The healing process – Part 2
Cloud woke to the feel of someone shaking him roughly, the grip of a strong hand on his shoulder being the driving force behind the harsh motions. It took his dazed mind a minute to register that there was something wrong with this sensation, that he was not normally roused in such a forceful way. Blinking his eyes open to see through a sleepy fog, the cadet looked up into the face of man he did not recognise and panicked.
Genesis smiled as he looked upon the startled blonde, the boy's eyes opening wide to reveal that glorious blue again. He had tried to rouse the cadet with a gentle approach, but after that had failed a more aggressive technique had been required. He now found himself looking at the result of this tactic and while part of it amused him, there was also a part which regretted the decision. The blonde was clearly confused as he looked about frantically trying to work out where he was and that fear was back in his eyes again. It was a look that Genesis did not like.
"Calm down, you're alright." He informed the cadet, while moving back to give the boy some space.
"I ... how ..." Cloud's words trailed off as his brain finally woke up and filled in the missing pieces, reminding him about everything which had happened the night before. "I'm sorry, Sir." He responded quickly, his body instinctively attempting to stand and salute.
"I'll have none of that." Genesis interrupted quickly, gently pushing him back down onto the sofa. "I told you while we are off duty I am Genesis and you are Cloud."
Once again the cadet only nodded silently to the soldier, his face turning to look away before anything else could be said about it. Genesis sighed and rose to his feet properly, turning to walk towards the kitchen where the water had just finished boiling.
"Would you like some breakfast?"
"No thank you." Cloud replied hesitantly, his stomach still recovering from the shock of waking up in an unfamiliar place.
"What time is your first class today?" Genesis asked casually.
"It's at eight."
The soldier stopped what he was doing and looked at the cadet with slightly widened eyes, in turn making Cloud feel even more worried and uncomfortable.
"Did I say something wrong?"
"No, but its gone seven now and you still need to get ready."
Genesis had never seen a cadet move so fast, the boy practically a blur or red and gold as he flew from the sofa towards the door. The soldier barely reacted in time, grabbing the cadet around the waist to stop him from running out of the apartment.
"Let go of me, let me go!" Cloud cried, lashing out at the soldier and backing away as soon as the hold on him was loosened.
"I have no intention of harming you." Genesis replied calmly, while raising his hands as a sign of peace.
"Then ... then why did you ... do that?"
"You were about to leave wearing my pyjamas. I'm not sure if things have changed while I was away, but I'm sure that would have only led to more problems for you."
Cloud's body seemed to freeze, the gasping breaths and pounding heart quietening almost instantly as he looked down at his attire. A feeling of dread coursed through his veins as he realised that Genesis was right, if he had left dressed like this there would have been no end to the rumours and gossip.
"Thank you." Was all Cloud could manage to say, as his body began to tremble slightly.
"There is no need to thank me. It is my fault for waking you in such a way and then surprising you again so quickly. Your clothes are in the bathroom drying if you wish to change." Genesis said, noting another dip in the emotional rollercoaster the boy seemed to be riding.
Cloud didn't know what to say so nodded silently and then quickly disappeared into the room to change, emerging a few minutes later looking drained and dishevelled.
"You appear in need of rest." The soldier commented casually, as he sipped his drink leaning against the kitchen work top.
"I'm fine." Was the blunt and firm reply he received.
"As you wish, might I suggest you hurry then or you will be late." He responded, amused by yet another emotion being displayed.
Cloud nodded again, his choice to remain silent both confusing and intriguing the soldier. Genesis watched as the cadet placed the rolled up pyjamas on the worktop of the kitchen as he walked past, letting his senses track the blonde's progress to the door rather than following the boy himself. He heard the door click as it was opened, but there was a notable pause as the cadet hesitated in the door way.
"Thank you ... Genesis."
"You are welcome Cloud."
With that the cadet was gone, the door closing almost silently behind him, leaving the soldier to ponder over this new discovery of his.
Cloud hurried through the building heading towards what he assumed was the main entrance, thankful when he emerged outside and quickly glanced around to establish his bearings. It turned out that Genesis's apartment was closer to Zack's than he had thought, so it would have made more sense for him to go there and change. Unfortunately his heart wasn't ready to face the soldier yet, or any of them for that matter, and so he turned and ran towards the cadet dorms. He breathed a silent prayer of thanks that this choice was even possible, his original uniform belts and pads still being at Zack's apartment, but the spare set the soldier had acquired for him being hidden safely in his dorm room. Cloud sighed heavily knowing that if it hadn't been for Zack interfering that time and getting him the extra set he wouldn't have this opportunity now. He always protested their efforts to help him, always insisting he could handle the problems himself, but now he was actually grateful that the soldier had got involved. Not only had it saved his butt back then, but also meant that he would be able to avoid going back to Zack's now.
Cloud turned and ran as fast as he could, moving quickly to reach the dorms and change, his body still aching and sore from last nights abuse. There was barely be time to get there and dress correctly for class, let alone time for a shower to wash and relieve the twinges in his muscles. He groaned to himself knowing that if he felt like this now, then training in the afternoon was going to be agony. Taking a deep breath Cloud pushed forward, he could worry about that later, right now he really didn't want to be late.
xxxxxxxxxxxx
"Zack will you stop pacing." Sephiroth said, his voice strained as he tried not to make it an order.
"I can't help it Seph."
"I know you are worried, but you are starting to wear a hole in the carpet." The general scolded, now silently wishing he hadn't stopped the soldier from doing those infuriating squats earlier.
Zack looked down at the floor where he had been making circuits for the past hour, looking for evidence to support this statement, and was actually surprised to see a faint ring forming.
"Sorry. I just hate this waiting around." He sighed, flopping down on the small sofa in the room.
"Don't you have work to do, duties to attend to?"
"No duties and I'm too wound up to do paper work." Zack sighed, letting his head fall back to stare at the ceiling.
"Then why don't you go and use one of the VR training rooms. It will give you something else to focus on." Sephiroth offered gently.
"Yea, maybe you're right."
There was a few minutes of silence and Sephiroth watched as Zack continued to stare silently at the white ceiling, the soldier's stillness unnerving the general greatly. It was bad enough that Reno had been quite when he left that morning, but now to have Zack so withdrawn it was almost like torture.
"Come on." Sephiroth said, suddenly rising from his chair and making the soldier's head snap round to look at him.
"Where?" Zack asked, his mind quickly returning from its deep thoughts.
"The training room. I have done enough for now and believe a short session will do us both some good."
Zack smiled at the general as he watched the man move past him towards the door, knowing that in fact there was a mountain of work to be done. He quickly rose and followed Sephiroth out of the room, feeling a little better as they made their way along the corridor. At least this way he wouldn't have to think about the time passing by so slowly.
xxxxxxxxxxxx
"Reno!"
"What?!" The red head snapped as he was dragged back from his internal musings.
"Have you heard a word I've been saying?" Tseng demanded sternly.
"Yea, something about a missing file." The younger Turk sighed, not really caring about any of it.
"The file was important and you will find it now. Or perhaps you would like to spend all night organising Shane's filing system."
The threat was not one of physical pain, but something much worse and Reno was quick to respond appropriately. His desire to avoid a filing system, which was worse than his own, giving him incentive to focus on the task at hand.
"I'm on it." He informed the head Turk quickly and hurried off to find the file.
Tseng watched the red head disappear from the office and sighed heavily, his worry for the younger man growing a little more. It was true that Reno was not the most attentive when it came to mundane things, but he was known for being one of the best Turk's in the field. Unfortunately this was no longer the case and Reno was starting to slip up at work, obviously distracted by something. Tseng sighed heavily as he sat back down in his chair and looked out of the window.
He was very much aware of the young Turk's current relationships and while he didn't approve of the red head's choice of partners, he had been given no reason to protest them ... until now. The head Turk knew that Reno's troubles all stemmed from the cadet's accident, that whatever problems he was going through as a result of it were now beginning to filter into his work. Tseng sighed heavily knowing that he didn't want to interfere with Reno's personal life, but also knowing he couldn't have one of his men being so distracted. Their job was not an easy one and required complete focus, a lack of concentration could easily result in one of them being severely injured or even killed and it was not a risk he was willing to take. The head Turk frowned as he debated what to do about the matter, his lack of options bothering him greatly. In the end there really were only two choices available, either Reno sorted out his private affairs or he was reassigned within the Turks. Tseng sighed again as a dull ache began to form in the back of his head, he really didn't want to make Reno choose between the two most important things in his life.
xxxxxxxxxxxx
Although they kept themselves busy the day passed slowly for Zack, Reno and Sephiroth, each man trying to not watch the clock as each minute ticked by. Meanwhile for Cloud and Genesis the hours flew by with both being caught up in their various activities.
Cloud had barely made it class in time, but had still been awarded punishment for not having his assignment to hand in. The cadet had apologised and accepted the punishment without argument, unable to explain why the work was not done. In truth the essay had been completed a few days ago, but was currently sitting amongst his other books at Zack's apartment. The day hadn't got much better for the cadet when he arrived at his materia class without the textbook he needed, again the item being at the soldier's home. Cloud gritted his teeth and accepted yet another punishment, a little voice in the back his head warning him that it was going to be one of those days. Having missed breakfast Cloud was actually looking forward to the vile slop which the canteen liked to call lunch, except that he now had two additional assignments to deal with. Choosing to get the work done over a need to eat, the cadet headed off to the library and proceeded to bury his head amongst the books there. The tasks took longer to do than planned and Cloud almost cried when he realised that he was going to be late for training, having lost track of time completely. There was a moment of debate about whether to just miss it all together, but the fallout from that would just be worse. He arrived almost twenty minutes after class had started and once again accepted the punishment assigned without argument. This time the disappointment in the instructor's voice affected him, his already tired mind allowing Sergeant Shaw's words to dig at his damaged heart.
Genesis had enjoyed his day catching up on various things, such as the compound gossip. Being in Wutai meant he tended to miss most of the juiciest pieces of information, which is why he regularly liked to return to deliver evaluation reports himself. This visit as no exception and after mingling with the right groups of people he had been updated quite sufficiently. He couldn't help but smile at some of the rumours, knowing that certain aspects were true based on last nights revelations. He also chuckled to think about some of the other things he had heard and wondered how true they were as well. In the end he had been almost pleased to know that Sephiroth was 'involved' with so many interesting characters, although he couldn't work out what surprised him most. The fact that the general was sleeping with not only a cadet, although he could understand based on the boy's appearance, but Angeal's puppy and the red head Turk who worked for Tseng.
"An interesting choice my friend." He spoke to the air, knowing that on one could hear him.
It was only now that Genesis realised that he was outside the gym, where the sounds of cadet's training could be heard coming from inside. Having nothing better to do the soldier made his way into the room and stood silently to one side watching at the future soldier candidates performed various skills with the training swords. He noted that some were clearly not suited to the blade while others showed potential if given more time. It only took his eyes a minute to find the blonde haired cadet across the room and he instantly saw the difference between this boy and his peers. Cloud appeared to be sparing with another cadet in a small group, their advanced skills distinguishing them from the rest of the class. But even then the blonde appeared to still surpass his peers, the cadet clearly holding back to hide this fact.
The sound of metal clanging loudly sounded through the room and bounced off the walls, drawing everyone's attention to the cadet who now stood opened mouthed and staring at him. Genesis sighed heavily but kept his pleasant smile in place as the rest of the cadet's turned to follow their peers gaze. Something close to a wave like affect happened next, as the young soldier hopefuls sprung into stiff formal salutes, the cadet's at the front acting first and the motion rippling through the crowd to the ones at the back.
"General Rhapsodos, Sir" Sergeant Shaw announced, also standing to attention.
"Relax sergeant, I was merely passing by and thought I might take the opportunity to observe our future soldiers."
"Yes sir. It would be an honour Sir."
"You can all relax and return to your training." Genesis instructed the cadet's, his voice carrying the suggestion almost like an order, but not quite.
There was only a moment of hesitation before the cadet's returned to what they had been doing, each one now focused on the task at hand in hope of impressing the man observing them. Cloud watched in stunned amazement at the interaction going on between the sergeant and the familiar man who had helped him last night. It was only now that he saw the soldier in his 'uniform' and heard Shaw address him with his full title that the blonde's memory filled in the missing pieces and he realised who's apartment he had spent the night in.
"Hey Cloud, you ok." Jacob asked, noting the way his sparring partner had paled and then suddenly started to blush.
"Yea, I'm fine" Cloud breathed, his heart still racing in his chest.
"You sure?" Jacob replied, doubting the words as the blonde continued to look both surprised and embarrassed about something.
"Is that really General Rhapsodos?" Cloud asked, his voice a whisper as his eyes remained fixed on the auburn haired soldier
"Yep." Jacob confirmed happily, as his mind started to put two and two together.
They all knew that Cloud was still recovering his memories, that the blonde still had small gaps in his past about people or places. The young cadet looked over at Cloud and smiled kindly, now believing he understood why the blonde had reacted the way he had. It was always awkward for the blonde cadet when he couldn't remember something and he would often be embarrassed by this fact. It therefore made sense that he would react in a similar way now, if he had forgotten who the general was, especially if it felt like he was seeing the great soldier for the first time. Had Jacob known the real reason for Cloud's embarrassment he may have been less sympathetic to the blonde's situation.
"He's been in Wutai for the past several months." The cadet added helpfully. "It's probably why you didn't recognise him at first."
"Oh." Cloud breathed, still distracted by Genesis as he moved amongst the other cadet's.
"Come on, we need to practice." Jacob said, now waving a hand in front of Cloud's face to get his attention back on what they were doing. "You're already in enough trouble for being late."
"Please don't remind me." Cloud whispered back, his shoulders slumping at the thought of the extra session he had after class to make up for it.
"Shaw's only making you do an extra hour, it could be worse."
"I guess," Cloud sighed.
"Cheer up. Who knows, maybe the general will come and watch us." Jacob continued, oblivious to the blonde's disheartened state.
"I hope not, I've already got enough to worry about." Cloud mumbled as they faced each other again and continued where they had left off.
Genesis hung around a little longer walking amongst the group and observing skills and techniques which were being practised. He made comments where praise appeared deserving and suggestions when positions or grips were incorrect. He passed by Cloud's group and offered a suggestion to a couple of boys regarding the defence they were trying to perform. It was clear from the blonde's tense shoulders and dipped head that he didn't want to be acknowledged and Genesis allowed this, moving on without a word. He was accustomed to cadet's fawning over him, the ore struck boys bragging whenever he had spoken with them, and somehow using any personal interaction to make themselves appear better than their peers. He therefore found it interesting that this boy would chose to be ignored rather than have their very informal interaction made public knowledge. Though perhaps, based on his current relationships, it would only add to the rumours. Genesis felt the smile on his face falter then, as he realised what some of the cadet's troubles were. He turned to look at the blonde once more before leaving, deciding that he would be back later to 'accidentally' pop in during the boys punishment. He chuckled softly to himself, the benefits of enhanced hearing paying off once more, the naive cadet's thinking that they would not be heard if they whispered.
xxxxxxxxxxxx
Training ended at five on the dot and a blonde cadet watched patiently as the rest of his class were dismissed. It had been a long day, with no end of problems and all Cloud wanted to do was go home and curl up in bed. There were however two problems to this desire. The first being he still had another hour of training to do and the other being the lack of home to go to.
"Ok Strife, let's get this over with." Shaw called across as the last cadet moved through the door.
Cloud watched as Jacob left, his new friend waiting till the very end to check he was ok. They exchanged a quick smile before the door closed and Cloud was left alone once more.
"Yes Sir." He responded, as was expected of him, and moved to join the sergeant by the mats.
Forty-five minutes later, as Cloud was performing another set of sit up's, the gym door opened and Genesis walked in. Both cadet and sergeant stopped to look up and the soldier smiled in greeting.
"I'm sorry I thought the gym would be empty by now" Genesis informed them casually.
"Sir, I was just finishing with cadet Strife" Shaw responded.
"Is he receiving extra tuition?" The soldier asked in an offhand manor, as he moved over to join them.
"No. It's a punishment for being late to class earlier."
"That is a shame." Genesis replied evenly, looking down at the blonde at their feet. "Did he explain his tardiness?"
"No sir"
"Has he done this before?"
"No. Normally he is an excellent student."
Cloud didn't bother looking up as he continued to complete the set, instead focusing himself on finishing the repetitions. He could feel their eyes on him, the combined looks burning his skin questioningly, but it was the words which once again bit the hardest.
"I see, well carry on then." Genesis responded evenly, before moving away from them both.
The next fifteen minutes passed quickly with Cloud completing his assigned punishment while Genesis proceeded to workout with his sword across the room from them. The soldier had removed his coat and various accessories to train easier, in turn revealing a well built figure covered in tight leather trousers and a plain black t-shirt. If his body hadn't been tempting enough to watch, as it moved forcefully through a series of exercises, then the blade in his hands was, the fire coloured metal cutting through the air with purpose. Neither cadet nor sergeant could deny the distraction the man was becoming and both seemed relieved when the time ended.
"Try not to be late again." Shaw said, his eyes levelling with Cloud's and silently asking why it had happened this time.
"I won't." The cadet replied, breaking the connection quickly.
"Perhaps it would be best if I had a word?" Genesis offered, suddenly appearing behind them.
"I'm sure that's not necessary." Shaw began, noting the way the cadet's eyes had widened as they continued to stare at the floor.
"Nonsense. If the boy has as much potential as you say then we cannot have him slipping now." Genesis replied indifferently.
The reaction he got was perfect, almost as good as he could have hoped for. The blonde looked up now, his expression clearly surprised by this revelation and Shaw looking back a little flustered that his appraisal had been made public knowledge.
"Well, yes in that case," the sergeant stammered. "I will leave him in your capable hands."
Cloud watched in shock as the sergeant left, the man not even hesitating as he passed through the door to escape.
"Now where were we little one?" Genesis asked smoothly, a broad smile covering his features.
"You didn't tell me you were General Rhapsodos." Cloud noted evenly.
"True, but would it have made you feel any better?"
Cloud thought about it for a minute and realised Genesis was right, the knowledge would have probably resulted in him running a mile. Instead of arguing the fact he decided to ask the question which was really bothering him now.
"Are you really going to lecture me?"
"No, but it did give me an excuse to keep you here."
"Why?"
"You performance today in class was poor, you were clearly holding back and that is one thing I cannot abide by."
"I can't let go with the other's I ..."
"I am aware of their abilities as I am aware of yours. Now we will spend some time going over your technique so that I can assess it properly."
Before Cloud could argue a training sword was placed in his hands and he was being led to the centre of a training mat. He looked at the sword in his hand and then up at the general in stunned confusion.
"What seems to be the problem?"
"You're ... you're not treating me like ..."
"Like you might break?"
"Yes."
"As I said before I do not care about your accident or how it affected you then. The fact is you are a fully functioning and capable cadet who has been holding back. There is no need to treat you as anything else."
"Thank you." Cloud breathed, a small smile gracing his delicate features as he was finally treated like an equal.
"Good. Now do not hold back little one. I will not break either."
The mock battle was quite impressive, had anyone else been present to see it, and Genesis had to admit that the blonde was exceptional for someone of his rank. He also had to admit that the young cadet's appearance was starting to have a rather surprising effect on his body. Cloud's skin had already been coated in a light sweat when they had begun, as a result of the extensive instruction, and now seemed to glow with a flushed sheen over his entire body. Genesis also noticed how the cadet's uniform now clung to his lithe frame, much like it had the night before, the sodden material revealing a very attractive figure hidden beneath it.
They had been going for nearly an hour now and the blonde's facade of being 'alright' was clearly no longer holding up. Some of his hair was now plastered to his face, the golden strands framing a face which continued to gasp in deep breaths of air through pale pink lips. The soldier was also aware of the heart which was currently pounding furiously within that appealing body, and knew that the blonde was at his limit.
Cloud blocked the next attack easily, balancing his weight quickly while bringing his sword up to protect his chest from the soldier's blade. The defence was good but unfortunately his exhausted body decided that it couldn't take anymore and instead of holding him up, it let him go. A small growl of frustration escaped his lips as he lost his balance and fell backwards onto the mat, his hand instinctively going out to grab something to hold on to. A second later and Cloud found himself on his back, his sword resting on the floor beside him, his hands trapped between his own body and the one now lying on top of him.
"Well I must say, this is a surprise." Genesis purred, as he let his own sword go in preference of having two free hands.
"I'm sorry." Cloud choked between gasping breaths, as his body continued to draw in desperately needed air.
"No need to be sorry." The soldier replied, his arms coming to rest on their elbows on either side of Cloud's body, effectively pinning the cadet to the mat.
"I ... I ..." Cloud began, his mouth going dry as their eyes connected.
"You?" Genesis enquired softly, his lower body moving to rest more comfortable between the cadet's legs, forcing them to spread to accommodate the new position.
Cloud's breath hitched in his throat as the sensation of their bodies touching stole his ability to think let alone speak. There was no way to misinterpret how Genesis felt about the situation, the man's arousal now pressed firmly against his hip. Nor was there a way to deny the cadet's excitement as his own body began to respond to the position they were in. A part of Cloud's mind screamed that this was wrong, that he shouldn't be feeling this, but he never had a chance to finish the thought. Warm soft lips suddenly descended upon his own and silenced the internal voices, the kiss becoming forceful and demanding as it played against his mouth. Cloud's heart slammed into this chest as his lips were forced to part and a tongue invaded the space within, the warm muscles demanding obedience as it explored and tasted him.
Genesis smiled as a small moan of pleasure escaped the blonde beneath him, the feel of the cadet's body becoming aroused against his own. He deepened the kiss and shifted himself up, the action pushing Cloud's head back and making his back arch slightly off the ground. This in turn changed the positions of their lower bodies, bringing them even closer together. The soldier broke away from the kiss to gasp as the sensation made his body shudder and heat pool in his groin. He heard the cadet breathing heavily beneath him and looked down into deep pools of blue, the eyes revealing the blonde's need as strongly as his own. He only hesitated for a moment, the pull of the glowing spheres holding him in their gaze, unable to move until the cadet blinked and broke the spell he had cast. Genesis initiated the kiss again, his demanding nature allowing for nothing less, but this time he felt Cloud respond. He moaned into the cadet's mouth as the blonde's tongue met his own, as they played against one another with shared desire.
Cloud felt like his chest was on fire, his veins filled with liquid heat as want and need flooded his system. It had been so long since anyone had touched him like this, weeks since he had felt the intensity of such demanding kisses, nearly a month since experiencing such intimate contact against his body. His mind was gone now, as he responded to the soldier's advances, the voice of reason having abandoned him in preference for his undeniable desire. Cloud moaned again as Genesis's body ground against his own once more, the cloth covered bulge rubbing against his erection and making his body buck in pleasure. Through the fog like world forming around him, and the lust filled existence consuming him, Cloud suddenly heard a single voice in his heart screaming at him to stop. The voice may have been alone in its protests but it resided in the one place where love existed and not lust, where reason stood tall over want, the only place where hurt would never heal. The voice had strength and power and Cloud felt the rest of his body respond to its demands instantly.
Genesis knew something was wrong, could feel it in the way the body beneath him changed, the blonde no longer returning the kiss they shared but now pulling away from it. Cloud's arousal was also gone, the firm flesh no longer pressed against his own between their bodies, instead replaced with a sudden tension which had filled the cadet's entire body. The soldier pulled back as well and looked down at the angelic face questioningly. What he saw made his heart stutter, the cadet's sky blue eyes now dark like a stormy sky and raining tears over pale skin. There was still heat within the eyes, still a need for this contact, but now it was being consumed by other emotions such as guilt and fear.
"You want this, but not with me." Genesis spoke softly, understanding almost instantly what was happening.
"I'm sorry." Cloud whispered, as fresh tears escaped his eyes and quickly followed the already visible silver tracks on his face.
"You have nothing to apologise for, but I believe your ... friends do." He replied gently, moving away so that they could both sit up on the mats to talk now that the moment had passed.
While Genesis sat relaxed with one leg stretched out and the other bent and drawn up to his chest so he could rest his chin upon it, Cloud curled up in on himself. The cadet's emotional turmoil still playing out within him as he hugged his knees tighter to his chest, wrapping his arms around the limbs and burying his head into the gap it created. Although the soldier couldn't see the tears anymore he could still sense they were falling, the cadet's shoulders trembling faintly as he continued to cry in silence.
A small noise by the door made Genesis look up over Cloud's body and spot the other men entering the room across from him, their expressions showing the distress each was feeling at seeing the blonde in such a state. Even the emotionally challenged Sephiroth appeared to be affected by the cadet's tears as he moved towards them. Genesis quickly raised a hand to silence the small group and with a glare warned them to stay put, a plan forming in his mind. Cloud had not yet noticed their arrival and with his back to them would not be aware of their presence until they made it so. Perhaps he could work the situation to benefit them all.
"How long have they been avoiding ... intimacy with you?" he asked carefully, his eyes never leaving the small group as he continued to glare at them to remain silent.
He was not surprised to see their faces react in shock to such a personal question being asked, especially as it involved them as well. He was intrigued however when their faces betrayed their shock as Cloud answered the question.
"Since ... since just after the ... accident."
"They have not ... touched you at all?"
"No." Cloud breathed, his voice choking on a small sob. "They did ... but then they ... they stopped."
"Why?" Genesis asked gently, his eyes glowing with anger as he glared at the men across from him.
"I ... I'm not sure. At first it was so I could ... remember... it was to give me time. Then it ... it changed and they ... they changed."
"It can't have changed that much between you." Genesis noted keeping his voice neutral, but the narrowing of his eyes showing his true feelings for the cadet's obvious pain at the situation.
"They don't even hold me the way they used to, not anymore." Cloud replied softly, his voice sounding so heartbroken that the men standing all staggered as if wounded by an unseen blow to their chests.
"I don't understand, how can they not hold you like they did before?"
"It's always ... it's brief and hesitant, like I'm a piece of glass that's going to break."
"So last night when I found you, was it because of ... these things."
"Some of it." Cloud admitted sadly, his head coming up to rest on his knees so he could remain curled up while still looking at Genesis.
"Then it was also because of something they said to you?"
"No, it was because ... because of what they said to each other."
"They were fighting?"
"Yes" Cloud replied, the words barely audible with the small choked sob which accompanied it.
"Do they fight a lot then?"
"They didn't before, it's only since ... since I got hurt. They fight because of me, it's my fault." Cloud whimpered, as fresh tears sprang free and ran a new course down over his flushed cheeks.
"Cloud have you tried talking to them about this?" Genesis asked gently, while quickly shooting a deathly glare at Zack who had taken a step forward and gone to speak.
"I tried, but they ... I know they mean well, but ..."
"They don't listen to you, at least not properly." Genesis offered, guessing what the cadet was trying to say without sounding accusing.
"Yes."
"If they were here now what would you say to them, what would you ask of them." the soldier asked, in a flash of inspiration.
"Either hold me close or let me go." Cloud replied without hesitation, his words surprising all of the men around him.
"You wish to leave them?" Genesis asked carefully.
"No. I ... I love them ... with all my heart, but I can't ... I can't do this if ... if it can't be what it was." The cadet stammered as fresh tears ran free.
"Then you remember those times?"
"Yes and I was so happy ..." Cloud began, his words trailing off.
"Was? What about now?"
"I'm so alone." The cadet breathed, burying his head against his body once more, no longer able to face the world let alone the soldier.
It was only now that Genesis allowed the small group to move, that he gestured for them to come forward and join himself and Cloud on the mats. He remained still as the cadet continued to cry silently beside him and the younger soldier came to rest at the blonde's back. Zack's strong arms went around Cloud's body first, slowly drawing the trembling form into the protective circle of his embrace. To their surprise Cloud didn't flinch away at the contact as they had expected, if anything he lent into it and pressed himself closer to the young soldier's body.
"Cloud?" Zack asked carefully, unsure how the cadet would handle this revelation.
"Hey Zack," was the soft muffled reply.
"How did you know it was me?" The soldier teased gently, taking Cloud's calm tone as a good sign.
"Cause Sephiroth's still standing where you left him and Reno's making the edge of the mat shift."
"You knew we were there?"
"Not at first, but yea I noticed you near the end."
"That's my Spiky." Zack announced softly, his voice warm and full of pride.
"So what's it going to be?" Cloud asked hesitantly, his voice guarded as he remained curled up and hidden away.
"What's what going to be?"
"Are you going to hold me close or let me go?" Cloud asked firmly, his head finally coming up so he could meet Zack's eyes.
Being the closest the young soldier was instantly hit by the weight of Cloud's gaze, the others receiving smaller doses but no less of the intensity.
"I could never let you go." Zack replied without hesitation, forcing every part of his heart to communicate this fact trough his eyes to Cloud's
"Then stop pushing me away. Just let things happen. Trust me to know what's right for me."
"Spiky I ..."
"If the next words out of your mouth are I can't or anything like that, then the next ones out of mine will be goodbye." Cloud warned, his voice going cold as he began to distance himself ready for the pain of walking away.
"Fine, but if you want us to trust you then you need to start being honest with us," the soldier replied firmly.
"How?"
"For a start, who's Tifa?"
"How ... how do you know that name?" Cloud gasped in surprise.
"You've said it a couple of times in your sleep and each time it seems to ... upset you."
"She's ... a girl ... from back home."
"And?"
Cloud pulled away from Zack's embrace then, his sudden movements catching the soldier by surprise. They all watched as the cadet rose to his feet, picking his sword up in the processes, and moved away from them all. There was a thick silence as they waited for him to speak, his attention fixed on the blade in his hands as he gripped the handle tightly.
"She's the reason I'm here." Cloud said at last, the words spilling out like water from a fountain.
"You joined the army for a girl?" Reno asked, when no one else seemed ready to speak.
"Yea" Cloud replied, chuckling at the irony of his life.
"Then you care a great deal for her?" Sephiroth asked carefully.
"I ... did."
"Does she care about you?"
"Ha, that's a good one." Cloud chocked, swinging the sword back and forth as he began to pace restlessly in front of them.
"Spiky?" Zack coaxed gently, nervous by the way the cadet now refused to meet their gaze.
"We weren't even friends. She never really ... she didn't know me. If anything she made my life more ... uncomfortable."
"You joined the army for a girl who made your life a misery?" Reno asked bluntly.
The Turk flinched at the glare they all gave him and shrugged apologetically, his attention turning back to the blonde who had been the only one to not react to the outburst.
"I joined to become a soldier so I could protect her, so I could ... I don't know, get her to notice me." Cloud confessed, as he brought the sword up so that the flat side of the blade offered a distorted reflection of his image.
"Protect her? Spiky, did something happen to her?"
They all waited for the answer, their breathes held as Cloud lowered the sword and turned away from them so he couldn't look into their accusing eyes. He didn't want to see eyes like that again, ones which blamed him for everything, especially now from the people he loved.
"She ... she went up the mountains and slipped. I was there and tried to save her, but I was ... I was too weak and she ... she fell."
"I wasn't your fault that she slipped, I'm sure you did your best."
"But it wasn't good enough, they said ... they said it was my fault that she ... she could have died."
"Who, who said it was your fault?"
"Everyone. They all said I shouldn't have let her go, that I ... that I shouldn't have taken her up there."
"Did you take her up there?" Sephiroth asked evenly.
"No. She wanted to go, but they were right ... I should have stopped her."
"You cannot stop someone from doing what they chose to do. You are also not responsible for how those actions turn out."
"Seph's right Spiky, that wasn't your fault."
"Yes it was, I wasn't strong enough and we fell and she got hurt and..."
"Hang on, we fell, you mean you both went over the edge?" Zack cut in, a second before Reno could.
"Yes."
"Weren't you hurt as well?"
"Yes."
"And they still blamed you?"
"Yes," the word repeated again, but barely a whisper now.
"Sweet Gaia, no wonder you ..." Zack's words were stopped by a hand slapping down over his mouth and he glared at the auburn haired soldier in front of him.
"Cloud, do you still care about this girl?" Genesis asked gently, ignoring Zack's protesting huff as he shoved the hand away.
"I should do, shouldn't I? I mean I joined for her. She's why I'm here."
"That's not exactly answering the question Spiky."
Once again the words were left to hang in silence, the men watching the cadet and waiting as he played with the sword.
"You want to know what the funny thing is?" Cloud finally asked, his voice breaking as a bitter laugh escaped his lips. "I ... I actually thought I loved her, but ... but I was wrong."
"How can you be sure?" The raven haired soldier asked, his heart now catching up with his head as it began to feel the weight of their words.
Zack had never felt such dread before in all his life, the knowledge that he had possibly corrupted Cloud and taken him away from a childhood sweetheart. Sure it was a one sided crush and the girl seemed to be more trouble than she was worth, but still Cloud had joined for her and that meant something. The soldier's mind raced over their past together, covering numerous conversation which could have hinted at there being a girl waiting for the cadet back home. Even when he found nothing Zack's heart continued to race, his hands sweating and his stomaching somehow turning itself into lead deep within him. His breathing stopped as Cloud finally turned around to face them, his pale face stained with pink tear tracks, the silently falling droplets the evidence of his pain.
"Because I never felt this way about her, the way I feel ... about you." Cloud confessed softly, his eyes showing the raw emotion being felt as he laid his life out in front of them, his heart exposed and so dangerously vulnerable.
Zack was on his feet in an instant and holding Cloud once more, his arms wrapping firmly around the smaller body pulling it tightly against his own. He breathed a small sigh of relief as the cadet's arms came up to rest on his lower back, the new position completing their embrace. The soldier felt his top become damp as more tears left Cloud's body, only to be absorbed into the material of his shirt, and placed a reassuring kiss amongst a crown of golden spikes.
"I'm sorry, I didn't know it would ... that it would upset you so much." Zack spoke softly against Cloud's head. "I shouldn't have pushed you like that."
"You didn't know." The cadet murmured against his chest.
"I'm still sorry."
"Zack?"
"Yea."
"Can we go home now?"
"Sure, you tired?" Zack asked, happily accepting Cloud's need to change the subject now.
"Yes."
"I'm not surprised if you've been sparring with Genesis since class finished, you must be exhausted." The young soldier joked softly.
"Oh we've only been sparing for an hour." The auburn haired soldier informed them as he rose to fetch his coat. "Sergeant Shaw had Cloud here for an hour doing extra sets as punishment."
"What the hell for?" Reno demanded instantly.
"Apparently he was late to class."
"It's nothing." Cloud protested feebly, trying to avoid the gaze Zack was now giving him having moved back slightly from their hold on each other.
"Why were you late Spiky, it's not like you?"
"It's nothing."
"Cloud." Sephiroth warned gently.
"Fine." Cloud sighed pulling away. "I was late because I was in the library and didn't see the time, and before you ask I was there because I was trying to get my additional assignments done."
"Additional assignments, there only given out as ..."
"That's right, as punishment." Cloud finished for the stunned Turk.
"What for?" Sephiroth asked evenly.
"Because I didn't have my tactics essay to hand in, or my materia text book for class."
"Why not?"
"Because there at Zack's."
"Oh."
"Yea, it's been a great day for me, really it has." Cloud grumbled, as he walked away to put the training sword back in its proper place.
"Wait a minute." Genesis began, an uneasy feeling creeping though his head. "If you were in the library at lunch time then you have not eaten yet today."
"What?" Zack and Reno said in unison.
"Did he not have breakfast at your apartment this morning?" Sephiroth asked, also a little disturbed by this revelation.
"No, he woke up too late and had to get to class."
"Spiky, you can't go all day without eating. No wonder you look so tired."
"It has been longer than a day Zack, do not forget that none of us had dinner last night." Sephiroth reminded the soldier gently.
"Damn it Spiky, why didn't you say something."
"Sorry, I guess I forgot to add it in somewhere between my heartfelt confession and painful past." Cloud snapped back in annoyance.
"Smooth." Reno muttered, looking towards Zack.
"Ok, I get it, I'm an idiot. Now can we get out of here and sort some food out."
"I will leave you to it then." Genesis said as he moved towards the door, his coat and harness now firmly in place again.
"Thank you for your help." Sephiroth called, just as the auburn haired soldier left.
"You are welcome, my friend." He replied before turning to face Cloud. "Goodbye little one, I hope to see you again soon."
"Goodbye ... Genesis." Cloud breathed gently, their eyes connecting in a silent understanding.
A minute later and Genesis was gone, the door swinging closed behind him.
"Did he just call you little one?" Reno asked, his jaw practically hanging open in shook.
"Yes." Cloud said, chuckling slightly.
"But you threaten to kill me for calling you kid."
"Because I'm not a kid."
They all headed though the door now and began to make their way along the deserted corridor, the conversation carrying on effortlessly much to Sephiroth's pleasure.
"But it's ok to call you little one?" Reno asked almost hopefully.
"Not for you it's not."
"So why him?"
"Because it's hard to argue the description when the man's seen me drowning in his spare pyjamas."
"Hold it, time out, you were what?" Zack cut in.
"Would you rather I slept naked?" Cloud enquired, raising a blonde eyebrow questioningly.
"Uuummm for me yea, but not for Genesis that's a definite no."
Cloud laughed softly, his smiling face making him appear more relaxed even though he still looked about ready to collapse.
"So Spiky, what do you fancy for dinner?"
"Pizza would be nice."
"Sounds good to me." The soldier replied, digging his phone out of his pocket.
"You are calling them now?" Sephiroth asked, slightly amused.
"Sure, that way it arrives as we do." Reno responded happily, as Zack began listing off their order which he knew by heart.
"I will never cease to be amazed by you." Sephiroth informed them, smiling happily at the joyful expressions surrounding him.
"Hear that, the general thinks I'm amazing." The Turk exclaimed excitedly, to which Sephiroth and Zack both rolled his eyes and Cloud laughed again.
Thirty minutes later and they were back at the soldier's apartment, where several pizzas boxes were spread out around the living room as the occupants dug into a well earned meal.