Disclaimer: The lyrics to One foot in front of the other belong to Emilie Autumn. Until I heard this song live, I didnt like it, but seeing them preform it, really hearing the words clearly for the first time, I realized it was about something more. The fight to push through pain, to keep going no matter whats happened.

A/N: I think theres one chapter after this one, I hope you guys enjoy this one, it took a few days...

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Some nights, he wished he didnt have to sleep, that he sinply couldnt. Because when he slipped into sleep, when his mind created those vivid images, he found himself in a place he didnt want to be. Living in chains, bound and beaten. Raped and scared.

While his body rested his mind ran itself into exhaustion, tormenting his already shaken self until he forced himself awake, shaking in a cold sweat as he fought the nasuea off. All of the things he wanted to forget, he remembered and relived. It'd been a week since he'd come home, and he felt like he was still there.

Drake forced his eyes open, the yelp escaping his throat, startling Josh awake. He tried not to look at his brother, though he knew Josh was watching him. He'd woken Josh up every night, shrugging off his concern as he tried to pretend he was going back to sleep. Instead he layed there in the sliver of moonlight comeing in through the window and tried to force the images away. He didnt want to talk about his nightmares, didnt want josh to know.

He knew that josh wanted to help, he'd done everything except beg him to talk about it. But if josh knew what had happened, he'd never look at him the same. he'd noticed the look in his mother's eyes, the pain she tried so hard to hide. She looked at him and saw a tragedy in human form, and he didnt want Josh to look at him that way. So he pushed him away, became cold and distant. His therepist insisted that he talk to Josh about it, btu Drake wasnt sure. Ash and Zane both said that they's found some peace in talking it out, but they were stronger then he was.

"Drake?" josh said softly. "Are you still awake?"

Drake didnt answer. Just go back to sleep... he silently begged.

Josh sighed heavily. "I don't think you can hear me in your sleep," he said quietly. "But I need to talk to you. I know that whatever happened was hard on you, that your angry, but, I'm here for you. Sometimes I think that you're so distant because you blame me, I blame me. If I were you, I'd hate me, because I hate me." he shuddered, breathing deeply. "You don't have to tell me what happened, just, please, talk to me." josh pleaded.

Drake listened to Josh's words, letting them sink in as silent tears fell over his cheeks. He didnt hate Josh, nor did he blame him. All he wanted to do was protect himself from his memories, from the pain that was still so strong inside of him. He listened as josh layed back down, as he cried himself back to sleep. Tomorrow, Drake silently promised.

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Drake was doing the laundry when meghan finally found him that morning. She looked at him, puzzled as he loaded the washer and turned to fold the clothes he'd finished. She'd never seen him do housework that he wasn't forced to do after one of her pranks had made a mess of things. She watched him silently, the way he moved, the distant look in his eyes. He was so different now.

"Drake?" She said, stepping into the room after long moments of watching him.

He jumped when she said his name. "Meghan?" He shook his head. "You scared me..."

"I try." She smiled. "Where's mom?"

"At the store." Drake replied.

"You're doing the laundry." She said.

"So."

"You never do housework." She said, her worry hidden.

"It calms me down." He said softly. "I had to do it every day."

She stood beside him, watching as he put one of Josh's shirts in their dad's pile. "That one goes over here." She said, taking it and putting it with josh's clothes.

"Thanks." he said absently.

She watched him, chewing on her words. "How are you doing?" She asked, the words feeling weird.

He looked at her, startled by her concern. "Okay, I guess."

"It must have been scary," She mused. "You were gone for so long, and you've changed, a lot."

He stopped folding the laundry, feeling his muscles tense. Meghan had always had a way of knowing things she shouldn't. "It was. But its over now."

"I hate Josh." She finally said. "I tried not to, but I can't. He should have been there for you, he shouldn't have let that happen." There were tears in her eyes.

Drake sighed, placing a hand on her small shoulder. "It wasn't Josh's fault. Those people wanted me, and they would have taken me, even if Josh had been there." he swallowed hard.

"You arnt mad at him at all?" She asked, disbelief in her eyes.

"No." Drake said. "I never really was. Not when we were fighting, and not while i was gone."

"maybe," She sighed. "I can forgive him."

"I'd like that." he smiled. "he's haveing a ruff time."

Meghan rolled her eyes, offering drake a smile before she hugged him. "I'm glad that you're okay." She whispered. "I was scared."

"For me?"

"For you." She said. "if you ever scare me like that again, lets just say that I wont be so nice next time."

he laughed. It felt good to laugh. "I'm not going anywhere." he assured her.

"You promise?" he asked, eyes gleaming as she looked up at him.

"I promise." he said.

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~...How did I get myself into all this mess? How did I end up with this deadly home address? How did I come to this, where every song I sing Is nothing but a list of pain and suffering?...~

In the old days, when drake played his guitar the music that poured out of him had always been happy. It had been as carefree and vibrant as he was. Now, as he leaned into the couch in his room, strumming the strings and whispering words, it was everything that it hadn't been before. All he could think about as he played those sad songs were the things that had ripped his life apart.

A life in chains, torments that no one should ever know. When he sang quetly to himself, he sang about the things that plagued his sleep, the pains he couldn't escape. Every event, every lashing listed out in songs that could make a hardened man cry.

Maybe this was the therapy he'd needed. His way of letting it all out, comeing to terms with it.

He looked up when Josh came into the room, watched as Josh looked away. It hurt to see Josh turn away from him, but, he'd been doing the same thing to Josh since he'd come home. With shaking hands, he continued to play his guitar, taking solace in its haunting melody.

"Drake..." josh said before swallowing his words.

"I don't hate you." Drake said, not looking up. "I'm sorry, for the way i've been."

"Why have you been ignoring me?" josh asked, putting his stuff down and moving hesitantly toward Drake.

Drake took a deep breath. "I'm afraid of the way you'll look at me, when you know."

"What happened to you wasnt your fault." Josh said. "What they did, it doesnt change myopinion of you."

"You know?' Drake asked, freezing.

"Only what was in the news report." josh replied, even that had been enough.

"I didnt watch it..." Drake whispered.

Josh sat down next to Drake, watching as his hands continued to shake. There were so many things he wanted to say, but he didnt know how to form the words. "What happened," he started, unsure of his words. "It wasn;t your fault. What those people did, you didnt deserve it. They're bad people."

"Punishment earned is punishment given." Drake said. Brendon had told them that, made the belive it.

"No." Josh said. "You've never done anything to earn what they did."

"The beat us." Drake shuddered. "They raped us and used us."

"Im sorry." josh said, it hurt to hear Drake say what he'd only guessed.

"It's not your fault." Drake said, trying to push the tears away, to seem stronger then he felt. "I wanted to die, to make it all stop." He put his guitar down, starring at his hands as they continued to shake. "When Damien died, I should have known what was happening, I should have stopped him." Drake burried his head in his hands, trying to hide the tears. "If I had, he'd still be alive..."

Josh pulled Drake into his arms, holding him tightly. "it wasn't your fault." He tried to assure him.

Drake shook his head. "I watched him bleed to death, Josh. I couldn't do anything, they held me back, and i saw him die."

Josh squeezed Drake, closing his eyes as hot tears fell over his cheeks.

"I don't think he blames you." Josh said. He'd heard Drake call that name out in his sleep more then once, knew that he'd been close to that boy. "He had his reasons for what he did."

~...I've been in chains since I was nothing but a kid We don't know freedom, not quite sure that we ever did Now that we have it, how will we make use of it? We've been committed — now to what do we all commit?...~

"I thought that being home would make it all go away." Drake said, pulling away from Josh, refusing to look at him. "I believed, I hoped that when i was finally free, things would be okay. But they arnt." He scodded. "We were just kids, and they locked us up and destroyed us."

"They hurt you," josh said. "But you're still here, they can't hurt you anymore."

"I took for granted everything that had been good about life." Drake said, gently touching the wound on his side. "Everything, even you, and mom and dad. Meghan..." He lifted his shirt, letting Josh see for the first time where Zack had stabbed him. He saw the shock in josh's eys, then took his shirt completly off, turning so that Josh could see his back. Faded bruises, healing gashes and scars that would always be there. "Until I lost all of you, I didnt know how much you all kept me together..."

Josh felt the anger rise as he looked at herey mark, each proof of pain. he wanted to hurt the people who'd done that to Drake, to make them suffer. He looked down to his hands, shaking now like Drake's. "I have something to show you..." he said, pulling up his sleeves.

Though most of the cuts had healed and faded away, a few still remained, dull reddish pink against his skin. "There's been one for every day that you were gone..."

"Josh..." Drake sighed, looking at the cuts as tears fell from his eyes. "Why?"

"I blamed myself every day. I hung the missing person posters around town, seeing that picture of you smiling and okay, I knew that I had hurt you. I didnt go after you when you apologized in Mr. rolands class, I just ignored you, and then you were gone. I should have gone after you, you tell you that it was okay, to have your back...'

"I never blamed you." Drake said. "All I could think about when they forst took me, was if you were still mad at me... How badly i'd messed up."

"It was a stupid fight." Josh said.

Drake nodded, feeling the relief wash over him. "After everything thats happened, I dont know what to do." he confessed.

"Just live." Josh said. "you'll get through this. You're stronger then you think you are, and your stuborn." he smiled.

"Thanks." drake smiled, pulling Josh into a hug.

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~...We never will forget, and no, we will not forgive We've fought hard not to die, yet we don't know how to live How do we change our world to what we want it to be? How do we move beyond all of this misery?...~

Drake waited in the living room for what felt like years, counting the minutes as they turned into hours. Ash and Zane were making the long trips down to visit! Audrey refused to let him go very far, so they had agreed to drive down to his house. They needed to see each other, to do more then talk over the phones and computers.

He was pacing around the living room when he heard a car pull into the driveway, as two car doors opened and shut. He ran to the front door, opening it quickly as his friends walked toward it. He smiled, seeing them smile back. They were looking better, gained some weight and color.

They stood in the doorway, all looking at each other for long moments until finally Zane jumped forward, pulling drake into a hug. "Missed you man." he said as he pulled away.

"i missed you guys too." he smiled, letting them into the house. "My rooms upatairs." he said, leading the way.

They followed him up the stairs, looking at the pictures on the walls, the bits and pieces of his life before it had all happened. They'd done the same thing when they'd gone home, looking at every reminder of what life had been. They walked into his room, looking around it, amazed at the size.

"Wow." Zane said. "Your room is awesome."

"Thanks." Drake said, "Me and josh like it this way."

"Is your brother here?" Ash asked, moving toward the couch.

"No, he's at work." Drake said. "Its just us for now."

They all sat down, accepting the Moca colas as Drake handed them out. It felt strange, being together and being free. They sat in silnce at first, relaxing as the tension drianed itself from their bodies.

"How've you guys been?" Drake asked, sipping his cola.

"Its been weird." Zane said. "I still expect bars on the walls when i wake up."

"I forget where i am when I wake up." Ash said. "Im angry most of the time. I know that my parents just wanna help, but i feel like their smothering me."

"My mom is always staring at me," Drake sighed. "Theres alot of sadness in her eyes. Expecially when she sees me doing housework, but i like doing it, I guess. Helps me pass the time, helps me concentrate on not remembering."

The others nodded, knowing how he felt. It was the same for all of them.

"We made it out, but we're still trapped by it." Zane said. "We're alive, but we're not really living."

"I dont think we remember how." Darke sighed. "The more I try to make things like they were before, the more I remember what happened. It like a cycle."

"We can't forget it, its just too much." Ash said, running his fingers over the scar across his left eye. "We'll never forget what happened, never forgive the people who made it happen. The only thing we can do it try to move forward. If we let what happened rule the rest of our lives, then they win."

~...We waged a war with Hell, and look, we still survive But just because we live does not mean that we're alive We've won the final round, but how to enjoy the win When we've been broken down and we'll never know what could have been...~

"Sounds easier then it is." Zane said, shakeing his head. "We fought so hard for this freedom, to keep living. We watched friends die, each other suffer. It doesnt seem like much of a victory right now."

"Not completly." drake said. "For our families, its everything. They had to fight the words of people telling them to give up, fight their own thoughts while they looked and waited." he said, thinking of Josh. "For them, our empty victory means more then we really know."

Ash smiled. "It's just gonna take us a little bit longer. While their running, we're still taking baby steps. One foot at a time, untill we can walk without stumbling."

Zane chuckled softly, a tear forming in his eyes. "Sounds like something Damien would have said."

Ash nodded. "I think about him a lot."

"Me too." Drake said. "Almost every time im asleep..."

"Do you think he's in heaven?" Zane asked. "My mom says people who kill themselves go to hell.'

"I think, if there is a god," Ash said heavily. "that he'd make an exception for Damien."

'I hope so..." Zane said.

They spent the next few hours talking about where life had taken them since the day they'd been rescued. It was hard for each of them, trying to fit back into their old lives. Living in the darkness for so long, they'd grown accustomed to it, had, to an extent, accepted it. They'd never truly thought they would live outside those walls again, and now, here they were.

They were afriad of the world around them, brcause they knew all to well what evils it held. Inside of their homes, they were safe, but when they went outside, they trembled. Always looking over their shoulders for the mensters who wanted them caged up. Wanted them hurt.

They cried together as they talked about Damien, about the others they'd lost over time. So many had died waiting for the end that the three of them had found. Ash smiled sadly as he told them about abigale, she looked so much like damien it had brought tears to his eyes. He'd kept his promise tough, and that meant the world to him. They'd never forget the brothers they's had in that place, the sacrifices each of them had made for one another. The scars they shared.

They all looked up when josh entered the room, watching him as he looked over each of them. He'd known they were comeing, and seeing them there with Drake made him smile. Drake needed them, and he was sure they had been feeling the same way. He picked up a change of clothes, and was getting ready to lave the room when drake stopped him.

"Wanna hang out with us?"

It wasn't much, but it meant alot to Josh to have Drake want im around. He put his clothes down, moving toward the three of them. "I'm josh." he said.

"I'm Zane." Zane said, waving.

"Ash." Ash nodded.

"So what are you guys up to?" Josh asked, sitting down.

"Just talking." Drake said. "How was work?"

Josh smiled. Drake hadnt looked this relaxed since he'd been home. "It was all right, Crazy Steve went a little nuts, but we got him calmed down."

"You work with a guy named crazy Steve?" Zane asked, smiling.

"Yeah." Josh smiled.

Josh sat and talked with them until dinner. Looking at them, he could see how they tried to overcome everything that had happened. Listening to them, he inderstood more about what they'd endured. They might not see their own strength, but he did. They were still fighting, all of them. Just like Drake, it wouldn't be an easy transition. They'd been through the worst, but hard times still surrounded them. At least they all had people to turn to, each other, their families... Josh smiled, he would always be there for Drake, and so would they.

They left the room, and all of their pains behind as they decended the stairs for dinner. One foot at a time, they let the hurt linger there, not taking it with them to the kitchen. Audrey smiled as she set the two extra places for Ash and Zane, talked politly to them without bringing up what had happened. Walter and meghan did the same.

They laughed at dinner, and it was a feeling they all cherished. Real smiles, true laughter. Feelings that they would cherish for a long time, would keep close in the times of darkness that were sure to come. Audrey watched with a surpressed tear in her eyes as they boys smiled and cleared the dishes, as they washed them and cleaned the kitchen. But as long as they were smiling, as long as they knew that they didnt have to do it, she was okay. No one could change the way they reacted to life, they'd grown accustomed to doing these things. If it helped them, then she would let it be. She had to accept the things that could never be the same, not for herself, but for Drake.

~...How do we bear this burden, far too much to carry? How do we turn our prison to a sanctuary? We've been kept from the light, no one ever gave a damn. If I've no one to fight. how do i know who I am?...~

The boys went back to Drake's room after each called home, let their parents they were staying for the night so they wouldn't worry. One more night together, before they tried to change their worlds, began working themselves back into them. They turned on the t.v., to watch the news report on what had happened. Tonight it was over, the bad guys would be sentanced and locked away. Justice would finally be given.

They listened as the woman on the screen talked about the operation Brendon had been running, the number of boys who'd died, the three that had been saved. They were thankful that their names hadn't been used. They watched as the FBI agents who's saved them made their statement, as Brendon and the countless men who'd associated them were lead away. Then they saw something they hadn't been expecting.

The house where they'd been kept, where they'd been locked away and hurt, was burning. They watched the shaky image as the camera man zoomed in, then out, as the reporter tried to hide his smile as the fire department tried to put out the flames. The people of Santa Clarita, who'd been blind to the horrors happening there, had snuck onto the property, doused the house in gasoline, and set it aflame.

Disgusted by what had happened there, by their own ignorance to it, they went forth to destroy it. To burn away they image it left, the stories of hell its rooms told. The boys watched, their chests tightening as they saw it burn. Those people had done something they'd each thought about, and now that it was gone, they didnt know how to feel.

Ash stood up, a wicked grin on his face. "You guys wanna see something?"

They looked at him, confused. They followed him to the car, watched as he pulled a small container of fuel and balls much like the ones he'd spun at Brendon's house from the trunk.

"Can we go to your backyard?" he asked Drake.

"Sure..." Drake said, still confused.

They watched as Ash soaked the balls in the fliud, as he shook them off. "Can someone light these?" he asked.

Drake stepped forward, taking the lighter from Ash and setting the balls aflame.

they watched in wonder as he spun the flames, intricate designs chasing after each other, weaving a wordless story as Ash smiled in their light. It had been two years since he'd danced with those flames, but that time didnt show now. They all saw a piece of who he'd been as he worked those flames, as he took control and let them burn away the anger built up inside of himself. They watched, hoping that they too would find that strength.

Drake watched as his friends got into the car that morning, as they preparred to leave for their homes. They hesitated as they said goodbye, promising each other, and themselves, that they wouldn't be apart long. They'd stay in touch, get together again. One step ata time, they would get themselves, and each other through this.

Drake's eyes never lerft the car as it pulled away, as it drove off. He let the sun wash its warmth over him before stepping back into his house. He wouldn't let the safty of these walls hold him forever. His anger wouldn't burn inside of himself, hurt him. He took a deep breath, walking toward his room.

The people who'd done this to him were gone, locked away as he had once been. The house that had held him prisoner had burned away, never to hold another living soul again. he had nothing to fight, no one to be afraid of. Only his memories, and with every spoken word, they lost their strength. He didnt know what to fight now, who to turn his lingering anger on. Who he'd been could never be who he was. But he knew that he'd find find a way, one step at a time. he'd find peace, and he'd find himself.

~...One foot in front of the other foot, In front of the one foot in front of the other foot...~