A/N: I know I've promised to finish this story, whatever happened. Looks like I can't quite keep that promise, so here's what I decided. The way I write stories, in bits and pieces that at some point come together to a finished whole, I had a lot of what is supposed to come next already written. I post these pieces as one chapter, so that everyone still interested in this story might see where I intended to got with it.
There are some chunks of the story still missing (although not much), and dialogue is mostly untagged (you should be able to tell who's talking, though). Bold italics mark a new chapter.
I've asked myself for a long time if I should do this or rather pull the story completely, so I'd be happy to know if I did the right thing. Since it's been a while, I recommend reading the story from the beginning again.
Enjoy
Chandler's apartment
Scene where Monica visits Chandler and they talk about their problems, they reconcile
As if having the concierge of the building Chandler lived in escorting her to the elevator hadn't been weird enough, they also ordered someone to carry the grocery bags she had brought for her evening with Chandler.
It made Monica feel a bit uncomfortable. Sure they had had staff in their mansion, too, back when they were married, but it always felt more comfortable to her if she could do her work alone. Maybe that had been the reason she had retreated to leading her old life again. It seemed to suit her best.
Chandler opened the door with a bright smile and took the bag from the boy who had helped her, unobtrusively slipping a tip into his hand.
After he'd closed the door and they had greeted each other with an awkward hug around the bags, Chandler grinned at her.
"You hated that, right?"
"Well, let's say I was glad he didn't offer me a piggy back ride to your apartment door."
.
.
.
"I mean where is this leading? Look at Rachel and Joey."
"What about Rachel and Joey? They have kids."
"Yeah, they were Mr. and Mrs. Perfect, but they almost fucked up everything they had because Rachel couldn't get over not being able to have a third child. What I was thinking was, of course I wanted to have kids with you, I would've loved to, but since it wasn't possible any more, why not just be happy with what we had, with just the two of us? It hurt to think that being with me wasn't enough to make you happy."
………
Talk about Ross
"God, I miss him so much."
"I miss him too. I think of him every day, as weird as that sounds."
"Sometimes I stare out of the windows of my apartment for hours and then I'm wondering why there's a skinny blonde chick in his apartment."
"There's a skinny blonde in Ross's apartment? Okay let's move to your place."
"Pig."
"Can I tell you something?"
"Course you can."
"I haven't slept with another woman for… I don't know… about one and a half year."
"Since we're confessing, I went out with Richard for a few weeks, but it was… it was like visiting a grave. There's just nothing left between him and me and we both knew it. We just pretended for a while."
"About four months ago, I met Phoebe. I… well, I asked her out on a date."
"You were dating Phoebe?"
"No, she called a few days later and cancelled. Haven't seen her since and I don't know what she's up to. Joey says she's gotten it in her head that she knew everything that would happen to us beforehand. You know, about Ross and our divorce… and about Rachel's drinking."
"She always seemed to be seeing things none of us could."
"Yeah, but predicting the future? That's pretty big, even for her, don't you think?"
Working out
Rachel was in the midst of preparing breakfast for her family, when her kids came barging into the kitchen.
"Mommy," Tyler announced, "it's kinda boring to stay at home with you the whole day. I want to go to kindergarten again."
She spun around looking surprised. "I thought you wanted to spend time with me, you don't have to."
"Well, if it's okay with you, I'd like to go play with my friends again. I already asked daddy, he's home today, so you won't be alone."
Her son's concern touched her deeply and she leaned down to him and gave him a kiss on the forehead.
"You're so sweet."
She stood on the front porch for a while, waving until Linda's car with the children inside wasn't visible any more. Sighing, she turned back to the house, thinking about what she could do with all her time.
Joey was still sleeping. Since he knew she was up early in the morning and would take care of the kids, he used the opportunity to catch up on some of the sleep he had been missing over the last years.
She wasn't quite done thinking that, when he came down the stairs, yawning.
"Mornin'" he greeted.
"Morning, honey. Why are you up already, you said you wanted to sleep in?"
He stepped to her and gave her a smacking kiss on the cheek. "I thought we two could have breakfast together.
"Hmm, good idea."
………….
"What? You forced them to have coffee together? Rach, that's meddling."
"No, it's common sense. Those two… they shouldn't be divorced, they're meant to be together. I mean, do you remember what you said at their wedding? I think it's still true."
"That may be right, but… you know there's a lot more to a successful marriage than eternal love. I don't think love is their problem."
"Still, I… I always believed in them. I feel so horrible that I couldn't be there for them during that time, maybe… maybe if I had had the chance to talk to her…"
"Do you think you could've prevented them from getting divorced?"
"I don't know. I just think if there would've been someone telling them to give their marriage a chance, how to work on their problems… maybe they just needed someone to tell them not to give up."
"Mon always said that to me."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, everyone kept telling me I should leave you. For my sake, for the kids' sake. Like I said I didn't want to but sometimes I thought I was an idiot for still having hope. But Mon, she always told me I did the right thing, she always said how she thinks that we two belong together, that if we were to get a divorce, she would lose her belief in love once and for all."
"See, Joey. That is what I should've done for them."
"Rach, but in the end, it's their marriage. And with us… if you had kept drinking, if we had never talked about what really happened two years ago, maybe I would've left someday… maybe I would've reached my breaking point. Who knows? In the end it wasn't Monica who turned things around, it was us."
"I didn't do more than Mon did for us. I told them they should talk, really talk. I told them I believe in them."
"You think they're gonna get back together?"
"I don't know. From what Mon told me, they hurt each other pretty badly."
"But you're right, I still believe in them, too."
"So… do you have any plans for today?"
"If you don't mind being alone for a while, I wanted to work out for an hour or so, is that okay?"
"Sure, go ahead, I'll clean up the kitchen and then I have to… plan a party."
"A party? What party?"
"You know, someone's got a birthday around here in two months and… I still haven't even started."
"Ooh please, Rach, it's my thirty ninth birthday, that's no occasion for a party. It's devastating."
"Oh come on, what's the big deal, you can be proud of your thirty nine years, you've accomplished a lot."
"If you see it that way…"
"That's the only way to see it. So, go on, do something for those packs of steel," she grinned, playfully pinching his upper arms.
………
Rachel had cleaned the kitchen only perfunctorily. Marcia would come and clean in half an hour anyway and – generous as she was – she wanted to leave her something to do. Marcia had a lot less to do lately after all.
She sat down with the phone and her phone book, intending to call the caterer, when it occurred to her that she hadn't even asked Joey yet whom he wanted to invite to his birthday. Family and friends were a given, but since this party might be a good opportunity to brush up on their social life, she thought they should make it a bit bigger than usual.
Since there was no other way than to talk with him about it, she went to the gym, intending to ask him.
When she rounded the corner she heard heavy breathing and it made her stop dead in her tracks. If working out had been Joey's way of substituting sex, watching him working out had been hers.
As she had done during the last months, she carefully crept to the door, peaking around the corner. 'Mamma mia, here I go again' she thought wryly when she realized that a sudden rush of arousal had made her forget the reason she had been coming down here in the first place.
Joey wore black shorts and a black t-shirt that was completely drenched and stuck to his body. His brows were knitted in concentration while he lay on a bench, pushing what seemed like very heavy weights. With a panting breath he pushed the weight up a last time and put it into its fixture. Then he sat up and tried to catch his breath.
Another almost overwhelming rush of excitement went through her at the thought that she didn't need to stay at the door any more, watching him in secrecy. Now she could just go to him, maybe kiss him, maybe run her hands over his sweaty body…
She took a shuddering breath and stepped into the room, but she couldn't figure out what to say, her throat was dry as the desert and her heart hammered so wildly in her chest, she was sure even Joey could hear it.
When he noticed her he smiled and pointed to a spot behind her. "Could you hand me the towel, please?"
She nodded and turned around slowly, picking up the towel and walking to him.
When he reached for it, she pulled it away again a bit, just enough to make him understand that she had her reasons for keeping it. He let his hand sink slowly and looked up at her expectantly, curious even.
Carefully she started to dab his forehead, his face. He closed his eyes for a moment and swallowed hard. When he opened his eyes again, they were blazing with passion. She froze for a split second when she became aware of something that hadn't occurred to her before.
Everything they felt for each other, the love, the desire, the passion, had been dammed up for two years. Once the dam broke, there would be no taking it slow.
She reached around to the back of his neck, wiping away the beads of sweat his workout had left, then she moved to the front again, only to stop at the neckline of his shirt.
She put the towel away and reached for the hem of his shirt. He obediently lifted his arms and let her pull the shirt over his head. She picked up the towel again and ran it over his back and then over his chest, almost shaking with need by now.
Suddenly he put his hand over hers, stilling her movements. She bent down to him, trembling, lightly touching her lips to his. The dam began to crack. Mirroring their first kiss, she pulled back a bit, waiting for him to follow. With a quick movement he put his hand behind her neck and crushed his mouth to hers. The towel slipped from her hand and she sank to the bench, into his waiting arms.
The dam broke. The flood drowned them in bottled up feelings and almost forgotten sensations. Powerless against the heavy undertow of desire, they gave into it without a fight.
They didn't bother with preliminaries, there was no need for teasing and arousing, the only thing they really wanted, really needed right now was to resolve the tension that seemed to have built up between them for an eternity. With their mouths fused together in a never ending kiss, they got rid of the rest of their clothes.
When she finally sunk down onto him, it felt like waking up from a bad dream, like finally finding back to what her life was supposed to be, like getting back what had been hers.
They moaned each other's names over and over again. Sometimes it sounded like a plea, sometimes like a prayer. And sometimes it sounded like a thank you.
………..
An hour later, they lay on the yoga mat in the gym, sweaty and out of breath; happier than they had been for far too long. They had moved to the mat because after the first time, Joey had wanted to take his turn to kiss her and touch her – everywhere.
Rachel had rested her head on his chest and was content listening to his heartbeat returning to its steady, reassuring rhythm. She remembered how much she loved falling asleep like this. But now, for the first time in weeks, she wasn't really tired.
"What is it about me working out that fascinates you so much?" Joey suddenly asked.
"What do you mean?"
"I know that you were watching me. Not just today, also… before."
"You knew that?" she asked slightly embarrassed. "Must've been weird for you."
"No, it wasn't. Only back then I always hoped you wouldn't try to do something."
"I knew you hadn't wanted me to."
"Although, in retrospect, I wonder why it never occurred to me, that if my theory had been right, you wouldn't have done that. I never asked myself why you still wanted me."
"I never stopped wanting you. Even after the hospital. It was just that…"
He pulled her to him tightly and gently kissed the side of her face. "I know Rach, I know."
They fell silent for a while, until Joey tried to lighten the mood again.
"You didn't answer my question, though. What is it about me working out that turns you on so much?"
This time she chuckled and lifted her head to grin at him. "You can't figure this out by yourself?"
"No, that's why I asked."
She chuckled a bit more and gave him a kiss.
"You're stalling," he complained with a beaming smile after she pulled back.
"Oh come on, it's so obvious," she said. "The half nakedness, the sweat, the heavy breathing, flexing muscles all around … it's like watching porn."
"So that was what you were doing?"
"Yeah, sadly enough, that was what I was doing."
"Just for the record, I'm glad you tried something today. If that had kept going on, I would've been ready to apply for 'Mr. Universe' in a few months."
"Just for the record, I'm glad I did, too. And you look incredible and you'll always be my Mr. Universe."
"I love you."
"Love you too."
…………..
His wandering hand came to a rest on her belly. She put hers over it and held it in place. Her eyes found his and the grief he saw there, the bottomless sadness made his breath hitch in his chest. Tears swam in her eyes and it occurred to him that they still hadn't talked about that, never tried to make their peace with it.
"I would've loved to," he whispered, watching a single tear rolling down her face. "Knowing it can't happen again makes me as sad as you. But it doesn't make me unhappy. Because I'm happy with what we have. And if this is how it was meant to be, it's gonna be okay. It's gonna be enough."
………………….
Joey's birthday party
"Rach, something is wrong with our gym."
"What is wrong with it?"
"It compels people to have sex in it."
Rachel chuckled, blushing a bit. "Yeah, I know and I distinctly remember telling you why."
"Oh, I'm not talking about us."
The color drained out of Rachel's face and she spun around quickly, almost dropping the cake. "Who has sex in our gym?"
"Chandler and Monica."
"WHAT?"
"I'm telling ya, I'm as surprised as you are. I was going down there, wanting to get the melon juice and there they were, going at it on the yoga mat."
"Please remind me to buy a new yoga mat.…God, I didn't even know… did you know?"
"No. I mean, I knew that they've met a few times since you forced them to have coffee together, but I had no idea that they're… there."
Rachel started to giggle. Seeing Joey grin made her giggle some more and soon enough they were laughing so hard, they could barely breathe.
"What's the merriment about?" a voice from the door startled them.
It was Chandler, holding hands with Monica, both of them with red faces and slightly disarranged clothes.
"You know…" Rachel wheezed between giggles, "Joey and I might have had sex on it a few times, but you can have that yoga mat."
Joey successfully fought down another bout of hysterics and went to Chandler who made a pained and slightly grossed out face.
"I'm sorry, man, we're not laughing at you, we're just so happy for you guys. I mean, we wish you'd done it somewhere else, but hey…" he grinned lewdly before continuing, "… my yoga mat is your yoga mat, buddy."
Rachel, who just had gotten a grip, went into another laughing fit.
"Just out of curiosity, are we ever gonna hear the end of that?"
"I'm sorry Mon, it's like Joey said, we're really happy for you. But no-one forced you to do it in our gym so I'm afraid it's gonna be a while before we can let that go."
"Hey, you two did it once in our laundry room."
"Yeah…" Rachel sighed at the memory. When she looked over at Joey, she saw that he remembered it too.
"You know, doing it on a washer while it's spin-drying? You definitely have to try that."
"Please, Joe… too much information," Chandler frowned.
"Chandler, which of the two of us got the washer in the divorce?"
"I'm afraid I did. Thank God I don't do my own laundry any more."
"Okay, change of topic. We want to know what happened. How did you guys get together again?"
"Maybe you should ask your wife. She made us spend time together and then we talked… about all sorts of stuff and we found stuff out and one thing led to another and then stuff happened…"
Rachel frowned deeply. "Hmm… informative." Then she turned to Monica. "Mon, why don't you tell me the story?"
Joey sighed with fake exasperation. "Rach, Chandler just told everything there is to know."
"You know what, honey? You guys go and talk about 'guy stuff', I'll go and talk with Monica."
She eloquently took Monica by the arm and headed out of the kitchen. While walking past Joey, he took the chance to playfully slap her behind.
"Hey…" she turned around, feigning being insulted before grinning widely.
"You know…" he purred while stepping closer to her, looking like the cat that ate the canary, "… guy stuff."
They gave each other a short kiss and then the girls left the kitchen.
"How do you do that?" Chandler asked when Joey turned to him again, still grinning.
"Do what?"
"That easiness between you two, the laughter and the teasing… the slapping… I mean, I always thought I was a funny guy, but you… you make marriage seem easy… and fun."
"Dude, where have you been the last two years?"
"Yeah, that. But you even pulled through that."
"Do you know the AA's serenity prayer?"
"I have no idea what you're talking about."
"Rachel told me after her first AA meeting. It goes like this: God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference."
"How does that relate to what I was asking you?"
"You have to enjoy the things that are good in life, not mourning over stuff you can't have or can't change, like your past. It's what Rach and I are trying to do. It takes a bit of an effort, but it's worth it. And you and Monica… I think you guys could be deliriously happy if you would both accept what you cannot change."
"I think I see what you mean."
…………….
Engagement
"Wow, you are getting married again, I'm so happy for you. This is so… it's like a dream."
"Yeah, congratulations, dude. So, do you have a date yet… or a minister?"
"Wedding's gonna be in five months. We haven't decided about the minister yet, but if you wanna do it…"
"Hey, are you kidding? Of course I want to do it!"
"Monica, are you kidding? Five months? Who can plan a wedding in five months?"
"Rachel, it's not gonna be a huge wedding. We already had that. This is about us deciding to live our lives together again because we never stopped being in love with one another. It's celebrating our second chance."
"That is nice. Suddenly I wish I could have a second wedding. Not that I wanted to be divorced, God no, but…"
"… celebrating our second chance sounds really good."
"You know, some people do renew their vows on occasion. You go in front of a minister, say your vows and it's like your marriage is renewed. Most people do that on anniversaries but with you guys…"
"Would it be weird if we did that on your wedding?"
"No, absolutely not. I mean, if it hadn't been for you and Joey, I don't think we would be together again. So if you want to do that…"
"Just a second," Joey said, suddenly very serious, and he dropped down on one knee in front of Rachel and took her hands in his, "Rachel, I love you so very much and I'm so happy you are my wife. Do you want to renew our marriage?"
Rachel smiled a big smile while tears swam in her eyes. "Yes, of course I want that, Joey. I would be happy to tell everyone how much it means to me to be married to you."
"Although in this case, I think we have to look for a new minister."
"As long as I can be the best man, I've got nothing against that."
…………..
"All right Mon, we're here, wedding planning can start. What do we do about the guys? Should I send them and the kids down to the coffeehouse?"
"No, um, we've gotta tell you something. It's about the wedding. Chandler and I decided that we won't have any alcohol at the wedding. For anyone."
"Monica, it's not that I don't appreciate this, but I promise, I can handle being around people drinking alcohol. Just a week ago, Joey and I were at that premiere party and… "
"Look, it's not just you. But let's count, the maid of honor is an alcoholic, the best man gets nauseous around alcohol, the groom wants to cut back on his drinking and the bride… " Monica made a meaningful pause, looking around with a wide smile, "… is pregnant."
Everyone went still for a few seconds and then she looked into a sea of wide smiles and bright eyes.
"Oh my God," Joey beamed delighted. "Is that true? I knew Chandler could do it!"
That got him a swat against the shoulder from Rachel, but Chandler was far too happy to even consider being insulted. He hugged his friend while Rachel and Phoebe huddled together with Monica.
Rachel seemed to be so happy, she was in tears. Even Phoebe's eyes were conspicuously bright.
"How did that happen Monica? I think you can't have babies any more?" Phoebe asked the expected question.
"Yeah, it's like a miracle. Somehow my fertility came back and we just seized the moment. Maybe my body had gone on a strike because I had had the impression that Chandler didn't want children. When we met again in the clinic… when Rachel made us talk… somehow, it all came back."
Phoebe smiled a knowing, secretive smile but refrained from saying anything. Chandler saw that Joey noticed that too, but he made a face as if whatever Phoebe was thinking, it was unlikely he would agree with it.
Rachel was still in tears.
"Rachel, you okay?"
That got her the attention of everyone; even Monica became serious again when she saw Rachel. Joey stepped to her and enclosed her in a tight embrace. But just a few moments later Rachel pulled back, smiled at him thankfully and turned to Monica.
"God Monica, I'm so selfish. You never made such a fuss when I was telling you I was pregnant. And I am… I really am happy for you."
Wedding
Five months later, Monica and Chandler are getting married again
Joey and Rachel use the occasion to renew their wedding vows
…………..
"Joey, eight years ago we gave each other a promise. To love and protect each other in good and in bad times, till death parts us. Back then, I didn't really know the meaning of those words. But you showed me. You were with me through everything, through my happiest times and through my darkest. Wherever I was, I could always count on you being right beside me. And I know that I want no one else but you beside me for the rest of my life."
"Rachel, I always knew you were a brave and strong woman. That's one of the many reasons I fell in love with you, one of the reasons I wanted to spend my life with you. But during our marriage you showed more strength, more bravery than I've ever seen. You fought against grief and guilt, against sickness and despair. You fought something a lot of people lose against. You claimed back what was rightfully yours. If you want to, I will be the happiest man on earth knowing I can go through the rest of my life with you on my side."
…………………..
someone unexpected
Phoebe had left the party without saying goodbye to anyone. Something told her it was her time to go. The psychic she had been talking to had been very clear about this.
"When the curse is lifted, when everything is how you think it is supposed to be, then you have to let go of something that is most precious to you, you have to leave your life behind."
And now, everything seemed to be perfect, the way it was supposed to be. Seeing them being so happy, so in love had almost made her cry. It could've been like this all the time if it hadn't been for her. But they had got back to each other, back to their lives.
Sometimes, when she had doubts, she thought that maybe… just maybe, they would've found their way back to one another on their own. That maybe it wasn't a curse, just some of the detours life takes sometimes. But what if it wasn't? Even if she had her doubts, she was determined to hold up her end of the bargain. Her life wasn't worth jeopardizing her friends' happiness for.
She had never imagined ending her life the way her mother had. It had scared her, but even back then she hadn't needed to think about that twice. Of course she hadn't told anyone, they wouldn't have believed her anyway and would've tried to talk her out of it.
She knew how she would do it. Her old contacts had given her the opportunity to purchase a gun that she had hidden under the floorboards of her apartment. There was only one thing she wanted to do. Say goodbye to Ross. The one person she couldn't save any more.
As so often over the last three years, she stood at his grave, looking at the tombstone that read, 'Beloved son, brother, father and friend.' She laid the flowers she had brought with her down on the grass.
When she got up a weird sense of foreboding swept through her, like something huge was going to happen next. She shook her head and chalked it up to being scared of what she was about to do. Silently she said her goodbye, silently she said how sorry she was for the millionths time.
"It's a pity he died so young, isn't it?"
The softly spoken words made her freeze on the spot. The voice had a distinct British accent but she would've recognized it everywhere.
"Ross?" she asked while spinning around.
There he was. Clad in worn jeans, a black long sleeved sweater that looked like it had seen better times, three day stubble on his face and his long hair pulled back into a ponytail. But it was him.
"Haven't heard that name in a while."
Her knees gave way under her and the last thing she heard before her senses gave up was, "Pheebs…".
…
When she woke up again, there was blinding brightness. Then a hand shielded her eyes from the sun and she tried to find out where she was.
Obviously, she was lying on a bench of some sorts, really uncomfortable. She sat up slowly and immediately discovered that she hadn't had a dream before, he was still there, whoever he really was.
"You okay, Phoebe?"
"I should ask you that, Mister 'I've been dead and buried for three years'."
"I'm sorry I freaked you out. But I couldn't think of anyone else who would be even remotely able to handle this."
"And you picked me? You know that I believe you're a ghost, do you?"
"Would a ghost have been able to carry you to this bench?"
Phoebe thought about that for a while. "Some can… All right, all right, so you're not a ghost. You know what, I'm not gonna ask you any questions. You know what I want to know and you're gonna tell me or I will stand up and go."
"All right, I'll tell you. The heart attack I had after our fight wasn't real. As was the doctor diagnosing my death. It was a set up. I wanted out. My life seemed to be like a giant joke and I wanted another chance. I went to England and started work as a janitor in the London Museum of Natural History. There I started to draw a few scenes illustrating the life of the dinosaurs. I hung them up on the walls around the back entrance. One day a crew from BBC visited the museum for research on their newest dinosaur documentation and they hired me. Uhm… and over those three years I tried to keep up to date with what went on with you guys. I know about most of the stuff. Mon's divorce, yours, Rachel's miscarriage…"
"You knew about the miscarriage? Even Joey didn't know that until a year ago."
"I knew someone from the hospital, they pulled her file. I had no idea she had kept it a secret, though."
""Ross, this is the most horrible thing I've ever heard. Did you even think about what you did to everyone? To us, to your family… to Ben?"
"But, Pheebs, can't you see that I was stuck? I had to watch the love of my life marrying my best friend, being happy with him, having kids with him. My career was a dead end. I had nothing to show for myself except three divorces and a kid raised by my lesbian ex-wife and her partner."
"You could've gone to England without faking your death, without making dozens of people unhappy."
"It wouldn't have been the same. I would've still been Ross and I started to hate that guy, he was a loser."
"So who are you?"
"Ian Shepard. Conceptual artist at BBC entertainment. Hobby paleontologist, quite popular with the ladies. Happy."
"Then why did you come back?"
"I had a feeling I had to. It's like you said, I left too many things in a way I shouldn't have."
Phoebe shook her head. She couldn't believe any of this. So lifting the curse had brought Ross back, too? This was too weird even for her. It made sense in a totally screwed up way, but it was still creepy.
"So you want to see everyone again?"
"Yeah, kind of. I have no idea how to do that, though. I think they're gonna be mad at me."
"They will be."
"I was hoping you could help me with this. I know you're mad, too… but… "
In this moment Phoebe realized that she probably had to stick around for a while longer, even if it was just to help Ross with what he intended to do.
"What do you think I should do?"
"I thought I can't just show up in the coffeehouse saying 'Hi, long time no see'. Maybe you can… prepare them for my appearance, ask them if they… even wanna see me."
"What if not?"
"Then I'll go back without seeing them. But at least I would've tried."
She didn't say anything to this for the longest time. She couldn't even believe she was intending to do this at all.
"Were you at the wedding?" she asked suddenly, remembering the weird feeling she had had all day long.
"Yeah, I snuck through the back door and hid behind the flower arrangements most of the time."
"Did you see Joey and Rachel?"
"Yeah. It was good I did. It hurt so much seeing them getting married the first time, I was so jealous. I thought he didn't deserve her, I thought she should be with me. But today… I realized how good they are for each other. What he went through with her… I can't see me going through two years of so much misery. If anyone ever deserved her, it's him. I finally understood that today."
"What about Monica?"
"I hadn't known their marriage was in that much trouble. I knew they had a few problems adjusting to Chandler being this big, famous author, but I always thought that if anyone could handle that, it's them. I didn't see your divorce coming either. David always was the love of your life."
"As you can see, that doesn't mean anything. It didn't for you and Rachel; it totally didn't for me and David."
"Do you have anyone new?"
"No."
She swallowed the part about her not dating any more because she intended to put a bullet in her brain.
"When do you think we should tell them?"
"Today."
"What? At their wedding?"
"Yeah, I think it's the perfect occasion for coming back from the dead."
…………………
More surprises
"So, what is it you want to tell us, Pheebs that can't wait until after the wedding? Is somebody pregnant again? I mean, besides myself."
Rachel flinched visibly and Monica wondered if she would ever get over the pain of never being able to have a baby again. If she was anything like her, she wouldn't.
Joey put his arms around Rachel reassuringly, whispering something in her ear that made her smile brightly.
"It's okay, Mon," she said, still smiling, "We hadn't wanted to tell you because we haven't known it that long ourselves, but yes, I'm pregnant again. And I know it's a risk, especially with me being an alcoholic, but the doctors say everything is all right. We hadn't planned it, it just happened. I was told I can't get pregnant again, so we didn't use anything but… I want this baby so bad. We both do."
Chandler was the first to recover. "Well, I've gotta say I wasn't that surprised the first time. Congratulations."
And then, just like in old times, they all huddled together in a big group hug. At least, almost like in old times, because there was someone still missing. Someone who Phoebe knew was standing only fifty feet away, probably seeing everything.
"While I am totally happy for you guys, this time I didn't know about that and it wasn't what I was gonna tell you."
"So what is it?"
"Remember how we always wondered why Ross didn't have an open casket? Why they claimed it was his wish?"
"Phoebe I hope you're going somewhere with this because right now, that's not the topic I want to talk about."
"My point is, he hadn't had an open casket because in this case we would've seen that he wasn't in it."
"Well, someone was, because that thing sure as hell wasn't empty," Chandler quipped and Joey nodded confirming.
Phoebe could see Monica taking a shuddering breath at the memory of her brother's casket being carried to his gravesite.
"I know this sounds like a real stupid and cruel joke, but Ross wasn't in that casket because he isn't dead. He's alive and he wants to see you again but he doesn't know how you would react so he asked me to tell you first and ask you if you want to see him."
Chandler chuckled uncomfortably. "Okay Pheebs, whatever you say."
"I'm telling the truth, I can go get him in a minute if you don't believe me."
"Pheebs," Joey started in a soothing voice she knew he used with his children when he tried to explain something to them, "Ross is dead. And it's not your fault, regardless of what you believe. And it wasn't a curse either. You can't bring him back by lifting that curse. I wish you could, but we all have accepted that he's gone."
Phoebe ripped her hand out of Joey's and stormed away angrily. When she came back, she had someone in tow nobody recognized at first.
"Hi guys, long time no see."
………………
No one said anything.
After a while, Ross started telling what had happened, trying to explain his reasons, talking a bit about his new life.
Then Rachel huddled a bit closer to Joey and he pulled her into a tight embrace, comfortingly kissing the top of her head.
"Take me home, Joey. I want to go home."
"Okay baby, but… what about him?"
Rachel looked at Ross and he felt as if he was pierced with an icicle. He realized that if he had been coming here for redemption, he surely wouldn't get it from her.
"Ross is dead, Joey. He died three years ago. I had the hardest time getting over his death, because I loved him. He was a really great guy. This guy… I don't even know who he is. And to be honest, I don't want to."
With that she stood up resolutely and turned to her husband again. "We'll meet at the car." And then she was gone.
Joey got up too, trying to follow her. Ross grabbed his arm when he passed him.
"Joey, wait…"
Joey turned his head slowly, pointedly looking at where Ross's hand was grabbing his sleeve, which prompted Ross to let go of his arm. Then he looked at him directly and although his gaze wasn't as cold as Rachel's, it wasn't forgiving either.
"You know what… Ian? This is my wife and I've gotta go with her. And you know what else? She's right."
Icy silence fell over the room again after Joey and Rachel had left.
"Did Mom and Dad see you?" Monica finally asked, in a shaking voice that betrayed the emotions Monica was trying so hard to control.
"No, I wanted to ask you if I should…"
"Please don't!" Monica interrupted him, "Dad would… his heart… I don't think he would be able to handle this. Mom… maybe, but… God! I can't believe you did this."
Chandler gingerly wrapped his arms around her when she started to dissolve into tears.
"Ross… Ian… whatever, I think it's best if you leave now. We'll talk to Phoebe if we… just… please go."
"Chandler," Ross tried again, "I thought at least you would understand…"
"Understand what? That you felt the need to hurt everyone who ever cared about you because you were unhappy with your life? Were you sitting somewhere, laughing at us while we cried our eyes out at your funeral?"
"No Chandler, of course not. Believe me, if there had been any other way…"
"Just go, please. Let us at least think about this, okay?"
………………
Rachel's hands were shaking. While driving home, Joey watched her out of the corner of his eye and he saw her fiddling with her purse and then he noticed that she wasn't just fidgeting nervously, she was shaking. It was one of those moments the doctor at the clinic hat warned him about. It was one of those moments when the ice on which she was walking became dangerously thin.
"Recovery doesn't take care of itself, no matter how old it is," was one of the sayings Rachel had brought home from her AA meetings.
While he was driving the car into the garage, Rachel went into the house, leaving Joey even more worried. He prayed that he wouldn't find her drinking cough medicine or her own perfume. Sadly enough, he knew almost every substance in his house that contained even a small percentage of alcohol.
He called for her the second he set foot in the house and was more than relieved to hear her answer, although her voice sounded small and sad. She was sitting on Tyler's bed, clutching one of his teddies to her.
"I wish they were here."
He sat down beside her and put his hand on her lower belly.
"This one is."
She smiled at him happily and put her hand above his. "Yeah, I still can't believe it. It's like… a miracle."
"I've seen a lot of them over the last year. Not the least of them half an hour ago."
"Joey, please…"
"Rach, we've gotta talk about this."
"Why?"
He took her other hand by its wrist and held it in front of her face.
"That's why."
When she sighed defeated he took her shaking hand and gently kissed her fingertips.
"You know what I was thinking when I first saw him standing there?" he asked her.
"No, what?"
"I thought, 'Now I need a drink'."
Rachel chuckled mirthlessly. "Cute Joey, really. But you're right, that's what I was thinking. That's the reason I wanted to get out of there as fast as possible."
"I know."
"This is just… so bizarre. It's so unlike him. And have you seen that stupid ponytail?"
"From what I've gathered he's an artist now, they do stuff like that. Although I was more ticked off by the accent."
"Yeah, wasn't that just ridiculous? I mean he is over there for what, three years? And now he's British all of a sudden?"
"Well, he's Ian." Joey said, mimicking Ross's accent which made Rachel laugh out loud.
"He could choose his own name and all he came up with was 'Ian'?"
"And he's dating a lot. I mean, why did he think that was necessary information? 'Hi, I'm not dead but I'm Ian now, and just so you know, I'm seeing a lot of women.' What was that about?"
"He probably wanted to say that he is now England's Joey Tribbiani."
"If he were, he would have been happily married for seven years, with two kids and a third one on the way."
"Hey, you're right. Up until now it never occurred to me that I deprived the female population of the States of one Joey Tribbiani."
"I'm sure they have a new one."
"Probably."
"So, what do we do about 'Ian'?"
Rachel lifted her hand and looked at her shaking fingers. It wasn't as bad as before, but she knew she was still upset. She realized she had to deal with this, one way or another.
As always, Joey was right.
"Looks like we can't pretend it didn't happen, can we?"
"That's how it looks."
"I think we should talk to Mon and Chandler tomorrow. See what they think."
"All right. So… what do we do now?"
"Hmm… let's see, you promised me a second wedding night. That was the reason my mother took the children with her after the wedding."
"Right. So…" Joey leaped to his feet and tugged at her hand until she stood up. Then he swept her into his arms and carried her towards their bedroom.
………………..
"It wasn't really his decision, he came back because I lifted the curse."
"Pheebs, there is no curse. You have been torturing yourself with that idea for a year now. There is a logical explanation for everything that had happened."
"Yeah, fate."
"Pheebs, I'm not gonna accept that this is fate, or some curse that was somehow miraculously lifted. I refuse to belittle what Rachel has achieved by chalking it up to a lifted curse. I saw her going through detox and withdrawal symptoms, I watched her fight against her illness and I saw her doing this. All. By. Herself. I saw Mon and Chandler working on their relationship, and I know that we worked on ours. This isn't fate, this is people taking fate into their own hands."
"I don't mean to tell you that it would have happened whether or not you had been fighting for it, but don't you think there are a few things that don't make sense? Magically restored fertility? Miraculously regenerating tissue?"
"That could be lucky circumstances."
"Than what about the accumulation of unlucky circumstances that led us into this mess?"
"Coincidence. Shit happens. We're not the only people who stuff like that is happening to. We're not the only ones managing to get out of hopeless situations. It's life."
"What about the fact that I knew all this long before it happened?"
"I never doubted that you have a gift. This isn't the first time you predicted stuff. I don't deny it's creepy, I'm not saying it didn't freak me out. I'm just saying I won't let you take the blame for what happened. Because nothing of this is your fault, you just… somehow… saw that it could happen."
"It did happen."
"Not all of it. Or you would be Mrs. Tribbiani now."
"That might have been fun."
"Don't get me wrong Pheebs, but I don't think it would've."
"Yeah, I guess you're right. So, what about Ross?"
"Okay, I talk to them, I mean, it's kinda my fault he wanted out. I can even understand him a little bit. But… that he hurt us, that he hurt Rachel… I can't just forgive this."
"No one says you have to. But I think if we send him back now as if he doesn't exist, we will be sorry some day. It's not who we are. Who we used to be."
……………….
Talk with Ross
………………
(afterwards)
Joey walked up behind Rachel who stood motionless on the patio, looking unseeing into the night sky. He put his arms around her shoulders and kissed the back of her neck.
"Ally and Tyler fell into their bed like stones. They slept before I could say Good Night."
Rachel chuckled a bit but didn't say anything.
"You okay, baby?" Joey asked after a while, slightly worried.
She nodded mutely. "Yeah, but… it was a strange day."
"He's leaving tomorrow in the afternoon. Phoebe called and asked if we're gonna be at the airport."
"Would it be horrible to say I don't want to?"
"I've already told her no. I don't want to and I had a feeling you wouldn't want to as well."
"It's like…"
"…saying goodbye to him again."
Again she was silent for a long time.
"Joey… do you think it's our fault that he left? Did we make him unhappy? Did we… drive him away?"
He felt that a rushed answer, the exasperated 'No, of course not' wasn't what she needed to hear right now. So he contemplated her question for a while before he replied.
"I think he wasn't unhappy about us being together, he was unhappy about not being together with you. And he was unhappy with himself."
"Do you think he's happy with who he is now?"
"It's hard to say, I barely had time to talk to him alone, the way we used to talk. But he told me he always envied me for the way I led my life – before we got together. He said it might be that he always wanted that kind of life."
"I always thought he wanted this whole suburban dream. Wife, kids, house, white picket fence… by the way, we have to repaint ours next summer."
"Sounds like I have the life we thought Ross always wanted."
"Did you not want it?"
"I never thought I wanted it until I had it. Now… I can't see myself being happier with anything else."
Second chances
Phoebe knocked at the door to Ross's hotel room, hoping he was still there. He had mentioned something about his flight going today, but she didn't know when exactly.
He opened and smiled at her brightly.
"Hey Pheebs, come in."
She followed him into the room where she found him packing.
"Should I get you the shampoo bottles from the bathroom?" she asked with a grin.
"No," Ross answered, "taking all this hotel stuff is a Ross thing. I don't do that."
"It seems a bit schizophrenic to make these differences between Ross and Ian."
"It helps to adjust. Besides, I've been Ross for the last week and even though I kinda liked it better than I remembered, I'd rather be Ian again."
"So how did it go with Ben?"
"It looked like it wouldn't go at all because Carol didn't want me to see him. Susan talked her into it. Ben found it cool to have his dad come back from the dead."
"And your parents?"
"My parents… they were the only ones not mad at me, they were just so happy to see me again."
"Don't you think Monica took the heat for that?"
"Yeah, maybe… maybe she did."
………
"Why don't you come with me Pheebs? I think it could be fun, I would love to have you around, we always had a good time together. I mean, I don't want to step on your toes here, but… what is really holding you here?"
"Everything. I mean, I have my family here, my friends, my job."
"Phoebe, a sister who you hate, a brother and friends who are far too busy raising children and living their happy lives with their spouses to spend time with you? An underpaid job you don't even like? Really, I don't see what's holding you back."
"It's not that simple. Going to England would mean leaving my whole life behind."
Phoebe flinched after she heard herself say those words. That was what she was supposed to do. No one had wanted her to kill herself. She just had to let go of what was holding her back. She was supposed to give herself a second chance, just like everyone else had.
Maybe what she had said ten years ago had been a curse, maybe not.
Maybe Joey was right. Maybe this was just life. And in life – more often than one might think – you are sometimes given a second chance. And it is always up to yourself to take it.
THE END