Disclaimer: The Sookie Stackhouse Series is the creation of Charlaine Harris. Don't sue me Charlaine! I love your books.

Sookie's Revelation

V.

So here I was, two weeks in, still trying to avoid facing my demons. I felt I was getting to the end of the line on that account.

After two weeks of reconnaissance, I had arrived at several conclusions. After having enough of Eric's blood, I could read any vamp. In fact, I was beginning to think when I looked at trees and birds and rocks, that I might even be able to get something off them. I had noted that the older a vamp was, the stronger a broadcaster they were likely to be. It made sense. Older vampires were stronger vampires. Eric was easier to read, for instance, than Pam who was easier to read than Bill.

Reading a younger vamp was a subtle task. But I could do it. For instance, I knew that Felicia thought I was attractive but totally freaky and couldn't see what on earth Eric and Pam saw in me. She was, in fact, still rather afraid of me, and being afraid of a mere human unsettled her deeply and made her quite mad. But she was far more afraid of what Eric and Pam would do to her if she so much as looked at me the wrong way. Clancy, on the other hand, who I had always thought really disliked me intensely, seemed softer on me that I suspected. I had flashed on that fact one evening when he was reflecting on the fact that I had rescued so many of the LA vamps in Rhodes and that even if I wasn't vampire, I was certainly the most useful human he'd ever met. He was puzzled too over the fact that from what he had seen, I actually seemed to like some vampires, genuinely like them, more than some humans. "Stupid human, really stupid", he thought to himself. "For most of us, you are simply a meal." I had to say I knew he was right on that last part.

I knew that Eric, Pam and Bill loved me, each in their way. Even Pam. That was a shocker. I was the closest thing she had to a female friend since she was human and had a best friend and her sister. Pam still wasn't over the whole Rhodes thing when I had helped save her, and as much as she thought I could be a liability, she had to admit that I was also a tremendous asset. She truly trusted me. I thought that was as close as Pam was going to get to loving someone. She had been asking me to do more to help her around the bar, in subtle ways, almost behind Eric's back. She had me sit with her when she interviewed new waitstaff and had me talk to a waitress who was continually getting on the wrong side of the vamp staff. I was surprised to find that she really looked forward to my visits to the bar. She seemed to admire the fact that I tried very hard not to be bad for business and didn't get all upset when fangbangers threw themselves at Eric. She liked that about me.

So now I sat in my comfortable chair, in my beautiful room, steadfastly not reading and not listening to music, contemplating these many thoughts and recent memories. The sun was coming out a little bit more and the day was clearing. I couldn't quite motivate myself to go outside though. I had spent more time in this house than my own in the past two weeks. It seemed as if Eric was determined to have it that way. My schedule seemed to guarantee that I was going to be in my own home only two nights a week. I sighed heavily. Maybe Sam had been right about not quite knowing what I had gotten myself into. After feeling that I had won a small victory by getting Eric to agree to my continuing my job at Merlotte's, it turned out to be almost a Pyrrhic victory (January 24) since he had dictated to Sam exactly what days and hours I was to be working. Sometimes I had the feeling that I was now living in a very lovely, but very subtle cage. I wondered to myself if all relationships had some element of this, irrespect of the nature of the lovers involved. Would I really be any freer with a human man, I wondered?

There were things about Eric that seemed so incredible to me. Subtle things. Things that to me, just took my breath away. When I awoke on the morning after my first night in his home, I was hungry and went down stairs wondering if there was anything to eat in that kitchen of his. I found a far more functional kitchen that what I was used to in my limited experience of vampire homes (Bill's, Pam's). I opened a pantry cabinet to see a box of Special K, and one of those cartons of 2% milk you can store on the shelf. My regular cereal. My gosh. I saw raisins and wheat thins and tomato soup. Exactly how did Eric manage to get all these details? About something that he doesn't even do, but would be important for my wellbeing. Eric, ever the master of the grand gesture, also never missed the details. The bathroom had a tube of my Ultrabrite toothpaste. Even though Eric would never get cold, the house was at a warm seventy degrees, presumably because I was in it. There was quilt, newer but prettier than mine at home, on the couch across from the TV. When I had complained that I needed to go home to wash clothes, a washer and dryer, top of the line, appeared the following day. But still, while part of me was touched, part of me also realized it was an aspect of a campaign to keep me close to him. Just as he had said he should that afternoon before Niall came.

I reflected, as I tried to reconcile all the love I felt for Eric and all the resentment I felt for his trying, however skillfully, to completely control my life, that I was getting to a point where I really felt almost comfortable in the situation. Eric, too, seemed to be adjusting to the fact that he should pick his battles with me. When Alcide Herveaux had called me several days before and told me his sister Janice would be in town soon and that he was slammed with work and would really appreciate it if I could have lunch and go window shopping with her on my day off, I glanced at Eric who glowered over the fact that I was talking to Alcide at all. I really liked Janice so, of course, I said yes. When I told Eric about the plan, I felt him stiffen a bit, but he nodded and then even recommended a pretty café I could take Janice to. And when Remy Savoy called me just to touch base and I talked to Hunter (in more ways than one), Eric seemed to accept it when I told him that he was Hadley's ex and that he was getting married and was just keeping me posted and letting me talk to Hadley's little boy. It was family. He got it.

So in two weeks time, we had covered a huge amount of ground. And yet, more than ever, I felt like I was now standing at the edge of a cliff. I was edging closer and closer to going over that cliff day by day. Two weeks before I was miserable because of a magical accident. Now I was miserable because I was a liar. There was no magic in that at all.

I sighed. The clock on the pretty white nightstand said 1:30 pm. Eric would probably be waking around 5 to maybe 5:30 pm at the latest. I had to make some choices and had to face that internal music. I picked up my cell phone and reluctantly called Holly.

"Hey, Sookie, what's up?"

"Holly, I have a big favor to ask of you. Could you possibly cover for me tonight? I'm really sorry to ask so late, but I'd really appreciate it."

"Well, I didn't have anything planned. I guess I could get Hoyt's mom to babysit. Okay, sure. I know you wouldn't ask if you didn't really need it."

"You're the best Holly. Thank you so much. I was actually supposed to start at 5 rather than 4:30 pm. Thank you!"

I called Sam and explained.

"Please tell me there is nothing wrong, Sookie…." he said with trepidation in his voice.

"I'm fine Sam. I'm fine. There's just something I have to do, that's all."

I ate. I showered and blew dry my hair. I did my nails. I watched the clock. I waited apprehensively, almost willing the clock to slow down. Part of me just trembled inside. What would Eric say? What would Eric do? To me? With me?

I really just couldn't go on the way things were. No matter how scared I was of the consequences, it wasn't as bad as living a lie with someone I loved.

At 5 pm, I crawled back into bed with Eric. I was wearing an oversized T-shirt and little else. I kissed his cheek. I brushed his hair back from his brow. I laced my warm fingers into his cold, long ones. And I waited while my heart just pounded. 5:10 pm. I sighed heavily. I'd really felt so safe with Eric for so long. It would really be an immense disappointment if he had to kill me or something like that. Everyone would be shocked. All my friends, and even Claudine liked Eric at this point. Claudine liking a vampire really spoke volumes, although she said she'd never want to be in the same room with him for very long. Maybe if I stopped having his blood it would just fade, right? After all, after that brief time in Rhodes, it had stopped. 5:20 pm. Geez he was sleeping in today. I was sure it must be pretty dark out all ready. I kissed his hand, which was tightly clasped in my own. My heart started racing again. Gotta stick to it, I told myself.

"Aren't you going to be late for work, Lover?" rumbled a voice in the darkness.

I jumped. How long had he been awake?

"I asked Holly to cover for me," I replied. My heart was ready to just explode in my chest.

Eric didn't say a word.

I trembled, but kept holding his hand.

"Eric, I…" I sighed a trembling sigh. "I need to tell you something. Something important."

Silence. Boy, he was making this really easy, wasn't he? Total darkness, not able to read his face at all, not saying anything at all, feeling nothing but cool calm across that bond.

I paused. I felt like I was about to explode. I resisted any temptation to get into his head and read how he was taking this…

"Sookie?" He stroked my hand.

"Eric, I…" I'm a lying piece of… I thought to myself. Steady… Okay, I'm gonna just have to say it. No way around it.

More stroking of my hand. Damn! I wish there was a little more light in this room so I could see his face. I knew he could clearly see mine with those piercing blue vampire eyes of his. Just the dim light from the digital clock for me.

"Eric, I really don't know how to tell you this, but I have to tell you this. Ever since I started having more of your blood… No, wait, that's not exactly true either. Shit!… Ever since I've had vampire blood, sometimes I have been able to read things, hear things, see things, in vampire minds. Little flashes. Sometimes. Occasionally. But since I started having more of your blood, the situation has gotten a little more… intense." Damn, my voice squeaked at the end.

With a voice as cool and calm as could be, Eric asked "What do you mean, Lover?"

I trembled. There was the slightest edge to the way he'd said "Lover".

Booming across the airwaves came the thought,

"TELL ME WHAT YOU MEAN."

I drew in a sharp breath, not knowing what to say. If I thought my heart was pounding before, now it was like that Edgar Allan Poe story. Did he already know? Was he just totally pissed because I wasn't really stating what I needed to say? Eric really couldn't stand it when I started going on and on with an explanation.

I really felt scared now. I had only seriously been scared of Eric once or twice in the entire time I'd known him. But I had never felt so vulnerable.

Eric repeated, "What do you mean, Lover?" with a little less edge to his voice.

I was just postponing the inevitable. I'd have to tell him. I might as well just do it.

"Eric, I've had flashes into you since I came to the bar because of Long Shadow. I had one then, then another one after Dallas. I've had flashes into other vamp minds too. After I had your blood in Rhodes, I heard Henrik thinking about Sophie-Anne. I could see flashes in Gervaise's mind. It went away quickly. I wasn't trying to do it at all. It just happened, and it stopped. But now…." I trailed off.

"Now?" asked the cool voice in the darkness, connected to the vampire that was gripping my hand a little bit tighter.

I felt my entire chest constrict. "Now, Eric, it's become a serious problem. I… I can read you, if I try, and Pam, and Bill, and Felicia, and Clancy, and that creepy dancer with all the weird tattoos and… I try not to, but I can. And I really think I should stop having your blood because I need to see if it will just stop. I promise I'll tell you the truth. Please, just let me try to see if it will stop."

After a short pause, came the cool reply, "Why?" with an oddly accented inflection.

At this I pulled away and turned on the bedstand light. I simply could not endure another single moment in this dark room, with a man who could see me better than I could see him, and even if it meant the last thing I saw was the man I loved ripping my throat out, I was going to look at him while he did it.

I glanced back at Eric. His head was resting on a red pillow and his hair was spread out a bit around it. He looked totally… calm. Calm? He knew! He knew. He had to have known. And for some time, to have been this calm about it.

"Eric, are you telling me you knew? Since when? And why aren't you angry that I didn't tell you two weeks ago?" I felt a chill run up my spine.

"Well, first, I'd have to say that I'm pretty impressed that you didn't try to bail," Eric said quietly. "Given your history of handling things when the going gets rocky, I'm gratified that you didn't just run. It's quite gratifying, actually."

My mouth was open so wide, Gran would have said I could have caught flies.