John tossed over in his bed. He looked at his watch – it was 1:38 in the morning and he still couldn't sleep. Not with what was on his mind. She was always on his mind, gnawing at him every day. She clouded his thoughts at the least helpful of times; she made his heart strain at the distance they put between themselves. She was so close to him, yet so far out of reach. And, John thought sadly to himself, she is the woman I love. People said love was easy; you could just fall in and out of it in the blink of an eye."If only..." John muttered to himself, letting slip an agitated sigh. Those people obviously didn't know what they were talking about. Because he loved this woman, loved her so much that whenever he wasn't with her part of him would die. She was what he lived for, in hope that one day things would be different.
Everything was so damn messed up, the situations, the rules and regs... everything. With each thought that passed, John got angrier and angrier. Nothing made much sense anymore. Love. Justice. None of it was fair. He threw hard punches at his pillow in attempt to rid himself of some of the hostile emotions, his mood worsening every time he swung."Damn it!" he swore, "Damn it all!" He felt like trashing his room, and as juvenile as it sounded, it deemed rather appealing. John knew he was being immature. So he did what he always did to burn off his rage – go for a jog around the city, overwork himself and get lost in his thoughts. John roughly pushed himself up from his bed, not bothering to change. He was in his grey jogging bottoms and black vest, his hair messy and feet bare. He wandered out of the living quarters and down the hallway, going to one of the deserted and newly discovered parts of the city. No one would be here this early in the morning, so noting that everything was clear John broke into a comfortable jog, building up speed until he was practically sprinting.
Already, he began to feel some of the stress he had experienced earlier exit his body. John worked on his breathing, before letting his thoughts drift back to the first time he noticed he had feelings for had always been an attraction between them, right from the start. John couldn't believe it when he had been fortunate enough to land a position in Atlantis, let alone get to work alongside this beautiful woman. There was a lot of playful flirting at the start, but he didn't think it was much deeper than that. But a few months after the expedition team had settled into Atlantis, the Genii launched an attack on their beloved city. John cursed himself for not being in the gateroom at that time, and when he heard over radio that Kolya had Elizabeth, he was practically kicking himself for not being there for her. Pissed as he was, John couldn't take much more stress. It was when Kolya informed him that he had killed Elizabeth that John snapped. He was hell-bent on revenge, not letting anything stop him in his attempts to avenge his leader.
With the sudden declaration that she was actually alive, John felt like a weight had been lifted from his chest. When he finally reached the gateroom, he was so close to losing her that he was actually scared. He took a chance and shot Kolya, quickly running to Elizabeth's aid. He was concerned for her well being, but knew that she would recover quickly. John took her hand and led her up the stairs to the control room. It was at that very moment he knew that this woman meant so much to him, that if he lost her, he would lose part of himself, and he took it upon himself to protect her as best as he could, even if it meant with his 's legs were killing him, his muscles burned, his breathing was quick and desperate, his lungs were on fire, his heart felt like it was going to explode at any moment and his clothes were drenched in sweat. But he still kept on running. He knew this pain wasn't near enough as excruciating to what his heart was feeling, but somehow it felt like he was proving his credibility to Elizabeth in some kind of way. It wasn't until his legs buckled beneath him that he knew he'd done more than enough. John glanced at his watch that slipped down his sweaty arm. 2:54. He'd been running for 76 minutes straight at a ridiculously fast speed. Now if that wasn't credibility then I dunno what is, John silently declared, smirking proudly at himself before heading back to his quarters.
He stepped into his room. As much as he hated to admit it, he stank and was in desperate need for a shower. He stripped quickly and left his clothes in a pile by the bathroom door. John turned the shower on to a low temperature, basking at the feel of the cold needles against his clammy skin. John sucked in a deep breath and closed his eyes, resting his head against the shower wall. He concentrated once more on his thoughts. Love. This is what it all came down to. He had refused to believe it at first, but right now it all made perfect sense. He was in love, and he had only really thought about is seriously now. "Love is blind..." he whispered truthfully. Because it was. He'd never thought that he would fall in love with Doctor Elizabeth Weir and yearn for her day and night. Hell, he'd never even thought he'd make it past Captain in the air force, let alone travel to a complete different Galaxy away from home and everyone he knew.
His thoughts once again travelled back to Elizabeth. He didn't scold himself for thinking about her in this way as he was sure she did. Being as perceptive as John Sheppard did have its advantages after all. He couldn't help but smile at the thought of those sparkling green eyes, her short locks of brown curly hair, the way her eyebrow raised whenever she was flirting with him, the way she giggled like a schoolgirl with Teyla whilst watching him across the mess hall. He knew he loved this woman. He'd loved her since he'd first laid his eyes on her, loved her for every decision she'd ever made, loved her for taking him on despite his track record. But most of all, he loved her for loving got out the shower, still deep in his thoughts. It was 3:26 now and he knew he wouldn't be able to sleep. He contemplated on what he was going to do next. He dressed into his spare set of pyjamas, again not bothering to put on his boots put instead slipping on some socks. John stood for a moment, obviously having an internal battle of wills.
It seemed that one side of the war had won, and he stood up straight, slapping a cocky grin on his face in the process and walked out of his room. He knocked quietly on the door only a few paces away from his room. There was a muffled response, carried by an agitated voice that told him she was now awake, but not too pleased about it. John swallowed, dreading what would happen if he dared knock again. He sighed, stood up straight and knocked again, this time louder. "Hello?" he called quietly, not wanting to wake the other members of the expedition. He paused for a moment before continuing. "It's me, John. We need to talk about... things..." He shifted uneasily from one foot to the other. He'd had his little speech all planned out, yet it seemed to have dispersed into nothing when he had actually come to saying it. There were a few muffled noises from inside and disgruntled moans, before a woman opened the door.
She was slightly shorter than John, with short locks of curly brown hair tucked behind her ears. She had green eyes that lit up when she saw him in his current state and her lips twitched upwards into a half smile. An eyebrow lifted quizzically as he flashed his trademark schoolboy grin at her. He carried on smiling at her and playfully pulled a lock of loose hair that had fallen from her behind her ear."Mind if I come in? It's awfully cold out here, and there's something I've been meaning to tell you for a long time..." he once again flashed a grin at her, this time a lot more nervous. She smiled back, obviously amused by his charm yet seemingly confused as to what he was doing here. All the less, she stepped back and he entered her room. The door slid shut behind them.