Author note: yo Yahiko here, ready to rock one more time
Pein: … theres 3 more chapters in the first arch alone *sweat drop*
Yahiko: shuddup, lets GO!
Disclaimer: I already told you, I OWN NOTHING, get a life
Neo Akatsuki episode 6
Excavation and Renovation
Pein sat and watched as Kakuzu ran around the room organizing paperwork.
"Dear god what is wrong with you people!" he shouted at the accounting department. "You are all useless, I'll do it all myself!" he roared and shot out his tendrils killing all of them and ripping there hearts out.
"Thank you Kakuzu, now I have to explain to all there families how they were disemboweled in an accounting job." Pein said sipping coffee.
"It's not my fault, now shut up and go find Hidan for me." he said tapping at a computer.
"Oh right that reminds me." Pein said standing. "do you think it's possible Hidan is still stuck under that pile of rocks over in Japan?" he asked.
Kakuzu thought for a moment. "I suppose it could be possible, he is supposedly immortal." Kakuzu scratched his chin. "I suppose it's worth checking out." he said and Pein clapped him on the back.
"Glad you see it my way. Now off you go, oh and you're taking Deidara and Itachi's new students with you." Pein said and left the room.
"... What the fuck just happened?"
Kakuzu and his team exit the plane into a Japanese airport. The place was crowded beyond comparison.
"You figure out his location yet, yeah?" Deidara asked trying to get to their bags without blowing anyone up.
"Yes but we have a problem."
"What is it now Frankenstein, un?"
"It's in the outskirts of a large military facility."
"... Is this really worth it for Hidan, un?"
"Sadly if we comeback empty handed Pein will kill us so, yes."
"May we make a suggestion?" Yin said interrupting them.
"Yin and I will infiltrate the base and cause a distraction for you so that you may find Hidan." Yang said.
Deidara and Kakuzu stared at them for a second.
"I'm glad we brought them." Kakuzu said turning to Deidara.
"Me too, yeah." Nodded the blonde bomber with a goofy smile.
Back at Akatsuki head quarters Orochimaru slumped on the lounge couch next to Konan. "I am so fucking bored... I wish they had taken me along." he pouted crossing his arms.
"It's ok Orochimaru; just go find something to do." Konan said not looking up from the book she was reading.
Just then an anaconda slithered into the room and up Orochimaru's arm.
"Hello there, what have you found?" he asked the snake who hissed back several times.
"Really, you're sure it was him."
"hisssss."
"Good point he is kinda hard to mistake." Orochi said.
"What's he saying?" asked Konan now intrigued by the serpent man.
"He thinks he found Zetsu down town, I'll go investigate, anything to get out of here." he said getting up and leaving. "I'm taking Sasori with me." he called back.
"K." Konan said going back to reading then looked around. She smiled evilly, no one was around. She got up and rushed to Pein's office.
"It always surprises me how few people stare at us." Orochimaru stated as they walked.
"We are in New York City; anyone can blend in here, even Zetsu apparently." Sasori said from inside his puppet Hiruko. "Where did this snake of yours find him anyway?" he asked pausing.
"Hassebrooke Florists." They both burst out laughing.
"Only Zetsu would be found in a flower shop." Sasori chuckled.
"I know right." the 2 continued walking laughing there heads off.
Pein sat in his desk typing on his lap top when he heard a creak. He paused and closed his lap top then jumped back finding Konan on the other side.
"Konan? What are you doing, I almost killed you." he said looking at her lying across his desk.
"Oh Nagatooo." She cooed. "Wanna have some fun?" She snickered flirtatiously.
Pein narrowed his eyes. "Go back to work Konan." he said sitting back down and opening his lap top ignoring her.
"Awww come on Pein, you know you want me." she said peaking over the top.
"I know no such thing." he said typing.
"Come on, where's the sexy beast that nearly took me in the lab when we were awakened?" she nudging closer and whispering in his ear. "I see you and me doing it on this desk in 2 minutes. She purred.
"That was nostalgia." Pein said.
"Do you have anymore of that?"
"No."
"Do it."
"Konan, leave or so help me I will beat you with my ring hand."
"Come on Nagato, you owe me for dying without me last time, leaving me all alone without even a child." Konan said looking teary eyed.
"Go away."
"That's it! If you don't take me on this desk right now I will rape you!" she growled standing up on the desk and kicking the lap top away. "What's it gonna be captain Piercings?"
Pein looked her in the eye. "No." he said with an Icy glare. Konan screamed and tackled him.
Itachi walked down the hall. He was bored with no students to train; he had really gotten into the whole sensei bit, he was even writing a perverted novel. He decided he would ask Pein if he had a mission of any kind for him. He headed for the office and opened the door.
"Hey Pein-sama do you have a- he froze in place looking at Konan naked back toward him sitting on an also naked Pein's lap. They stared at each other for a few seconds. "… I'll come back later." He said still straight faced.
"Lock the door." Pein called.
"Way ahead of you." Itachi hollered back. He amaterasued the door then proceeded to walk back down the hall. "I need a girlfriend." he muttered walking down the hall away from the office.
Orochimaru itched his nose. "Ever get the feeling you just missed something really funny?"
"Constantly, why do you think I'm so impatient all the time?"
"I don't know, I just thought you were insecure and hated your life."
"Well yeah that too but mostly the other thing." They laughed.
The base erupted in several explosions. Yelling soldiers ran in every direction searching for the intruders. Deidara and Kakuzu walked calmly through the base as Yin and Yang blew stuff up on the other side. They walked into an empty desolate field until the reach a thick wood on the other side of it.
"Quickly you idiot, yeah!" Deidara said.
"Hold your horses, I'm lookin." Kakuzu said checking the map. "This should be the place." he said walking up to a large rock clump.
"You really think he's still down there, un?"
"One way to find out." Kakuzu kicks the rock pile and the muffled sound of somebody saying "Ow! Stupid bitch!" comes out.
"Huh, I'll be damned." he says staring at it.
"Hey Hidan, it's us, Deidara and Kakuzu, we're here to rescue you." Deidara shouted.
More muffled sounds came out that sounded very pissed.
"What did he say, un?"
"I think he said what took you assholes so long." Kakuzu said stepping back as Deidara placed his art all over the rocks. "Sorry we took so long, we kinda died... Several times." Kakuzu called. Something that sounded like muffled laughter came from the rocks. "God I hate him." Kakuzu growled hiding behind a tree. Deidara created a clay bird and flew into the air before detonating the explosives in and on the rocks. They blew sky high leaving a massive hole out of which crawled a severely burnt Hidan.
"What the fuck is wrong with you motherfuckers I aught to fucking kill both of you!" Hidan shouted.
"Shut up you cry baby, we have to get back to base before- Click click.
A dozen soldiers with automatic weapons surrounded the 3 Akatsuki.
"What the fuck is going on?" Hidan asked.
"You are all being arrested for trespassing on a military base." said one of the soldiers.
Kakuzu looked at them. "Do you really think you can hold us with those pathetic guns?" Kakuzu asked. He threw his cloak away and 2 of the grudge fear hearts rose from his shoulders turning into twin cannons on his back. "You obviously have never met the Akatsuki." he smiled as several of the soldiers dropped there guns and ran in fear. Others began firing. Deidara was air born in an instant and dropped a cascade of bombs on the fleeing soldiers. Kakuzu fired a flaming tornado incinerating another group of soldiers in a second. Hidan, riddled with bullet holes swung his scythe decapitating the remaining soldiers.
"Let's go before more show up." Hidan said already regenerating.
"We have to get Yin and Yang first, yeah." Deidara said.
"Who?"
"New recruits." Kakuzu explained as they headed for the rendezvous point.
"How long was I down in that fucking hole?" Hidan asked.
"Uh... About 500 years."
"... I hate you all."
"We hate you too now let's go, hop on, yeah." Deidara swooped down and plucked them up. They flew towards where they'd entered. Something roared behind them and suddenly 2 fighter jets shot past.
"Oh great, yeah." Deidara grimaced recognizing the Japanese fighters. They circled around and shot past again firing at them. Kakuzu turned as they came around a third time.
"Suck this!" he shouted shooting a bolt of lightening striking the wing of one of the jets. It careened into the other and they both dropped... Forward! The nose of one nailed the wing of Deidara's bird and Hidan was catapulted off.
"Damn it to Heeeeelllllllllllllll!" He shouted falling onto a desolate deserted area. "What the fuck is this place."
Deidara righted his bird and looked down at where Hidan had fallen.
"Oh shit, yeah!" he shouted as a far off silo launched a large missile. It shot by headed straight for Hidan. "Oh double shit, yeah!" he turned and bolted with Kakuzu. As the nuclear missile destroyed the location Hidan was standing.
"HOLY SHIT!" Kakuzu said looking at the mushroom cloud.
"Do you think Jashinism protects against nukes?" Deidara asked.
"NO! His body is only immortal as long he has it, if his entire body is destroyed... There's nothing to put back together!" Kakuzu stammered and looked at the mushroom cloud. "Hidan... Is dead."
Far away in a large church. A nun walks into an isolated room. "Lord God, I ask you, please enlighten me as to what I should do." she cried. Like a bolt of lightening she stood her eyes changing to a light pinkish color. "ALL HALE JASHIN!" She cried then looked down at her body and her cry echoed through out the church. "WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUCK!
Author note: hahahaha omfg I'm brilliant.
Pein: … Hidan a woman… god help us all.
Konan: review, if u don't we'll send Hidan after u ^_^