Author note: WOOOOT Yahiko here, sorry it took so long, for us to get back.
Pein: like anyone really cares, we hav3 reviews, from the same person.
Yahiko: Nagato what did I tell you about being negative.
Pein:… fuck u
Yahiko: noooo I said stop being a negative nelly
Pein:… remind me again why I looked up to you.
Yahiko: on with the story!
Disclaimer: if I owned anything, they would be selling toys of it at McDonalds
Neo Akatsuki episode 5
Yin and Yang lay naked on adjacent operating tables. They had been sapped of any and all energy by Pein so that Orochimaru could experiment in peace. He stood at a nearby sink washing his hands. "So girls, which of you wants to go first?" He asked cackling like the Joker.
A few hours later Orochimaru emerges and cleans up before joining the others (minus Kisame who was still searching for samehada) in the employee lounge. He took a seat in a leather chair across from Pein.
"From what I can piece together they are, or at least are now, completely human. They call themselves Arrancar or something like that. They don't appear to use chakra for their powers in the same way we do. It's the same energy but it's utilized differently, they call it spiritual pressure. Anyway they're unconscious for now, I had Kabuto take them back to there cell. I have several questions I'd like to ask them."
"As do I." Pein said.
"What are we gonna do with them when you 2 are done questioning them?" Konan asked. She was standing next to Pein and leaned down to rest her head next to him.
"Oddly they seem to want to talk with Itachi." Orochimaru said. "I assume he either reminds them of a former master or perhaps it's just because he's the one who awakened them." Orochimaru stated.
"Maybe I don't want to talk to firefly and lightening bug." Itachi said. "Why don't u-
"HALLELUJAH!"
-whoa!" Itachi fell backward in his chair. The group rushed to Kisame who was furiously typing on the keyboard. Itachi growled and crawled back up before joining them.
"I found them, I found them!" He crowed.
"You found Samehada!" Konan said as they surrounded him all trying to look at the screen.
"Not just samehada! I found all of them! Samehada, the executioners blade all the swords of the seven mist swordsmen, and it doesn't stop there, Orochi's flying sword, huh weird I don't see Hidan's scythe. He probably still has it, immortal bastard. But that's not the only thing." Kisame clicked a few things and brought up a picture of the seller. "Look who rounded all of them up for us." Kisame said proudly as a picture of Sasori loaded on the screen. Deidara grabbed the screen.
"Sasori old buddy old pal old friend never have I not hated you this much, come on, let's go get my partner, yeah!" Deidara shouted. "To the jetkatsuki, un!"
"Deidara if you ever call the company jet that again I'm docking your pay." Pein said.
"Wait where is he that we need to take the jet?" Itachi looked at Kisame.
He looked at the screen. "Says here he's based in... Hong Kong? What the fuck is Sasori doing in China?"
"And I thought Manhattan was crowded." Kisame said as the group walked through the city. "People keep brushing up against me, it's annoying."
"Tell me about it." Itachi said signing his eleventh autograph in the last 20 minutes. "I had no idea I had a large Chinese fan base."
Kisame looked at him with an 'are you serious' look. "Have I ever mentioned I fucking hate you.
"Jealous." Itachi said monotonly.
"Both of you shut up, now where is that shop." Deidara said looking at the map with Konan.
"According to this map, which makes our old maps look like GPS btw, it should be somewhere around here." Konan said. "Kisame didn't you send Sasori an email that we were coming for all the weapons?"
"Yeah he said he'd be standing outside his shop when we got here." Kisame said.
Pein made a few hand signs. "Good, I'll find him." Pein said as it started to rain. Pein closed his eyes using the rain to search the area until a single drop landed on Sasori's head. "Got him." Pein lead the way to the shop where indeed Sasori was standing outside waiting.
"Hi you must be the guys looking to buy the antique weapons." He said shaking hands with Pein. "My name is Sam Lee, please come in, take a look-
Zoom! Zabuza and Kisame raced over and began examining the mist swordsmen's swords.
-around... Right, well eh hem... So about the price?" Simon said.
"Price? We aren't paying."
"What why?- ZAAAAAPPPPP! Sasori dropped as Deidara shot him in the back with the memory Ray.
"That's why." Pein said and walked over to examine a large scroll.
"Ow my head." Sasori said standing up. "What the fuck was that for?" he looks around. "What the Hell are all of you doing in my store?"
"Shut up puppet boy, yeah." Deidara said smacking Sasori on the back. Deidara explained the situation while the other rounded up all the weapons.
Kisame hugged Samehada which licked him back. "Oh samehada I missed you so much." Kisame cried. "Ki ki ki." It chittered also weeping.
"I don't know you." Itachi shook his head then saw something out of the corner of his eye. Kisame saw him walk over and pick up a sheathed katana and stare deeply at it.
"Itachi... Are you ok?"
"It's Sasuke's." Itachi said.
"What?"
"The sword, it's the same sword Sasuke used to funnel his cheedori through." Itachi stared at it and a tear fell from his face. "Stupid little brother..." Itachi put the sword down and walked away. "I'm going to go wait in the plane." Itachi said.
"What's his problem?" Pein asked.
"Itachi told me that Sasuke was reborn ironically as his little brother again, but he and the rest of his family died in a car accident many years ago." Kisame said.
"I see." Pein looked after Itachi. "How unfortunate." He said then returned to gathering things.
Sasori lead Deidara into a back room where all of Sasori's puppets were hung. "Behold my workshop."
"Damn man you been upgrading, un." Deidara laughed.
"You have no idea, look at this baby." Sasori removed a tarp. "It was dug up in Japan." Sasori said revealing the massive puppet head. "I've been slowly rebuilding it."
"Duuuuuuuuuuude, un." Deidara gaped at the head which was larger than him.
"Hey quit gawking and get to work, we need to get all this stuff loaded into the plane a.s.a.p., I don't trust Orochimaru alone with the 2 prisoners." Pein shouted.
"Oh did you guys already pick up Kakuzu?" Sasori asked.
"Kakuzu? What?"
"Kakuzu, he works for the bank that owns my store, I assumed you guys had already gotten him." Sasori said.
"Why didn't you say so earlier you knuckle head, now all of u triple time it, Deidara, Sasori you guys come with me, we're gonna go get Kakuzu. Konan you're in charge." Pein said walking out.
"Konan?" Zabuza and Kisame both start laughing then Konan smacks both of them.
"Get to work you lazy slugs!" She roars.
"Ow! What the fuck?"
"Ow! I think she gave me a paper cut." Kisame and Zabuza get to work before Konan can hit them more.
Sasori leads the way to the bank a few blocks down.
"He's right in here." Sasori says.
"You're positive it's him?" Pein said.
"Nobody else on earth could have that many stitches." Sasori said as they walked in. Sasori walked up to a counter where a woman was sitting. "Hello I'm Sam, this bank owns my store, I need to speak with Michael Vault."
Pein and Deidara snickered. "His last name would be vault, he can't let go of money."
"I'm surprised his last name isn't money."
"I'm sorry sir, Michael was taken to prison yesterday, and turns out he had been embezzling money for years." The woman said.
Sasori, Deidara and Pein all look at each other then burst out laughing and exited the bank.
"I so called that." Pein said wiping away a tear from laughing so hard.
"What a chump." Deidara laughed.
"It was unavoidable." Sasori chuckled and took them to the jail.
"Deidara find Kakuzu and bust him, Sasori blast him with the machine, I'll distract the guards." Pein said pausing.
The others who had kept walking looked back at Pein. He spun at unbelievable speed. When he stopped he was no longer a he, he had shifted into the female beast path from ages ago and continued walking by a gaping Sasori and Deidara.
"Did you know he could do that, un?"
"That's a new one on me."
Kakuzu sat on the jail bench. He had been found out during a background survey and been fired and imprisoned and he lost all the money! He banged his head against the wall a few times then sat back down. "Ugh so this is what it feels like to lose everything... Sucks to suck." he sighed then saw something white out of the corner of his eye. A small clay cricket of some sort had appeared on his toilet near the window. "What the fuck?" He said then heard a woman's scream and several of the guards went running towards the door just as Kakuzu felt a tug in the back of his mind. Something was telling him to get as far away from the wall as possible. He rushed to the far corner by the bars just as the cricket exploded blowing a hole in his cell straight to the outside. "Well that's convenient." He laughed and ran outside. There was a yell from the front of the jail and all the gaurds ran back inside followed by a multiheaded dog beast. "Now there's something you don't see every day." Kakuzu arched an eye brow then something fell behind him. He turned to see Sasori standing before him with the memory machine. "Hey don't I know you?" ZAAAAAAAAAPPPP! Kakuzu shot backward into the wall. "Ow." He said and fell on his face.
"Damn this thing has some kick to it." Sasori said as Kakuzu rose from the dirt.
"I'll kick your ass, Pinocchio." Kakuzu grumbled standing up and cracking his neck. "Ow that fucking hurt." He rubbed his sore skull then examined the situation. "What are we still doing here, RUN you dipshits!" Kakuzu said taking off.
"Hey wait for us!" Deidara said swooping down and picking up Sasori. The drill beaked rinni-bird rose up nearby with Pein (back to normal) on its back and Kakuzu hanging by his shirt in its beak arms crossed, clearly displeased about being carried like a baby by a stork. The 4 flew through the sky as evening turned to night. They headed back to the plane where everything had been loaded and took off back to base.
When they arrived Itachi leapt off the plane and raced back to head quarters while the others got everything onto moving trucks driven by Fugin and Raigin.
"Where's he going?" Asked Kisame.
"Who cares, un?" Deidara said.
"Hmm with the addition of Kakuzu all we have left to find is Hidan, Zetsu and ... Madara." Pein said then turned to look where Itachi was going then sighed. "Stupid Uchihas, hey Kakuzu, good news your the new head of anything money related."
"BOOOYAAA!"
"Idiot."
Itachi stepped inside HQ and walked to the cell of Yin and Yang. The 2 looked at him as he opened the door.
"You 2 use lightening and fire correct." He said standing over them.
Yin and Yang remained back to back on the floor but answered. "Yes."
"Then take these." He dropped Sasuke's sword and a fan with an Uchiha symbol next to them. "They belonged to members of my family. They should work similarly to you own weapons but much stronger." Itachi said and walked out leaving the door open. Yin and Yang exchanged a glance then followed Itachi taking the weapons with them. They followed him down a series of hallways until he walked into the massive training room Zabuza had beaten Yin in. Itachi walked to the other side of the room and turned to face them.
"Long ago, I had a brother, named Sasuke. I tried to train him to become the most powerful ninja ever, but I made a mistake. I taught him to hate me, despise me and use that to fuel his training and that was wrong. He held onto that hatred even after I had died and turned into a monster. I will not make that mistake again." Itachi said and through his Akatsuki coat to the side revealing the ANBU armor underneath. "As of today, you 2 are my students, and if you learn anything from me, learn this, hatred is an endless cycle, learn to forgive and clear your mind, otherwise your end has been chosen for you." Itachi took a fighting stance. "Now come at me with everything you've got."
Yin and Yang stood there for a second; they had never heard such words before. "Yes... Sensei." They said then held up the weapons they had been given.
"We hear your words." Yin said.
"And they burn in our very souls." Yang said. Together the 2 rushed at Itachi. Itachi smiled.
"Let's see if there is any meaning to my existence. Mangekyo Sharingan!"
Author Note: Damn that was long
Pein: you're writing the damn thing, it's your problem
Yahiko: well have shorter adventures!
Pein: make me, you work at Arby's