Blair walking down the sidewalk toward him. She was dressed in a light blue pea-coat, with a black baret over her low side-ponytailed head. Of course, Dan couldn't help but smile upon seeing her; she looked beautiful, even with a pink nose and cheeks, and eyes, gleaming with water from the sharp winds. However, Blair wasn't smiling as she approached him, in fact, she looked disbelieving, if not very angry.

And she was.

She was downright pissed. Who did Dan think he was, waiting for her in front of her house? Did he think they were close enough that he could do that? We are. She swallowed, No we're not. She didn't want him to care this much, didn't want him to love her because of how horrible she was. But she felt her chest ache when she thought of how it would be without him caring, without him being the Brooklyn boy who always seemed to be at the wrong place, at the wrong time, doing everything that drove her crazy.

"Hey," he smiled, walking up the sidewalk to meet her. "I came by because you haven't been answering my texts."

She grabbed his arm and swiftly steered him into the building.

When they were in the elevator she hissed, "What the hell is the matter with you?" she harshly dropped his arm.

He faltered, "Excuse me?"

"What are you doing here?" she asked, pressing the emergency button, causing the elevator to shudder to a stop. "What if someone had seen you?"

"I was worried about you," he said, agitation slipping into his voice.

She shook her head, closing her mouth for a moment before saying, "I already told you, I don't need anyone to worry about me or help me or anything."

"Blair-"

"Look," she cut him off, anger flaring up inside of her. "Serena saw one of the texts you sent me today- She's getting suspicious, and you hanging around my building in plain view is not helping!"

Dan was growing angry now. He was only worrying about her, caring for her, and she was yelling at him, punishing him. She had no right. But she didn't even realize she was doing it. Blair was just so angry, so confused and put-off that she couldn't help but take her frustration out on everyone around her. Control had never slipped through her fingers so much. It was like she was close enough to see a plan laid out, mapping the future so it all made sense, so everything she wanted could happen all at once, but it was too far to actually reach or understand. So, she yelled. She didn't think about what she was saying, or how it would affect anyone, she just said what seemed to abate her anger.

Dan shook his head, laughing as if he couldn't believe what was happening before him, "We don't need for Serena to be suspicious! We don't need to sneak around like this!" he took her hands in his. "I'll tell Serena things are over, and you can break up with-"

"Stop it!" she ordered, wrenching out of his grasp. "We couldn't."

Heart beating wildly, afraid of what her answer would be, Dan asked, "Why not?"

"Because," she stammered, looking at him and then looking away nervously. She couldn't tell him that they had to stay together because some vengeful part of her still wanted to get back at Serena and Nate, even if it meant she was technically using Dan. Instead, she said, "Because no one can know."

Dan stared at her, his jaw clenched tightly. He loved her, he knew that. If he had to jump down the very elevator shaft they were standing in to save her life, he felt very sure that he would do it; but there was only so much he could take. She couldn't step over him like this, jerking him around and pulling him on some invisible leash. Dignity was something that Dan felt he still had intact, and he wasn't going to let her rip it away from him. And why? Why did she do this? Why didn't she just break up with Nate if she was so unhappy with him? Why did he have to stay with Serena as if he didn't love Blair? What was happening here?

Slowly, as if trying to clarify it with himself, Dan wondered, "Are you ashamed of me, Blair?"

"No!" she said quickly, nearly crying out. "Dan that's not it at all."

But she wondered if she would date him, if the circumstances were different, because he was from Brooklyn, because he was a scholarship student.

I'd still love him.

He was growing even more angry and impatient now, she could tell by the way the muscles in his jaw and neck were contracting, and the way that his eyes were glaring into hers. She and Dan had never fought before, it had always been joking, teasing, playing, and touching, never talking like this to start a fight. He frightened her a little bit- not as if she was afraid he would hurt her- she was afraid that he would get so angry with her that he'd finish their 'affair' and leave her forever. It made her heart and stomach twist at the same time. She couldn't lose him, but she felt like she shouldn't care. Confusion clouded her eyes, accompanied by tears.

He shook his head, as if he was sick and disgusted, "How could you be so petty? How could you- How could you be such a snob?"

"Dan," she grabbed his shoulders, trying to pull him toward her, but he pulled away. "That's not what this is!"

"Then what is it, Blair?!" he shouted, making her jump. "What is this fucking sick and twisted game you're making me play?!"

She stared at him, trying hard to keep the tears contained in her eyes. Nothing made sense anymore, and she felt like her head was too full to even think anything through.

Dan jammed the emergency button again and the elevator shook into life, bringing them closer to Blair's penthouse. She was shaking, he couldn't tell, but she was trembling slightly, anxious and afraid. Part of her was praying that this fight wouldn't make him break up with Serena, hoping he wouldn't tell everyone what had been going on. Another part of her was afraid that he was so angry with her, so sick of her games, that he was going to refuse to speak to her again. But he loved her, she knew that- He wouldn't leave her. Something in her brain reminded her that she wasn't supposed to care either way. And then a big part of her heart was aching, hoping he would still love her tomorrow.

The elevator doors opened onto Blair's foyer, and she slowly, with fragility in her steps, walked into her home. Once she stood on the marble she turned and looked at Dan. His jaw was still clenched tightly, and his brow was furrowed angrily, but he was looking at her, waiting. She swallowed, her lips trembling a little. She didn't like him looking at her like that, she was so used to him looking at her with caring and adoration, or even lustful hunger, but this disappointment and disgust was almost too much for her to take.

"Dan," she said, her voice weak and trembling.

He shook his head, "I don't think you have anything more to say to me."

She opened her mouth to speak, but she wasn't sure what to say.

Without saying anything to her in return he kept his eyes locked with hers, hot and dissatisfied, and leaned forward, pressing the button for the doors to close. As they slid shut, their eyes stayed locked, but she received such an angry- almost hateful- look, that she nearly glanced away.

When the lift began to move downward, and the humming of it got quieter and quieter, she slowly slumped to the floor, covering her mouth with her hand, ripping her baret off with the other. Tears gushed down her face and sobs were threatening to erupt within her throat. She was shaking violently now, painfully sitting on her ankle in the cold marble hall. But it wasn't just Dan's anger that had made her cry with such passion, it was also her confusion, and her frustration. Was she still angry at Serena and Nate, enough to screw them over? Was she still pissed enough that they liked each other, when she didn't even like Nate anymore? And what were her feelings for Dan? She couldn't even define her own emotions anymore, not by any stretch of the imagination. Nothing made sense, and everything was being thrown at her all at once. She couldn't digest it, couldn't process anything that was in her brain.

She decided, without really consciously deciding, that she needed to get away.

Author's Note: Can anyone guess what's going to happen next? Aaaaaaah! My Mondays feel pointless now that Gossip Girl is over, and a new episode always pushed me to update this story. Although I'm anything but uninspired. I've decided Aqualung provides the soundtrack to Dan/Blair for me, what is everyone else's Dan/Blair music? Hope you liked this chapter! Next one is coming soon!