Most people have no idea what hell really is… but I do. They think that hell is all about the fire and brimstone… but its not. There is fire and brimstone in most of the hell dimensions, however some go the ice route, and a select few look a hell of a lot like our dimension. What makes them hell has nothing to do with the surroundings, or even the demons, but rather the way that they get into your head. Being in hell is torture and it slowly drives you crazy. There is usually physical pain, and torture, but what really makes it hell… is the way it takes everything away from you that you have ever cared about… forever. There isn't supposed to be a way out of hell. There aren't any built in escape routes… there is no hope… for anything. The only way out is if some higher power decides that it needs you in its great fight for good or evil… or if you happen to find a brilliant physicist and the books left behind by the rulers of the dimension.

Wolfram and Hart are experts on hell… they really are… because of all the times I've been to hell, all the years I've spent in hell, this time has been the worst by far. Not did I get sucked into hell this time, but everyone that I cared about, and millions of other innocent people who have no idea why this is happening to them. They could have just taken me, but that wouldn't have been good enough. That wouldn't have been terrible enough. They took everyone, and then they made sure that there was no way I'd be able to help… or at least they thought that they did… and there torture didn't stop there either. They gave me the one thing I had wanted more than anything, they gave me my humanity, but they gave it to me in a place where not only would it mean nothing, but it would most surely get me and everyone I cared about killed.

The problem with evil though is that evil is short sited. Evil thinks that it is smarter than everyone else, and it never looks in the right places for what happens. Evil always goes after the big guns, but forgets about the little guy. Evil always misses the details. Big surprise here… Wolfram and Hart is evil… and they messed up… again. They may have expected me to double cross them like that, and they may have been expecting my friends to be in on it, but they never expected me to go after the Black Thorn, and they never expected the Powers that Be to be involved in it. They also won't be expecting what's coming… no one will be.

Wolfram and Hart think that they have taken everything away from me, but they haven't. They think that they've succeeded in taking everything that could possibly give me a reason to fight. They're wrong. I don't fight evil because I think I'm going to get some sort of reward out of it… I gave up on that along time ago. I fight evil because it's right, and because someone has to do it. Buffy is the one who showed me that. She tried to give up, she tried to turn her back on her calling, but she never really could. She's given up everything, even died to save the world twice, but she keeps on fighting. She is hope… she shows the world that there is a reason to keep fighting, and I will never give up, because she wouldn't want me too… she wouldn't let me.

She's the one who told me what I had to do. I don't know how she knew, or how she did it, but she did. When she told me… I haven't seen her like that in a long time… she looked like someone just killed her best friend. I hope she understands why I am going to do this… that it's not just about getting out of hell. There is nothing for me here… no reason to go on, even if I am human, because it doesn't matter… none of it matters. I can't just sit by and watch all these people burn in hell for something that I did. I might deserve hell, but they don't. Anything is better than staying here… anything at all… even death.

I hope she understands that…