The Stupid Idea II
by: Paio Ichiris Jin
The fifth story in a collection of crack stories written by me.
"Prepare yourself, Xanxus!" Tsuna cried ferociously, staring coldly at the large, scarred man. A large bright flame glowed brightly upon his forehead, illuminating the dark surroundings, and his guardians stood by the little boy's side, watching their opponents cautiously. Xanxus chuckled at the pathetic little boy and his puny friends standing bravely before him.
"Prepare myself? For trash like you?" The man laughed deeply and then sent a menacing stare at Tsuna. "Don't joke with me..." He flicked his index finger and his loyal pawns jumped forward, starting the attack on Tsuna's guardians.
Yamamoto leapt forward, clashing swords with Squalo. He grit his teeth together as the force behind Squalo's swing put pressure on his arms. But he refused to back down and pushed the long haired man away with all his strength. The two stared at each other calmly.
Gokudera stood before Bel, two handfuls of dynamite out and a smoking cigarette in his mouth. The prince smiled widely and lifted his hands, a string of daggers floating before him.
Ryohei raced towards Lussuria and threw a sharp punch towards the man. But Lussuria swiftly dodged and did a smooth back-flip, landing lightly on his feet, lips pursed together thoughtfully.
Chrome swirled her staff in her hands and kept her eyes coolly upon Marmon, waiting patiently for the other illusionist's first move.
Hibari stood still as the humongous Gola Mosca flew from Xanxus's side and rushed straight at him.
Lambo stared in awe at the humongous man standing in front of him and he picked his nose idly as Leviathan watched the little child stoically.
This would be a piece of cake.
Tsuna blasted off the ground with the flames from his gloves and flew swiftly towards Xanxus, who in turn, grinned up at him confidently.
And then the battle began.
Blood spurt into the air as the boys and one girl battled. Grunts of pain and the clashing of steel against steel rang in the air. Illusions burst from the ground and the sky. The sound of flesh pounding against flesh echoed against the walls of Namimori Junior High and the fall of Lambo on the ground alerted everyone of the first to fall in battle. Leviathan lifted up his spear and smirked cruelly.
"LAMBO!" Tsuna cried in panic and shot himself towards the baby boy, sweeping him up in his arms safely before Leviathan could kill him.
Xanxus smiled.
"Do you have the time to be paying attention to others?" He lifted his gun up and shot a beam of his destructive dying will flames towards Tsuna. The boy gasped and hunched his body around the unconscious Lambo protectively. The flames engulfed him. And then the crash of Tsuna into the ground pulsed through the air.
Gokudera spun his head towards his boss, one eye closed from the blood dripping from a gash in his forehead. His body was covered with the cuts Bel had made in him. "Jyuudaime!" He screamed and barely managed to dodge the onslaught of daggers flying at him. "Dammit...!" The silver haired boy growled and tossed his bombs at his princely opponent.
Yamamoto glanced over his shoulder, eyes wide from seeing Tsuna barely conscious on the ground, covered in bruises. "Tsuna! Hang on, I'll be right there!" But even as he said those words, he grunted as Squalo continued to slash at him at lightning speed. He could only stay on the defensive. A burst of blood spurt from the gash in his side and he coughed painfully.
Chrome cried out as tentacles flew from Marmon's head, wrapping around her entire body and squeezing her tightly. She gripped the tentacle crushing her neck with one hand and gasped for air.
Ryohei's arms were bleeding and broken by his sides. He grimaced and watched Lussuria cautiously.
Hibari proceeded to rip off Gola Mosca's arm. And then he started sprinting in the direction of Xanxus, tonfa up and ready to bite some more opponents. But a beam burst from Gola Mosca, cutting through Hibari's leg cleanly and Hibari frowned, turning to stare coldly at the large machine.
"Damnit... this is getting bad..." Yamamoto grunted out and pushed back Squalo's sword. He jumped backwards and nodded to himself, head bowed down seriously. "I have no other choice..."
He took a steady stance in the middle of the field and then turned to stare stoically upon Squalo, who watched back in anticipation, wondering what fighting-style that stance belonged to. And then, Yamamoto shouted as loudly as he could...!
"Yamamoto Kira Kira Smile x20!" And he smiled so brightly that it blinded everyone on the field.
"What the fuck?!" Squalo shouted and rubbed his eyes painfully. "What the hell was that?!"
"Agh! I can't see! I can't see!" Lussuria cried out in a panic.
"What's this?" Marmon squinted around him blankly, "What was that? An illusion? There's another illusionist besides the girl?!"
"WHAT THE FRIGGIN' HELL IS A YAMAMOTO KIRA KIRA SMILE?!" Xanxus yelled angrily, blinking his eyes and shaking his head repeatedly to clear the spots dotting his vision.
Ryohei grinned painfully and yelled in excitement. "Good idea, Yamamoto!" And then he pumped his bloody and broken arms into the air, towards the night sky. Just as Xanxus's team regained their eyesight, they turned to stare at the silver haired boxer in curiosity. And then, the boy roared, "RYOHEI EXTREME SHINING!"
A beam of light shot down like a lightning bolt and illuminated Ryohei in a glimmering wonder. They all froze in awe, surprised to the bone by the strange phenomenon taking place in the field.
Gokudera smirked weakly through the blood dripping down his face and pulled out his mini dynamite. He took the chance to limp towards each opponent and slip a lit dynamite into their hands. "Stoned Gokudera's Sneaky Attack..." He murmured as he ambled away to the little crater Tsuna had made to check how his boss was doing.
"Huh?" A chorus of grunts came from the Varia men and they glanced down at their hands. Their eyes widened and each of them disposed of their dynamite in their own way.
Squalo hastily dropped his and it exploded at his feet.
Bel smiled eerily and tossed his away and it exploded a few feet away from his feet.
Lussuria shrieked and forgot to drop it and it exploded in his hands.
Marmon humphed and tossed his into the air and it exploded several feet above his head.
Gola Mosca didn't register the feeling of dynamite in his hand and it exploded right then and there.
Leviathan hurriedly threw the dynamite towards Hibari but Hibari smacked it back towards him with his tonfa and it exploded before his face.
Xanxus scoffed and put out the fuse with his two fingers and it didn't explode.
"What is the meaning of this?!" The scarred man spat out in fury and threw the dynamite to the ground, grinding it under his foot.
Tsuna stood up weakly from his crater, supported by Gokudera, and he smiled with Lambo safe in his arms. "You guys don't stand a chance against us anymore...!"
Hibari leapt forward and pounced upon Gola Mosca's back. He opened his jaws and bit down ferociously upon the machine's head. "Bite You To Death...!" And he continued to gnaw until a strange liquid started to spill from the metal.
"Woah..." Everyone stared in awe at the sight.
Ryohei watched with round eyes and muttered, "He's actually biting that huge machine...!"
As everyone was distracted by this, Chrome pulled the loosened tentacle around her neck away and lifted two fingers to her eye. Then, she winced and stuttered in embarrassment, "D-Dokuro Beam...!"
A humongous beam of pink energy shot out from her eye and it burned away all of the tentacles, releasing her from its clutches. Marmon backed away in horror.
"What?! What was that?!" He gasped and nearly tripped over his own feet. "That was an illusion unlike any other...! What's wrong with all you people?"
Chrome bit her bottom lip and then lifted her two fingers up to her eye again, aiming it in Marmon's direction.
"Dokuro Beam!"
Another shot of pink light burst from her eye and Marmon scrambled to the side quickly to avoid the destructive blast. The beam ripped through the ground and shot straight towards Gola Mosca, splitting the machine cleanly in half.
Hibari jumped off in time before it hit him and he proceeded to chase after other opponents with his teeth.
"Yeah! You're simply amazing, girl!" Ryohei cheered. But Yamamoto's eyes widened and he pointed at the destroyed Gola Mosca.
"Wait...! There's... there's someone in there!"
Xanxus, finally regaining his senses again and avoiding any further teeth marks from Hibari, chuckled cruelly. Tsuna's eyes went round in horror and he handed Lambo to Gokudera before rushing as quickly as possible towards the old man who had fallen out of the Gola Mosca.
Reborn, who had been sitting in the sidelines, jumped forward as well and checked the man's pulse. Tsuna knelt down before the man, body trembling in terror. "This is... Kyuudaime...?"
Reborn nodded and frowned, turning to watch Xanxus darkly. "Yes, it's Kyuudaime. Fortunately, he's still alive."
Tsuna shut his eyes tightly and clenched his fist together. "Xanxus..." He growled angrily. Reborn continued to watch the laughing Xanxus with cold eyes.
"I think it's time for you to make your move, Tsuna. Knock them all out."
Tsuna nodded, a heavy seriousness around him. He turned away and started fumbling with his shirt. The Varia boys watched on with glee, knowing that there was no possible way they could lose now. After all, except for a few tricks, those losers couldn't manage to fight anymore. They had virtually won by now.
"Heh, try your best, you worthless scum." Xanxus shouted at Tsuna's back. "There's no way you can defeat us anymore. You're out of moves to use!"
Yamamoto and Ryohei exchanged glances with each other.
Gokudera and Chrome exchanged glances with each other.
Hibari and Reborn exchanged glances with each other.
And then Tsuna whipped around, pulling his loose school uniform off from his shoulder, revealing his smooth, pale, and soft skin. He winked suggestively and smiled enticingly, "Happiness Punch!"
Reborn smirked and nodded to Tsuna. "You are definitely my pupil."
The Varia boys looked as though they had all been hit by a blast of something and they all were lying on their backs, unconscious. Tsuna shrugged his shirt back on and nodded as though he had done justice; although he probably should have been panicking if he thought enough on the 'why' part of all those boys falling unconscious.
Squalo lay on the ground, blood streaming from his nose, staining his white hair a bright red. Bel had keeled backwards and blood was trickling from his nose like a little creek. Lussuria fainted on the ground, hand clutched to his heart, and blood shot from his nose like it was made of steam. Marmon was on his side, blood pooling into the grass.
Only Xanxus still managed to stay upright, panting heavily in a very curious way. Blood dripped from his nose as he fought to stay conscious. "I... won't lose...!" He quickly wiped away the blood with one hand but the blood continued to spurt out.
Tsuna stared at Xanxus in horror. "What?! You're not down yet?"
Reborn poked Tsuna in the calves. "Do it again."
"Happiness Punch!" Tsuna cried!
And Xanxus was out. He fell forward and his face smashed into the ground, blood gushing out freely.
Tsuna smiled victoriously but he felt someone's hand tug at his ankle. He turned and gasped as the ninth leader of the Vongola, grasped a hand around his ankle weakly.
"Kyuudaime!" He knelt down quickly and held the man's hand with his mittened ones.
The old man smiled weakly as blood trickled from his nostrils into his mouth. "I've heard a lot about you from Reborn... about how you do in school and about the people that you have met..."
Tsuna shook his head, eyes watering. "Kyuudaime, please don't say anything. You should save your breath...!" He turned to Reborn, "Is there anyone around who can help save him?"
Kyuudaime choked on the blood streaming from his nose and gave a slight shake of his head, "I know... that whenever you fight... your hands always look as though you were praying." He lifted a shaking index finger to Tsuna's forehead and Tsuna gasped as he felt something warm light up at the spot the old man was pointing at. "And it is because... of all this... that is why... I picked you... as the tenth leader for the Vongola..." His hand slipped and fell with a dull thud on the ground.
"Kyuudaime...?" Tsuna whispered hoarsely, "Kyuudaime?!"
"Don't worry." A familiar voice reassured him. "We'll take care of him now."
Tsuna's gaze raised to find Dino holding a hand over his nose and mouth. Romario stood slightly behind, dabbing at his own nose with a red looking handkerchief.
"Dino-san!"
Dino smirked from behind the hand covering half of his face and something red trailed down from his chin to his arm. "Romario, get him to the car. Quickly!" And the man nodded once before sprinting forwards to haul the bleeding ninth Vongola away.
Tsuna sighed in relief, knowing that the old man would be all right in Dino's hands. Then, he turned to his friends and smiled happily.
"We won the battle, everyone!"
But his friends were all huddled together, backs turned to him.
The smile on his face slowly faded away and his eyebrows furrowed together worriedly. "What's wrong? What are all of you looking at?"
Gokudera hastily wiped away at the blood streaming from his nose. "Damnit...! Even though we were already exposed to it once, it's still too powerful. He even gave Xanxus two doses! That's overkill...!"
Lambo was still in Gokudera's arm. But a trail of blood stained Lambo's unconscious face, linking his nose and his mouth together with two red lines.
Yamamoto laughed freely and scratched the back of his head while blood trickled down from one side of his nostrils and into his mouth. "Ha ha! Iyaa... we're no match for Tsuna's stupid attack, are we?"
Ryohei plugged up both of his nostrils with his fingers and breathed from his mouth raggedly. "Sawada is simply amazing!"
Hibari glared at the ground with intense eyes, as if the blood streaming down his nose was non-existent.
Chrome blushed and also stared at the ground, blood trailing down from her nose.
Ryohei blinked and watched the girl curiously. "You're bleeding, too?"
Chrome shook her head quickly and mumbled softly. "I think... Mukuro-sama got exposed to Boss's attack accidentally..."
Tsuna watched on in concern as his friends murmured together, as though they were deeply discussing something. "Is... is everyone all right...?" He asked timidly. Reborn hopped onto Tsuna's shoulder and gave the boy a good-natured smack in the head.
"That's my pupil."
Tsuna rubbed his throbbing head and stared at Reborn in confusion. "What are you talking about, Reborn?"
"Reborn Su-pii Su-pii." The sleep bubble formed near the baby hitman's nose like usual.
Tsuna's jaw dropped open. "That again?!"
The little brown haired boy sighed and let his head hang to the side limply. Maybe... maybe he was better off not knowing what his tutor was talking about. Maybe... it was actually better for him to be confused by all the events occurring around him...!
He sighed and shook his head.
Sometimes... he just hated his life.
But, at least he was finally able to finish off this chapter in his life...! Yaay.
omake
A large man slowly walked away from the fields of Namimori Junior High, dragging a large ball and chain behind him, leaving a deep trail in the dirt behind him. He hurriedly wiped away the blood leaking from his nose and sighed to himself,
"I guess they didn't need me this time..."