Author's Note: Hey guys! Sorry it's taken so long to update, but I've been really busy with school and everything. Since my last update though, the wonderful Haley has made and posted a trailer for 'When it Rains, it Pours'- it's featured on my youtube page, and from there you can check out her page and the rest of her videos, because she has some kickass Dair ones! Thanks everyone, for sticking with this story! Everything's wrapping up- I think there's gonna be two chapters and an epilogue until the end. So here is chapter twenty-five! Hope you like it!
Chapter Twenty-Five
"I'm holdin' on your rope,
Got me ten feet off the ground.
And I'm hearin' what you say,
But I just can't make a sound.
You tell me that you need me,
Then you go and cut me down....
But wait....
You tell me that you're sorry,
Didn't think I'd turn around....
And say....
It's too late to apologize."
-OneRepublic
It took all of Blair's strength of will to get out of bed and go to school on Friday morning. All she wanted to do was lay in bed and let herself be miserable. She wanted to cry and sob and stuff her face. She wanted to run the lines of 'Moon River' over and over in her mind until she binged- until she found herself on the bathroom floor, thinking only about the heaving of her stomach and the rawness of her throat. But, she knew that Audrey Hepburn would not stay in bed, ignoring the situation- and she knew that Dan would not forgive her any more if she stayed home and allowed herself any kind of luxury. Even if that luxury was allowing herself misery. So, she picked herself up, took a scalding shower, dressed in an outfit that was sure to inspire some confidence within her, and took a town car to school.
Fifth Avenue was backed up for a few minutes, and she had to endure sitting behind a garbage truck and a Mercedes, right beside the steps of the Met. The girls were all clustered around- sans Serena- talking and chattering. Being apart from them now, Blair could see just how obvious it was that they were putting on a show- how obvious it was that they thought everyone cared so much about them that theatrics had to be involved. She shook her head and looked away. How could she have ever allowed the most important thing in her life be attention and everyone else's envy? She could count a hundred things that were more important- fixing things with Dan, being number one.
Glancing back at the steps, Blair watched as Serena pranced up them, meeting the girls to dish out air-kisses and hugs.
It made Blair's chest ache to see Serena, to know things had fallen apart so horribly between them. Once upon a time they had been best friends. Serena had been there for her through all her eating disordered problems, had been the one to make Blair loosen up and have fun whenever she was pissed or upset. And Blair had been there for Serena, offering a bed and a friend, whenever Mrs. van der Woodsen was ignoring her children for her latest boyfriends. But Serena had committed the worst crime a best friend could commit, she had sex with Blair's boyfriend while they were dating. And instead of coming clean and apologizing, the blonde fled. That was what had sealed the deal. Serena had abandoned the truth and her best friend, when Blair had needed her most. There hadn't been a phone call or an email, and because of this, Blair had never been able to let it go, no matter what she had said to Serena's face.
Nate also- she could never forgive him. Not only had he cheated on her, but he had gotten back together with her and had used her for his father's business.
But, looking at Serena talking with her ex-friends on the steps, made her start to think.
She couldn't ever forgive them for what they had done to her- but she couldn't help but want to fix things with them, even in the smallest way. Truthfully, she was sick of hurting people and sick of the lingering guilt. All she wanted was to be with Dan- and that wasn't possible right now- but, she could start with deserving to be with him.
"I'm getting out," she said abruptly.
The driver turned his head and said, "Excuse me?"
"I'm getting out right here- just for a minute," she explained. "Can you park?"
"Uh- Yeah- I think- uh- there's a spot up there," he said.
She nodded, "Good," and stepped out of the car.
Her heart began to thump strongly as she ascended the steps with purpose, walking confidently on her Louboutin pumps. She focused on staring down her old friends as she walked, determined and nervous- but, finally, sure and prepared. Midway to them, they noticed her approaching and turned. Somehow, she didn't falter as they all stared her down, looking amused and disbelieving, trying to be intimidating and frightening. Blair realized, with a rush of adrenaline and exhilaration, that they had no negative affect on her anymore.
When she was standing on the same step as Serena, she stopped.
"Can I help you?" the tall blonde prompted.
Blair glanced at Penelope, Hazel, Kati, and Iz, all flanking Serena like soldiers. She said, "I'd like to talk to you- privately," she said. She continued before Serena could cut her off, "I'll meet you here, at four."
Serena sneered, "Excuse me but-"
"Look," Blair stopped her. "You can show up or not, but I'm giving you the option," and before Serena could say anything else, she turned and descended the steps, feeling empowered and strong.
Let's see how long that lasts.
When it Rains, It Pour
During second period, Blair was extracted from her math class by the vice principal, Mr. Hettinherr.
He exited the classroom and immediately began walking down the hallway. Blair followed him, confused.
"Are you prepared for your speech, Miss Waldorf?"
She almost stopped walking all together as she asked, "Speech?"
"Your speech- to thank Mr. Marrimen for funding the junior class trip to Washington D.C.?" he told her, looking nervous. "I met with both yourself and Mr. Spieltz last week," he also said, seeming as if he was just about ready to punch her if she didn't remember.
So, she nodded confidently and said, "Of course."
But, she obviously wasn't ready to deliver any speech. She remembered said speech, and she remembered the meeting she had had with Mr. Hettinherr and the boys' class president, Carl Spieltz. And, truthfully, she had meant to write the speech- but what with the drama with Dan, SAT prep, homework, the task of finding a dress for the Winter Formal, and the hellish ordeal that had followed Gossip Girl's and her own revealing, she had completely forgotten about writing a thank you to the man who was paying for the class trip of the year.
"Good," the vice principal sighed. "You'll be addressing Mr. Marrimen and the rest of your junior class during third period."
Blair felt as if she was going to throw up.
He seemed to notice the look of nauseousness on her face and he asked, "Is that a problem?"
She tried to smile easily and managed to say, "Not at all."
It was, however, a major problem.
What the fuck am I going to do? she wondered. Can I manage to bullshit this whole thing?
We hope so, B.
When it Rains, it Pours
"Yo man, you know that scholarship case from Brooklyn's been boinking Blair Waldorf?"
Dan turned and gave the ignorant boy beside him a cold glare. The boy in question, however, was leaning toward Dan with a dopey grin on his face, staring at Blair, who sat in the row of student council members sitting on the stage. When he had turned back to realize who he was talking to, the boy got one look at him and- after allowing a look of surprise to adorn his face- laughed out loud. Once he had turned away to regal his friends with an account of the mishap, Dan turned back and studied Blair.
She was sitting between the boys' junior class president, Carl Spieltz, and the boys' vice president, Randy Peet. She looked confident and at ease in the bright lights of the auditorium, which was a great contrast to how he had last seen her- shaking with nervous anxiety, looking hurt and alone after he had defended her in the cafeteria and had all but stormed away from her in the hall. There was a smile on her face- a classic Blair Waldorf-I'm-up-to-something-but-only-I-know-what-it-is-and-I'll-make-you-think-I'm-innocent-smile. Carl turned and said something with a smirk, leaning close to Blair's face, making her laugh. Dan felt his stomach clench with jealousy- even though- oh yeah!- he hated Blair and was angry at her.
When he had shaken himself out of his thoughts though, Dan was able to simply wonder why the student council was sitting before the junior class, and what they whole assembly was about.
On the stage, Blair was smiling easily, laughing with Carl, and trying to seem genuinely unbothered. Really, though, she felt weak and shaky, as if she were going to throw up or cry. The lights above her were too hot, too bright, and she squinted into the audience, feeling her collar growing damp with perspiration. A loud wavering of chatter and laughter swept at her violently from her peers and she had to swallow with difficulty past the rising bile. The whole grade was watching her- all of the people who had seen or had heard all about her trying to screw over Nate and Serena- the same people who thought she had used Dan and didn't care about him- the people who were aware of all the ridicule Serena had placed on her, and all crap she had to endure. These people had all seen her dirty laundry, had watched it all aired out via Gossip Girl. If she screwed this up- if she embarrassed herself further- they would all know- the shame would be available for everyone to see and understand. And she would receive no sympathy.
Mr. Hettinherr was talking, explaining what the assembly was about, but she couldn't pay any attention to him.
What was she going to do? She could quickly compose a quick thank you for Mr. Marrimen, but-
"And now a few words of thanks from St. Jude's Carl Spieltz."
The auditorium erupted in applause for the good-humored jock that everyone loved. Everyone clapped and cheered, except Dan, who sat and stared at Blair, his eyebrows set and his jaw tight.
When would this perpetual feeling of anxiety and edginess pass? he wondered.
As Carl spoke easily, making jokes and smiling over charmingly at Mr. Marrimen- who was also sitting on the stage- Blair was becoming aware of just how many people were watching- of who was watching her. She had worried about it a fraction of a second ago. It was her whole class- the entire junior class. All these people knew of her affair with Dan, and all of these people thought she didn't care about it.
Her heart began to pick up speed as she thought about what she could do.
When her time to speak in front of all the juniors came, she could so easily say whatever she wanted.
And what was the worst punishment she would get? Suspension?
She could deal with that.
Before she could even decide otherwise, Mr. Hettinherr was back at the podium, saying, "Thank you Mr. Spieltz. And now, saying thank you for the girls of the Constance Billard junior class- Blair Waldorf."
The applause for Blair was considerably less than Carl's, but she didn't care. She marched up to the podium with confidence and a folder- for show- and looked over her fellow class members with determination, but also resignation.
Dan didn't know why his heart was pounding as he watched Blair adjust the microphone so it was aligned with her mouth. Perhaps it was because he had seen her trying to fade into the woodwork of Constance Billard and St. Jude's all week, but had been failing at it horribly. Now, here she was, being thrown into the spotlight, like an animal pulled out of captivity, thrown into the wild, and then put into captivity again. But, he noticed how excited and visibly different she looked, also. He couldn't put his finger on it, but something was definitely different.
"First off, I'd like to thank Mr. Marrimen for generously offering us the funds for our class trip to Washington D.C. in the spring," she said first, clapping her hands and smiling as the junior class followed suit. "I know that the opportunity to get out of the classroom and learn with my peers in the world, is one of the best experiences of school- and for that, on behalf of the girls in the junior class of Constance Billard, I thank you Mr. Marrimen."
When the second round of clapping subsided, she realized it was her last chance to change her mind.
Sink or swim, Blair.
"Secondly, I'd like to take a moment to make a personal announcement."
She could feel Mr. Hettinherr shifting uncomfortably in his chair beside the guest donor on stage.
Dan felt his whole body tense in anticipation.
"Last week- at the Winter Formal- everyone found out, via Gossip Girl, some pretty nasty stuff about me," she said, her voice shaking only slightly. "I'd like to say that, for the most part, Gossip Girl had no idea what she was talking about."
A hissing sounded from the audience- people whispering and chattering in the dim light of the auditorium.
"And for what it's worth- it's no one's business but our own- what happened," she said with vindication. "But I would like to say one thing for all of you to hear."
From his seat, Mr. Hettinherr was hissing, "Miss Waldorf! Miss Waldorf!"
Dan waited, holding his breath.
"Dan," Blair said, the name- audible- made her chest ache. "I am so sorry."
The whispering crowd seemed to increase and decrease in volume at once.
She shook her head, ignoring the vice principal's apologizing to the guest from the side of the stage.
Swallowing, she said, "It started off as one thing- but, I promise you," the earnest in her voice was palpable, "it ended up so different than I had ever intended."
Dan's heart was drumming loudly in his chest, and his mouth had gone completely dry.
"I just want you to know that I do love you, and I'm so sorry for hurting you," she managed to say, her voice choking up slightly at the end. She made a move to walk away, but stopped and spoke into the microphone again, "And I'm sorry to Mr. Marrimen, for using this thank you speech for other reasons." This illicited a collective chuckle from the junior class as she moved and sat back down in the row of student council members.
From where he sat, Dan stared at Blair. He wasn't angry or moved to forgiveness- really, he was even more confused than before.
When it Rains, it Pours
At four, Blair met Serena on the steps of the Met, but she wasn't alone. Nate was standing with her.
"Anything you can say to me, you can say in front of Nate," Serena said, as soon as Blair was standing before them on the steps.
She nodded, "This is even better."
Shaking his head, Nate asked, "What is this about, anyway?"
"I wanted to-" Blair cut herself off and took a breath. "I wanted to apologize to both of you."
The two starred at her.
"Look," she allowed the emotions to fall out of her mouth. "You both hurt me- You did," she shook her head, the tears pricking behind her eyes. "Nate, I was in love with you, and you were just using me for you father. And Serena, I trusted you as my best friend- and you betrayed me!"
They looked at her defiantly, not at all ashamed for their crimes.
Breathing in deeply, she said, "I'm not trying to justify what I did, but that's why I did it." She shrugged, "I didn't want to feel hurt, so I went for revenge."
"You didn't have to bring Dan into it-"
"I thought it would be the easiest way!" she snapped. "I didn't know- I didn't know this- I couldn't guess that I'd fall in love with him."
They stared at each other in silence for a long minute.
Sighing, Blair said, "I'm apologizing to both of you- For trying to hurt you, for hurting you- I'm sorry."
She didn't wait for a response, instead, she nodded sincerely and turned, walking down the steps and heading back down the street.
And for the first time in a long time, Blair felt as if she could actually breathe.
Author's Note: Okay, again- sorry it took so long to update! Next chapter will be the last, and then the epilogue! Hope you all liked it! Thanks for being so patient! And wait- can we please talk about the craziness that was Pret-a-Poor-Jenny? Holy crow! The Dairness of this season is so wonderful it's almost unreal! Thanks for reading and reviewing!