Chapter 8: What we want to protect the most

Impmon's POV:

I don't really remember how I was born. The oldest thing I can remember is waking up in a bed. I couldn't move and I realized that hieroglyphs were written on my body when I looked down.

I had this body already. I was already Impmon.

And I was in this hut, but it was different back then. There were shelves full of books and some furniture. And she was alive.

She was there when I woke up. Her name was Taomon, a fox Digimon in priestess's clothes. She smiled kindly at me.

"Sorry for having sealed you that way. When your digitama broke, you started to evolve out of control. That wouldn't have a good result." She explained to me, removing the seal with a flick of her hand.

She never told me why it wouldn't be good if I evolved out of control.

I had no memories. I wondered if I had to go somewhere or if someone was waiting for me. However, I had a very strong feeling of emptiness. I felt sad and aimless, but she told me one thing:

"You could stay here with me and be my apprentice, if you want to."

I don't understand why she invited me to stay with her, but that made me happy. She seemed to enjoy my company. I learned many things from master Taomon, mainly about the Dark Age.

In a remote time when wars were common, a group of individuals conquered the world. They were the Demon Lords. The terror they spread was unprecedented. It is believed that at no other time, past or future, this world would face a threat like theirs.

When they were defeated, life had been almost eradicated from this world, as well as the records of their time. It was created a secret society in order to preserve the past and keep it hidden from other Digimon. Only the wisest could know about the Demon Lords and investigate them. The only thing I knew about this society was that my master was part of it.

She had moved to the mountain to investigate about Barbamon. What she wanted the most was to go to the sanctuary in the center of the mountain. After she researched a lot, she managed to go there.

I waited for her here.

When she returned home, master Taomon was weak and had on her chest something that I would find out later it was the mark of the shinigami.

Then she told me that the shrine was actually a trap and she had been cursed. She told me the story about defeating Barbamon through wisdom and that if she failed, she would be his last victim and the demon would be freed. I wasn't worried at the time.

"Master, then you only need to prove that you are wiser than Barbamon! It's simple! Nobody is smarter than you!"

But she didn't believe it. There was great sadness in her eyes.

"Impmon, I will not risk the safety of the Digital World just to save my life. I can't be so irresponsible."

I did not react well to that.

"What are you talking about, master? You can't be thinking on letting the shinigami erase your soul! You have to fight! You must live!"

She asked me to get closer to her and then hugged me. She hugged me tightly.

"You have a very good heart. Perhaps you have always had that heart, but have not found someone who believed in you. When we don't receive love, we become fearsome creatures, you know? I'm glad I loved you, Impmon. I'm sure you'll become great."

"I don't want to be great! I don't care about it! I JUST WANT THAT YOU LIVE!"

"I'm not above the world."

"YOU ARE MY WORLD, MASTER!"

I disengaged myself from her and realized that she was crying. So was I.

"Impmon, one day you'll understand. When you're older and wiser."

I ran out of there. I ran into the desert for hours until I got tired. After a while I started thinking.

Master will die.

I didn't know what to do. I could only cry and curse her. I was angry at her for choosing to die. And I hated the Digital World for being the reason for her death.

Why does she have to die for this world? She is so gentle, so intelligent, so beautiful, does she have to die? That's not right! It's not fair! Only the bad guys must die! Bad guys like the Demon Lords must die! If it wasn't for them, she would not die to protect the world. Does the world deserve her death? What will the world do after she dies? Anyone other than me will care? Will someone else weep for her? No! All Digimon that inhabit this wretched world will go on living. This world does not deserve her death... I will destroy the world! Destroy everything! I will kill everybody! There can't be a world in which she does not exist! She is the very world to me.

I fell asleep with those dark thoughts. I dreamed I was big and powerful and everyone looked at me in fear. I took others' lives so easily and enjoyed it. I burned villages and massacred everyone in my path. And that gave me so much pleasure.

I have to destroy! I have to kill. I have to put an end to this cursed world.

Then I saw my master in my dream. She was just looking at me sadly. She said nothing.

And I killed her.

I woke up startled and saw that the sun was high in the sky. My body and my heart were heavy. Slowly I remembered the dream. I had machine guns... or were they my own arms? I could fly and blew black feathers when I did so.

That filled me with fear; a terror so profound that it made me want to cry.

Then I remembered the reason I was in the desert.

Master will die.

I remembered the previous day.

Master will die.

I started crying and shaking. And then I began to feel very angry and very contemptuous of myself. And I ran as fast as I could back to the hut.

As I ran, I thought:

I would die to save her, I would die for her as many times as needed... one hundred times... a thousand times. I'd die every day if it could save her. Is my master able to love the whole world? Is she able to love even the evil Digimon? She loves even those who she never met? She loves the world so deeply to want to die for it?

I sobbed uncontrollably and saw the mountain getting closer.

I hate the world. I want to destroy it; but then I'd destroy the thing that my master loves; I know she would be sad if the world was destroyed. I can't help hating the world, but I will always love my master. I'll tell her before she dies...

Finally I had reached the door of the hut. When I opened it, however, that was no longer master's hut. There was someone in a black cape and hood wearing a strange mask standing next to an empty bed. All the shelves had disappeared, leaving only master's diary.

"Impmon, right? You can call me Merchant, I came to do a business transaction with Taomon. If you had gotten here a little earlier, you could have seen her alive for the last time."

I can't explain what I was feeling at the time. I'm not so good with words. Just know that I did not move or speak. Just know that whatever I was feeling, it made me want to die.

"No need to worry, Impmon. I'll take care of all the knowledge she had. I don't need her diary. The price she paid was already more than enough."

He left and I stayed there, alone and motionless. Then I started screaming and hitting things. I punched and beat everything I saw ahead, and I kept shouting. I wanted to relieve that pain, but it was useless. The time came when I no longer had the strength to continue breaking things, nor to continue screaming. Maybe I didn't have any more tears left. I went lethargic for an unknown time.

So I'll tell her before she dies, that I'll surely protect the world she loves so much and that I would never allow Barbamon to return.

End of Impmon's POV.

"After that, I tried to convince myself that she had done something heroic, and I should be proud of her. And I self-imposed a mission to myself to prevent someone to free Barbamon. But I could never convince myself. The truth is that I still hate the world. I thought that I lacked wisdom, so I got new books and started studying, but nothing changed. I hate the world and I feel angry at my master and myself. I could have done more to convince her... I should have tried it until the end instead of running away."

Impmon broke down in tears. Koushiro listened to everything with his head down.

"I think I'll look for your friends, it won't be good if they get lost." The little Digimon said, before getting up and walking away, leaving the diary behind. Without thinking right, Koushiro took the diary and opened it. To his surprise, on the last page there was a formula to break the code of the sanctuary.

Why would she do this if she had planned to die?

He then noticed the words written in an unknown language. Remembering suddenly a lesson that he took about Da Vinci in school, Koushiro grabbed his digivice and used the glass to reflect the words of the diary. Thus, he found out they were in English written backwards. Fortunately, he understood the English language.

As he read, his face grew paler.

Meanwhile, Takeru and Patamon finally managed to reach Tentomon, who had stopped to escape due to fatigue. It did not take long for Yamato and Tsunomon to reach them.

"Go away from here." Tentomon said weakly.

"Why did you run away, Tentomon? Koushiro-san needs you." Takeru said.

There was no response.

Is there anything I can do? Yamato wondered distressed.

"I don't care anymore," Tentomon finally answered.

"What do you mean when you say that you don't care? You're crying, Tentomon! Don't tell such lies!" Takeru protested.

"What difference does it make whether I care or not?" Tentomon asked. "This changes nothing. Koushiro-han is completely indifferent to me."

Yamato felt something pop in his head when he heard that.

"What idiocy is this, Tentomon?" Ishida questioned, annoyed. "Koushiro is indifferent to you? How can you say this knowing that all he did was for thinking about you? He cares too much about you and us! He cares too much about the Digital World too!"

"KOUSHIRO-HAN DOESN'T CARE!" Tentomon shouted, "If he cared about me, he wouldn't have done those things! He would have let me die instead of endangering himself, because he should know that I wouldn't bear to watch him die! If he cared, he would have been honest with me, and he would have let me help him instead of wanting to do everything himself and sacrifice himself!"

"You don't understand how it is!" Yamato said. "Not everyone knows how to deal with people. Not everyone can talk about problems or feelings. It may seem selfish to you now, but that does not mean he doesn't care."

"Koushiro-han just doesn't care about his life," Tentomon insisted, "I'm a Digimon. If I die, I can be reborn. Humans can't be reborn, can they? What he did was irrational!"

Yamato paled at that. After a moment, he said:

"It would be great if people could only rely on logic to make decisions. But life is not like that. We don't always make sense or are rational! But Koushiro took the decision that ultimately was not irrational. Despite it making us suffer, his decision to sacrifice himself for the Digital World was not wrong. In fact, he was very unselfish. I don't think I would have the same courage. What I can say with certainty is that he wouldn't do that if he didn't care."

Nobody spoke for a few minutes. The truth was that Tentomon knew all that. He knew that Koushiro cared too much about him and the others and that because of it he was in that situation.

I'm so angry at Koushiro-han. Even though he's a good person... and that he's doing a very noble thing... I feel so angry at him. I wish I could hate him. I wish I didn't care anymore about him or forgot him. If I could do any of these things, my heart would not be hurting so much now. I would not be feeling so afraid... but I'm just thinking a lot of nonsense. I don't want any of that. The only thing I want is for Koushiro-han to live.

"Oh, you are there!" Impmon, who had just arrived, said. "Stop wasting time here and come with me."

"I can't. I can't see Koushiro-han dying." Tentomon whispered.

"Who said that I came to get you to do that?" Impmon asked. "There is still time to make him change his mind."

Everyone looked incredulously at Impmon.

"Protecting the world is a beautiful thing to say," Impmon said with resolution, "but the truth is that you have to protect what is the most important for you. You, chosen children, are heroes, right? If that Demon Lord gets free, you can fight him, even if it is useless. But if that kid dies, there's no return. So, what do you want to protect the most at this moment?"

The answer was clear in their faces.