; Chapter 5
(I do not own Malcolm in the Middle, twentieth century fox does. I just use it for comedy)
Larxene was trying to deal with the unpleasantness of her 3 day noticed pregnancy. Roxas was using a laptop.
"What're you doing?" Saix said.
"I'm making my webpage," Roxas responded.
"Why are you using Xemnas' laptop?" Saix asked.
"Xion found my wallpaper. It was a picture of a ten foot gold statue of her naked that Lexaeus carved, she smashed the laptop." Roxas replied.
"What happened to the statue?" Saix asked.
"It's resting with God in pieces. Xion found it, smashed the bejeezus out of it, and nearly killed Roxas," Larxene said.
"What's the matter with you?" Roxas asked.
"The pregnancy is sickening me," Larxene yelled.
Meanwhile, Thasmox and Xion were watching TV. Xion was flipping through channels and Thasmox somehow had cigarettes.
"Get rid of the cigarettes Thasmox!" Larxene screamed.
"Why?" Thasmox asked.
"Same reason I gave 'em to you!" Larxene yelled back
"What reason would that be?" Thasmox questioned intentionally being a jerk.
Larxene went nuts, "I can't be near cigarettes. I'm pregnant! Look at the package!" she said shoving the package in his face, "Surgeon General's Warning!"
"It says ice cream!" Thasmox laughed.
"Can't you read?" Larxene yelled.
"No, the schools where I came from were horrible," Thasmox said.
"I thought you were a clone," Larxene said.
"No, I was a teenager who got turned into a Heartless. I remember it like it was yesterday,"
(Flashback)
*The Thasmox here is a human, so he'll be called Thomas.*
Thomas was in a school at the lockers. This kid walked by and Thomas grabbed him by the neck.
"Remember how you stole my lunch money last month and got sent to prison because I was in crutches?" Thomas asked.
"Yeah, so what?" The kid asked.
"Now that I'm out of the crutches, I'll kick the living s*** out of you," Thomas yelled.
The kid tried to run. The next ten minutes involve Thomas beating him. The kid went to the hospital and somehow, an innocent bystander got blamed. He would've confessed, but after he knew what was going to happen, he kept quiet. The classes took an unusually longer halt than every other day of the school year. They were in the middle of the test that were later graded to be 0's but were given ten points for full effort.
2 hours later, Thomas was walking home when suddenly, a Large Body, eight Shadows, and two Neoshadows appeared. He tried to punch them, but they passed through the Shadows and the Large Body was hit in the front and they are naturally reflected.
"You guys are freaks," Thomas said thinking they were human for some reason.
A Shadow swiped at him and knocked him down. Then, all the Heartless dog piled him, and within thirty seconds, he was a Heartless.
The next day was unusually peaceful due to the fact that Thomas and a few bullies were absent. Xemnas soon found a random Dusk that just happened to be Thasmox and did the upgrading process.
(End Flashback)
.., "and from that point, my memory is hazy," Thasmox ended.
Marluxia and Lexaeus were holding a secret conspiracy against Xaldin to entertain themselves for a brief duration. They were trying to find out Xaldin's newly revealed secret shame (Revealed as in told everyone he has one), not to mention they were deprived of thirty-seven hours of sleep.
"Marluxia, grow the freaking flowers!" said Lexaeus.
"You didn't tell me what type. The Fountain of Secrets has to have a specific type," he complained.
"Daffodils!" Lexaeus yelled.
"What color?" Marluxia asked.
"All of them going in this order! Orange, white-yellow, yellow, white. Six rows, four columns, on both sides, and above the miniature waterfall!" Lexaeus screamed in his face.
"This sounds like a lot of work for a secret. Just steal his diary, all men have one!" Marluxia said.
"That's chicks, moron!" Lexaeus yelled.
"Xion lied to me," Marluxia moaned.
The model was completed except for the water.
"Demyx!" Marluxia yelled.
Demyx dark corridors himself in. "Whax?" He asked.
"The waterfall!" Lexaeus yelled.
"Okax," Demyx said filling the waterfall with a continuous flow.
Xaldin comes in. "What is that?" Xaldin asked.
"The Fountain of Secrets. You write down the biggest secrets you know, put them through this hole in the top, and it'll keep them safe!" Lexaeus said.
Xaldin writes something' down on a slip of paper and tries to put it in. A hand reaches out and punches Xaldin in the face. Marluxia looks in the hall.
"Vexen, what're you doing!" Marluxia yelled.
"LSD," Vexen said punching him in the face.
Lexaeus takes the paper out of Xaldin's hand and reads it. "Aw, I already knew that!" Lexaeus yelled throwing the paper in the trash. The paper said "Zexion's lexicon is actually pornography."
Larxene was enduring some troubles. Anger was one of them because she was craving ramen noodles, and she severely hates ramen. The DVD for her favorite movie "Love is Nice" was blaring.
"Radical!" a kid in the movie said.
"Is that your final answer?" said the movie's ring bearer.
Thasmox was laughing with Larxene. Xion was watching a show that had just ended called "Morningstar in the Middle".
"I wonder what the human version "Malcolm in the Middle" is like," Xion stated.
"I watched that all the time when I had a heart. It was my favorite show," Thasmox said.
"You think that was good, watch Sephiroth!" Xion said.
Thasmox sat down and watched in awe. He takes out a DVD labeled "Lost Episode of Malcolm in the Middle" called Hal Murders Lois, where Reese and Malcolm finally realize their pranks are wrong, Francis comes home, and Dewey finally realizes that Malcolm and Reese weren't mean after all. And of course, Hal murders Lois with a refrigerator door and sets them free.
"That was worth thousands, and I don't need it," Thasmox said.
"Did you have to destroy it?" Xion asked.
"Yes I did," he growled.
"Xion, check this out," Roxas said.
She looks at Roxas' webpage. All it had was an image of a poorly drawn Keyblade bouncing on and off of walls. It was so bad, Xion couldn't help laughing.
"Yes, I got a view from an attractive co-worker," Roxas yelled. Xion was laughing too hard to notice what he said. While no one was looking, Thasmox pulled the pin off a grenade and was about to put it down Roxas' pants but Zexion came and took Thasmox out of there.
Axel was being grilled by Xemnas over the pregnancy. They have been arguing over this for a week now. When he had had enough, he started to draw his Ethereal Blades out.
"I'm telling you Xemnas, I didn't get Larxene pregnant. Ask Vexen about it," Axel complained.
"Why would Vexen tell me that?" Xemnas asked.
"To upset Marluxia," Axel groaned.
"Who?" Xemnas questioned.
"Marluxia, Number XI, gay guy who carries a scythe and likes flowers," Axel answered.
"Never heard of him," Xemnas said back.
Zexion appears through a dark corridor holding Thasmox by the neck in normal clothes so the corridor burned him. Zexion throws him to Xemnas (Which he catches) and went back through the dark corridor.
"I'm getting sick of Thasmox' failed attempts to prank the Keyblade teens." Xemnas yelled.
"Not girl Roxas, just Roxas," Axel responded knowing he wouldn't recognize the name Xion.
The third attempt to make Xaldin spill it failed, so Marluxia and Lexaeus tried something else.
"Do you think this'll work?" Lexaeus asked.
"Definitely," Marluxia answered confidently.
"Xhy xo xi haxe xo xe xin thix caxe?" Demyx question in a suspended cage where spikes would come down on him from above on Lexaeus' command.
"You're the icing. You're one of the people Xaldin likes, he hates everyone else. Especially the Keyblade teens and Thasmox," Lexaeus responded.
"Thax telx xim xou'll kilx Thasmox!" Demyx yelled.
"No, I kinda like Thasmox," Marluxia said.
"So you're a child molester?" Lexaeus asked.
"I don't mean it like that, I'm not gay!" Marluxia denied, stuttering.
Xaldin appeared. "Why is Demyx in a cage?"
"We'll kill him unless you tell us your secret shame," Marluxia snarled.
"That's what today's been about?" Xaldin trivialized.
"We told you already. Can you tell us," Lexaeus yelled at him.
"Sure," Xaldin said.
"Gay, gay, gay, gay…" Marluxia kept repeating under his breath.
"Just follow this map!" Xaldin said dropping a piece of paper in front of Marluxia's feet and vanishing.
"I hate these pregnancy symptoms," Larxene said.
"Yeah, we'll hear about how you put that light bulb out later," Thasmox replied watching Sephiroth.
"Shut up," Larxene yelled.
"You know what, you being pregnant remind me of a time when I was trying to hit on this guy's girlfriend," Thasmox said reminiscing.
(Flashback)
*This is another human Thasmox, so it'll be treated as such.*
This girl (The one mentioned) was at her locker and Thomas approached her.
"What do you want?" she asked.
"Why don't we go to that pizza place down the street after school?" Thomas asked her confidently.
"I'm already going with Eric Gintrek!" (Random) she yelled. The boy shows up and pushes him in the lockers. He takes out a shiv-like object and holds it to his neck.
(End Flashback)
"…and then I remember three months in the hospital," Thasmox closed.
"How the hell did you not get expelled from that place?" Larxene asked.
"Awful school," Thasmox yelled.
"So, I got expelled for doing a guy in the middle of class when I was a teenager in school," Larxene said.
"I've got to put that on my website," Roxas laughed. He was unusually motivated because Larxene got Xion drunk and she was massaging his shoulders.
"Nice touch spiking her water Slutserella," Thasmox said.
Larxene shocked him with high voltage lightning which he caught in a lightning stick. He than put it in Roxas pocket. Zexion again took him to Xemnas.
"Do you have to interrogate everybody, Xemnas?" Xigbar asked.
"Yes, we have to know who the f*** knocked up Larxene, so we'll know what kind of evil demented creature will turn out from it," Xemnas said.
"You could've just as easily done it Xemnas. You guys did it about a hundred times two months ago," Axel yelled.
"Quiet you!" Xemnas demanded.
"What about Saix?" Axel complained.
"Nah, I didn't do her for three months after what she did to my X. I did do her yesterday though," Saix explained slickly.
"Quiet you!" Xigbar repeated from Xemnas as he shot Saix. He dodged it, however.
Zexion appeared and threw Thasmox at Xemnas same as last time. He got knocked out this time.
"We don't need the thirteen year old boy now Zexion!" Xemnas yelled.
"There is no need to breathe Xemnas," Zexion said casting an illusion.
"That doesn't work on me Zexion!" Xemnas said.
Zexion ran away very quickly and used a dark corridor when he was content with his distance. Saix picked up his pager that started beeping.
"Darn it, it's my turn to help Vexen," Saix complained as he entered a dark corridor carrying Thasmox who started to come to.
"I need some more crack!" Larxene complained.
"No crack!" Vexen demanded.
Saix came and threw Thasmox in a bed.
"Mr. Doggy, I am awake!" Thasmox yelled.
"Not for long!" Xion whispered putting something in his soda.
Saix was putting a brush up his throat in order to get a DNA sample. He was struggling to resist the pain because Zexion built it with sharp edges from the Nobody emblem. In the struggle, he accidently kicked himself "there". He fell.
"My webpage is a hit! I got six views from Lexaeus trying to find out Xaldin's secret shame," Roxas said happily.
"Do you have it?" Xion asked.
"No," Roxas answered.
Marluxia and Lexaeus were following Xaldin's map. It led them in circles fifty-two times before it took them somewhere different. It took three days to go the distance. They have finally arrived in a different place. Agrabah.
"What are we doing in a desert?" Marluxia asked.
"It's where the map took us I guess," Lexaeus answered.
"Hello," a person from behind said. Marluxia was startled and accidently cut off the person's head. The person was Aladdin.
"We got us a new Heartless!" Saix says out of no where. Marluxia nearly cuts his head off. It wasn't an accident though. "We need DNA samples from both of you, so stuff this 'paint' covered paintbrush up your throat."