I know how to get them out of hell, but I don't want to tell Buffy, not after what she told me. I think it might just break her. Buffy has been through a lot. She has lost everything at one point or another, but the worst things she has had to deal with have been the loss of the ones that she loved.

I know what that's like because it has happened to me too. I have given up everything that I have and more for her, and I don't think that I will ever stop no matter how painful it is because I know that whatever I've had to suffer through, she's had it worse. I loved Tara. I loved her with my heart and soul, and I miss her everyday. At the time I felt like I killed her. I felt like it was my fault, but it wasn't. The same cannot be said for Buffy. She blamed herself for Spikes death. She blamed herself for her mother's death. She blamed herself for Angel's death. Twice… and she would have blamed herself for Dawnie's death if she hadn't been the one to jump that day. The thing of it is though, that Buffy didn't actually kill any of them… well except for Angel… but I'm not sure that counts since he did come back from hell and all… anyway, the point is that she has this tendency to take responsibility for everything terrible that happens in this world, including the actions of others… actions that she can't control.

I think that is part of why I keep Kennedy away from her. Kennedy is mine. She is mine and mine alone. She is the one thing in this world that I do not have to share with Buffy. I keep Kennedy away from her for two reasons. The first being that after Kennedy died, I was afraid that I would loose her the same way I lost Tara. I was afraid that I would loose her helping Buffy. I couldn't do that again. Not ever. We have all lost so much helping Buffy, and most days it doesn't matter because we fight the good fight with her. We save the world on an almost daily basis. The other reason that I keep Kennedy away from Buffy is because I don't want her to become Buffy. I don't want Kennedy to pick up on the whole blaming yourself thing that Buffy is so good at. I want Kennedy to be happy, and usually she is. She has been a little upset with me ever since I brought her back from the dead. She wasn't gone nearly as long as Buffy so I don't think that it affected her as much, so it's not that. She seems unhappy because I keep her away from Buffy, and don't bring her in on our "Scooby meetings". She just doesn't seem to understand why I want to keep her away from them. The other day I sat her down and explained to her why I was keeping her away from the rest of the gang, and I think she understood where I was coming from, but I could tell that she didn't like it. I think in the future I am just going to have to let her come with me…

Anyway… I think I know how to get everyone out of hell. Usually when I figured out something like this it would be all "Yay me!", but not this time. This time I don't think that Buffy can do it. It's not like she hasn't moved on and all, but I think that this would disturb her to no end. I don't care what she says, I don't care what anyone says, she still cares for him, and she isn't going to like this. Normally I would try to find another way around it, but I don't think there is another way. It's not exactly like they write "How to save and entire city from hell for Dummies". I just hope that she can do it. I just hope that she can tell him. I know I'm sure as hell glad I don't have to…

I remember the last time that I had to go and tell Angel bad news. I remember it like it was yesterday. It was right after Buffy had died, and when he walked in with his friends they all looked so happy… that is… until they saw me. I didn't have to even say a word and he knew. Granted I was crying and I looked like my best friend had just died… which she had… but he knew. He knew that she was gone. The minute I looked up at him it was like I had to watch his heart break. It was terrible. I knew how much he loved her, and I knew how much she had loved him. He just looked at me and said "It's Buffy." Thank god Cordelia was there… wow I never though I would actually say that, but it's true. She had the presence of mind to get Fred out of there before Angel started to loose it. She knew that this was going to be hard on him, on everyone, but it was going to be the worst for him. His friends kept staring at me. Gunn finally asked, "Who is she? Who is Buffy?".

Wesley just turned to Cordelia and said "They don't know do they?"

"No." She responded. "Get Fred out of here Gunn. Take her upstairs. We'll explain everything later. I promise."

After Gunn had taken Fred upstairs I told them all to sit down and proceeded to explain the whole story… about Dawn, Glory, and eventually Buffy. It was one of the hardest things that I ever had to do. It had taken every ounce of self control to go there, I would have given anything to have sent Giles, or Xander, or hell… even Spike, but it had to be me. I was the only one who ever really understood. After all, what Angel did to Buffy, Oz did to me.

Once I had finished telling them all what had happened Wesley and Cordelia were both sitting there crying. Angel was just staring. It seemed like he was in shock. After a few minutes he just got up and went upstairs without saying a word. Cordelia tried to stop him, but it was no use. He passed Gunn on the stairs as if Gunn wasn't even there. He just walked away. When Gunn came down he had, needless to say, a million questions.

I just sat there as Cordelia and Wesley tried to explain the entire situation to Gunn. He had known about the whole curse thing, and about there being this girl, but not much more than that. Having to sit down and hear the whole story all over again was like reliving it. I kept picturing Buffy when we were in high school. How happy we all were… how happy she was. It was then that I realized just how much had changed since we had graduated. It was then that I realized just how much Buffy had been through in the past year or so… how much we all had been through.

That night was one of the hardest nights of my life… but it was also the night that I vowed to do whatever I had to do to bring her back. I wanted her to be able to live her life again. I wanted her to be happy. I though about her suffering in what had to be a hell dimension, and I just couldn't live with it. I didn't stop. I didn't think. All I knew was that I wanted her back. I needed her back, and so did everyone else. I just can't ask Buffy to do that to someone that she cares about. It's just not fair. How do you ask someone to tell someone that they care about that the only way to save the world… the absolutely only way to do it… is to take away the one thing that they want most in the world. It's one thing when you volunteer for it, but to ask someone… to do that? Well it's just plain unfair. How am I going to tell her? How will I tell her that the instructions are clear?

… in order to use the orb, and send the entire city of LA back to our dimension, Angel has to die…