Chapter 9: Meeting
The known red light involved Koushiro as he spoke those words again. In his right hand he held the torn page from the diary of Impmon's master with the formula to break the code of the sanctuary. Soon, the light took the form of chains, which seized him and dragged him into the hole. Once he arrived at the sanctuary, he saw the ten meters tall black door attached to nothing and locked with chains. On the floor there were the symbols that formed six concentric circles. He would have to draw a new code on the symbols to open the door, which would take about half an hour. Due to his physical condition, Koushiro knew it would take much more. He felt very weak and had difficulty to move.
About two hours later, when there was little left to finish writing the formula down, the ceiling of the sanctuary was illuminated and Yamato, Takeru, Tentomon, Impmon, Tsunomon and Patamon appeared and fell from it. Koushiro stared at them as they stood up from the ground and ran in his direction.
"Koushiro! We had come to convince you to change your mind! But you seem to have changed your mind already." Yamato said nervously. In fact, everyone was very agitated and nervous, as if they were about to start crying.
"Koushiro-san, you have to fight! Everything will work out in the end, I'm sure of it!" Takeru appealed, his words were even more firm than his brother's.
"Yeah, Koushiro! Fight!" Tsunomon said.
"All chosen children are strong. Do not doubt yourself!" Patamon spoke with conviction.
Tentomon said nothing; he just looked at his partner. The two exchanged a silent look for long minutes. As neither of them spoke, Impmon asked a question to the boy:
"What made you change your mind?"
"In the diary of your master there were things written in English backwards. I think you should read them, Impmon."
"So it was the diary that suddenly made you want to fight for life?" Impmon asked, mildly interested. Koushiro serenely smiled before answering.
"Thanks to the diary I understood many things. I am very grateful to you and your master, Impmon." Koushiro then looked at all his friends present there and spoke from his heart. "I've been very coward and insecure. I try not to show it, then maybe you have never realized it. I'm afraid of many things, but I think my biggest fear is to fail. The strange thing is that this fear ends up making me commit more errors. My lack of confidence in my own ability led me to panic. I was afraid you would end up in danger because of my mistakes. I'd never forgive myself if that happened... I heard a conversation between Yamato-san and Sora-san before deciding to face the desert. It decreased my confidence considerably."
Yamato turned pale at that.
"You heard the conversation? I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"
"It's okay, Yamato-san. My plans have depended more on luck than anything else, anyway."
Tentomon looked at Yamato with resentment. Could it be that everything was caused by the blond boy? Takeru's brother desperately tried to explain.
"I didn't know that you were hearing, Koushiro! I had no idea how you really were! I never thought you could be worrying about others so much. You must have worried about us at all times and given your best to always help us! I had no right to say those things!"
"It's really okay, Yamato-san." Koushiro said more firmly. Soon after, he smiled and added, "I made several mistakes. There is no way to live without making mistakes. It's impossible. But I can't get paranoid about it. I can't stop acting because of the fear of making mistakes. That would not be fair to you guys. I must learn from my mistakes and improve, without giving up. I'm too tired of this fear. If I do not fight, it would be disrespectful to everybody who cares about me. I've been stepping on your feelings because of my cowardice for a long time and I apologize for that."
"Enough with the blah-blah-blah!" Impmon protested. "The way you talk, it seems that you will only face Barbamon to not make the others sad. What do you really want to do?"
Koushiro took a deep breath and looked at the faces of everybody. They were less agitated, but still visibly upset. There was a mixture of sadness and hope in their eyes. It was not possible to discern the feelings in the face of Tentomon, who still had not said anything.
"I want to protect the Digital World and everyone in it, especially my friends," he said. For a moment he had the feeling that Tentomon looked at him more closely, although there was no way to be sure, "but I also want to live. I want to discover many things and help everyone. I want to help to protect the Digital World and the real world. I want to laugh alongside my friends and my family. I want to have many adventures and calm days too. I want to do so many things I did not know before that I wanted to do. To achieve all this, I need to defeat Barbamon."
Tentomon suddenly flew toward Koushiro and embraced him tenderly, making the boy blush in surprise.
"Thank you." Was all Tentomon could say before starting to cry. Koushiro realized that it wasn't a cry of sorrow. After a moment, he gently got away from Tentomon and told everyone "it's time to go," before finishing writing the formula down.
Once he finished it, the concentric circles shone strongly, the chains that held the door disappeared and the door began to open. A very intense white light came from inside, temporarily blinding everyone. When they were able to see normally again, the door had been closed and Koushiro was gone.
When Koushiro's vision was normal once more, he found himself in a completely white space. Ten steps in his front there was a creature sitting on the floor. The Digimon had a pair of red wings on the back and wore a black and red cloak decorated in its upper part by rubies. He looked like an old man with a long beard and white hair. His skin was gray and he had red eyes. He also had large hands with sharp claws and was holding a staff with a skull with a red ball in its mouth in the tip. The creature imposed a terrifying presence.
"Are you my final victim? A human child, how nostalgic is this?" Barbamon spoke in a tone of derision. Koushiro trembled slightly. He was before an intimidating being. This is a Demon Lord?
"I'm here to prove I'm wiser than you." Koushiro said, mustering all the courage he had. Barbamon had a long and cruel laugh that made Koushiro shake one more time.
"Who do you think you are, kid? In front of whom do you think you are? I am Barbamon! No one in the Digital World has more knowledge than me! I read all existing books, I had all the treasures that I could muster, I was the right-hand man of Lucemon in our dominion over the world! How old are you, punk? How much knowledge do you think you have? You are just insignificant before me!"
"I'm not insignificant," Koushiro protested, trying to stop shaking, "you're nothing but a tyrant and murderer Digimon!"
Barbamon smiled wickedly, looking at the boy like a predator looking at a prey.
"So arrogant. Do you consider yourself better than me? All the people think high of themselves compared to a Demon Lord. You're nothing but trash. No one is superior to me and I always managed to prove it. I'll show it to you, boy."
Barbamon pointed his staff to Koushiro and shouted "Death Lure."
So dark. It was the first thing Koushiro thought. Suddenly he was immersed in a complete and terrifying darkness. He did not feel the ground beneath his feet, which led him to the conclusion that he should be floating.
"Izumi Koushiro, ten years old. Interesting, so you're adopted." Koushiro heard the voice of Barbamon coming from all sides. Not knowing what was that place, not knowing the location of the enemy and not knowing where he was made him feel fear. However, that line of the Digimon caused the boy's fear to increase exponentially.
He can invade my mind! Koushiro concluded, trembling.
"An adopted child is a stain on the name of a family. You live with two people who are nothing to you and you're a source of expense to them. Not unlike a parasite."
Those words were hurting Koushiro enormously, but he knew he could not believe those things. He's just trying to disturb me... I have to resist. I can't let him beat me!
"Who are your real parents, Koushiro? Where are they? Why are you not with them?"
I don't know anything about them. I don't even know if they are still alive.
"You do not know. This feeling is horrible, isn't it? Not knowing is hopeless. You know there are so many possibilities. They may have abandoned you."
Maybe they could not raise me... they could be poor...
"Perhaps, Koushiro. And what if they were poor? They must have felt so much hate when you were born. I can even see them fighting. 'What shall we do with this nuisance now?' 'We can barely buy food for us!' 'This child must go!'"
Koushiro couldn't avoid imagining the scene, which made him want to cry, but he could not do that. I can't let it affect me! He is making up these things!
"Maybe they were not poor. Maybe your mother had been deceived by your father. He may have left her pregnant; she could still be very young and have many plans. Oh, what her family must have thought? 'This child will ruin our family!' 'We must get rid of the child!' What your mother must have thought? 'This child has destroyed my life. All my dreams are over!'"
I have to stop imagining what he says! I must stop it! But within this darkness it is so difficult. Even if I cover my ears, his voice will still get in my head.
"You must have been abandoned in an orphanage. Poor baby... so alone. Then the Izumi found you. How did they choose you, among so many children? Maybe they decided through rock paper and scissors. Or they could have examined all the children and concluded that you were the least bad... like choosing tomatoes in a supermarket."
Koushiro felt his blood boil after hearing that. "They're not like that! DO NOT SPEAK ABOUT MY PARENTS THAT WAY!"
"Wow, now you reacted. Why are you infuriated?"
"Don't you dare speak ill of them!" Koushiro was shaking with anger. "They are the most loving and kind people in the world! I will not forgive anyone who speaks ill of them!"
"Loving and kind? Just because they raised you? Have you ever thought that they adopted you because they could not have their own children?"
Koushiro felt his heart becoming heavy. Barbamon laughed wickedly.
"I can see your soul, Koushiro. I'm just saying the things you have asked yourself a thousand times. It is expected that a couple has children, right? How would society see a couple who can't have any? They must have thought one night, 'Let's get a child and pretend it's our son.' 'Nobody can know that our child is adopted, that would be shameful.' 'No one will ever know it.'"
"That's not..." Koushiro had started crying and holding his head with both hands in despair. "It's all lies. My parents are not ashamed of me. They love me."
"If they are not ashamed, then why have they lied to you for so long, Koushiro?"
"They... they wanted to protect me... I heard when they said I needed to know, but it was too early... they didn't want me to suffer a shock... they were worried about me..."
"Was this what they really said?"
That question made Koushiro deadly pale. What is he saying? I know what I heard. Is he playing a game with me?
"What is the Truth, Koushiro? You've probably heard that a great part of the memory is made by the imagination. What if the conversation you heard was different? They may have said something so horrible that you had to suppress it to protect yourself. And so you invented the part that they were worried about you."
"Shut up," Koushiro could no longer bear it. His body was shaking uncontrollably and tears kept falling from his eyes.
"Maybe they said something quite different. 'Koushiro is so annoying and weird.' 'We should have adopted a better child, but how would we imagine he would be like this?' 'I wish I could exchange him for a better boy.' 'No one can know that we have adopted him.' 'Yes, that would be so shameful!'"
"SHUT UP!" Koushiro shouted. Never before had he felt so desperate. "THOSE ARE ALL LIES!"
"Really? Is it not you who is lying to yourself? You may have recorded the truth in your subconscious and therefore have become a good son for them. Maybe you forced yourself to think they were wonderful people and you're good to them out of gratitude, but you may know, deep down, that you need to be a good boy so they will not abandon you and get a better child."
"It's a lie... a lie... stop making me think of these things..."
"Do not feel bad, Koushiro. You're just a fragile child who tries to protect yourself from the Truth. Life is cruel. You had to build this false reality to survive, because you are not a strong and courageous person like your friends. You even believed that you were useful to them, but that's okay. They were lucky and managed to survive despite your faults. They are so nice and gentle; you must feel envious of your friends."
Koushiro winced, while hugging his knees and trembling. Envy? Would I be envious of them? They are so happy. They don't need riddles and puzzles to avoid thinking about unpleasant things. They don't feel the need to know things. They laugh so easily... mainly Taichi-san...
"I know it's horrible, but you can't avoid it, Koushiro. This is simply the nature of weak and inexperienced people. I've lived more than you. I have much more knowledge than you, then believe what I say. I can save you from this hell."
"Save me?" Koushiro asked as if in a trance. Barbamon's large hands appeared out of nowhere, one on each side of the boy, as if they were going to close on him and confine him.
"Yes, Koushiro. I can save you from pain, sorrow and agony. Just accept me as the wisest being that exists and agree to become part of me."
The large hands of Barbamon were about to confine Koushiro.
I think I'm forgetting something important... what was it? What made me come here? It was something important...
As you may know, Barbamon is an official Digimon, despite not having appeared in the anime yet. Since I haven't read the mangas, I don't know exactly how his attack, Death Lure, works. So what you saw in this chapter was my interpretation. :)