Author note: Yo Yahiko here again. Looks like things are heating up fast, lets see how my old buddy Pein handles the future.
Disclaimer: if I owned anything it would be on TV
Neo Akatsuki 2
Kisame's Crazy Circus
Pein's pencil lightly moves across the paper. He has been putting preparations together for the return of the Akatsuki's return. He had ordered the coats and rings had everything their company owned painted black with red clouds including a yacht. He had given all the people they'd found jobs at the company. Fujin and Raijin were heads of security... And the lunch room. Orochimaru and Kabuto had been put to work in biological research. And Itachi became the new face of the company.
The company itself was a small research and development agency coupled with a urban development agency. They made new and better medicines and technologies to help the common person. They had scoured the rest of the staff (except for the company owner who was away on business) but found no one of use so they instead made them mind controlled slaves. Now they needed to scour the rest of the city.
The plan was simple. Spread out and search the city for more Akatsuki. Konan would use paper clones to watch all entrances to the city. Orochi would send out his snakes to the waterfront to watch boats. Itachi would use his sharingan to watch planes from afar. And Pein would watch the city with his rinni-slave animals and his main body would watch the airwaves, basically he sat and watched TV all day... Which was perfectly fine with him.
"I love being evil." Pein laughed as he sat in the lazy chair he'd bought and turned on the news-
- and nearly fell out of his chair at the sight of Kisame on top of a diving board. Pein hit the volume.
"And our final performance will be the Amazing Shark Man!" Bellowed the fat man in the center of the ring. "Watch and be amazed as Jaws Rush, our star performer, dives into this tank of bull sharks. The most ferocious species in the ocean the bull shark is a slightly smaller slightly dumber version of the great white, and is responsible for more shark attacks than any other species. Will Rush the shark man live or be eaten alive by the vicious beasts he so resembles?" The ring leader bellowed at the top of his lungs.
Kisame stepped forward on the diving board, he was at least 20ft up and was about to dive into a 20ft deep tank full of 8 approximately 18ft sharks. And draped over Kisame's shoulders were 4 slabs of bloody beef.
"Oh this will be good." Pein said picking up his cell phone (which was also black with red clouds) and dialed.
Kisame backed up a ways then ran forward and leapt off the board. For a second he seemed to hold there in the air grinning ear to ear then plummeted like a rock.
"KOWABUNGAAAAAAAAAAA!- SPLASH!"
He hit the water and the underwater cameras centered on him oozing blood from the meat slabs. The sharks immediately began circling him. He simply smiled and took off like a dolphin toward the surface the sharks all giving chase. Kisame shot from the water straight into the air with one of the sharks right behind him.
Kisame took one of the meat slabs and bitch slapped the shark sending it reeling! 2 more sharks leapt at him from the sides. He took the meat slabs off revealing they were tied together like giant meat nunchuks and spun them.
"BONZAI!" THWAK! He smashed them as well. The other sharks attacked like a swarm of piranhas all leaping up at once. Kisame just smiled and spun his massive meat-chuks. KA-THWAK WAK WAKWAKWAKWAKWAKWAK!
The sharks went flying in every direction and Kisame landed unharmed in the pool smiling and waving at the crowd.
"And that's why they call him the shark man folks!" The ring leader said.
"Pein... Helloooo... PEIN!" Itachi shouted through the phone.
"Sorry I was distracted, but your never gonna believe who I found."
"Please tell me it's not Kisame."
"...um."
"God damn it. Where is he?"
"He's in the circus."
"No really."
Itachi looked at the massive circus sign. In the middle was the classic fat ring leader smiling and looking all happy and fun loving. To his left was a duo of clown girls, one red one blue. To his right was a man riding an elephant. At his feet were 2 more dancers. In the upper left there was a fire spitter, upper right held a tight rope walker an up on top in the star light was Kisame holding 2 sharks by their throats.
Itachi snorted with laughter. "Yeah right. Kisame wishes he was that bad ass." he would've grinned had he been anyone else but being Itachi he simply walked toward the ticket booth the memory machine in his hand.
"Never was a big fan of the circus." Itachi said to himself as he walked around looking for his finned friend passing the menagerie of circus freaks some of which looked oddly familiar, specifically a girl with horns on her head and a man with 6 arms. He continued past them and into the largest tent. Inside where a show was already going on. Kisame leapt into the air and swatted the sharks away with the massive meat slabs screaming in excitement.
"Dear lord he's an even more hyperactive idiot than before." Itachi groaned and walked down the almost 100 steps to the ring as the show ended. As the last people exited the tent Itachi approached Kisame. "Hey shark man, come here, I'd like a word with you." Itachi shouted as he approached.
"Any complaints can be given to my boss outside." Kisame says as he turns then gapes. "OH MY GOD! Your Chris Ravenwood!" Kisame shouts running up and clasping him in a man hug. Oh my gods sorry about that I'm such a huge fan and now you're right here, can I have an autograph?"
"Really... You of all people are one of my fans... Oh the irony." Itachi shakes his head while writing on a small piece of paper.
"Why is that ironic?" Kisame asked looking at the message. "To my number one fan Kisame the shark man."
"Cause approximately 500 years ago we were best friends and hated each other." Itachi said.
"Who's Kisame?" he asked.
"You, you fish faced freak that was your name, it means killer shark." Itachi replied holding up the memory machine.
"Whoa what is that?" Kisame backed up quickly.
"This machine will allow you to remember your past life. Then you can quit this stupid job and return to the Akatsuki with me." Itachi said.
"Quit! I can't quit! They need me here; I'm the star, with out me everything will fall apart."
"Why do you care, in your past life you killed your own master for a lousy sword that abandoned you for an octo freak." Itachi aimed the device at him.
"If I was that big of an ass I don't want to remember!" Kisame shouted surprising Itachi. "I'm happy here, these people are my family, I can't leave them!"
"What a shame, you won't care once I blast you with this." Itachi fired and Kisame dove to the side rolled and went running... Across the water. When he realized what he was doing he stopped.
"Holy shit I'm Jesus!"
"You're no such thing, you're an S-class ninja, walking on water is child's play for you." Itachi fires again and misses again. "I really need my eyes checked."
"I can walk on water! What else can I do?" Kisame grinned and put his fingers to his temples trying to remember and something comes over him. "I remember... Water dragon jutsu!" he makes the hand signs perfectly and a water dragon rose up behind him. "Oh this is so cool! Attack!" he ordered the water dragon forward and it obeyed rushing at Itachi with intent to kill.
"Pathetic whelp! Water style, water dragon jutsu!" A second water dragon rose in front of Itachi and attacked the first. "We were a ferocious team Kisame, because we both can use water style to double drown our foes." Itachi said as the 2 dragons destroyed each other creating a light rain.
"Cooooooool." Kisame grinned.
"You are such an idiot." Itachi grunted. "Fire style, fire ball jutsu!" Itachi put is fingers to his mouth and blew a massive fire ball. Kisame cut his chakra and slid into the water nimbly avoiding the jutsu.
"Stubborn fish!" Itachi growled.
Kisame shot out of the water like a missile and brought with him a 22ft bull shark he was holding by it's tail!
"Hey Chris! Catch!" Kisame gunned the shark at him like a javelin.
"Stop calling me Chris!" Itachi said leaping up and kicking the shark in the side sending it reeling back into the water. "Now hold still!" Itachi fired the machine again but one of the sharks leapt out of the water trying to bite Kisame and was struck instead. "Uh oh." Itachi said as the shark began to grow larger.
The shark multiplied in size then turned to Kisame. "What are your orders master?"
"Coooool." Kisame smiled evilly and pointed at Itachi. "Sick'em!" The shark turned and rushed at Itachi roaring like the monster it was.
"Ergh bring it! Mangekyo sharingan!" his eyes spin then stop in the shape of a shuriken.
"Susano'o!" he cried as the swirling red charka monster formed. He swung his sword and sliced the shark in half. It exploded and vanished. "Ha!- AAAAHHHH!" Itachi collapsed to the ground his susano'o disappeared. Itachi looked around; he felt blood leaking from his eye. "Ugh I'm out of practice." he groaned as his vision blurred and refocused.
"What's the matter Chris, can't take the heat?" Kisame laughed.
"I told you not to call me that! My name is Itachi Uchiha!" He growled. "Fire style phoenix flower jutsu!"
Whoosh whoosh whoosh! 3 fire balls jetted toward Kisame. "Water style water dragon bombs!" SHWAAAAA! The water spout met them and exploded into a mass if fog.
"Hey Chris- I mean Itachi, I just remembered something."
"Now what?" Itachi tried to look through the haze but it was 2 thick with chakra for even his sharingan.
"Don't I have like some freaky sword thing that eats energy?" Kisame asked.
"That reminds me where is Samehada?" Itachi demanded as the fog dispersed enough for him to see.
"Oh yeah! Samehada... I dunno, I don't have it." Kisame shrugged then smiled. "Hey Itachi I just remembered something."
"Quit remembering stuff!" Itachi growled.
"Water style giant vortex jutsu!" Kisame shouted. The water before him swelled into a perpendicular whirlpool and blasted forth toward Itachi.
"Oh crud. Amaterasu!" BWOOOOSH! The tent was filled with fog from the cold water colliding with the Amaterasu. "Great just great." Itachi tried to see through the mist but there was too much chakra in it and it obscured his vision further. "This is why I shouldn't have asked permission before blasting yo- Thwak!" a piece of fish nails Itachi in the back of the head. "What the Hell! How did you do that?"
"I don't know, it's like I'm in clear air, I can hear exactly where you are." Kisame says and tosses another half of a fish at Itachi nailing him in the back of the knee.
"Ow! Charlie horse!" Itachi turns in the direction of the fish. "Fire ball jutsu!" Whoosh! The ball of fire shot through exploding on the other side. "Suck that fish fa- Thok!" another fish nails him in the back of the head. "What the fuck!" Itachi whirls around and shoots another fire ball.
"Missed me." Kisame's voice echoes. "Oh and just FYI, you should probably not move a lot cause we are standing on top of a shark tank, and I've been throwing chum at you."
0/.\0 "Say what?" Itachi leapt into the air narrowly missing the jaws of one of the sharks. He flipped backward landing outside the fog on the ground. "Clever sushi brains but you're coming with me. Mangekyo-
Kisame leaps out of the mist and grabs Itachi's hair pulling him face first down toward the water.
-Shar...ing...an..."
**5 minutes later**
"AAAAHHHH! NO NOT THAT!" Itachi opens his eyes waking from an indescribable nightmare. ". . . Son of a bitch! He stuck me in my own genjutsu!" Itachi"s eye twitched as he roared rushing outside.
"Kisame!" He growled and looked around. Seeing no sign of his target he leapt up to the top of the tent. "Mangekyo sharingan." He scanned outward and spotted Kisame running for a trailer on the far side of the circus grounds. "Hmm he's gotten faster. No matter." Itachi raised the memory machine. "I never lose." ZZZAAAAPPP!
Kisame ran as fast as he could, headed for his bosses trailer. He had to worn him. He rounded a tent and the ground behind him was hit by a purple laser. "Holy shit! That was too close." Kisame took off more stealthily and made his way to the other end of the park. "Almost there." Another laser struck to his left. "Ah crud!" He turned another corner.
"Hey Jaws what's the rush." A young woman asked cutting him off. She was average height with dark skin and red hair. Several curved horns blossomed from her head.
"Bess hit the deck!" Kisame tackles her as another laser hits the ground behind him. "Shit he's getting closer." Kisame looked at Itachi leaping from tent to tent.
"Who is that, what was that laser?" Bess asked.
"Some guy, he's trying to take me away." Kisame takes off running with Bess following. "No stay away! I don't want you to get hit." Kisame shouted.
"Why what will hap-
ZAAAAAAPPPP! Bess is cut off as she's struck by the beam.
"Time for some back up." Itachi chuckled and made his way to the woman. He land next to her as she rose. Her horns had disappeared and her skin had paled to white.
"I'm... I'm normal!" she shrieked then collapsed in pain clutching her head as her past life tried to take over. "Jaws run!" She yells then her expression changes to one of angry confusion. "Where am I, what is this dump, where is lord Orochimaru?" She demands.
"I knew it was you Tayuya." Itachi said. "I'd recognized your curse form anywhere. I'll take you to Orochimaru if you help me catch him." Itachi points at Kisame.
"Ah shit!" Kisame takes off running with renewed vigor.
"Where are you goin?" Tayuya says producing a flute out of thin air. "Song of doom." She blows a series of notes and a nearby tent explodes as 3 gargantuan ogres burst out chasing after Kisame.
"Just make sure you don't kill him. I still need him." Itachi fires the ray again missing by a mile.
"Wow Orochimaru was right, you're blind as a mole, ever consider corrective laser surgery?"
". . . 0/_\0 that's actually not a bad idea."
"I am so fucking fucked!" Kisame runs through the crowd like a mad man dodging attacks from the 3 monsters on his tail. "I don't have any memories of these things. And to make things worse Bess or Tayuya or whatever has joined Chris's side, not good. I gotta hide." He looks around but sees nothing. He rounds another tent and ducks inside while the ogres run right past. Kisame quickly runs in the opposite direction. "Haha suckers- pow!" Kisame runs smack into Tayuya.
"Hey Jaws, what's shakin?" she smiled evilly.
"Today is really not my lucky day." Kisame rolls sideways and takes off running with Tayuya hot on his tail. "I have to get help, but where, he can turn anyone into more back up." Kisame thinks as he Sprints toward the trailer at the end of the grounds. "What if I get to the boss and then he gets blasted and turns out to be even worse than Chris and Bess, after all I've always had this weird Deja vu feeling around him and his daughter." Kisame turns down another side path. There is a spinning ride he jumps and grabs a hold of a car as it swings by and whirls around and flies back toward the ring masters trailer. "Almost there!"
ZZZAAAAAAAAAPPPPPP! Another laser shoots past and nails a fat guy sleeping on a drum.
"Oh shit." Kisame backs up as the fat man gets up.
"Where am I? What Zapped me?" He shouted. "And somebody get me some chips!"
"Hey lardo long time no see." Tayuya laughs at the portliest member of the sound 5."
"Tayuya? Is that you where are we?"
"I'll explain later but Itachi Uchiha will take us to lord Orochimaru if we capture Jaws here." she points to Kisame.
"Jaws? Oh hey buddy, sorry about this but RRRAAWWWWRRR!" He lunges at him.
Kisame ducks down and flips him over himself then takes off running.
"This is really not my day!" He shouts sprinting like crazy down the path. He dodges another laser then ducks inside a tent... Then runs back out followed by Tayuya's ogres. "Didn't see that coming!" He turns another corner and sees the Ferris wheel. "... I am a genius." He leaps up and grabs an empty car as it's going up. Tayuya and her portly companions reach the ferris wheel. Kisame looks down at them and sticks out his tongue. "Adios suckers!" he flips them off then looks up at Itachi in the car looking at Kisame's fingers. "Uh oh."
Itachi plucks one of Kisame's fingers. "You wouldn't dare." Kisame gapes.
"This little sharky went to the market." pluck. "This little sharky stayed home." pluck. "This little sharky had roast beef." Pluck. "And this little sharky had none." Itachi smiled evilly.
"Awe come on man that's just cruel." Kisame blubbered.
"And this little sharky cried wee wee wee all the way home." pluck. Kisame falls.
"I got him I got him. -THUD! ... Ow."
"Idiot." Tayuya sighs.
Kisame rolls off the gargantuan and looks around. "Come on Jaws think." He saw a barrel of water. "Bingo." water style water dragon jutsu!" the barrel erupts and the water dragon chases the sound ninja away. "Haha suckers." Kisame takes a few steps back then turns. He's face to face with Itachi.
"Boo"
"Fuck!" He takes off running.
"I luv my job." Itachi leaps up on top of a tent and looks around. Hmm if I use my sharingan I can locate people with large amounts of chakra. He thinks to himself as he scans the area locating 3 more nearby. "Perfect." He blasts all of them. The first is a 6 armed man the second is a pair of Siamese twins. But the third is the most impressive, with several bones sticking out of his body. "Okay you 3, I know you all use to work for Orochimaru. I will take you to him is you capture the man known as Jaws Rush." He shouts.
The third man pulls a bone out of his back that turns into a long whip. "No problem." Kimmimaru says emotionlessly.
"When the boss said a bad day seldom gets better but can almost always get worse, I just thought he was being a hard ass but from now on, I'll take his advice!" Kisame runs down the path headed for the trailer. "Al...Most...there!" Kisame shouts then skids to a halt. "Oh shit." A massive spider web covers his path. "Not good." he turns around. "Boom!" the ground erupts with bone spikes blocking the other route. "I've heard of being boned but that's just ridiculous." Kisame looked at the tent in front of him. On top was Itachi holding the memory machine. And below him, the entire sound 5.
"Give up Kisame. Your out numbered and out classes without samehada." Itachi said.
"Tell me "Itachi" back in the old days did I ever give up?"
Itachi narrowed his eyes.
"Didn't think so, water style water dragon jutsu!" Kisame shouted and a nearby dunk tank exploded and the water dragon washed away the spider webbing while Kisame road on top of it like a surfer. "WAHOOOO!" He shouted as the dragon dropped him in front of his boss's trailer. "BOSS BOSS!" Kisame banged on the door until it opened and a tall lean man with short spiky cut hair and a look that said I hate my life stepped out.
"What do you want this time jaws?" the man said in a gruff voice that made one think of an executioner. He had bandages wrapped around the lower half of his face and wore nothing but snow leopard skin.
"Who's at the door daddy?" a girl of about 13 said looking out from behind him.
"Boss call the cops, some weirdo with a laser gun is after me, he has some mind control thingy or something and he's already got a bunch of our workers under his control, he wants to take me away!" Jaws shouted.
The boss gave him a what are you smoking look and glanced around. "Why is my circus ground flooded?" he said looking at the pool of water left by the water dragon.
"...um."
"I'm going to kill you, you do realize that."
"Yeah I know, now about those cops."
"No! No cops, cops are for commoners and ass holes."
"Why do you hate cops so much."
"I don't know I think in a past like I was Al Pachino or something." the boss waved him off and turned to go back inside.
"Found you!" Itachi said landing on top of the trailer."
"Hey who the Hell are you? Get off my trailer!"
Itachi gave him one look then raised the memory machine. "Oh this is gonna be too perfect." he laughed.
"What the fuck is tha- ZAAAAAPPP!
He hit the dirt and his daughter shrieked and ran to his side.
"What do you know a matching set." Itachi said and blasted the daughter as well.
"Quit blasting people!" Kisame shouted.
"How bout I just blast you instead, cause you're gonna want your memories back when he wakes up." Itachi says pointing at Kisame's boss who is groaning and slowly rising.
"Cause he doesn't like you."
"Uh oh." Kisame takes off running.
His boss gets up and looks around. "what the Hell?... Where am I." He spots Kisame running. "Kisame?" he runs into his trailer as his daughter rises.
"Ow my head, and why does my chest feel strange?" Haku looks down his/her shirt. ". . ." She passes out and the boss man comes back out holding a massive sword as tall as he is. "Get back here you ass hole! Your old buddy Zabuza Mamoji wants to have a little chat!" He roars.
"Ah shit!" Kisame keeps running dodging attacks from the dozens of ninja following him. "What the fuck is going on?" He turns a corner onto a dead end. "No!" He turns around to face them. "Ok you freaks. You want me, come get me!" Kisame charges them punching, kicking and biting sending the sound 5 reeling. He fights like a shark but Zabuza appear behind him and nails him on a pressure point and he falls. Itachi stands over him.
"Night old friend, you'll feel better in a sec." he says and blasts him.
"AAAAAAAHHHHH!" Kisame sits up sweating as Itachi walks in. "Oh hey Itachi, you're not gonna believe this hilarious dream I had. I worked at a circus for Zabuza and the sound 5 worked there too, and I was running from you and I kept calling you Chris, it was funny, and I nailed you like 6 times with dead fish parts and it was so funny." Kisame laughed
"It wasn't a dream."
"Come again."
"It wasn't a dream, you did work at a circus, we did find Zabuza and the sound 5 and you did hit me with fish parts and I am going to hurt you for that." Itachi said.
Kisame gaped. "... It was all real."
"100%."
"Who else knows about us?"
"Pein, Konan, Orochimaru, and Kabuto are back at head quarters waiting for us." Itachi said standing.
"Pein's here too? What about Madara?" Kisame asked.
"No sign of him... Yet." Itachi said.
"Ha, good riddens." Kisame stood and gathered his thins and walked outside as the others gathered also with there belongings.
"Ok men, and Haku." Itachi gave one look to the former boy who was not enjoying being revived as a girl then returned his gaze to the exit. "Move out." The group disappeared racing through the city at lightening speed leaving the circus ablaze not noticing that one of Itachi's stray lasers had awoken another force, not ninja, but something possibly more deadly.
"Who do you think they were Yin?" Asked one of the former clown girls.
"I don't know Yang but they were very powerful, perhaps they can tell us where we are and why we were here." said the other. They took of into the sky. Shortly after police showed up.
"What the Hell happened here?" asked the first cop.
"I don't know but it doesn't look like anyone was hurt, let's just hope the fire department gets here soon and call it an accident." The second rubbed his head and looked at the remains of a small paper tag.
Author: well well well, looks like our first new comers are about to show up, I wonder how Pein will handle this, seeya next time!