Thanks, all. Since most of the reviewers hit on the same points, I'll answer them en masse.
Yes, Terry's grandmother is a malevolent bitch. Sad thing is, she's not completely fictional. I know people like this. I avoid them strenuously.
I didn't actually go into the full details of what the Jokerz did to Terry. To be honest, I deliberately decided to not try to come up with the exact details. I don't have much of a taste for blood and gore and the attack would probably have resembled a scene from a Tarantino movie, so I figured out what the main injuries were and decided to let the readers fill in the details for themselves. Bits and pieces of the attack will be revealed throughout the story, but I have not and will not write down the whole thing.
Oh, and girl-gambit- yes, it was Harley. And the fish was a trout.
********************************************************
Max paced, wondering what the first signs of a nervous breakdown were. She was good at keeping secrets. She'd had plenty of practice over the years. But now she had one secret too many and the three people who most needed to be kept in the dark were the three people she had the most trouble lying to: Terry, Commissioner Gordon, and Bruce Wayne.
*You don't have a choice, girl. If this goes wrong, then the less they know the better. Nobody will be able to trace this back to them; I made sure of that. I'm the only one who'll get in trouble.* Max laughed shakily. *Me protecting them. Holy role reversal, Batman.*
********************************************************
Barbara paced, wondering who could possibly be the fake Batman. Granted, it had been less than a full day since he first appeared, but she couldn't help thinking she should have solved it already. She knew she had to solve it before Bruce; if she didn't, Bruce probably wouldn't leave enough pieces of the idiot for her to yell at. And she had a beauty of a rant waiting.
The computer beeped, distracting her. Wondering what Max had done this time, she killed the screen saver.
"Oh. Good. God. Bruce, you blithering idiot, what did you do?"
********************************************************
Tim paced, wondering how he was going to explain this to his wife. Not half an hour after he'd escorted that demented heifer out of the hospital a pair of very uncomfortable cops had shown up to arrest both him and Bruce for assault. The demented heifer had called them and told them a story that sounded like a B-movie plot; they hadn't believed it, but they were required to check it out. They apologized all the way to the station, not that it lightened Bruce's glower any.
Now Tim was waiting in a holding cell, escorted there by another apologizing cop, while Bruce was being questioned. He wondered if they apologized before or after each question.
The door suddenly opened and Barbara was there, trying not to grin.
"Hi, Tim. Sorry about this."
"Don't you start."
"He didn't really throw an old lady across a room, did he?"
"Uhhhh.."
She lost the grin.
"Tim, that was not the answer I wanted to hear. If Bruce really did anything to that woman this could be a serious problem. You know how much the press loves stories about him since he came out of hiding. They've been mostly positive so far, but even if he was justified-"
"He was."
Barbara gave him a sharp look.
"You weren't there, Barb. If Bruce had decided to throw her out the window I'd probably have opened it for him."
"That's not something you should be saying to me right now."
"Look, the old witch had that kid so worked up they had to sedate him. She told him he should have died and accused him of killing his father. She also started to drag up those old rumors about Bruce being a chickenhawk, but I shut her up that time. And before you ask, all I did was grab her arm. Then I escorted her out of the hospital. And I have no idea who the little old lady with the fish was."
"Fish? -No, never mind. I'll find out later." Barbara sighed, rubbing the bridge of her nose. "So you're telling me that Bruce was just trying to keep her from upsetting Terry."
"Haven't you talked to him yet?"
"No. I wanted all my facts together before I did that. It's the only way to handle him."
Tim stifled a grin, knowing Barbara wasn't in the mood.
"Well, we'd better go talk to him now before they apologize him to death."
"What do you mean, we?"
Tim hesitated, shooting her a look. She wasn't smiling.
"Uh, well, I-"
"You are staying here until someone comes to get your statement. I'm going to talk to Bruce. After that... we'll see."
"Barbara!"
"Serves you right. You were supposed to be keeping him out of trouble."
She left. Tim slumped down onto the bench, sulking.
"Keep him out of trouble. Who does she think I am, Selina Kyle?"
*******************************************************
Bruce wished he could pace.
*At least they've stopped apologizing.*
"Could we go over this one more time, Mr. Wayne."
*Why not? I might have caused a random flux in the space-time continuum and rearranged history in the five minutes since you asked last,* he thought. What he actually said was, "Of course, although I don't see how it will help."
"Humor me."
"Believe me, I am," he growled, his temper flaring again. The man seated across the table from him, Lt. Welsh, frowned.
"Mr. Wayne, you've been charged with assault on a seventy-four year old woman. This is a very serious matter."
"Do I look like I'm laughing?"
"No, you look ready to commit mayhem. Which doesn't help your case. Now, Mrs. McGinnis claims that she was visiting her grandson in the hospital when you burst into the room, and physically threw her out. You claim you entered the room and found her browbeating the kid, so you grabbed her arm and shoved her away. Your friend- ex-ward- whatever you call him- then escorted her from the building. I'm not even asking about the second old lady with the fish. At least, not yet. Have I missed anything?"
"No. And I would remind you that I'm eighty-one and have a bad back and a heart condition. The woman in question is about five-nine and weighs at least one-sixty. Although I admit that I may have shoved her a bit more forcefully than was necessary, I hardly think I could have thrown this woman any distance at all."
"So you're saying she's lying."
"Exaggerating, anyway. Quite frankly, I'm not too convinced of her mental stability. Her actions at the hospital seemed to indicate a deeply disturbed individual."
"Got a psych degree, do you?"
"She was harassing an eighteen-year-old boy who had only recently awakened from a coma. She accused him of murdering his own father. And she screamed at him that he should have died. Do those sound like the actions of a sane woman to you?"
Lt. Welsh's frown deepened. Bruce hoped he was getting through to the man.
"Okay, you've got a point, Wayne. But so does she. I took a few minutes to look at the kid's record when this mess got dumped on me. The kid was the favorite suspect for his father's murder after the Jokerz. Kid's got a history of violence, argued with his father a lot, and suddenly the guy's dead. Now, I'm not saying I believe the kid killed him- I may not have a psych degree but I know the difference between a kid who gets into lots of fights and a killer- but I'm a cop. She's a mother whose son was murdered. It doesn't matter if it makes sense or not, not to her." Welsh hesitated, then flashed Bruce an exasperated glare. "And I have to admit that after meeting her I wasn't too sure of her stability myself. Which is why I have to make sure your story is as clear as I can make it. I've been a cop for thirty years and I know this lady's type: she'll try to twist everything to make sure you look like the villain because she can't possibly be in the wrong. Now, you're sure you've told me everything."
"I hope so, because I'm going to be comparing it with what Tim just told me and if there are any discrepancies I'm going to find some very interesting methods to clear them up."
Welsh jumped, not having heard Barbara enter, but Bruce just gazed up at her with an internal sigh. He knew she'd show up eventually.
"Hello, Commissioner. There probably are discrepancies. After all, I didn't actually see the fish incident."
"And I'm still not asking about that, because I'm not sure I want to know. Relax, Welsh, I'm not here to give him a 'Get Out Of Jail Free' card. He's old enough to know better."
"Thank you, Ma'am, but I'm just about done. Unless Mr. Wayne has something to add?"
"No. I've told you what happened."
"Then I just have one last question." Welsh gave him an odd look. "Why didn't you call a lawyer?"
"It wasn't necessary. It was a simple matter and all a lawyer would have done was try to interrupt me every five seconds to tell me not to answer any questions. Then we'd have been here all night and I'm sure we all have better things to do."
Welsh grinned for the first time since he walked in the room and Barbara rolled her eyes.
"You're free to go, Mr. Wayne. I'll have to continue the investigation, of course, but if your story checks out I'm sure the charges will be dropped. You could counter-charge her with a few things yourself, you know."
Bruce was tempted.
"...No. As long as she doesn't pull something like this again, I'll let it slide."
"Good," Barbara growled. "Now if you'd just come up to my office, I'd like a word with you."
Welsh winced and made himself scarce. Bruce wasn't surprised; he'd thought the man was fairly smart.
**********************************************************
Tim was slightly glassy-eyed as they made their way out of Police Headquarters. Bruce wasn't surprised by that either; he didn't think Tim had ever been on the receiving end of a Barbara rant. Bruce was used to it though and this one hadn't even been one of her better ones, possibly because he knew she agreed with them.
"Oh, crap," Tim muttered suddenly, stopping in his tracks. Bruce followed Tim's gaze to see Brenda McGinnis lying in wait for them. The man standing beside her wasn't personally familiar to either of them but was of an easily recognizable type- almost a stereotype, in fact.
"Oh, crap," Tim repeated. "She's brought a pointy-haired boss. Bruce, would we be cowards if we went out the back door?"
"Yes."
"Can we do it anyway?"
"No."
"Barb'll kill us if we get arrested again, you know."
"We won't." *I think.*
Armed with the extremely bad mood that had been building since he first heard about the fake Batman, Bruce stepped forward to face his newest adversary.
***********************************************************
I meant to write this confrontation this time, but my brain is out of gas. Sorry.
Yes, Terry's grandmother is a malevolent bitch. Sad thing is, she's not completely fictional. I know people like this. I avoid them strenuously.
I didn't actually go into the full details of what the Jokerz did to Terry. To be honest, I deliberately decided to not try to come up with the exact details. I don't have much of a taste for blood and gore and the attack would probably have resembled a scene from a Tarantino movie, so I figured out what the main injuries were and decided to let the readers fill in the details for themselves. Bits and pieces of the attack will be revealed throughout the story, but I have not and will not write down the whole thing.
Oh, and girl-gambit- yes, it was Harley. And the fish was a trout.
********************************************************
Max paced, wondering what the first signs of a nervous breakdown were. She was good at keeping secrets. She'd had plenty of practice over the years. But now she had one secret too many and the three people who most needed to be kept in the dark were the three people she had the most trouble lying to: Terry, Commissioner Gordon, and Bruce Wayne.
*You don't have a choice, girl. If this goes wrong, then the less they know the better. Nobody will be able to trace this back to them; I made sure of that. I'm the only one who'll get in trouble.* Max laughed shakily. *Me protecting them. Holy role reversal, Batman.*
********************************************************
Barbara paced, wondering who could possibly be the fake Batman. Granted, it had been less than a full day since he first appeared, but she couldn't help thinking she should have solved it already. She knew she had to solve it before Bruce; if she didn't, Bruce probably wouldn't leave enough pieces of the idiot for her to yell at. And she had a beauty of a rant waiting.
The computer beeped, distracting her. Wondering what Max had done this time, she killed the screen saver.
"Oh. Good. God. Bruce, you blithering idiot, what did you do?"
********************************************************
Tim paced, wondering how he was going to explain this to his wife. Not half an hour after he'd escorted that demented heifer out of the hospital a pair of very uncomfortable cops had shown up to arrest both him and Bruce for assault. The demented heifer had called them and told them a story that sounded like a B-movie plot; they hadn't believed it, but they were required to check it out. They apologized all the way to the station, not that it lightened Bruce's glower any.
Now Tim was waiting in a holding cell, escorted there by another apologizing cop, while Bruce was being questioned. He wondered if they apologized before or after each question.
The door suddenly opened and Barbara was there, trying not to grin.
"Hi, Tim. Sorry about this."
"Don't you start."
"He didn't really throw an old lady across a room, did he?"
"Uhhhh.."
She lost the grin.
"Tim, that was not the answer I wanted to hear. If Bruce really did anything to that woman this could be a serious problem. You know how much the press loves stories about him since he came out of hiding. They've been mostly positive so far, but even if he was justified-"
"He was."
Barbara gave him a sharp look.
"You weren't there, Barb. If Bruce had decided to throw her out the window I'd probably have opened it for him."
"That's not something you should be saying to me right now."
"Look, the old witch had that kid so worked up they had to sedate him. She told him he should have died and accused him of killing his father. She also started to drag up those old rumors about Bruce being a chickenhawk, but I shut her up that time. And before you ask, all I did was grab her arm. Then I escorted her out of the hospital. And I have no idea who the little old lady with the fish was."
"Fish? -No, never mind. I'll find out later." Barbara sighed, rubbing the bridge of her nose. "So you're telling me that Bruce was just trying to keep her from upsetting Terry."
"Haven't you talked to him yet?"
"No. I wanted all my facts together before I did that. It's the only way to handle him."
Tim stifled a grin, knowing Barbara wasn't in the mood.
"Well, we'd better go talk to him now before they apologize him to death."
"What do you mean, we?"
Tim hesitated, shooting her a look. She wasn't smiling.
"Uh, well, I-"
"You are staying here until someone comes to get your statement. I'm going to talk to Bruce. After that... we'll see."
"Barbara!"
"Serves you right. You were supposed to be keeping him out of trouble."
She left. Tim slumped down onto the bench, sulking.
"Keep him out of trouble. Who does she think I am, Selina Kyle?"
*******************************************************
Bruce wished he could pace.
*At least they've stopped apologizing.*
"Could we go over this one more time, Mr. Wayne."
*Why not? I might have caused a random flux in the space-time continuum and rearranged history in the five minutes since you asked last,* he thought. What he actually said was, "Of course, although I don't see how it will help."
"Humor me."
"Believe me, I am," he growled, his temper flaring again. The man seated across the table from him, Lt. Welsh, frowned.
"Mr. Wayne, you've been charged with assault on a seventy-four year old woman. This is a very serious matter."
"Do I look like I'm laughing?"
"No, you look ready to commit mayhem. Which doesn't help your case. Now, Mrs. McGinnis claims that she was visiting her grandson in the hospital when you burst into the room, and physically threw her out. You claim you entered the room and found her browbeating the kid, so you grabbed her arm and shoved her away. Your friend- ex-ward- whatever you call him- then escorted her from the building. I'm not even asking about the second old lady with the fish. At least, not yet. Have I missed anything?"
"No. And I would remind you that I'm eighty-one and have a bad back and a heart condition. The woman in question is about five-nine and weighs at least one-sixty. Although I admit that I may have shoved her a bit more forcefully than was necessary, I hardly think I could have thrown this woman any distance at all."
"So you're saying she's lying."
"Exaggerating, anyway. Quite frankly, I'm not too convinced of her mental stability. Her actions at the hospital seemed to indicate a deeply disturbed individual."
"Got a psych degree, do you?"
"She was harassing an eighteen-year-old boy who had only recently awakened from a coma. She accused him of murdering his own father. And she screamed at him that he should have died. Do those sound like the actions of a sane woman to you?"
Lt. Welsh's frown deepened. Bruce hoped he was getting through to the man.
"Okay, you've got a point, Wayne. But so does she. I took a few minutes to look at the kid's record when this mess got dumped on me. The kid was the favorite suspect for his father's murder after the Jokerz. Kid's got a history of violence, argued with his father a lot, and suddenly the guy's dead. Now, I'm not saying I believe the kid killed him- I may not have a psych degree but I know the difference between a kid who gets into lots of fights and a killer- but I'm a cop. She's a mother whose son was murdered. It doesn't matter if it makes sense or not, not to her." Welsh hesitated, then flashed Bruce an exasperated glare. "And I have to admit that after meeting her I wasn't too sure of her stability myself. Which is why I have to make sure your story is as clear as I can make it. I've been a cop for thirty years and I know this lady's type: she'll try to twist everything to make sure you look like the villain because she can't possibly be in the wrong. Now, you're sure you've told me everything."
"I hope so, because I'm going to be comparing it with what Tim just told me and if there are any discrepancies I'm going to find some very interesting methods to clear them up."
Welsh jumped, not having heard Barbara enter, but Bruce just gazed up at her with an internal sigh. He knew she'd show up eventually.
"Hello, Commissioner. There probably are discrepancies. After all, I didn't actually see the fish incident."
"And I'm still not asking about that, because I'm not sure I want to know. Relax, Welsh, I'm not here to give him a 'Get Out Of Jail Free' card. He's old enough to know better."
"Thank you, Ma'am, but I'm just about done. Unless Mr. Wayne has something to add?"
"No. I've told you what happened."
"Then I just have one last question." Welsh gave him an odd look. "Why didn't you call a lawyer?"
"It wasn't necessary. It was a simple matter and all a lawyer would have done was try to interrupt me every five seconds to tell me not to answer any questions. Then we'd have been here all night and I'm sure we all have better things to do."
Welsh grinned for the first time since he walked in the room and Barbara rolled her eyes.
"You're free to go, Mr. Wayne. I'll have to continue the investigation, of course, but if your story checks out I'm sure the charges will be dropped. You could counter-charge her with a few things yourself, you know."
Bruce was tempted.
"...No. As long as she doesn't pull something like this again, I'll let it slide."
"Good," Barbara growled. "Now if you'd just come up to my office, I'd like a word with you."
Welsh winced and made himself scarce. Bruce wasn't surprised; he'd thought the man was fairly smart.
**********************************************************
Tim was slightly glassy-eyed as they made their way out of Police Headquarters. Bruce wasn't surprised by that either; he didn't think Tim had ever been on the receiving end of a Barbara rant. Bruce was used to it though and this one hadn't even been one of her better ones, possibly because he knew she agreed with them.
"Oh, crap," Tim muttered suddenly, stopping in his tracks. Bruce followed Tim's gaze to see Brenda McGinnis lying in wait for them. The man standing beside her wasn't personally familiar to either of them but was of an easily recognizable type- almost a stereotype, in fact.
"Oh, crap," Tim repeated. "She's brought a pointy-haired boss. Bruce, would we be cowards if we went out the back door?"
"Yes."
"Can we do it anyway?"
"No."
"Barb'll kill us if we get arrested again, you know."
"We won't." *I think.*
Armed with the extremely bad mood that had been building since he first heard about the fake Batman, Bruce stepped forward to face his newest adversary.
***********************************************************
I meant to write this confrontation this time, but my brain is out of gas. Sorry.