The Taming of the Crew
by: Paio Ichiris Jin
The eighth story in a collection of crack stories.
One word: Shakespeare.
Ryohei pounded a mighty fist upon the podium at the front of the room, sending cracks along the wood, and gaining the attention of the students sitting before him.
"All right, everyone! As the leader of Team A for this year's cultural convention, I declare that WE NEED TO COME UP WITH SOMETHING EXTREME for this year and WIN FIRST PLACE among the other teams!"
The students stared at the passionate silver haired boy with eyes as round as plates.
"Any suggestions?" He grinned confidently, looking as though hands would shoot up from the crowd immediately after his incredibly moving speech.
The students glanced at each other. Some scratched their cheeks. Others bantered softly to each other. And Tsuna, Yamamoto, and Gokudera sat together near the back, watching everyone else quietly. Ryohei's eyes continued to scan the crowd, as though there were actually hands in the air and he were only trying to figure out who to pick. Then, a trembling hand slowly raised into the air. Ryohei's gaze zoned in upon the hand eagerly and he pointed, "That glasses girl over there!"
The girl gulped shyly and brought her hand down. After a few murmurs and encouraging pushes from her friends, she lifted both hands up in the air. Ryohei squinted at the hands--or rather, the object in them--and his eyebrows furrowed together. "A book... Shakespeare..." His eyes lit up as he registered the words on the cover. "AHA, A PLAY, THAT'S IT!" He bopped a fist into his open palm and grinned brightly. "Yes, an adapted play from Shakespeare! All right, we're going somewhere! Which play should we perform? A tragedy? A comedy? Romance?"
Suddenly, the room filled with murmurs of excitement. Tsuna sighed and stared at the board in boredom. "A play by Shakespeare...? Isn't that kind of... difficult?"
Gokudera yawned and kicked his feet up on the table in front of him. "This is completely stupid... what part of a play is extreme?"
Yamamoto chuckled and glanced around at the students chattering wildly to each other. "I don't know... everyone seems really happy about this idea. I wonder which play we'll do?"
Ryohei gestured grandly to the girl with glasses. "Bring the book up here! I'll choose a play!"
The girl nodded once and scrambled up to present the thick book to the silver haired boxer. Ryohei smiled gratefully and then flipped the book open to the table of contents. "Okay..." Ryohei smirked and set the book down on the breaking podium. He scanned the list carefully and the breaths of the students hitched audibly in their throats. Then, he looked up with a stern expression. The students stared back expectantly, waiting for the young man's decision. And then, he spoke. "I don't know which one I should pick."
The students visibly face-faulted. Even Tsuna and Gokudera did.
Ryohei grinned brightly again. "No matter! I'll just cover my eyes and choose randomly!" As he proceeded to cover his eyes with one hand--just as he had instructed himself to do--and as he lifted his pointer finger up over the book, a series of loud protests and shouts of misery came from the group of students. They weren't about to act in some randomly picked play...! Ryohei paid them no attention and pressed his finger down upon the paper with vigor. He peeked through a slit in his fingers and then frowned. "Hm. I can't believe I pointed at a blank spot on the page...!" Sighs of relief came from the students, but it was short-lived because Ryohei shouted once more, "I'll try again!"
A loud chorus of groans came from the group and Ryohei pressed his finger down on the page again. He removed his hand from his eyes and then smiled as he found text under his finger. "I hit something! It's...!"
The students leaned in.
"It's...!"
The students turned their ears eagerly towards him.
"It's a romance! Romeo and Juliet!" Ryohei beamed and the students blinked once before sighing in relief.
Romeo and Juliet. That play was performed many times by other people. It would be fun! The students discussed the topic together and a few boys eyed a few girls and a few girls eyed a few boys.
Tsuna glanced down at his table. "Romeo and Juliet, huh..." He smiled and blushed to himself as he dreamed of him playing the role of Romeo and Kyoko-chan playing the role of Juliet. "That's not too bad, I guess..."
Gokudera leaned back in his chair idly and shrugged his shoulders. "Romeo and Juliet? It's not that good of a romance... It's over-rated."
Yamamoto laughed and shook his head at Gokudera. "It's not that over-rated. People still like the idea of it. Two star-crossed lovers who can't live without each other... That's pretty romantic, I think."
The silver haired explosives user stared at Yamamoto through half-lidded eyes. "Oh? Are you one of those people?"
The baseball player blushed a light pink and rubbed the back of his head. "No... I'm not a romantic... I have baseball. And kendo now... I don't think I'm ready to think of other things... like... a lover..."
Tsuna stared at Yamamoto curiously. "But Yamamoto, you do actually think of getting a girlfriend sometimes? Since you're so popular and all."
Yamamoto blushed a deeper red and he averted his eyes from his two best friends. "Well... not exactly... I don't have much time to think of that, do I...? Ha... ha ha..."
"Eh...?" Tsuna watched the tall boy a little longer, feeling slightly confused. Gokudera waved his hand dismissively.
"Just forget about him, Jyuudaime. The baseball idiot doesn't know what he's saying."
"RIGHT!" Ryohei's voice suddenly boomed once more, causing all eyes to focus upon him again. He lifted up a piece of chalk. "Now, I'll write down all the roles on the board. They'll be covered with paper so that you can't see them. Then, I'll call up people one-by-one to write their names underneath the roles. There's gonna be a lot of roles for the party scene, so chances of getting a main role are pretty low. But I'll give you three seconds to choose! All right? I think that's fair, right?"
"Uhh..." Someone raised their hand in the air but Ryohei plowed on.
"OKAY! Everyone ready?! I'm going to write the roles on the board!" He turned to face the board and set himself in a ready stance. In one hand, he held a long piece of chalk. In the other, he held a large stack of papers with tape stuck on its sides. And then, after roaring a passionate, "EXTREME BOARD WRITING!" he scribbled the names along the board in a flash and immediately covered the names with the paper before anyone could see a thing.
The students stared at him with wide eyes.
Ryohei breathed out a sigh of relief and wiped at his brow. "Yes, perfect."
A bead of sweat ran down Tsuna's head. How was that even possible...?!
The silver haired boxer lifted the chalk he had used previously--its size had been reduced in half after being used--and he called out the first name boldly. "Glasses girl! You can go first because you suggested it!"
And that was how it went.
"Sawada! Your turn!" Ryohei beamed and held out the chalk for the short, brown haired boy. Murmurs from the students erupted around the room in disbelief. Dame-Tsuna would also be performing in the play? The play would definitely be a failure...
Tsuna gulped and scurried around the room to reach the front where Ryohei stood, trying to ignore the disgusted stares aimed towards him along the way. He didn't want to be a part of this play at all...! Chances of him playing the part of Romeo and Kyoko-chan as Juliet were next to nothing! This entire thing was pointless for him...!
"Saa," Ryohei beckoned and handed the chalk to Tsuna, "I hope you get the main role...!" He grinned and gave Tsuna a thumbs up. Tsuna forced on a smile but his mind cried in despair. He didn't want to do this at all...!
Suddenly, something caught his eye. There was something moving against the blackboard. Tsuna blinked once and then took a closer look. Was that...? The something moved again and this time, two large and dark, beady eyes opened on the green blackboard.
REBORN?!
Tsuna watched in awe as the little baby crawled sideways along the blackboard and pointed one of his green and camouflaged arms towards a paper above him. Tsuna whispered hoarsely, "You want me to sign my name under that one...?" He saw Reborn nod once. Tsuna backed away slightly and shook his head. No way. No way. If he wrote his name where Reborn told him to, something horrible would definitely happen to him. There was no chance whatsoever that he would write his name over there.
"Sawada, you have two seconds left!" Ryohei boomed. Tsuna yelped and leapt forward, scribbling his name hastily under the paper Reborn had recommended. He sighed and handed the chalk piece back to Ryohei. Tears fell from his eyes as he trudged on back to his seat between Gokudera and Yamamoto. He had a bad feeling about this...
After the remaining students finished writing their names on the board, Ryohei signed his name off in the last open spot on the board and set the piece of chalk down in finality. "Okay... it's time to reveal everyone's roles..."
Tsuna gulped and sweat came pouring down his head. Hopefully, Reborn gave him a small role... a small role that could let him laze around in the background without having to stand out and embarrass himself. His face paled as he came to the conclusion that Reborn would never give him a small role. He would probably get a huge role... Like Mercutio... or Tybalt... or maybe even Romeo...!
"Noooo!" He buried his head into his arms and Gokudera and Yamamoto stared at him in confusion.
Ryohei finished pulling away all the papers away from the board. A great gasp came from a girl in the crowd.
"Oh my gawd, he's Juliet!" She stood up and pointed at the board.
Tsuna lifted his head up curiously, wondering why a male was playing Juliet. And then he froze, staring at the blackboard in terror. "No way... Reborn didn't...!"
Gokudera smiled so happily, Tsuna swore he could see the twinkling lights around the explosives user's face. Gokudera stared at Tsuna with puppy-like eyes and he cheered eagerly, "Jyuudaime! Congratulations! You got such a big role!"
Yamamoto laughed and pat Tsuna on the shoulder. "You sure are lucky, Tsuna. You get to play Juliet!"
Tsuna mentally screamed. Why were these two congratulating him? And which part of being Juliet was lucky?!
Loud protests came from the students. This entire play would go to hell with Tsuna as Juliet! The girls screeched in anger and boys yelled indignantly.
"Wait, guys!" The glasses girl exclaimed, both hands over her cheeks in a classic 'OMG' pose. She pointed dramatically towards the board again, "Who could Romeo be? If it's a girl, then--!"
"IT'S SASAGAWA-SENPAI!" A boy wailed and promptly slammed his head against his desk, effectively knocking himself out.
Ryohei blinked once and then turned around to observe the blackboard carefully. His eyes landed upon 'Romeo' and he glanced down to find his own extreme signature underneath. He grinned brightly, "Hey, I am Romeo! Wow, what are the odds of that happening?"
Tsuna paled intensely. Wasn't... wasn't there... a kiss scene somewhere in Romeo and Juliet...? Or... several kiss scenes...?! Kissing scenes between Romeo... and Juliet? He would... be kissing... onii-san...?!
Groans came from the students and a boy shook his head, moaning loudly. "Is this a gay play?!"
Ryohei beamed, "Well actually, I wanted to be Mercutio! He gets to have a long monologue before he finally dies! And seeing as our Mercutio just knocked himself out, I'll take his role! We need a new Romeo!"
As Tsuna heard this, he felt hope rise in his chest and he glanced towards a certain orange haired girl sitting a few feet away, talking excitedly to Hana.
"Wait!" A girl's hand shot up in the air and she stood up, one hand on her hip, "I don't agree with the role distribution. Dame-Tsuna shouldn't be Juliet. Give it to a girl who deserves it. Who's with me?" She flipped her hair over her shoulder and then sat back down, a surge of 'I!'s backing her up. Including an 'I!' from little dame-Tsuna sitting at the back.
Ryohei closed his eyes, listening to the students' words. He nodded solemnly. "I understand... everyone has a big problem with the role distribution..."
The students nodded, glaring at the board. Tsuna nodded along with teary eyes.
And then Ryohei boomed again, "BUT IT WAS FAIRLY DISTRIBUTED!" He slapped his palm against Tsuna's signature to emphasize his point. "Sawada wrote his name here fair and square under Juliet! There's no mistake! It's the blackboard god's will! Sawada is playing Juliet! So, let's see a raise of hands. Those who agree with the board, raise your hands..."
No one raised their hands. Well... except two certain people sitting in the back.
Ryohei shouted forcefully and shook his hand in the air, "I SAID RAISE YOUR HANDS!"
Sweat poured from the students' heads and they hesitantly lifted their hands up. The boxer... was forcing them to raise their hands...! Tsuna shook his head violently back and forth. How was this fair and square?! This wasn't fair or square at all!
Gokudera and Yamamoto--who both had their hands up from the first time Ryohei had told them to raise their hands--grinned cheerily at the brown haired boy, oblivious to the obvious misery plaguing him.
"Now all we need is a Romeo..." Ryohei muttered and stared at the students. The girls all shook their heads and grimaced at the thought of having to play as Romeo and kiss dame-Tsuna in the play. The boys laughed and poked fun at each other, all daring the other to play Romeo. But Ryohei roared once again, "But don't worry! I've already prepared a new Romeo just in case this happened!"
"WHAT?!" The students shouted in great surprise, Tsuna's shout being the loudest.
As the room quieted thoughtfully, Tsuna asked timidly and stared at Ryohei with round eyes, "W-Who... who is it...?"
Ryohei beamed confidently.
TRALALACRACKISWONDERFULTRALALA
Up on the roof of Namimori Junior High, a small yellow bird sang cheerily in a squeaky voice.
Midori tanabiku namimori no
dainaku shounaku nami ga ii...
Kusakabe entered through the door to the roof and stood in front of a wall. He muttered in a low voice, "Hibari. There's someone who requests that you do a favor for them."
After a moment of silence and only the sound of flapping from Hibird's wings as an answer, Hibari's voice came floating mysteriously down from above the wall.
"What is it?"
Kusakabe bowed his head and continued, "There is a Sasagawa Ryohei asking for you to act as the main character in a Shakespearean play."
"No." Came the short and simple reply from above.
Kusakabe nodded and started to go back to the door that he had entered in from. He chuckled and rolled the stalk of grass in his mouth idly, muttering to himself. "But those guys sure are strange... making dame-Tsuna play Juliet..."
Upon the very top of the roof, Hibari lay against his arms. His previously closed eyes had opened and he was staring at the clouds with a piercing yet contemplative gaze. Hibird tilted its head to the side, staring curiously at the boy.
"..."
TRALALAWHAT?!HIBARI?!TRALALA
"HIBARI-SAN?!" A few girls shouted in glee. Other girls screamed in terror. And for the most part, the boys kept their mouths tightly sealed and shivered in their seats. One brave boy sighed and let his head fall into the palm of his hand, muttering under his breath, "It's still a gay play..."
"Wait... onii-san..." Tsuna laughed in disbelief. "You asked... Hi-Hi-Hibari-san to be... Romeo...? And he... he actually... agreed...?"
Ryohei grinned and pointed towards Tsuna dramatically. "Exactly! And now that everyone knows their roles, we'll erase everything on the board!"
"W-w-wait!" Tsuna extended a hand out desperately. Hibari-san couldn't possibly be his Romeo, could he?!
"Don't worry, Jyuudaime..." Gokudera's eyes blazed with flames, "I won't let Romeo touch you...!"
Yamamoto laughed. "Well, actually that's more like my job, I think. I'll have to read the play again."
Tsuna turned to his two friends in confusion. "Wha? Wait! Who are you guys in the play?! I didn't even see the rest of the board yet!"
The two boys smirked at each other and then grinned back at him. "It's-a-se-cret...!" They spoke simultaneously and Tsuna glanced between the two, wondering why they were suddenly getting along so well with each other.
Ryohei clapped his hands together and nodded. "All right, any volunteers to do costumes? Anyone can do make-up? Props? Background set? We want to make this the best play ever! So let's see some hands! I want everyone participating!"
A group of girls and a few boys raised their hands. "We can do costumes..."
A few girls giggled to each other and raised their hands. "We'll take care of the make-up!"
A few hands shot up in the air. "We can go search for props!"
The rest of the students hesitantly raised their hands and Ryohei nodded to them. "The rest will do the set, lights, and sound! Make sure that the people doing the lights and sound are party people who can go on and off stage at any given time! And, glasses girl! You are the director!"
The girl shot up in her seat and smiled happily, "Roger, Ryohei-senpai! I'm on it!" And then she zoomed off to make copies of the script for everyone in the room.
"All right, now that we know what to do, let's all get working! We only have a few weeks left until opening night! Let's go, ULTIMATELY!"
A round of cheers sprung from the students and they all left the room at their own pace.
Tsuna sighed and let his chin drop onto his table heavily. This was absurd. All of this was absurd. And it was all Reborn's fault! He whispered accusingly into the table, "It's all your fault, Reborn. It's all your fault...!" Suddenly, someone walked up to his desk and Tsuna glanced upward, blinking curiously at the person who had decided to block his view of the smudged blackboard. He shot up in seat as he recognized the person.
"K-Kyoko-chan...!" Tsuna gasped and blushed in embarassment.
The orange haired girl smiled sweetly, "Congratulations on getting the role of Juliet, Tsuna-kun!"
"Er... thank you..." Tsuna mumbled, eyes falling down to his lap.
"I think you'll be a great Juliet! I'll be cheering for you! Especially since I'm playing the friar who secretly marries Romeo and Juliet together! Hee hee." Kyoko smiled innocently, unaware of the implications behind her words.
But Tsuna paled, understanding all too clearly what her words could've meant.
Did Kyoko think... he would act well... as a girl...?! And more importantly, she was happy to marry him and Hibari-san together?!
ARRRRRGGGGHHH...! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Kyoko blinked once and tilted her head to the side, "Tsuna-kun?"
AN: Yep, here it is! The first consecutively on-going story in this collection of crack fiction!