I lied on my side, looking at my son in the cradle next to my bed. I stared at his little features. He was the most beautiful little boy in the world. I sighed. I don't think I've ever loved a human being more than I loved my little Benji.
"I love you, my little boy," I whispered to him. I smiled and closed my eyes and fell into a calmed slumber.
I awoke the next morning, to see the cradle gone and Dr. Cullen sitting beside my bed. I panicked and sat up in my bed.
"Where's my son?" I said. Dr. Cullen took my hand.
"Ms. Platt, I'm sorry to have to tell you that your son succumbed to a respiratory illness last night. I'm truly saddened by your loss."
"What? No… he was perfectly fine, just last night… He was only 4 days…" I stammered, ripping my hand from the doctor's solid grip.
"I'm sorry that this happened. We did all we could to save him, but it was just too much for his little body to take."
"No, this can't happen to me now!" I shouted, my voice woven with anguish. Tears tugged at my eyelids. One stray tear fell from my eye to my hand.
"Shh… Don't cry, dear. I'll sign your release and you can go home. I'll send for my assistant to help you get ready." Dr. Cullen said. I nodded and he got up and left the room. I let out a small whimper and let the whimper turn into full-fledged crying.
"Esme, honey, you have to say something. I know this is hard, but you haven't spoken a word in days. I'm worried about you." Stefen said. I knew what he meant, that it wasn't a good thing for me to act like this, but I had a damn good reason to be like this. I lost my son. He was going to be the best thing to ever happen to me, and now he's the reason for my pure anguish. I looked up at my brother, and gave him a blank look.
"Stefen, can I go for a walk?" I said. He smiled.
"Sure, I'll go with you."
"No, I'll be fine by myself, I'll see you later." I said. I stood up and kissed my brother on the cheek and went to get my coat and my jacket. I walked out the door and followed the lane. The wind picked up, and the fresh scent of autumn filled my nose. I inhaled deeply and began to think about the last few years. When I first met that wretched man I called a husband. I wondered what he was doing at that moment. Was he still in 'love' with me, or had he moved on and is currently courting another innocent woman. I sighed. I came to a meadow. A sudden urge filled me and I kicked off my shoes and ran into the field of tall grass and flowers. I spun around a couple of times and fell on my back. The setting sun danced on the white flowers and played on my curls. I laid out for a while, and then sat up. I looked at my left leg and thought of the day that I first met Dr. Cullen. And the way he looked at me when he was telling me my son died. It was like he wasn't one of those doctors who rehearsed the bad news, and that he was actually truly sorry that I lost my newborn. I got up from the field and walked towards the rocky area nearby. I took off my jacket and slowly walked into the forest. I ran my hands up and down the trunks on the ancient birches and pines. I kept going until I saw the giant cliffs that litter the landscape. I walked right to the edge of the cliff and looked down to the dry, rocky bottom of the gorge. I began to think of the beautiful boy of mine that was too young to die, and his shameful wreck of a father. I teetered on my toes for a couple of brief moments.
"Lady, step away from the edge of the cliff. Come over here. Don't jump." I looked back. A man in a flannel shirt looked at me with concern. I returned my glance to the bottom of the gorge. I let my body relax and felt the cool wind whisk past my face.
I heard the shouting from the man that tried to help me. The ground rushed towards me. I closed my eyes. The sickening thud of a body hitting rocks rang in my ears. The pain eventually caught up with me. My vision began to spot and sleepiness washed over me.
I'm with you now, Benji.