This is the last chapter I have written at the moment. I hope to have finished the next chapter by the end of this week, which means it should be up here over the weekend. I hope.
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Batfan01: Hey, Lil, 'sup?
Batsgrl: heya, mattster. howz the bro?
Batfan01: Mr. F said he'll be fine. Hows he know?
Batsgrl: he a doc?
Batfan01: Uhuh. he used to be Gear.
Batsgrl: ..no way.
Batfan01: Yeah. Pretty schway. Oh. Guess he would know being superbrain. Duh me.
Batsgrl: hows aunt mary takin it?
Batfan01: Happy. Duh you this time.
Batsgrl: ...okayokay. gonna celebrate?
Batfan01: Yeah. We're going out tonight. All of us. Even Mr. Wayne, so i gotta be real good.
Batsgrl: schway. also scary. geek=me what's he like?
Batfan01: schway. also scary. :P Wants everyone to think he's this grumpy old man but he's all squishy really.
Batsgrl: squishy?
Batfan01: Like a marshmello. Like when Terry got in trouble cause he had those drugs (NOT HIS) Mr. Wayne helped him prove they weren't his. And they weren't. Terry wouldn't do drugs. He doens't even like drinking. Saw him try a sip of Uncle Ed's beer once. Shoulda seen his face.
Batsgrl: i did. i was there, remember? can't believe aunt mary thot he'd do drugs. duh her.
Batfan01: Yeah, really. Terry was scared people would think they were his, tho. Cause of his record.
Batfan01: Got a Squirrelthief yet?
Batsgrl: only the first day.
Batfan01: I don't know where mine came from. It just showed up in my room. Max got Terry one. Mr. Wayne got this wierd look on his face when he saw it. Wonder why?
Batfan01: Gotta go. Mom's date is here to bring us to the restaraunt. restaurunt? food place.
Batsgrl: restaurant. howd you get an a on the spelling test? told her who he is yet?
Batfan01: NO! Not gonna. Can't make me. Bye, Lil.
Batfan01 has logged off 18:01:38
Batsgrl has logged off 18:02:05
**********************************************
Tim smiled as he watched Bruce demonstrating the proper way to fold a napkin into a swan. It was such an un-Bruce-like act for the very Brucest of reasons- Rich had said that the napkins would have to be more highly starched than the ones provided in order to do anything fancy with them, so naturally Bruce had to prove him wrong. Barbara was watching too, barely hiding a smile. Her husband wasn't even trying.
Tim was sorry that Max, Dana, and Dalrymple couldn't make it. He'd been looking forward to the meeting between Max and Rich, but it wasn't going to happen this time; Max's cousin was getting married today and Max was a bridesmaid, seafoam green gown and all. Dana's father, on learning of her trips to see Terry, had shipped her off to her aunt in Metropolis. And Dalrymple had come down with a streaming cold. Still, this was a good crowd and Tim was glad that Bruce had consented to join it, even if he had grumbled all the way over.
"It's not a matter of starch," Bruce was saying, "it's a matter of folding at just the right angle to take advantage of the natural... dear god."
Bruce's expression hadn't changed, but his eyes were focused on the door. Barbara made a strangled noise, and Sam Young was gaping. Virgil and Rich exchanged glances.
"Uh, guys, an explanation for the guy with his back to the door," Tim sighed.
"Mary and Matt are here. With an escort." Bruce's "Pleasant Old Man" face was suddenly in place.
"A- what?" Tim wondered if he had spent too long in Gotham.
"Not that kind," Barbara assured him.
"Ohthankgod."
"Hello, everybody," Mary said from behind Tim. "I'd like you all to meet my friend Stan Lebowski. He's been a big help to me lately, just like all of you have, so I though he should be here too."
Tim gaped at Bruce and mouthed the words Mad Stan. Bruce nodded. Tim pasted on a friendly smile, turned to greet them, and prepared for the most surreal night he'd had in years.
He wasn't disappointed. Nobody was going to be the one to break the news to Mary McGinnis, who obviously had no clue as to her friend's career choice. She was the only one at the table who didn't know; even Matt had caught Barbara's eye and winked. He was having a good laugh over it, in fact. Bruce didn't let his mask slip all night, but Tim could tell the Old Man was stunned and aghast. In fact, the last time Tim could remember seeing Bruce act like that was when they'd found Roxy Rocket in bed with The Scarecrow. Barbara and Sam were in the same fix, and Virgil and Rich just shrugged and let it slide.
Stan himself didn't set a foot wrong all evening, which only added to the whole "Twilight Zone" atmosphere. Tim was a bit disturbed to find himself liking the guy. And no matter what else became of the evening, he would always treasure the memory of Mad Stan blithely telling them he was in "urban renewal". Bruce had been about to take a drink of tea; he'd set the cup down quickly. Luckily, Mary and Stan hadn't seen Matt's face at that point.
Just as they were bringing the dinner to an end, Mary had to bring Matt to the bathroom. Bruce siezed his opportunity at once.
"So you're Stan Lebowski."
"That's me."
"Otherwise known as Mad Stan."
Silence. By mutual agreement everyone decided they were going to let Bruce handle this one, if only because they wanted to see what he was going to do.
"Guess you heard of me." Stan's grin wilted a bit.
"Yes."
"I'm not gonna do anything to spoil this for Mary, I swear. She's... she's really something. And if keeping her happy means I gotta play nice with you guys every now and then, well..."
Bruce looked at him for a while then nodded.
"During World War 1, on Christmas Day of 1914, the British and German forces at various points along the French and Belgian borders declared an unofficial truce to celebrate the day."
"Yeah, I know. Figure if they can, we can?"
"Exactly."
"Okay."
There was another brief silence. Bruce broke it.
"But if you cause this family any more trouble you'll learn a whole new meaning to the phrase 'abuse of power'."
Stan and Bruce locked eyes. Finally, to everyone's surprise, Stan grinned.
"Deal. Never would have guessed you as the heavy-handed father type."
Tim and Barbara choked on their drinks.
*****************************************************
Harley looked at the list she'd weaseled out of the computer and started eliminating names. She didn't trust The Old Trout not to do something nasty to Poor Terry, but it wasn't going to happen if Harlene Quinzel O'Roarke had anything to say about it.
"Lessee... Howard Groote- no, that's a guy's name. Chelsea Cunningham- could be her-"
"No, Nana Harley, she's our age," Delia called from the other room. Dierdre gasped an agreement from the uneven bars as she flipped around them.
"Howsabout... um... Trista McGinnis?"
Delia popped into the room.
"Don't know her. I'll see what I can find online."
A few minutes later they had their answer. Trista was in her early 30's, far too young to be the woman Harley had seen.
"Barbara Gordon, no; Maxine Gibson, no; Dana Tan, no; Lydia Palmer?"
Another check, another negative. She was the right age, but The Old Trout wasn't Native American. Harley wondered what her connection was, then decided it didn't matter.
"Aw, c'mon! She's gotta be on here somewhere! She got in to see him!"
"So did you, Nana Harley," the twins chorused.
"Shuddup. That's different. I used to be a bad guy; I'm supposed to sneak around!"
"She didn't exactly sound like the sweetness-and-light-type," Dierdre pointed out, moving to the balance beam. "Nana Harley, are you sure this is a good idea? I mean, if Old Man Wayne finds out we've been messing around with his life again- this guy is seriously rich and powerful even without the whole Batman thing!"
"We're not messing with Brucie's life."
"Close enough," Delia muttered, then, incredulously: "Brucie?"
"Don't ask, Dee," her twin shuddered.
"Look, you two, we owe them. I helped ruin Brucie's life years ago and you two almost killed Poor Terry. This may be our only chance to set things right."
"Yeah, but what's the point if we can't tell them we did anything?"
"It's- well-" Harley stuttered a bit and finally glared at them. "It's a highly complex moral issue that you two are far too young to understand."
"Oh."
"Okay."
The DeeDees exchanged a look and a single thought: she doesn't know either.
************************************************** ******
Scab, Trey, and Anti-Mime huddled in an abandoned building, afraid for their lives. The whole city had gone nuts, they thought.
"Man, what is it with that kid?" Scab growled. "So we laid the smack on a guy who's been dissin' us for years. Big fuckin' deal! Why's everyone so uptight?"
"Maybe our timing just sucks," Trey shrugged. "Sometimes that's all it takes, y'know?"
Anti-Mime nodded.
"Ain't it the truth. If we'd done it a day later, maybe this wouldn't have happened. Or maybe this is because we decided to pick on the personal assistant of BRUCE FRIKKIN' WAYNE!!! That guy owns this town and we had to go and tork him off. I told you it was a bad idea, soon as I heard who he was. But NOOOOOO, you guys have to have your payback anyway. Shoulda just capped him if you had to try to kill him- it's the beatdown that's got everyone pissed."
"Hey, shut up! So what if he's Wayne's toy? Ain't nobody too big for The Jokerz!"
Trey and Anti-Mime just rolled their eyes. Scab's ego always had been bigger than he was, which was saying something; still, even for him, that was a dumb thing to say. They sat quietly for a while before Anti-Mime thought of something.
"Hey, guys- on the news they said we'd killed No Fun Boy's father. Even showed a picture- I mean, a picture of the guy when he was alive. He look familiar to you?"
Scab looked up sharply.
"Hey, yeah, I remember him. First any of our group heard of him was when we got accused of offing him. How 'bout you guys?"
"Wasn't my bunch," Trey protested.
"Not mine, either," Anti-Mime agreed. "I've run into members of almost all the major Jokerz gangs in this town, and nobody can remember seeing that guy before his picture got splashed all over the Web. What's that say to you?"
Scab and Trey scowled.
"We got set up to take the fall," Scab snarled. "Man, when I get my hands on the dreg who thought he could pull that-"
"You won't."
The three froze. Looking toward the empty window, they saw a long, lean form.
"Oh, slaggit," Trey whispered.
"He is dead. You would be as well, but I have promised to bring you in alive."
"You'll never take me alive!" Scab screamed. Trey and Anti-Mime groaned.
"He said it- not us!"
"As you wish."
And Stalker smiled.
******************************************************
Insert standard continuation comment here.
************************************************** ****
Batfan01: Hey, Lil, 'sup?
Batsgrl: heya, mattster. howz the bro?
Batfan01: Mr. F said he'll be fine. Hows he know?
Batsgrl: he a doc?
Batfan01: Uhuh. he used to be Gear.
Batsgrl: ..no way.
Batfan01: Yeah. Pretty schway. Oh. Guess he would know being superbrain. Duh me.
Batsgrl: hows aunt mary takin it?
Batfan01: Happy. Duh you this time.
Batsgrl: ...okayokay. gonna celebrate?
Batfan01: Yeah. We're going out tonight. All of us. Even Mr. Wayne, so i gotta be real good.
Batsgrl: schway. also scary. geek=me what's he like?
Batfan01: schway. also scary. :P Wants everyone to think he's this grumpy old man but he's all squishy really.
Batsgrl: squishy?
Batfan01: Like a marshmello. Like when Terry got in trouble cause he had those drugs (NOT HIS) Mr. Wayne helped him prove they weren't his. And they weren't. Terry wouldn't do drugs. He doens't even like drinking. Saw him try a sip of Uncle Ed's beer once. Shoulda seen his face.
Batsgrl: i did. i was there, remember? can't believe aunt mary thot he'd do drugs. duh her.
Batfan01: Yeah, really. Terry was scared people would think they were his, tho. Cause of his record.
Batfan01: Got a Squirrelthief yet?
Batsgrl: only the first day.
Batfan01: I don't know where mine came from. It just showed up in my room. Max got Terry one. Mr. Wayne got this wierd look on his face when he saw it. Wonder why?
Batfan01: Gotta go. Mom's date is here to bring us to the restaraunt. restaurunt? food place.
Batsgrl: restaurant. howd you get an a on the spelling test? told her who he is yet?
Batfan01: NO! Not gonna. Can't make me. Bye, Lil.
Batfan01 has logged off 18:01:38
Batsgrl has logged off 18:02:05
**********************************************
Tim smiled as he watched Bruce demonstrating the proper way to fold a napkin into a swan. It was such an un-Bruce-like act for the very Brucest of reasons- Rich had said that the napkins would have to be more highly starched than the ones provided in order to do anything fancy with them, so naturally Bruce had to prove him wrong. Barbara was watching too, barely hiding a smile. Her husband wasn't even trying.
Tim was sorry that Max, Dana, and Dalrymple couldn't make it. He'd been looking forward to the meeting between Max and Rich, but it wasn't going to happen this time; Max's cousin was getting married today and Max was a bridesmaid, seafoam green gown and all. Dana's father, on learning of her trips to see Terry, had shipped her off to her aunt in Metropolis. And Dalrymple had come down with a streaming cold. Still, this was a good crowd and Tim was glad that Bruce had consented to join it, even if he had grumbled all the way over.
"It's not a matter of starch," Bruce was saying, "it's a matter of folding at just the right angle to take advantage of the natural... dear god."
Bruce's expression hadn't changed, but his eyes were focused on the door. Barbara made a strangled noise, and Sam Young was gaping. Virgil and Rich exchanged glances.
"Uh, guys, an explanation for the guy with his back to the door," Tim sighed.
"Mary and Matt are here. With an escort." Bruce's "Pleasant Old Man" face was suddenly in place.
"A- what?" Tim wondered if he had spent too long in Gotham.
"Not that kind," Barbara assured him.
"Ohthankgod."
"Hello, everybody," Mary said from behind Tim. "I'd like you all to meet my friend Stan Lebowski. He's been a big help to me lately, just like all of you have, so I though he should be here too."
Tim gaped at Bruce and mouthed the words Mad Stan. Bruce nodded. Tim pasted on a friendly smile, turned to greet them, and prepared for the most surreal night he'd had in years.
He wasn't disappointed. Nobody was going to be the one to break the news to Mary McGinnis, who obviously had no clue as to her friend's career choice. She was the only one at the table who didn't know; even Matt had caught Barbara's eye and winked. He was having a good laugh over it, in fact. Bruce didn't let his mask slip all night, but Tim could tell the Old Man was stunned and aghast. In fact, the last time Tim could remember seeing Bruce act like that was when they'd found Roxy Rocket in bed with The Scarecrow. Barbara and Sam were in the same fix, and Virgil and Rich just shrugged and let it slide.
Stan himself didn't set a foot wrong all evening, which only added to the whole "Twilight Zone" atmosphere. Tim was a bit disturbed to find himself liking the guy. And no matter what else became of the evening, he would always treasure the memory of Mad Stan blithely telling them he was in "urban renewal". Bruce had been about to take a drink of tea; he'd set the cup down quickly. Luckily, Mary and Stan hadn't seen Matt's face at that point.
Just as they were bringing the dinner to an end, Mary had to bring Matt to the bathroom. Bruce siezed his opportunity at once.
"So you're Stan Lebowski."
"That's me."
"Otherwise known as Mad Stan."
Silence. By mutual agreement everyone decided they were going to let Bruce handle this one, if only because they wanted to see what he was going to do.
"Guess you heard of me." Stan's grin wilted a bit.
"Yes."
"I'm not gonna do anything to spoil this for Mary, I swear. She's... she's really something. And if keeping her happy means I gotta play nice with you guys every now and then, well..."
Bruce looked at him for a while then nodded.
"During World War 1, on Christmas Day of 1914, the British and German forces at various points along the French and Belgian borders declared an unofficial truce to celebrate the day."
"Yeah, I know. Figure if they can, we can?"
"Exactly."
"Okay."
There was another brief silence. Bruce broke it.
"But if you cause this family any more trouble you'll learn a whole new meaning to the phrase 'abuse of power'."
Stan and Bruce locked eyes. Finally, to everyone's surprise, Stan grinned.
"Deal. Never would have guessed you as the heavy-handed father type."
Tim and Barbara choked on their drinks.
*****************************************************
Harley looked at the list she'd weaseled out of the computer and started eliminating names. She didn't trust The Old Trout not to do something nasty to Poor Terry, but it wasn't going to happen if Harlene Quinzel O'Roarke had anything to say about it.
"Lessee... Howard Groote- no, that's a guy's name. Chelsea Cunningham- could be her-"
"No, Nana Harley, she's our age," Delia called from the other room. Dierdre gasped an agreement from the uneven bars as she flipped around them.
"Howsabout... um... Trista McGinnis?"
Delia popped into the room.
"Don't know her. I'll see what I can find online."
A few minutes later they had their answer. Trista was in her early 30's, far too young to be the woman Harley had seen.
"Barbara Gordon, no; Maxine Gibson, no; Dana Tan, no; Lydia Palmer?"
Another check, another negative. She was the right age, but The Old Trout wasn't Native American. Harley wondered what her connection was, then decided it didn't matter.
"Aw, c'mon! She's gotta be on here somewhere! She got in to see him!"
"So did you, Nana Harley," the twins chorused.
"Shuddup. That's different. I used to be a bad guy; I'm supposed to sneak around!"
"She didn't exactly sound like the sweetness-and-light-type," Dierdre pointed out, moving to the balance beam. "Nana Harley, are you sure this is a good idea? I mean, if Old Man Wayne finds out we've been messing around with his life again- this guy is seriously rich and powerful even without the whole Batman thing!"
"We're not messing with Brucie's life."
"Close enough," Delia muttered, then, incredulously: "Brucie?"
"Don't ask, Dee," her twin shuddered.
"Look, you two, we owe them. I helped ruin Brucie's life years ago and you two almost killed Poor Terry. This may be our only chance to set things right."
"Yeah, but what's the point if we can't tell them we did anything?"
"It's- well-" Harley stuttered a bit and finally glared at them. "It's a highly complex moral issue that you two are far too young to understand."
"Oh."
"Okay."
The DeeDees exchanged a look and a single thought: she doesn't know either.
************************************************** ******
Scab, Trey, and Anti-Mime huddled in an abandoned building, afraid for their lives. The whole city had gone nuts, they thought.
"Man, what is it with that kid?" Scab growled. "So we laid the smack on a guy who's been dissin' us for years. Big fuckin' deal! Why's everyone so uptight?"
"Maybe our timing just sucks," Trey shrugged. "Sometimes that's all it takes, y'know?"
Anti-Mime nodded.
"Ain't it the truth. If we'd done it a day later, maybe this wouldn't have happened. Or maybe this is because we decided to pick on the personal assistant of BRUCE FRIKKIN' WAYNE!!! That guy owns this town and we had to go and tork him off. I told you it was a bad idea, soon as I heard who he was. But NOOOOOO, you guys have to have your payback anyway. Shoulda just capped him if you had to try to kill him- it's the beatdown that's got everyone pissed."
"Hey, shut up! So what if he's Wayne's toy? Ain't nobody too big for The Jokerz!"
Trey and Anti-Mime just rolled their eyes. Scab's ego always had been bigger than he was, which was saying something; still, even for him, that was a dumb thing to say. They sat quietly for a while before Anti-Mime thought of something.
"Hey, guys- on the news they said we'd killed No Fun Boy's father. Even showed a picture- I mean, a picture of the guy when he was alive. He look familiar to you?"
Scab looked up sharply.
"Hey, yeah, I remember him. First any of our group heard of him was when we got accused of offing him. How 'bout you guys?"
"Wasn't my bunch," Trey protested.
"Not mine, either," Anti-Mime agreed. "I've run into members of almost all the major Jokerz gangs in this town, and nobody can remember seeing that guy before his picture got splashed all over the Web. What's that say to you?"
Scab and Trey scowled.
"We got set up to take the fall," Scab snarled. "Man, when I get my hands on the dreg who thought he could pull that-"
"You won't."
The three froze. Looking toward the empty window, they saw a long, lean form.
"Oh, slaggit," Trey whispered.
"He is dead. You would be as well, but I have promised to bring you in alive."
"You'll never take me alive!" Scab screamed. Trey and Anti-Mime groaned.
"He said it- not us!"
"As you wish."
And Stalker smiled.
******************************************************
Insert standard continuation comment here.