Nothing stays the same.

Takkun complains that Mabase is boring, that everything here is the same. The same routine day after day after day. And it suffocates him.

Tasuku used to complain too. Mabase is boring. There are no prospects here. He wants to play someplace better, where he won't face the same teams, the same faces.

But Mabase is safe. Everything is the same. Bad things like my parents and home and school- they're all the same. Better the devil you know than the devil you don't, right? I know the bullies by name. I know their favorite games and their speed-dial lists. I know their parents and their teachers. And I know my parents, and what days they're safe, and what days I should be at the river instead. And good things stay too, like how much money will buy bread for a week. How many times I can steal from a locker before the owner changes the combination.

I know how to survive when everything is the same.

But then Tasuku left.

I used to know how long I could stay with Tasuku before he'd leave for baseball, or how long I could stay in his house before his grandfather would make me go. How often he would tease me with his friends. I knew how to adjust, to learn to like whatever he liked, because I knew how good he could make me feel, how long I could forget everything until it all came rushing back. How even the hurt could stop if I could just forget. And then he left for baseball. I had to learn again.

I learned how far I could tease Takkun until he would leave. How much I can drink from Takkun's soda before he's angry. How often I can smoke until he'll leave. How he'll never swing the bat, he'll never talk to other girls, he'll never understand Ninamori. And how he won't always come play- and he won't stop his friends from teasing- but he won't join them, either. I know his favorite drinks and insults, his report card font, the way his eyes look at sundown.

Then Haruko came. And now I have to learn all over again.

Takkun thinks that I use him like a little Tasuku, a replacement- it's not true. They're different. Used to be so different. Takkun was so young and sweet and kind and innocent. Takkun would never try to kiss a girl. Takkun would never force a girl to do anything- switch drinks, stop smoking, go to one of those hotels. Takkun is not Tasuku.

Takkun drinks pulpy drinks now. The sour kind. Takkun swings the bat, saves the world, summons Canti. Takkun brags and teases and leaves me to his friends. Takkun wants me to call him Naota.

Takkun tried to kiss me and maybe more.

And now I don't know any more. Maybe Takkun is becoming Tasuku, like a phoenix from my ashes. Maybe everything will turn out the same again after all. Takkun will leave with Haruko and they will play together, they'll leave me in Mabase to readjust.

If Takkun leaves, Mamimi will be alone again.

And everything will be exactly like before.

But not the same.