So, I've decided to update this three times a week, but not really regularly, probably any random three days out of the week that I feel like it, though I will try and stick mostly to week days since those are hell and maybe my updating will help to brighten that some for people.
Anyway, this is the chapter where my Zim started to get bad, but some of Zim's girlyness is unavoidable to get certain parts of the writing across so it makes sense later (if THAT sentance made any sense, I don't even know, I'm very tired.) So, instead of actually changing the girly behavior I more changed the... nature of it. Hopfully you'll see what I mean and approve, I don't want to outright say what it is exactly that I did because then you'll see it even if it doesn't really accomplish anything.
Uh, so, yeah, that's it. Enjoy, and thank you to those of you who reviewed and I didn't get a chance to reply to yet! I love you and try to reply to everyone but sometimes I forget or you don't have an account here and that makes me feel guilty and sad.
The ride to the mall was silent but for the occasional pitter patter of water falling on the windshield of the car either from the car in front of them or the trees that hung over the road.
Zim spent most of the ride inspecting his hand, trying to seem as nonchalant as possible though he was fuming inside.
"I'm keeping my gloves." He said finally, the mall now in sight.
"Why? Do you need them or something?" Dib asked, curiously. He was really glad for the absence of silence though. "If you want, you can keep 'm. I don't care."
"Of course I need them." Zim snapped. "You planet is filthy. Besides, I refuse to allow your disgusting human skin to touch my own in the event that affection would need to be shown."
"So you'd rather not touch me physically. That's fine. I don't plan on us needing to touch that much anyway." Dib reassured, pulling into the parking lot and following the line of cars also trying to find spaces.
Zim crossed his arms once more. He'd been under the impression that his amazing acting skills would be needed more, but this arrangement worked for him.
"What are we going to do about my hair?" He ran a hand through his wig hair which was still in that same hair do as when he first arrived on Earth.
"There's a place in the mall that sells wigs. Shouldn't be that hard to find one you're comfortable with." He said, staring at the car in front of him. A smile graced his face. "You're really getting into this, aren't you?"
"Do not read so much into this Dib-beast, I am merely curious. I think I have the right to know what's going to be done to my appearance." Zim said, poking Dib's shoulder, not wanting to punch the human because he was driving and Zim did not trust human vehicles.
Dib smiled a bit warmer now, pulling into a parking space and asking, "How are your wounds? Is the medicine working alright?"
"Zim is fine," The alien said, sounding as self-important as always. He opened the door and quickly got out of the car before adding, "Let's just get this over with. I hate this place."
"Whatever," Dib said, grabbing Zim's clawed hand and pulling him along into the building, completely forgetting about their conversation just moments ago.
Zim tensed a moment, pouting angrily at the hand on his own, gloved one before focusing on the path they were taking, not wanting to provoke the human into stunning him by saying anything.
They entered the building in the shoe section of a popular department store and Dib looking around a bit before finding the woman's section, petite, of course, because of Zim's lack of overall body mass.
"We'll buy some of the essentials here, like pants, a few shirts, and maybe a skirt or two, then we can go into the mall and find some place to get some accessories like the wig and jackets and stuff." Dib said, before realizing he'd been holding the alien's hand and quickly dropped it.
Zim rubbed his hand a little nervously before looking around. There were plenty of black slacks, that caught his eye, along with shirts of similar color to what he usually wore, and together Dib and Zim figured out what sizes he'd wear. They got two pairs of the black pants, along with several pairs of jeans in different cuts and washes, a few of the reddish-pink shirts and a black one. Once they had a good amount of clothes they went and paid before heading out into the mall.
"So where do you want to go for the rest of it?" Dib asked, carrying one bag of clothes while Zim carried another.
"I don't know." Zim snapped. This was becoming increasingly humiliating. "I don't know anything about human fashion."
Dib sighed. "You've been on earth for HOW long now? Surely you remember what the kids at school would wear. Stuff like that- only of what you like."
Zim looked around, trying to think of what he's seen human females wear that he liked. Thinking of nothing he sighed and put a hand over his eyes and blindly pointed at a store, deciding to just pick a random store and look at what they had.
"A prep store." Dib snickered. "Okay. I'm marrying a prep!" He had to put his hand over his mouth to keep him from breaking out in laughter.
"Then you pick!" Zim almost yelled, crossing his arms and pouting.
Dib frowned, looking around before pointing to a dark looking store with various band t-shirts displayed in the window. "That store seems more to your tastes."
"Whatever you say, Dib-stink." Zim said, wondering if the human's comment was good or bad.
"Let's go," Dib said, leading Zim to the store. Most of the clothes in stores like that were tight fitting, even for the guys, so he figured they'd find some kind of jacket or whatever else in there that would magnify Zim's already slim, girly figure.
Zim followed Dib closely, eyeing various innocent looking statues. But he knew they were not so innocent, oh no.
"Helloooo, may I be of assistance?" A very friendly looking guy and came over beaming brightly at the two. His hair was short along the sides and spiked almost straight up at the top. Various piercings littered his face and he wore almost all black but for the flashy, rainbow accessories that covered his wrists, neck, and even his shoe laces. Pins littered his shirt, proclaiming various rude comments about preps, girls, and his own sexual preference. "Wait- don't I know you from somewhere?" He asked then, giving Dib a good look over.
TV, probably, Dib thought before shaking his head and saying, "Nope, we've never met."
"Oh, okay," The man hummed, still looking puzzled.
Dib was just going to brush the man off then when he figured he might as well take the offered help, as this guy probably knew more about fashion than either of them.
"Yeah, so uh... Make this-" Dib gestured to Zim. "-into a hot chick please."
Zim gave Dib a small glare. Did the human really just refer to him as 'this?'
Dib grinned back at Zim tautly as the man walked over to the Irken.
The man looked Zim over from top to bottom, eyeing him like some kind of psychic measuring tape, taking in the alien's figure and posture.
"Alright. Can do. And you- my queen- shall be SEXY." He said, quickly turning and grabbing all kind of jewelry, holding them up to Zim's skin to see how they would look, putting some back, and throwing others onto the counter. He also grabbed some make-up, humming and hawing and treating them the same as the jewelry. He then grabbed various hair clips, arm warmers, stockings, shirts, a lot of which showed the belly, jackets, skirts, tight fitting pants, boots, and buttons. When he was done he walking behind the counter, asking, "Would you be interested in our rewards card then, sir?"
Dib shook his head 'no' and just handed the man his card and ID before turning to Zim and asking, "So what do you think, hunny?" He smirked as Zim's scowl.
"You don't want to know what I think, DEAR." The alien replied, crossing his arms.
Once everything was paid for and bagged, and Dib's plastic was safely back in his wallet, they left the store, laden down with more bags.
"Next is the wig," Dib said, pointing to a shop with all kinds of mannequins in the window, naked but for the colorful, stylish wigs on their heads.
"Fantastic," Zim said sarcastically, rolling his eyes as they neared the store.
Dib slowed down to be right next to Zim. "Anything the matter?"
"Why do you care?" Zim asked, genuinely curious before saying, "No, I'm just a little unmotivated to feel excited about this big plan of yours."
Dib opened his mouth, about to give Zim several reasons as to why he would care, but thought better of it and shrugged, saying, "I don't, but you're my fiancé' so I have to at least act like it."
Zim stopped in his tracks, face suddenly one of realization as something in his head clicked together.
Dib stopped; they were almost in the store. "What?" He asked, looking as Zim in confusion.
Zim smirked and held out his left hand. Just because he'd agreed to this plan didn't mean he was going to make it easy on the human.
"Where's my ring?"
Dib suddenly look pissed, dropping his head into his hand. "You've got to be fucking kidding."
Zim shifted so all his weight was on one foot and tilted his chin up, asking, "And when your father asks where your bride-to-be's ring is you're going to saaaaaaay...?"
Dib found himself blushing slightly at the way Zim's hips looked so... girly when he stood like that.
"FINE!" He hissed out. "AFTER we get your wig- we'll go get an f'ing ring already!" He narrowed his eyes at the adorable Zim before turning sharply around to go into the wig shop.
Zim's smirk widened into a victorious grin as he followed Dib, his attitude lifting as Dib's fell.
The shelves were lined with row upon row of fashionable wigs and hats, a stand for jeweled hair accessories near the counter on the far side of the store.
A woman quickly came up to help them, looking herself like she was wearing one of the wigs.
"Here, this one would look good on you," She said, pulling a dark red wig off its holder on the shelf. The red appealed to Zim greatly and they tried it on over his current wig. The cut came just passed his chin in the front, with bangs that swooped to the side to frame his face, and the back was very short, coming to where a natural hairline would be on any human person.
"And the red offsets the… greenness of your skin." She pointed out, hoping that would be a selling point.
"I like it," Zim said, grinning up at Dib.
"Great," Dib said, doing his best to sound happy through his now foul mood. "Let's get it and go."
The woman rung them up, and Zim quickly switched his old wig with the new one, playing with the hair a little bit until he was satisfied that it would stay out from in front of his eyes.
On their way out of the mall Zim pointed out a jewelry store, reminding Dib they had something else they needed to buy.
Dib's eyes narrowed at all of the people in the diamond store, asking, "You're enjoying this, aren't you?"
"Why shouldn't I?" Zim asked, unable to keep the smirk off his face. "I may have to pretend to love you Dib, but I never agreed to make it easy for you."
"Never say 'I love you Dib' ever again unless it's around my father or somebody equally important, got it?" Dib hissed back, finding that phrase sent disgusting chills up his spine when he heard it. They stepped into the sparkling diamonds store. "Have fun."
"Aw, but Dibbers..." Zim whined before taking a look around the shop and, turning back to Dib with his hands on his hips said, "You're supposed to pick it out for me."
Dib felt the spasming of a muscle in his face. Dibbers?
He stared at Zim's girlish posture for a while, and then grimaced. "FINE." He whined painfully going up to the counters and looking down in them to find a rock nice enough for his Dad to approve. After much searching he finally found a ring worthy enough to show off to his dad. "That one. Do you like it, 'Hunny'?" Dib called him over, pointing to an almost $7000 white gold engagement ring with three large stones set in it and much smaller stones around the whole band.
Zim walked over, gazing at the ring before trying to smile and saying, "It's boo-tiful!" In as girly a fashion as he could.
"I'll take that one." Dib motioned for the jeweler to come over, a bit surprised Zim didn't give him a much harder time with picking it, though less surprised at Zim's horrible attempt at acting. The ring was fitted to Zim's finger and he paid the man and took the bag, coughing nervously. He looked around with a tint of red on his cheek, debating on kneeling to give the ring to Zim, but decided on the much less traditional way and just handed the box to Zim.
Zim was about to protest and make Dib kneel but, seeing Dib blush, made him decide to wait. He could always make Dib do it in front of his father later.
"So when do I get to 'meet' your parents?" Zim asked, getting much too used to having his hip to one side like a teenage girl with an attitude.
"You meet Dad tomorrow at a fancy restaurant. M'mm, sounds like fun, huh?" Dib rolled his eye, slinging his hands behind his head and staring upwards. "That alright with you?"
"Looooads of fun," Zim said sarcastically and with a slightly absent minded tone.
"Well, I think that's it, let's go 'home.'" Dib said, walking out of the shop with Zim following him closely.
The alien eyed the statues as they left the mall, sure that they were watching him closely, as though they remembered.
Dib left the building and started for his car, muttering something about 'stupid Zim' and 'taking advantage of the situation' and 'acting so girly'. He threw the bags into the back seat before crawling into the driver's seat, waiting for Zim.
"You asked for this, DIB, when you decided to force Zim to be your love pig." Zim said once he was in his seat.
Dib started the car and headed for home. "Yeah, yeah, I know. Geez. And you're not my 'love pig'. I have no interest you in that way. It just sort of had to be this way is all."
"Why DID you chose Zim?" Zim asked curiously, turning to Dib. "You're famous now, you could have any female you wanted and you choose me, why?"
Dib held on to the steering wheel tightly, saying, "That's just it. I CAN have any woman I want. But… none of them actually care for me. They're all shallow; they just want my fame and money." He glared at a license plate ahead which read PWN J00. "They drive me insane. I want a real relationship, not just a crappy-ass 'I love you, so can you marry me so I can have all of your possessions?' thing. If I marry you, I can keep you out of trouble, yet play you as my 'wife' for a while to appease Dad. You're fast and convenient. While we play out a fake relationship, I'll have more time to fall in love with somebody who can actually love me back for who I am. Then I'll drop you like a rock, give you your life back, and marry her. I just need to get the marriage thing out of the way because of Dad." He explained, seething some.
Zim stayed silent, feeling a little offended at being called fast and convenient.
"Besides," Dib added. "At least we have something in common so we can actually have intelligent conversations. I could have just paid someone to pretend to be my wife, but I'd rather be living with an alien that I can talk to than a woman I can't stand."
Zim seemed to perk up a little, asking, "You think I'm intelligent?"
"Well, yeah. Don't you?" Dib kept his focus on the road, not even glancing at Zim to see his reactions.
"Yes..." Zim said in a 'duh' sort of way.
Dib smirked. "Then why question me?"
"Because, Dib-beast, I was not aware that you'd finally caught on to Zim's BRILLIANCE." Zim said, motioning with a hand just how brilliant he was.
The rest of the drive was comfortably quiet until they pulled into the drive way, Dib saying, "I set up a room for you so we don't have to sleep together." He poked out his tongue at the thought of them actually having to do that.
"Good," Zim said, nodding in approval.
Dib mumbled, stepping into the house with armfuls of bag. "I hope you liked your ring..."
"I do like it actually. Now when are you going to get on one knee and propose to Zim properly? Here in the privacy of your own home? Or in front of your father and about fifty other people you don't even know?" Zim asked, smirking once more.
"Do I -have- to propose?" Dib asked, dropping the bags and wondering since when was Zim in charge of this plan? "I was kind of hoping it would be a silent agreement."
"Of course you would," Zim said, shrugging, "But I don't care."
Dib blushed like mad, slowly reaching for the box with the ring in it in his pocket.
"You're serious?" The human slowly got down on one knee, feeling very similar to a slave or a pet right then from that angle looking up at Zim in a girl wig. "This is so crazy..."
"Really?" Zim asked, smirking down at Dib. "From this point-of-view it's rather amusing."
Dib glared up at Zim, and had to quickly look away, face red as a rose. He held out the box and opened it slowly. "Zim… Will you… marry me?" He was going to DIE, he just KNEW.
Zim pretended to ponder for a moment, rolling the question over in his mind and dragging out his response until he was sure Dib WOULD die of embarrassment. He then held his left hand out and said, "Of course."
Gay Sales Person- Kriss
Wig Lady- Me
Please review! ^^