Chapter 8
Lexaeus and Marluxia are still searching for the secret shame of Xaldin. They have yet to get close to discovering and have been gone for 3 weeks. Meanwhile, Roxas is going after Xion, Xemnas is angry, Saix is doing little, Demyx is sleeping, Larxene is preparing for her abortion, and Vexen is getting ready to tell her she's not pregnant, and Thasmox is hunting the past form of himself.
"Alright, wherever you are, I'll blow you to smithereens!" Thasmox whispered hiding behind bushes.
Thomas is walking to school and is holding a crossbow.
"A crossbow?" Thasmox questioned to himself.
Somehow, as Thasmox is aiming a Starblast at him, a tree branch falls off the tree above him and hits him on the head.
"OW! Darn, he got away!" Thasmox complained.
"Xion, why don't you ever do me? I ask and ask and ask and try so hard, but all you ever do is reject me! Why do you hate me?" Roxas asked.
"Here are some reasons. First, you're an idiot, second, you're ugly and not hot, and also, I don't like you and I'm not in the mood like the way men are repeatedly! Understand?" Xion explained.
"Xion…" Roxas said starting to tear up.
"You hurt the brat's feelings?" Larxene asked.
"She did," Zexion answered.
Roxas, now crying goes into the closet and thinks to himself, so, Roxas is a bad looking, stupid man, who isn't?
"Vexen, are you almost ready?" Larxene asked.
"Maybe," Vexen said.
"Vexen, where is Luxord?" Zexion asked.
"He's looking for Thasmox," Vexen explained.
"Xion, ix Sephiroxth almoxt ox?" Demyx asked.
"Demyx? Are you active enough to watch TV?" Xion asked.
"Ofx courxe Ix caxn, I'xe takenx pexp pillx!" Demyx said jittery.
"Lexaeus, help me. This Invisible is difficult!" Marluxia yelled.
"Marluxia, please. I'm having enough trouble with the Dust Flier. Darn Xaldin having powerful Heartless guard his clues," Lexaeus said.
Marluxia defeats the Invisible. "Lexaeus, I got a clue. Crud, it's fake!"
"How great for you. Please help me!" Lexaeus yelled being demolished by Dust Flier.
Marluxia throws his scythe at the Dust Flier, but it bounces off and impales Lexaeus in the head.
"Holy s***, Lexaeus, are you all right?" Marluxia asked.
"No…" Lexaeus answered starting to cry.
The Dust Flier ascends and flies off. As it's leaving, it gets jolted and then thrusts down its shockwave.
"Marluxia you retard, it was leaving! Why'd you cast Thundaga?" Lexaeus screamed jumping.
"I don't know!" Marluxia said.
"I'm getting really pissed off! I'm tempted to just launch a missile or extinguish the sun, but that would kill everybody, and though that would be very enjoyable, it's not what I'm after right now. Now where are you?" Thasmox said to himself.
"I'm right behind you," Thomas yelled.
"Ahh! Why does my nonexistence suck so badly?" Thasmox said.
"I'll give you a few reasons, but first, I'll kick your ass!" Thomas said.
Thomas beats Thasmox up again.
"Stop doing that, motherf***er!" Thasmox yelled.
"Go away then!" Thomas said.
"I'd like to, but I'm stuck," Thasmox said.
"Wait, your stuck?" Thomas asked.
"Yeah, you see, Luxord did a card trick and it accidently sent me back in time and I can't Dark Corridor through time. Do you know how I can go back?" Thasmox asked.
"Who's…Wait a min…time travel, what're you talking about?" Thomas asked confused.
"This!" Thasmox said pushing Thomas down and beating him up. He launches a few Starpunches and burns Thomas pretty badly. He was about to use a Starpunch with a crushing power, but ran low on energy and just punched him.
"Dirtbag!" Thomas yelled.
"Not dirtbag, revenge!" Thasmox said slickly as he Dark Corridored.
Demyx is watching TV with Xion, extremely pepped up.
"Demyx, how many pills did you take?" Xion asked.
"Just one…, or two… and then, then, I drank seven Amps! Look, I'm gonna play Beatles songs extremely fast. Quickly!" Demyx said extremely quickly.
"I know something's wrong, because you're not using X's," Xion said.
"Demyx, you're lucky you don't have a heart, or it would've stopped?" Zexion said.
"Nobody cares, Mr. Librarian, can I have the word inflicted defined?" Demyx asked.
"No," Zexion said.
Roxas just stood there with his hood up devising plans to hump Xion, thinking of course, Xion, enjoy not being laid while you can. The drugs I put in her waffles should do fine. Nice old aphrodisiacs.
"Roxas, did you put these pills in my waffles?" Xion asked.
"Yes, they're aphrodisiacs. Horny yet?" Roxas asked.
"NO!" Xion yelled jumping Roxas and beating him with a Keyblade.
"FYI Roxas, Viagra doesn't work on girls," Zexion said reading his book.
"What're you reading?" Xion said hitting Roxas brutally.
"Playboy… er, I mean, ways to kill Xaldin without using items or spells," Zexion said.
Marluxia is sleeping and Lexaeus is killing several Sergeants.
"What's this, a clue?" Lexaeus yelled opening a scroll.
"What's it say?" Marluxia said waking up.
"Dig here," Lexaeus said. He plunges his axe into the ground but it gets snagged and thrown back up.
"What happened?" Marluxia asked.
"I don't know," Lexaeus said.
The ground starts crumbling and an entity emerges from it. The entity happens to be Saix.
"Watch where you're plunging that axe, Lexaeus?" Saix said.
"Wolfy…what're you doing down there?" Lexaeus asked confused as hell.
"That's where I hide human bones," Saix said.
"Saix, why do you have human bones?" Marluxia asked.
"Never mind," Saix explained.
Thasmox is walking on the beach, for some reason, everybody has matching towels. "I wonder, if I go under the dock, will I see a rock lobster?" Thasmox asked himself walking under a dock. "No, nothing besides a few priceless gems, a treasure chest, and a rod of god power. Nothing interesting,"
"You're an idiot," Luxord said from behind him.
"Luxord! Send me back to the present," Thasmox said.
"That's why I'm here, but first, I need to wait another couple of hours for my time to recharge," Luxord said.
"Could you speed it up?" Thasmox asked.
Luxord hit him with cards and knocked him out.
Roxas has devised a brilliant scheme to nail Xion, and is currently prepping it. Xion is unaware, and doesn't really care, because she's occupied criticizing Demyx.
"That does not sound like Strawberry Fields Forever, at any tempo!" Xion said.
"Demyx, I told you I have the sheet music. Do you want it or not?" Zexion asked.
"No, I told you!" Demyx yelled.
"I miss your X's. Speak with them," Zexion said.
"No way!" Demyx said.
Roxas is not hot, good looking, or smart. Let's see if Xion likes Thasmox, he thought to himself dressing up like Thasmox and making a dummy Luxord.
"Xion!" Roxas said, disguising his voice marvelously.
"Thasmox, you're back!" Xion yelled.
"That's a big deal?" Roxas asked.
"Uh…" Xion stuttered blushing.
"Demyx, Zexion. Would you please leave the room for about an hour?" Roxas asked.
"Fine," Zexion asked using a Dark Corridor, dragging Demyx with him.
"Xion, we're alone. You know where I'm going with this right?" Roxas said trying to be sexy, "You want to do it?"
"Yes," Xion said jumping him, stripping.
"Saix, when do we return to the castle?" Marluxia asked.
"As soon as I find Xaldin's secret shame. I have the final clue," Saix explained.
"What is it?" Lexaeus asked.
"Look at the bottom of the ocean at Neverland around Skull Rock," Saix said.
"Neverland, we were just there!" Lexaeus said.
"Luxord can we go back now?" Thasmox asked.
"Yes," Luxord said, doing a similar card trick to what he did last time.
Right as a tricked Xion finishes doing Roxas, guess what? That's right, they appeared.
"Hey Xi… holy..." Thasmox screamed.
"What the… Thasmox, if you're there, then who am I… ROXAS?" Xion screamed so loud the whole World that Never Was could hear.
"Ha-ha… hi Xion…" Roxas said extremely nervously as Xion was getting off of him.
"You've really pushed it this time Roxas!" Xion said putting her robes back on.
"Xion, don't take this the wrong way or get any ideas, but you're kinda hot," Thasmox explained staring at her. "Also, why are you dressed like me Roxas?"
"Uh… well, you just saw how I…" Before he could finish his thought, Xion bashes him over the head with the Keyblade and starts brutally murdering him. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! SOMEBODY HELP ME!" Roxas screamed as he was smashed by Xion.
"Xion, did you just kill him?" Thasmox asked.
"Yes, yes I did. But don't worry, he'll be back," Xion explained.
"This is a disgusting display of two teenagers screwing themselves up," Luxord said.
"Xion, don't believe that this is coming from me, but I'm going say go to Vexen. Here, I'll come with you," Thasmox said opening a Dark Corridor in which they walk through. Luxord than teleports to Xemnas.
"Xemnas, there are still no signs of He-man or the Gay Reaper. Got it memorized?" Axel said.
"Where's my Saix puppy?" Xemnas asked.
"I don't know. He left," Axel said.
"D*** it, I needed to be advised on how to punish Demyx!" Xemnas yelled.
Luxord appears with his eyes closed. "Xemnas, you'll want to hear this. Xion was f***** by Roxas!" Luxord said spontaneously.
"Larxene's a pedophile?" Xemnas asked.
"Yes, but we're talking about Xion, not Larxene," Luxord said.
"Girl Roxas?" Xemnas asked.
"Yes," Axel said.
Xemnas hurled an Ethereal Blade at Axel. "No one asked you!"
The trio is under the ocean, somehow breathing.
"Saix, can we go back yet?" Marluxia asked.
"Not until Lexaeus finishes digging," Saix yelled.
"I've been doing this for six hours. When do I get a break?" Lexaeus asked.
"When you find Xaldin's secret shame!" Saix yelled.
"Why don't you force Marluxia, he likes getting his hands dirty, and my axe can only withstand so much," Lexaeus yelled.
"Shut up!" Saix said.
"Er… Hey, I found something," Lexaeus said tossing a chest up which lands on Saix.
"Are you okay?" Marluxia asked.
"Just a few broken bones and shattered blood vessels," Saix said quickly and weakly attempting to lift the chest.
Lexaeus opens the chest without lifting it off of Saix. "What the… Sea Shanty albums, A Sailor suit, a scroll on how to cure sea sickness, and the chest?" He stated.
"Xaldin's seaworthy!" Marluxia said.
"That must be it, and could somebody lift this chest off of me?" Saix asked.
Marluxia smashed the chest and opened a Dark Corridor in which he walked through and Lexaeus dragged Saix.
Vexen was approaching Larxene as Xion and Thasmox were going to get pills.
"Vexen, I need pills, Roxas placed some material in me, some…organic material…related to…Marluxia's plant seeds," Xion said somewhat reluctantly.
"By which she means his semen," Thasmox said.
"The pills are gone," Vexen said.
"Vexen, less yakking, more sucking!" Larxene said.
"Larxene, listen… you… you… aren't pr… pregnant. I… uh kinda tricked you," Vexen said very hesitantly.
"You mean to tell me that I could've been drunk and high this whole time?" Larxene screamed.
"You were!" Vexen said.
"That's not the point; this is your idea of a joke. Thasmox, where are my cigarettes? I'll need something to smoke as I murder Vexen!" Larxene screamed.
"Goodbye, too bad I can't Dark Corridor because Xemnas took away my privileges, so I'll run like hell!" Vexen yelled.
"Hold on Vexen, I'll help!" Thasmox said putting up a barrier right in front of him and Xion to seal every possible exit Vexen could take. "Larxene, here's the only one I haven't smoked yet. Take it, and Proceed," Thasmox said.
"Yes sir, Mr. Jerk sir," Larxene said pulling out her knives and lighting her cigarette.