A/N I own nothing, all characters belong to DC and Warner Bros.
A/N Like I said, there will be some content in this chapter that leans more towards the M rating. No awkwardly explicit sex scene that makes you want to rape a refrigerator or get some therapy, just some more adult-like humor. Enjoy:)
Thanks for taking the time to review!
"Ah, see this is how you know a bachelor party is going to be great!" Roy exclaimed enthusiastically as he stared at the blaring neon lights. "Strip clubs!"
"Hurm, nothing more than slimy virgins indulging in lust." Vic muttered.
Roy grinned, "Sounds like Comic Con."
Wally glared at them both. "Hey, no need to pick on the great convention!"
"Can we just haul our tails in there already?" Ted asked, "I wanna make sure the old lion can still roar if you know what I mean."
"That partner is just plain dee-sgusti'n." Vig balked, his face contorting in repulsion.
"Hey! Let's see if you can still scratch a cat so to speak when you're my age!"
"If it's bugging you so much I'll buy you a whole container of Viagra after this." Ollie offered.
"Well how's that gonna help me now?"
"This is getting really awkward really quick." Wally whispered to Roy who nodded in agreement.
"Why are we talking about Ted's ED anyways?"
"That is the question." Murmured Q.
Bruce glared at them all and crossed his arms over his chest. "I think a better question is why are all of you so-called men standing around here talking about an elderly man's penis when there's a building the size of a football stadium filled with half-naked women willing to please you however you want ten feet away."
"Who you calling elderly, Mr. Stick-up-his-ass?"
"Bruce is right." Ollie agreed, "Ted, as fascinating as your inability to shall we say salute is I'd rather be ogling me a nice pair of breasts. Gentlemen, is anyone with me?"
A murmur of agreement rippled through the group of men prompting them to head towards the building while Ted muttered about the sheer audacity today's younger men had. When they finally reached the entrance it took everything Ollie had not to breathe everything in.
Oliver loved the smell of lube, sex, and glitter at night.
Roy eagerly craned his neck to get a good look at the women there and most importantly just how naked they were getting. The former Speedy noted to himself quite happily that this was one of those strip clubs. There were ten foot poles coming from the ceiling and women dancing shamelessly everywhere.
His glee with how filthy tonight was going to be was short-lived when his eyes glanced over to Wally. Roy had expected to see the redhead absolutely giddy with sexual glee and eyeing every piece of meat inside, but instead the self-proclaimed ladies man looked as though someone had told him Bruce Lee had beaten Chuck Norris.
In other words, he was completely stunned.
"What the hell is wrong with you?"
"There's-There's women here, naked!" Wally sputtered, "Wha-What the hell is this?"
"It's a strip club." Ollie explained patiently. "You know where people, well, strip."
"As in their clothes?"
"Well they sure as hell ain't peeling off no damn squirrels!" Greg snapped.
Ollie chose to ignore the cowboy's remark and instead turned to his flustered companion. He looked Wally over and raised an eyebrow, "What exactly did you think went on in strip clubs, Wally?"
"I don't know! Like, spin the bottle or something!" The young redhead squeaked, "Cut me some slack, man, I only found out what a vibrator is last month!"
"Oh did you?"
"Yes, it's a vibrating device women use to warm up their thighs." Wally recited proudly.
"...Should we tell him?" Ollie asked Bruce. The other billionare simply shook his head and sighed.
"How old are you, kid?" Ted asked in confusion. If the that damned liberal smuggled a minor in here Ted didn't care whether the blonde was marrying Dinah or not. If they all were arrested because they snuck a horny, clueless teenager in here he was going to kick Queen's ass.
"I'll be twenty-one soon."
"Yeah, soon as in ten months." Roy snorted.
"Oh, shut up!"
"A strip club is an establishment where people, though usually men, go watch other people, usually women, unclothe themselves and dance erotically." Vic lectured. He couldn't help but feel it was his duty as a redhead to help a fellow brother in need, and Wally West was desperately lacking proper information. "They're most frequently visited by married men being held out on, the rich, or party boys in search of an easy score. Though they seem all fine and dandy to the hormonal, untrained eye but if you look closer are actually collective units for stealing semen."
As Wally's eyes widened in horror Vic continued, "While watching beautiful women seduce you men normally can't help themselves and end up taking care of business so to speak right in their seats. Once they leave the so-called janitors who are really secret agents for an elite branch of government come and collect it off the floor. After your semen has been collected it is used for cloning, DNA mutations, and horrific experiments and all starts because some horny male isn't getting as much as he'd like."
"...They do what?" Wally whimpered. What the hell had Ollie brought them all here for? This place was trying to jack his little tadpoles!
"Ignore him, please." Arrow sighed. "Vic, knock it off with the wacko talk. Wally, do you like naked women?"
"Duh."
"Then shut up and enjoy this."
"Fine." Wally muttered, still flustered.
"Alright, before you all start drooling can we get a table in the back?" Roy asked. "I'm in charge of this bachelor party so I want to do it right. We all give Ollie our crap-uh, presents and then we have a couple drinks and see some tits."
"Sounds like a mighty good time." Vig grinned.
"Okay, but hurry up man this place has women, naked women!" Flash exclaimed, "How have I never heard of these things before?"
"Suppose supplying the spoiled rich boy with even more things will be necessary." Vic sighed. "Fine, just as long as I get my beer."
"And I get my scotch." Wildcat added.
"I think even I'm going to need a few shots before this is all over." Bruce admitted as they all followed Roy to a table in the back.
Ollie plopped down at the head of a large, beaten down wooden table and grinned. Sure he was a grown man who had everything he could possibly want but, well...
He wanted his presents, damn it.
Not that he would ever admit it aloud. Bruce already teased him about being a toddler in the body of a teenage boy anyways. Besides, he bet Roy knew it too by the way he was smirking.
"Alright, let's get this show on the road!" The Emerald Archer announced, slamming his hand against the table and grinning. "Who wants to go first?"
"Jeez, Ollie, calm down." Wally snickered. "People are going to think you're like a naive kid or something."
"Yes, well I'll try to control myself." Ollie replied with a roll of his eyes. Sometimes he swore Wally did these things on purpose.
"I'll start." Roy said as he slid his hand into his pocket and pulled out a small box. "Here you go, Oliver. This doesn't mean I forgive you or anything, but I thought these would really come in handy."
Ollie eagerly tore off the wrapping like a child opening a toy on Christmas. As he realized what was in the box he smiled. "Condoms? Really, Roy?"
"Yeah, I figure their personal but not to personal." Roy explained, "Plus your sperm's like freaking bullets, man. You're going to need them."
"What are the odds of that?" Ted exclaimed with a laugh as he handed Ollie his own gift. The blonde man grinned and proceeded to reenact the previous scene. The only difference was where he had found Roy's gift amusing, this seemed odd.
"...You bought me condoms too, Ted?"
"Great minds think alike, I guess." He shrugged. "Besides, look at all your little bastards running around. You need these more than all of Africa combined!"
"Guess so." Ollie chuckled. "You're up, Wally."
The newest Flash remained uncharacteristically silent as he handed Ollie his gift. The odd spell of quietness was suddenly understood when Ollie opened the bow to reveal...
Yet another box of condoms.
"Heh, very funny." He laughed uncomfortably. "Did you all plan this as a joke?"
"No, I just thought you needed them." Wally admitted. "Roy told me about all the kids you've got, Ollie. I thought I'd try and help you."
Before Ollie could respond yet another gift was being shoved in his face. "Might as well get this over with." Q muttered, giving the wrapped bow to Oliver.
Ollie looked over the box and found it to be promisingly large. He looked at Vic unimpressed when he noticed the colorful wrapping around it. "Christmas wrapping paper in July? Glad to see you went all out."
"Quit complaining and just be grateful."
"Alright." Ollie snorted, his fingers eagerly peeling off the paper. This box was so much bigger and heavier than the rest. Sure Vic wasn't exactly famed for his amazing shopping skills, but the man was a detective. Detectives knew what people wanted.
Almost delirious with excitement, Ollie tore off the final scrap of paper...and scowled as he realized it was another box of condoms, this time super-sized.
At Oliver's glare Q merely shrugged. "What? Helena picked it out."
"Did anyone here get me something besides condoms?" Ollie snapped.
"Yeah!" Vig called.
"Thank God." Ollie breathed in relief. "What is it?"
"...A prescription for birth control."
Ollie smacked himself on his forehead. "As great as it to see my friends are so damn concerned about me reproducing I'll rephrase what I asked; did anyone get me anything that has nothing to do with me having children?"
"I did." Bruce piped up. To be honest a good, top-selling condom was the first thing that popped into his head when he thought about a present for Queen, but after discovering everyone else was giving Ollie them he decided not to.
Well, that and Alfred said it was too impersonal.
"Whew." Arrow breathed, once again hopeful. "What did you get me?"
"A check."
All hope Ollie had possessed for getting a great present instantly vanished.
"Thanks for the gifts, very original." Queen sulked as he put them to the side.
"Well, look on the Brightside." Wally suggested, "You've got like a decade's worth of condoms. Think of all the sex you get to have with Dinah without worry!"
"Unless it breaks." Q chimed in.
"You are so not helping, man."
"Look, let's just go back out front and watch." Ollie sighed, "I'm in the mood for a lap dance."
"Oh, I wonder if they have Brazilian ones!" Wally smiled, "They sound so hot."
"How the hell do you know what a Brazilian lap dance is but not a strip club?" Roy wondered aloud in disbelief.
"Oh, shut up!"
"You're right; a much better question is how are you not a virgin?"
"Because of your mom, that's how!"
"My mother's dead."
Wally's face instantly fell in mortification and embarrassment. "Crap, I didn't mean-"
"Gotcha."
"Bastard."
Twenty minutes later music pulsed through the joint with the sound of whistles and laughter as the group dissolved into separate pairs.
"So how does this work?" Wally asked Roy. "Do we, like...whistle for them to come?"
"Wally, they may be bitches, but they're not complete animals. Well, aside from in bed of course." Roy smirked, "Try asking them."
"Asking them for what?"
"A lap dance, a striptease, some petting, whatever you want."
"Think I could get one to make me a quadruple cheeseburger for me butt naked?"
"Okay, almostanything." Roy corrected himself. He looked around the room in search of a female worthy of his flirtatious charms as Wally babbled on about getting Linda to cook for him naked. His eyes glanced over a hefty redhead in clothes that were far to revealing and onto a slim brunette in a leather mini skirt that showed of her toned ass perfectly.
Roy smiled and elbowed Wally in the ribs, nodding his head towards the young woman. "You see that one?"
"Miniskirt lady?"
"That's the one."
"What about her?"
"Let's go say hello."
"Alright." Wally agreed before the two headed over towards the woman. "Excuse me ma'am, but did you know there are 206 bones in the human body?" Roy asked as he stood in front of the surprised woman and placed his hands on her hips.
She looked up at him in surprise. "Really?"
"Yes." Roy grinned, pressing his body against her. "Care to have one more inside your body?"
"Pervert!" The woman, whose nametag read Roxanne, spat as she slapped Roy across the face.
"Ow! What the hell was that for?" Roy gasped as he cradled his aching cheek.
"Being a dirty ass!" Roxanne hissed, "What gives you the right to just walk up to me and start hitting on me?"
"Well, you area hooker."
"So? Just 'cause you're a bastard doesn't mean you don't have feelings, does it?"
"Wait, what?"
"You think just because I wear leather, miniskirts, fishnets, and walk around without a top on I'm some kind of slut?"
"That's generally what it means!"
"Well I got news for you, buster!" She shrieked, "Some of us actually are here because me need money, not some slimy jerks dry humping us!"
"Aw jeez, we're really sorry." Apologized Wally sheepishly as he stared at the ground.
"Sor-This is a strip club!" Roy shouted, "She's a hooker! Don't apologize for hitting on her! That's why men go to these places, for some action!"
"It's men like you who have been keeping women down for centuries." Roxanne continued, "You only want us to cook, clean, and sleep with you! Don't you know how we have brains and feelings? We're people too!"
"People who are supposedto be hit on."
"At least your friend has the decency to apologize!" She snapped, "Do you have kids?"
"Not that it's any of your business, but yeah."
"Is it a girl?"
"Yes."
"How would you feel if some guys came up to her and began asking to sleep with her?"
"I think I'd be more concerned with the whole being a prostitute thing more."
"All these 'hot bitches' you're drooling over used to be sweet, innocent little girls." Roxanne lectured, "But men like you have turned them into tramps!"
"Roy, make her stop." Wally begged. He didn't want to think about little girls while staring at a giant pair of boobs; that was messed up pedophile stuff.
"Oh, enough with the feminist act." Roy barked, pulling Wally by the arm and tanking him away. "Way to go, West."
"Me? What did I do?"
"Every time I bring you somewhere I don't get laid." Roy complained, "What is it about you that make women want to slap your face? You got us a feminist rant from a hooker, Wally! How many men can do that?"
"You're the one who went up to her!"
"Don't try to blame it on someone else, Wally. That isn't healthy."
"But-But-!"
Roy shook his head and sighed, placing a hand on his shoulder. "It's okay, buddy. You can help it that women hate you."
"Gee, Roy, thanks."
From across the room Ted Grant, Greg Saunders, and Vic Sage were currently watching a group of women slide up and down poles. "Wonder if they know about what's in the grease they use for them." Vic murmured.
"How the hell have you stayed out of the loony bin for this long?" Ted wondered aloud. "Did you escape from Arkham or something?"
"Please. As if Batman could ever catch me."
"Ya'll are both nuts." Greg grinned, "Why ya'll sitti'n here maki'n small talk when ya' got these here women naked as a baby and willing?"
"I'm getting to it." Ted grumbled.
"I don't think I'll indulge in the Illuminati's trap tonight." Vic said, "I've avoided it so long doing so seems like a waste of effort."
"Don't want your girlfriend shooting your balls?"
"That has nothing to do with it."
"Why do I doubt that?"
"Probably for the same reason you wear a cup at all times."
"How the hell do you know that?"
"Like I'd tell you."
"How 'bout ya'll focus on getting laid." Vig suggested, "I dunno 'bout ya'll but my snake's itching to crawl way down a snake hole."
"Never use that analogy again." Vic shuddered.
"Back in my day we had pick-up lines. They worked pretty damn well."
"I had no idea Neanderthals knew how to speak, much less use pick-up lines." Q said innocently.
"You faceless son of a-"
"What 'bout them lines?" Greg asked in an attempt to keep them from fighting. "Say a few."
"My favorite one was, 'Being with you makes me feel like a Rubix cube; the longer we play the harder I'm getting'."
"That's...terrible."
"You got a better one, Mr. Answer Man?"
"I used to use a few back in college." Vic admitted somewhat ashamedly. "Looking back it's a wonder I ever got laid."
"It still's a wonder to me now."
"What were they, partner?"
"You're place or mine? Tell you what, let's flip a coin: head at my place, tail at yours." Vic began with a sigh as the other men laughed. "Or 'Why don't you come over here, sit on my lap, and we'll discuss the first think that pops up'. Though my favorite was always, 'Wanna go halves on a bastard?'"
"Heh, back in mah town we had a few, too." Greg smiled, "I always went with 'If you was a tree and I was a squirrel I'd hide mah nuts in you."
"Sounds...painful. Did it ever work?"
"Let's just say I ain't ever had no trouble be'n single when I was a young'n."
"Maybe then, kid, but I doubt saying that would work now." Ted frowned, "Times have changed since I was a kid. Cars go faster, the world got filthier, women got pickier-"
"Evolution occurred." Q added quietly.
"What did you just say, punk?"
"Nothing."
"I don't think they any different when it comes down to getting some of the sweet stuff." Greg opined, "How much you wanna bet I could use one ah mah old lines to get a romp in ah haystack?"
"I don't like the way you speak, but I do like what you're speaking." Ted grinned, "You wanna put some dough on this bet?"
"Sure thing, partner."
"Fifty smacks sound good to you?"
"Damn good."
Ted nodded and turned towards Vic, who had been observing them silently with a light frown on his unmasked face. "You want in on this too, Rorschach?"
"Think I'll pass, Catwoman."
"Bastard." Wildcat scowled, "Alright cowboy, go hit on..." He looked up and scanned the women in the area for one that would be in his favor. "her, the blond over there in the leather pants."
Vig studied for a moment. "Sounds doable. Later, compadre."
"Can't believe he's gonna do it. Can you, Question? Question?"
Ted turned around and frowned in puzzlement. Where had the redheaded bastard gone? After a moment of frantic neck craning to see if he could find him, Ted gave up. He had money riding on the cowboy's crappy lines being unable to pick up women and needed to devote his entire attention span to making sure he didn't cheat.
He watched as Vig slowly approached the woman, his hands buried in his jacket pockets and his back straight and firm. When he reached the woman he smiled widely an introduced himself by offering her his hand. Ted began to feel worry creep up in the base of his spine when Greg slid an arm around her waist and she giggled, rubbing against him.
Damn it. If he'd just lost his fifty bucks he was going to blow one hell of a gasket.
As Greg bent down and whispered something into the woman's ear her dark red lips widened into a bleached grin and she nodded eagerly. "Good." Ted heard Vigilante chuckle. "Are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see."
The woman snorted and kissed him on the cheek, tilting her chin up to whisper something in his ear. Ted felt anger boil through him and more importantly his wallet as the two headed towards the back room and Vig turned around, smiled, and flashed him a thumbs up.
Damn that country bumpkin to hell!
"Um, excuse me, but you look really familiar." A woman in her early twenties said as she peered down at him. "Do I know you?"
"You talking to me, lady?"
"Hey, you're Ted Grant, aren't you? The Boxer?"
Wildcat looked at her in surprise. "Sure am. How'd a young thing like you hear about an old timer like me?"
"My Daddy used to talk about you all the time." She explained, "I went to a few of your matches when I was a little girl. Xtacy! Trixie! Ted Grant's here!"
"You mean, like, the kitty cat guy?" A young woman, Trixie, asked in confusion. "Aren't you, like, a firefighter?"
"No you idiot, he's a boxer." Another one in a tight leather top snapped. "Please excuse my retarded friend Trixie over here, she's a total ditz. I'm Xtacy, by the way."
The first woman, Chrystal, smiled and pushed Ted onto a couch. "You seem so tense, boxer-man. Aren't fighters supposed to be really good at cutting loose and pounding into things relentlessly?"
Ted understood what the three women were implying instantly. Hey, he might have been old, but he wasn't a complete retard. "Damn straight we do. Would the three of you women like to find out?"
"You're going to fight us!" Squeaked Trixie, "That's so mean! All we wanted to do was have sex with you, mister!"
"You're a freak'n dumbass, you know that?" Xtasy scowled.
"Why don't you ladies stop fighting and sit next to Daddy?" Ted suggested as he sat back on the couch and rested his arms up. "Plenty of room here for you all."
"We will after we're done with the other guy." Brittany promised, "He's a bit of a weirdo, but he's a hot weirdo."
"Who is it?" Ted asked in bewilderment.
"That guy over there."
Wildcat looked up and his eyes doubled in shock as he saw a very pleased looking Vic Sage watching the other women slide up and down the poles erotically as two others sat on his lap.
Oh, you have got to be kidding me.Ted thought to himself as he stomped over to the other man. Mr. I'm-to-good-for-strip clubs is stealing the ladies? I'll kick his ass if his wacko lady friend doesn't do it first.
Q, oblivious to an on-coming Ted Grant, was currently enjoying himself immensely. Granted, doing so did go against his principals, and Helena would probably kick his ass if she ever found out about it, but damn. He was only human, for Christ's sake, a human manwho was very straight and very into woman, particularly foreign woman...
Not that he would ever confess that to Helena. If she ever learned that the reason he liked her to speak to so much him during sex was so he could hear that incredibly sexy Italian accent of hers she hid so well he'd never hear the end of it.
When Ted and Greg had made their bet (A bet which Ted was such a fool for making. Didn't he know that Vig would simply pay the woman to trick Ted with him?) Q had gotten bored of their trivial conquests and wandered off. After making sure to slip away silently he walked up to this particular stage to warn the woman -and occasional man- about the dangers of the glitter they wore and the grease they put on the poles when he became aware of something rather interesting.
All the women over here weren't from this country at all. In fact, they all seemed to be directly imported from Europe and Brazil. Just a bunch of beautiful, shirtless, deliciously foreign women dancing and taking off their clothes.
Screw the Conspiracy, he wanted to watch.
And watch he did, and more than that. While Greg had paid a hooker to leave with him to trick Ted Vic was on the other side of the building being seduced by gorgeous woman and watching them get naked for him.
Thank God for the Conspiracy being able to distract him before his body made him do something he'd regret. The last thing he needed was the government stealing his sperm and making a bunch of little Q's.
As a few women slid off the stage and began to climb on top of him and paw at his clothes, Vic found it increasingly hard to concentrate on breathing, much less keeping his body in check. Ted and Greg were damn lucky they didn't have an armed, trigger-happy girlfriend who would more than happily shoot them.
On the other hand, Helena herself was out enjoying the sight of other people getting naked too. Why couldn't he? And with that thought in mind, he instantly began to relax and enjoy himself quite a lot more.
That is, until Ted came and started barking at him to get off his lazy ass and leave the woman alone so they could satisfy him for a change.
"Can't we both stay?'' Q asked.
"Why do you wanna watch me get it on with these here ladies, kid?"
"I don't want to watch, I want to-"
"Guys, cake's ready!" Wally called as he sipped by them.
"Cake?" Vic repeated, "Is this a birthday party for a six year-old?"
"Well, it is for Ollie so that's close enough." Ted decided, "Not let's go, I want my damn cake."
"Hm, well seeing as you lost your bet to Greg I suppose buying it is out of the question at this point."
"How was I supposed to know it would work?"
"Ted, this is a strip club." Vic sighed, "Didn't it occur to you that Vigilante would simply pay the woman to leave with you so he could win the bet?"
"…That bastard!"
"You really didn't think of it, did you?"
"No! That punk! Why I ought to go over there and-"
"Be quiet and go get some of your damn cake before West eats it."
"Fine, but I'm killing the cowboy after."
"Whatever makes you happy."
"Strippers, boobs, cake! This party has everything!" Wally cried as he raced around the room.
"Hold it there Speedy Gonzales; I don't think you quite understand this." Roy chuckled as he reclined back in his seat.
"What's to understand?" Wally asked, "It's a giant cake, Roy, not rocket science."
"It's what's in the cake that I want." Ted smirked.
Wally's eyes widened, "Ooh, is it vanilla?"
"...I guess it could be."
"I'd rather it be chocolate." Ollie opined with a playboy grin earning a few laughs from the group.
"I don't get it." Wally frowned.
Before anyone could explain it to him two women appeared from the doorway of the room in leopard-print bikinis and identical smiles on their faces as they pushed a giant vanilla cake on a cart. Wally ignored the two scandalously clothed women to stare at his one true love: food.
It was a large delicacy dressed in white icing with green trim -a color Ollie no doubt picked out- at least as tall as Bart (Wally's kind, loving, pain in the ass kid cousin) and looked like something that would take even the Scarlet Speedster an hour or so to finish.
"Consider this a better present than the check." Bruce smirked, "Courtesy of Alfred."
Oliver instantly knew what the cake contained. "Alfred made this?"
"Well, I modified it, but yes."
"Can we stop jibber-jabbing and dig in to it?" A ruffled Greg asked impatiently. It seemed his line had worked after all with the hooker, not that he still didn't have to give her half of what he won from Ted.
"Only you, Queen." Vic sighed with a shake of his head and a small smile.
Wally didn't hear any of them, he was too busy focusing on the cake. God, how could they stand not eating it? Look at it! He could feel it calling to him, begging him to eat it and savor its taste. His fingers subconsciously clenched around the room as his ADD kicked in and he began to tremble with want.
"Looks good." Roy nodded, "But I bet I'll like what's inside better."
"Heh, just like with women." Ollie cracked earning a few chuckles from the other men.
Flash could feel himself beginning to sweat as he stared at the large cake. Damn it, he was hungry! He hadn't wanted anything this bad since he saw those Thunder Cats sheets last Christmas. Hoping no one noticed, Wally began to scoot out of his chair and casually stand up.
Batman eyed him wearily but kept his mouth shut. The kid needed to learn when to behave himself, and this might have been a good opportunity for him to do so.
As the group made cracks about sex, the third Flash sped over to the desert and stared at it. It just looked so damn good; he had to have it now. He reached a hand forward and stole a slab of icing...
...Only for the cake to seemingly explode from the inside and have a preppy blonde pop out, completely naked save the icing she was coated it.
"SURPRISE!"
"GAH!" Wally shouted in horror. Without thinking he quickly took the metal spoon in his hand and slammed it in the back of the woman's head with a loud clank. "DIE YOU CRAZY CAKE-KILLING BITCH!"
With a squeal of shock the woman's eyes rolled back behind her skull and she fell over onto the ground with a dull thud.
Silence.
"...Did you just kill the cake hopper?" Roy gaped.
"Wha-What?" The redhead panted.
"Wally...you just...killed a stripper." Ollie blinked.
Ted stood up and walked over towards the woman, placing two fingers on her neck in search of a pulse. "No, she's just a little knocked out. She'll be fine, I think."
"Why the hell was there a person in your cake?" Wally gaped, "What is this, Hansel and Gretel?"
"You idiot." Bruce said flatly, not overly concerned about the woman.
The men all stared down at her, unsure of how to proceed. "...What do we do now?" Ollie asked in disbelief.
"Well...I don't know about you, but I have an idea." Roy replied going up to her and unzipping his pants.
"Roy!"
"What? Like you weren't thinking it!"
"Hide her in the closet." Vic suggested, "At some point she'll wake up."
"Then what?" Ollie cried, "Oh God, we're going to jail! I can't go to jail, I'm too pretty! Oh, and getting married! Dinah won't want to marry a jailbird."
"Why not? You kids could be two birds in a nest together, it'd be perfect." Ted snickered.
"I can't go to jail either!" Wally shouted, "Do you know what happens to guys like me in prison? Pretty, young, sexy guys like me? We get raped! I don't want to be raped! I get enough jokes about what my super speed can do during sex and don't need some 300 pound guy named Ernie staring at my ass during shower time!"
"Relax, West. No one's going to jail." Bruce assured him soothingly. Well, as soothingly as the Dark Knight ever could be.
"And how do you know that?"
"Because by the time she wakes up we'll be gone."
"Gone where?"
"I know a casino in Vegas where the dealers are great and the money's good." Ollie said, "Let's go there. This party isn't over by a long shot."
Oliver Queen had no idea just how right he was. In fact, the party was just beginning.
A/N Long chapter much? Lol, I didn't think I'd ever finish. But look, I did:) Hope you like it.
A/N Reviews are always appreciated so if you never feel appreciated, well, review:)