Time is all I need, right? Just try to breathe without crying; try to cope without falling apart. I seem to be doing better, right? Everyone around me thinks I am.
I've been taking just a day at a time. It was working. I was beginning to not flinch when touched. I was beginning to smile again. I was beginning to laugh.
So, how could one tiny thing take it all away? It only took a few little words to put me back at square one. But I didn't let it show. There were people around. I couldn't let myself fall apart in front of them. They didn't buy it though; I could tell by the little stolen looks at each other that they were agreeing that something was wrong with me.
Excuses. I'm good at those. I'm fine, really. My chest just hurts sometimes. I'll be fine.
Until I can't handle it anymore and find a hiding spot so I can cry. God, I hate being a girl sometimes. If I was a guy, I'd go beat the heavy bag for a while to get it all out. Who am I kidding, I'll probably do that, too. But for now, I'm a snotty, sobbing mess, even though I don't want to be, but I can't stop myself.
I'm hot and I've got to get some of these layers off so I can breathe.
And when I get my control back, I'll put my jacket on, as well as my Superwoman mask, and go back out there where people are.
Ugh. People. I don't want to be around people... can I have a do-over on today? Yesterday was so much better.