Author note: Yo Yahiko here, welcome back, we're on to chapter 3 and ain't slowin down
Konan: woo hoo
Yahiko: Konan? What the- get out of my booth!
Konan: but I wanna help *sad face*
Yahiko: you're in the story damn it, get out of here! *kicks her out* women, am I right, anyway Neo Akatsuki HO!
Disclaimer: if I owned anything it would already be on TV
Neo Akatsuki 3
An artistic view of Iraq
"How fucking hard is it to find a sword with a pair of fuck jaws?" Kisame grumbled clicking the mouse several times in irritation. "Where are you samehada?" He growled looking at the screen.
"Any luck?" Pein asked walking in holding a cup of coffee and a dohnut.
"No, no sign of samehada, and the sword Zabuza had wasn't the real executioners blade either, so we're missing that too, and then there's Orochimaru's sword too, oiy this is impossible." Kisame grumbles. "Say where'd you get that dohnut?"
"Shut up, and you'll find it, in the meantime has Itachi found anybody else yet?"
"I don't know ask him, he's up on the roof." Kisame points upward, then walks off to go find a dohnut of his own."
"Itachi any luck?" Pein asked walking onto the roof.
"Nope, even with my mangekyo sharingan I can only pick out people with high amounts chakra, I can't distinguish who they are, and if I blast the wrong person it could end badly." Itachi puts the binoculars down.
"Hmmm good point, we need to find a more effective way to find our comrades." Pein thinks for a minute but can't discern an easier way. "Maybe Orochimaru has a device or something." Pein sighs as Konan kicks open the door to the roof.
"Both of you come quick, I think we found someone!" She shouts.
"I'm standing here in front of the town of Crovnogash in Iraq where last night a renegade bomber destroyed the entire city leaving thousands dead and thousands more homeless." Says the announcer woman. The Akatsuki watch intently.
"You don't think it's." Kisame stares at the screen as it switches to an aerial view of the devastation. The patterns of the bombing. It wasn't random it was a message.
"Yeah." Pein said staring at the screen where the series of Japanese symbols had been blown into the city. "It's him alright, it's Deidara." Pein stares emotionlessly at the words written in molten pavement.
"Art is a Bang."
"YAHOOOOOO, YEAH!" 18 year old Randy Markson flies through the air in his stolen stealth bomber. "I can't believe it was that easy to reload and refuel,un." He laughed as he did a barrel roll over a mountain peak. "If you attempt to shoot me down, I will kamikaze into your base and destroy everyone and everything, yeah." He had lied as he'd flown over the American base. He then landed and refueled and reloaded his bomber and took off. Then just as a show of force he had turned around and bombed the run way destroying 16 fighter jets beyond repair. "Serves them right for denying me the right to make art, un." He cackled he curved his bomber and flew towards his next target. A heavily populated town near the Iraq Iran border. His last few targets he had written his catch phrase in feudal Japanese, a language he had become fluent in after a single online class. This time he would write his message in English so the whole world would know his message.
"Attention pilot, you don't know me but I know you better than you imagine possible." Said a voice through his radio.
"What the Hell, un?" Randy hit the button. "Who is this, is that you captain Warhouser, un?"
"I am no captain but I am your boss. My name is Nagato, but you once knew me as Pein."
"Pein? WTF kind of stupid name is that, yeah?" he asked angrily. Who was this man claiming to know him?
"Approximately 500 years ago you worked for me in an organization called the Akatsuki. Myself and your former team mates have captured a military base south of your current location. If you hear me out and land I will guarantee you will not regret it." Pein said standing in a room full of massacred bodies. Orochimaru pulled his hand out of the chest of a dead soldier and licked it.
"Tell him we have a bomb for him or something." he laughs his words heard by the radio.
"I don't know who you freaks are but I ain't landing until I need to refuel or reload, un!" He growled. "And who are you, you don't know me, you know nothing about me!"-
- Art is an explosion." Pein cut him off.
Randy stammered. "Wha...what did you say?" His heart raced. He had never told anyone that phrase, at least no one that was still alive.
"It's the phrase you've been writing in feudal Japanese all across the middle east in explosion craters." Pein said.
"But that's impossible... Only a few people in the world can read it!" He shouted.
"That's not true; I've got a handful of people right next to me who can read it better than English." Pein said. "Now come here and we'll explain everything."
There was a long pause. "Ok I'll be there in T- 2 minutes, yeah." Randy said quietly.
The stealth bomber hit the run way and slowly halted. Randy got out with 3 grenade belts wrapped around his chest. He walked to the control tower. The door was unlocked. He walked up a spiral staircase and entered the slaughter house. The room was covered in blood and bodies. To one side, Konan and Orochimaru stood against the wall. On the other side Kisame and Itachi stood by as well. In the back of the room the sound 5 waited for orders. And in the middle of the room by the radio controls with the body of a general at its feet was a chair. It swiveled around slowly and Pein sat watching Randy.
"Hello Deidara." He said.
"Deidara, un? Who the Hell is that, my names Randy, who the Hell are you, and how did you know where I was and what my bombs spelled, un?" He demanded.
"It's definitely him." Kisame chuckled after hearing the "un".
"Because I was your boss approximately 500 years ago." Pein said. "You can call me Pein.
"Ok "Pain" how do you know all this, un?" he crossed his arms making the others flinch as he calmly tapped a few of the grenades.
"Cause of this baby." Pein said hoisting the memory machine onto his lap. "One blast from this and you will remember everything." Pein says.
"Are you nuts, yeah! I'm not letting you blast me with anything!" Randy shouted. "And if you think I'm gonna let you your dead wrong, yeah!" He grabbed a grenade off the bottom belt and pulled the pin and threw.
"Almighty push." the grenade shot backward and hit the wall behind Randy and exploded.
Randy froze in place. "H-H-How did you do that?" He said white as a ghost.
"With the same power you once used to turn simple clay sculptures into enemy seeking explosives. Or Tobi seeking." Pein said this drew a laugh from the original Akatsuki members.
"Who the Hell is Tobi, yeah? Is it that guy, un?" Randy gave Itachi and evil look. "I don't know why... But I hate that guy right there, un." He said causing Kisame to burst out laughing.
"He thinks your Tobi! HAHAHAHAHA its funny cause Tobi is your relative!" Kisame cackles then shuts up as Itachi elbows him derisively in the gut.
"No that is not Tobi. Now then are you willing to join us?" Pein asked.
Randy thinks for a moment then smiles. "I'll let you blast me with that machine of yours if you can best me in an contest." Randy says. Pein narrows his eyes. "If you can blow something up better than me, I'll let you blast me with that thing." He smiles.
"And what's stopping me from blasting you right now?" Pein asked.
"See this pull tab, yeah?" He points to a tab on top of the belt. "If I yank it, it pulls the pins on all these grenades. You blast me, I pull." he says.
"Hmmmm touché."
Randy's bomber flies toward the small village. "You guys are going down." he snickers through the radio. "When I drop this pay load, ain't nobody gonna not know my name, un. Get ready Aroshkamar, I'm gonna make you art, yeah!" the jet fighter flew over the village dropping bomb after bomb. "Art is an EXPLOSION!" Randy cackled like a mad man as he blew the village to crumbs. As he flew over the charred remains of the village he caught a glimpse of what looked like a massive toucan. "What the fuck, un?"
Peins bird flew over the smoldering remains of the village Pein on top looking at the destruction in pleasure. "Never make a deal with a god." he smiled and raised his hands. "Almighty Push." he said. The air in the village seemed to halt, the fires stopped flickering then the center of the village collapsed like it got punched by god.
The flames and carnage were twisted and distorted till it read as a new message in the 50ft craters. "Fear me for I am god." Randy read the writing his eyes wide. He felt his breath abandon him. Then Pein brought down his arms and the entire message was replaced with a massive crater larger than a meteor impact. Randy faltered in mid air then righted himself and returned to the nearby base.
He stood before Pein defeated. "You... You really are a god, yeah?"
"No... I'm just a man, with a dream to bring the world peace, even if it is a false one created through fear." Pein stood over Randy and aimed the memory machine. "Awaken, Deidara the king if bombs." ZZZZZAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPP!
Deidara screamed as all his memories came flooding back. He fell backward his eyes wide. Orochimaru came to stand over him.
"I think he's de-
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH"
- AAAAAAHHHH! Don't do that!" Orochimaru thwaked Deidara over the head bringing him back from his episode.
"Who what where when why, yeah? ... Oh hey guys what's up... Why do I have grenades strapped to my chest?"
"Dear god you're an idiot." Pein sighed then gave him a friendly slug on the shoulder. "Good to have you back Deidara."
Pein's phone went off in his pocket and he answered it. "Hello?"
"HEEEEEEEELLLLLLPPPPP WE'RE UNDER ATTACK!" Kabuto shouted.
"What the fuck?" Pein hit a switch and switched it to face time. Kabuto ran across the screen. Fujin and Raigin both covered in scorch marks and burns were hiding around a corner. A fireball streaked across the screen. "What the Hell is happening? Who's attacking?" Pein shouted then there was a flash of blue and the other end was destroyed. Pein looked at the black screen. "Akatsuki... Move out! Deidara you're a pilot you fly the company jet.
"We have a company jet?"
Deidara ogles the controls to the Lear jet. "Pein have I ever mentioned I love you."
"No but I'll remind you from now on." Pein snapped as Deidara grabbed the intercom.
"Hello this is your pilot Deidara speaking, yeah. I'd just like to thank you all for flying air Akatsuki and remind you to HANG ON TO YOUR UNDERWEAR WAAAAAAAHOOOOOOOO,UN!"