Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto in any way shape or form.

Sleepless nights

Chapter four

Memories, or Lack Thereof

Birds chirped their song outside the window and the few beams of light that shone through the blinds found their way to the whisker striped face of a certain blonde knucklehead, Uzumaki Naruto. As the sun rose higher in the sky the light shined in his eyes causing him to twitch and to finally to jolt awake. Yawning and streatching, the boy bounced a bit on his couch as he swung his legs over the side and sat up, he arched a golden brow in confusion. He had not remembered his couch being so comfortable, in fact Naruto didn't even remember falling asleep next to a window at all. The only thing that he remembered from the previous night was finishing off Sasuke's forgotten bottle of whiskey and passing out on the couch, but in hindsight that probably wasn't such a good idea.

Intent on checking to see if Sasuke was alright and sleeping soundly in the bedroom Naruto, still half asleep, pushed himself off of the couch and onto the soft carpeted-

'Wait a minute... My living room doesn't have carpet...'

Frantically the blonde rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and whirrled a round to take a look at the room he was in only to find that he was not in his living room at all but standing in the middle of his own bedroom. Sasuke lay exactly where Naruto remembered putting him before leaving, but did he really leave or was it just a dream? Had he come back to the room during the night and what of Sasuke? Had he, had they-

Naruto blushed profusely when he noticed that no boxers, or any other form of clothing concealed his naked body from the morning sun.

'W-what happened last night?' And just like that, as if on cue Sasuke rolled over on his side, causing the blanket to slide down his pale neck and reaveal to the confused blonde porcelon skin now covered in bruises and the dark sheets covered in what looked like-

"Oh my God!"

Instinctively the blonde slapped a hand to his open mouth, muffling any other exclimations of horror that dared come out. He had slept with Sasuke! Had sex with the man he'd been craving since their first meeting and he missed it! The only thing that ran through his mind was that he had taken advantage of Sasuke, he was drunk, but then so was Sasuke and there was no way to know who innitiated what. There was one thing Naruto did know though, he must have been on top because there was not an ache or a pain in his body. At the thought of the frail dark haired man writhing in pain and pleasure benieth him, moaning his name and arching into his touch the blonde blushed another ten shades of red and shook his head furiously needing to banish those thoughts from his mind for the moment.

Naruto knew he should make sure that Sasuke was alright and maybe find out if he remembered what had happened but he could not bring himself to move, there he stayed, frozen like a statue there staring at the sleeping raven mouth agape like a carp.

What if this got out? If Sasuke didn't keep this a secret and told everyone what he had done? There was no way he would be allowed the tittle of Rokudaime if Tsunade-baa-sama and the elders found out. his entire future was at stake!

Tears welled in the blonde's eyes as he watched Sasuke turn onto his back before finally opening his eyes. For a moment the raven shielded them from the sun and by the time his eyes had adjusted to the light Naruto was shaking, feelings of intense fear overtaking his body and keeping him from saying even a word when deep black eyes met with his light blue orbs. Sasuke looked Naruto up and down before opening his mouth to say something but closed it again and frowned.

The raven swung his legs over the side of the bed in preperation to get up and to ask Naruto why the hell he was watching him sleep... in the nude of all things, but the intense pain in his backside let him do no such thing.

'Urgh!'

Sasuke's knees gave out and he collapsed onto the floor next to the bed with a heavy 'Thud!', fists in tight balls pressed into the carpet and jaw set, determined to show no pain whatsoever though it killed him to do so.

As soon as Sasuke hit the ground Naruto was right beside him, slinging the Uchiha's arm over his shoulder in an attempt to help him back onto the bed but Sasuke would have none of it.

He batted Naruto to the side and tried to stand up on his own only to fall back to his knees from another jolt of pain up his spine. He threw a heated, panicked glare at Naruto and hissed through his teeth at the pain. Finally getting a good idea of what happened to him.

"Dobe, what did you do to me?" Naruto's eyes darted from side to side as he fidgeted trying to find a good lie that would satisfy Sasuke.

"I-I... We m-may... h-have..." He found none.

Now Naruto's room, simple as it was, had a few more 'luxury items' if you will than the rest of the house. In addition to there being a fair sized bed (big enough to fit two people in) and a wardrobe there was also a full length mirror by the door that Naruto had bought for the sole purpose of making sure he looked alright in the hokage robes that he would have to be wearing every day. Usually Naruto draped a towel over said mirror because, lets face it, living alone is scary enough without the possabilities an old mirror in your room brought to the table, but the previous night he had not concealed it. Naruto had been too preocupied with dealing with Sasuke to even think about it.

The forgotten mirror, at the moment both boys noticed it's presence, was about to cause many more problems than freaking Naruto out in the middle of the night.

"What is on my neck?" Not waiting for Naruto to give him an answer or stop him Sasuke rushed to the mirror in shock and horror at the thought of the dark purple marks covering his neck and chest.

"Hickies?" His head snapped to the side to glare at Naruto who once again looked like he was going to cry, "What the hell did you do, rape me?"

Naruto froze, there was nothing he could do about the situation now. Perhaps if he had not been so dumb earlier and got someone like sai to come over perhaps he could have blamed it on him, but it was far too late to do something like that.

The blonde wrapped his arms around his waist and stared wide eyed at the floor as hot tears overflowed in twin streams down his face, not knowing exactly what to tell Sasuke. Had he raped him, or was it mutual? They were both drunk so the raven couldn't really press charges even if he wanted to but he could still spread nasty rumors about the Kyuubi vessel, and Naruto would loose his best friend... again.

Shaking his head and willing himself to not start wailing the moment he spoke Naruto was able to build up enough courage to look in Sasuke's general direction as he answered the raven's question.

"I-I... No, you were... d-drunk-"

"Oh and that makes everything better? What the hell were you thinking? You don't fuck your friends because they won't remember it in the morning idiot!"

"I was drunk too!" Shouted Naruto, causing Sasuke to cease yelling as well and just sit quietly as far as he could have gotten from the blonde. By this time both men were panting heavily from the adrenaline and fear of not knowing what to do - what would happen next. Naruto assumed this was the same reason Sasuke was shaking just as bad as he was as he buried his head in his hands before running a hand through his midnight black hair, but that wasn't his reasoning at all.

"Y-you don't remember it either?... Any of it?"

Naruto shook his head sadly, he had wanted to remember his first time with Sasuke, he really had but the blonde had not counted on it happening so suddenly with no warning whatsoever

"No, I was just as out of it as you w-" Naruto stared with calculating eyes at his friend. Sasuke suddenly looked lost, lost and sick and afraid all at the same time. Naruto assumed that's what he looked like too considering he had just sodomized his best friend without any form of permission, but Naruto felt no where as near as bad as he thought he did until he got the nerve to speak again.

"Sasuke-"

"You were my first." Sasuke said quietly, as though he were speaking to himself. His gaze directed only at the floor as he forced himself up off the ground with a pained grunt, and proceeded to the bathroom leaving a stunned silent Naruto there on the floor alone.

'How am I suposed to respond to that?' Naruto thought frantically, 'I was his first... I thought - I was sure Sasuke had slept with someone!' He hadn't figured that Sasuke, over the years, was far too busy training to kill his brother to partake in such activity even with Orochimaru who, true to rumors, had tried to slither his way into the boy's bed more than once.

A sour empty feeling consumed Naruto's entire being as he was sure he had just inadvertently ended his ten year friendship with the Uchiha in a matter of hours.

"I've got to make this right..." Tens of hundreds of plans of how to make things up to Sasuke flashed through his mind but none were good enough. None of his plans would be able to properly relay to Sasuke that he was sorry and sought forgiveness because in this situation it seemed nearly impossible for forgiveness to be granted. Knowing that he would be taken down from his pedistal as Rokudaime that day if Sasuke talked made Naruto want to just stay home and enjoy the time he had left in such an esteemed position, but he couldn't even do that because he had to go to work.

'Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep-' The alarm clock next to his bed came to life at exactly seven thirty when Naruto usually woke from his slumber and got ready for another long day of training with Tsunade-baa-sama and Naruto slapped the snooze button with such gusto that the tiney plastic thing shattered to a million pieces all over the nightstand and floor. he was not in the mood for it's noise.

realizing that he could not stay home or his mentor would track him down Naruto gathered his clothes and tip toed to the bathroom for a shower, if Sasuke was not already taking one of course.

Naruto peeked around the frame of his bedroom door into the living room where Sasuke sat unspeaking and unmoving on the couch, he had a clear shot behind the uncomfortable upholstered menace to the bathroom and could easily slip by without Sasuke hearing a thing but that just didn't seem right. he could at least say something. Carefully Naruto took a few heavy steps out into the rom, just to let Sasuke know he was there but if he heard the blonde he didn't let on for he didn't move from his spot and he certainly didn't acnowlege him. Naruto didn't mind though, or he couldn't mind, the only thing he had the right to do now was just let Sasuke do whatever he wanted for a while to let Naruto know that he trusted him and was sorry.

"S-Sasuke?" The blonde mentaly face palmed at the stutter that came out of his mouth instead of the strong 'Sasuke?' he had wanted, "You should get ready to go... you have to work today."

Naruto had not expected an answer from the raven and he didn't get one. Assuming Sasuke had actually heard him Naruto slinked away to the bathroom like a dog with it's tail between it's legs, it hurt to be ignored like that but he knew he deserved it.

Bathroom door locked and clothes discarded on the floor, Naruto turned on the water and let it warm up. Usually he did not take hot showers but after what he did last night he felt like he needed to scrub every inch of him until he was raw, surely sex with Sasuke could have not been that bad Naruto just felt that after what happened he would never be clean again.

With the scalding water cascading accross the wide expanse of Naruto's tan skin he tilted his head back and moaned at the feeling of his tight muscles loosening and the bulk of his worries being washed away down the drain but there was one thing still plaguing his mind that was perhaps too big to be taken away by mere water... Sasuke. Not that Naruto wanted him to leave or anything, no, if anything Naruto wanted - no, needed Sasuke to stay, but in light of what he did to the poor boy he was sure his friend would get up and leave him all alone. to his own devices... again.

'I'm sure he'll run' Naruto thought sorrowfully, 'When I'm not watching him, when the Anbu have no reason to worry... in other words... right now!'

At the thought of Sasuke making a break for it while Naruto was indulging in the wonderful feeling of a hot shower he immediatly picked up the pace, scrubbing furiously at his golden blonde hair and the rest of his body until he was clean. Naruto slapped the water off and hurredly wrapped himself in a towel, not even giving himself time to dry his hair and jerked the door open to see Sasuke. The raven had not left his spot, or... he had gone to get dressed and ready for the day but he had returned to the same spot where he had been sitting when Naruto retreated to his shower.

The blonde let out a breath of air that he had not known he had been holding in and with that breath of air went every thought in his head and feeling in his chest that kept him from feeling like a horrible person, that kept him from feeling like this whole entire mess was his fault even though neither of them knew what they were doing.

He was crushed.

Secretly watching the raven sit there waiting for his host to come and take him to work brought tears to Naruto's eyes, he had been hurt by sasuke before and the bastard sure as hell deserved to get slappped around from time to time but not this bad - not like this. Perhaps he had been staring at the back of sasuke's head for too long because for a moment there the raven twitched before slowly turning towards his friend. naruto would have ducked out of his line of sight but he was again frozen in place and blinked the tears away before their eyes met.

For a moment neither of them spoke. a chill ran up Naruto's spine at the look Sasuke was giving him, hungry eyes ran slowly over his glistening tan skin, with the watter still running down his chest and all. sasuke could not deny, though he never would, that naruto was delicious so he had not been too hurt physically or mentaly by what he and naruto had done but he blamed himself more than anything which was the cause of his sudden depression. mad at himself because he had missed it.

The raven figured that Naruto would be kicking him out soon so he might as well enjoy the view while he could, besides, he would have to wait until work was over that night too to see Naruto again, and -

Work - he really didn't want to think about that.

Each continued to stare at the other, the raven unaware of the blonde's thoughts and visa versa. Neither dared to open his mouth for fear of what the other's response would be. The tension in the air only making the situation that much worse and serving only to make the home more awkward than was bearable. And in light of the events of the previous night that level of unrest between them was very acceptable.

The blonde was the one to break their seemingly unending staring contest, turning from the other man to conceal a heavy blush and head back into the bathroom to dry himself off. with a dismissive wave of his hand and a frown to make himself look as though he were not bothered Naruto dissapeared behind the door.

"Be ready in five!"

Sasuke turned back to the wall, sadly.

"Okay."

Sasuke seemed sad but did not blame Naruto, Naruto acted an ignorant fool but in reality he blamed himself.

I would really appreciate some reviews...

Alright! review for me and tell me how i could improve this darn thing k? i wanted to make this chapter a bit longer but was already late for reviewing so i guess this is all you get for a while -_- sorry... anyway - I'm not so sure what else i should say so...

REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW! please, por favor?