Mahé, le 2 Juin 1814

It has been a long time I didn't write anything in my diary.
It's because I must have lost it while playing at the coconut breaking game with Francis on the seashore long ago.
I liked eating coconuts with him after playing.

But Francis is gone.

He's gone.

Far away.

Why? Why?

Pourquoi?

It happened three days ago.
Yet Francis told me he was used to drive back those attacks from Arthur!
I don't understand what happened.

This time it seemed that he could not handle anything.
There were too many boats and cannons from the British Empire.

Francis's new king ordered him to leave my islands and go back to France.

When I acknowledged that Francis was about to go on his boat with his people, I cried and begged him to bring me with him and not to leave me here with the terrible Arthur.

But instead of taking my hand and pulling me on the boat, he crouched down and tied my hair in two long bunches with two red ribbons. And with a serious and sad face that he has never shown me before, he said:

"Marianne, I can't bring you with me. I can't disobey to my boss, the king. Arthur's men have caught my previous boss, I can't do anything. Don't cry. Or no, you can cry if you want so. I can feel you're strong enough to face Arthur. Remember I love you. Je t'aime, Marianne. You're a courageous girl, I know it. Promise me you'll be courageous, okay?"

And as I was still crying, he kissed me two times, one kiss on each cheek.
As I told him I was not sure to be strong enough, he told me I was tall enough by now.
I am still little but my head reached his chest by then.

"See? You've grown up taller!" He said with a little, encouraging smile.

As I understood this was a farewell, I slowly whispered those words:

"Will you see me being tall enough someday to give me a kiss?"

He first looked surprised, and then, without any word, he bended down, got closer and closer and I felt his lips softly caressing my mouth.
What a strange sensation! His lips were cool and sweet. It made me dizzy.
I slightly opened my mouth and started to suck his lips and wet them with my tongue to make them warm.
I could feel him breathing harder and his mouth getting hot, his wet lips sliding gently on mines.

I wished this kiss would never end. He did taste so good… I wished it went hotter until I got burned, closer until I ended up part of him, forever.
I think that if I could sell my soul for more, I would.

But he pulled away, leaving my lips hot, wet and desperate.

I wanted to look into his blue eyes again but they were like staring something else I couldn't see.
And with an "Adieu, Marianne", he went away.

Damn it!
I was so high that I didn't thought about running towards him or crying again.

If only I knew what happened after that!

I felt someone coming in my back, and when I was about to have a look over my shoulder I suddenly felt one pair of hands grabbing my arms and another pushing harshly against my mouth.

I wanted to shout, to fight off, but the boats with floating French Tricolors were already far away anyway.

I heard orders I did not understand and then… nothing more.

When I woke up, I was in my room. Locked.

I tried to escape but gave up as I understood that there was no way out whatever I did.

I've been locked here all the day, all the night and all the day after, and so on until today.
A black woman brings me food three times a day.

The food is not good. It's mostly something looking like boiled beef with some weird sauce on it. But as I refused to eat the two first days, I was so hungry that I could not resist this morning whatever the thing tastes good or not.

This morning, I found my diary next to me.
I don't know how did he make there but I was happy to see it again.

I read the unique page I have written when I was younger. It was happy times. But it made me think about Francis and the lack of his presence grew stronger, hurting my head, hurting my heart.
Is this what we call love?
Will I see him again someday?
Why didn't he look at me after we kissed? Was he afraid? Why would he be afraid of me?

Maybe because I do not look like the other women.
I'm little, I have no breasts yet, and no curves. I still look like a little girl.
Why would it be forbidden to kiss a little girl? Am I into illegality? Is Francis a criminal? Would he get killed for such a crime? Would he get killed because of me?
The only guilt here is me. Me and only me. Because I wanted this kiss. I claim I don't have any regret about my crime if it was so.

Maybe that is why they jailed me in my own room. Until he came.

In the afternoon, a man with white hair and bicorn hat, maybe a general, opened my door.
The only person I had seen until then was the black woman who brings food.

The man stared at me for few seconds and turned his back.

"Here she is, my lord." He said.

He opened the door wide to let enter another man, younger than him, with short blond hair and incredibly big eyebrows.

I recognized him immediately.

Arthur began staring at me. Staring at me in such a harsh way that I felt weaker than ever.
It seemed he was expecting for something from me but I didn't say a word and stayed sat on the floor, staring back at him.

No way! I won't let him believing he can do everything he wants with me!

As he noticed in my eyes I won't be that easy with him, he raised his eyebrows, a quite shocked expression on his face.

He asked the man with white hair to leave us and the door got closed.

Arthur walked towards me and kept on running his penetrating green eyes on me with an inexpressive face. It was like he was reading my fear and feelings through me and it was really unpleasant. I hated it.

"Hi." He said quickly.

"I am Arthur. I'll take charge of you from now." He continued as I didn't give any reply.

"You were Marianne isn't it?" He smirked. But his smirk faded as he noticed I did not find it funny at all.

"Anyway, forget Marianne. You're not Marianne anymore. You're Victoria."

I faced him, trying to protest. I raised one leg to kick him but he dodged it.

"Trying to fight is useless." He said.

"I am your new boss. You'll obey me and only me, little girl."

He crouched down in front of me and held out a hand with a smile on his face.
I moved back. That guy is bizarre. I just can't figure him out. First he tells me awful things and suddenly he acts friendly.

"Don't be afraid." He said. "I won't hurt you. Come on."

I decided that guy was definitively freaking me out. Not in a good way.
I reached as quickly as I could a place to hide under my bed.

He bended down his head and stared at me again.
I thought he would try to catch my leg and pull me but he didn't.
Instead of that, he told me he would leave me alone for a while, so I could think.

"I will be patient." He promised as he got up.

He also told me that I am now free on my islands, that I am not locked in my room for any longer.

"I'm glad you ate something" he said before going.

I really don't know what to think about Arthur.
He's so cold by comparison with Francis. He shows a lot of reserve while Francis is much more demonstrative. I really miss his heat. I'm freezing here. Yet the sun is with me all the time and that winter never reaches my islands.

Arthur's people replaced Francis's ones.
They don't look that different from them. Maybe blonder and redder, with lighter eyes. But don't looking the same at all at the same time. They rather drink whiskey and gin instead of wine, and they never kiss hello.
But the black slaves are always at the same places in the fields.

I wonder what Arthur will do with me.

I walked on the beach, looking for my friends. But they're all gone. And Union Jacks are floating everywhere.
Same colors for so much differences. Though.
A flag for another flag, a king for another king, an empire for another empire. The main thing remains the same.

But the problem is Arthur. I absolutely don't trust him.

What will he do with me?

At least, my diary has stayed with me.