Chapter 9
Vexen has been slaughtered, and currently, Thasmox is drunk and Xion is attempting to watch TV but is getting a little uncomfortable because Thasmox is drunk and acting out.
"Xion, have you ever noticed how girls have boobs?" Thasmox asked, drunk.
"Yeah," Xion said hitting him over the head with a keyblade.
"Hey Xion…" Roxas said.
"Roxas, after the incident of three weeks ago, I suggest you stay away from me unless you want to wake up tomorrow morning tied up with razor wire, gagged, corked, and drugged inside a cage at the bottom of the ocean! Understood?" Xion threatened.
"Yes!" Roxas said giving her a signal of opinion translated as "Demented."
"Can I do that to him, Xion?" Thasmox asked, sobering up.
"Be my guest," Xion said happily.
"Xion, the results of your pregnancy test are in," Zexion said.
"Xion, why'd you bother to even bother to take the test? You know you're not gonna be!" Roxas said.
"I've been sick all week! I took the test, and God help you if it says positive!" Xion yelled.
"Roxas… Run!" Zexion yelled showing Xion the test.
Roxas enters a Dark Corridor reluctantly in fear. (They're gates to hell if not opened by Xion is Roxas' theory, remember?)
"He can't hide forever!" Xion growled looking at the test. It reads positive. "No way…,"
"Xion, don't commit suicide…, if someone has to die, make it Roxas because he was the one who nailed you! Also, whatever you do, keep Roxas away from that demon child once it's born," Thasmox said.
"How do you figure it's gonna be a demon, punk?" Zexion asked sternly.
"It's from a sperm of Roxas and the zygote is Xion's. That's how I figure, bookworm!" Thasmox replied.
"I don't need this. Good luck Xion," Zexion said entering a Dark Corridor.
Lexaeus, Marluxia, and Saix emerge from the Dark Corridor into Xaldin's Room.
"You were gone long enough. Did you find what you sought out for?" Xaldin asked pleasantly.
"Yes we did Sailor Sam!" Marluxia replied delightedly.
"Plus we got this fire breathing tiki statue at Destiny Islands, I think it was like their God or something. Marluxia insisted we keep it!" Lexaeus remarked making fire shoot out.
"Watch it!" Saix said.
"Keep this secret or perish!" Xaldin whispered.
"But my therapist said secrets are bad!" Marluxia said.
"Listen to his advice and come out of the closet!" Xaldin yelled.
Marluxia had nothing to say to that.
Saix' pager beeps. "What? Oh god, Xemnas has a task for me," Saix complained entering a Dark Corridor.
Axel is sleeping and Roxas comes in through a Dark Corridor. "Axel…" Roxas said. Axel was startled and casted Fira upon awakening. "Hey Roxas, having trouble with your… incident with Xion?" Axel asked.
"Yes. She's knocked up and I'm afraid she's gonna keep it…and that means I'm gonna be a father!" Roxas stated.
"Congrats. I can't exactly help, because I was never a father," Axel replied.
"No, I gotta hide for the next eternity! I need you to help me!" Roxas yelled.
"This child is gonna be a demon, but it's gonna turn out even worse without a father," Axel explained.
"Thasmox should be the dad. I'm the biological father, but he and Xion are obviously into each other, and I was disguised as him when I penetrated her. Besides, Xion wouldn't let me and Thasmox is smarter than me," Roxas exclaimed.
"You have a job. I'll try to talk to Xion, and once she's willing to let you back into her life, you're not gonna hide from it. She's mad at you now, so I'll hide you," Axel said.
"Axel… I can't handle this," Roxas complained.
"You have to," Axel stated. "Good luck,"
Saix exits a Dark Corridor in Xemnas' office.
"How is Girl Roxas?" Xemnas asked.
"Apparently, we have a positive. I'm worried more-so about the pregnancy than the birth. We already know this is gonna be a demon child, but Xion is gonna be hell because she's pregnant, angry, fourteen, and single. I'll have to make Roxas help raise this child, but Xion needs to cool off first," Saix explained.
"Are we sure this isn't another prank or a false positive?" Xemnas asked.
"I was present when Zexion was performing the tests. Modern science can apparently see a zygote in a human womb very early. The only fail for this is one of them dying," Saix answered.
"Should we punish Roxas?" Xemnas questioned.
"By all means," Saix said.
A Dark Corridor opens and Roxas steps out. "What is it, is Xion here?" Roxas trivialized, frightened.
"No. We're here to punish you for the input of your cock into her snatch," Xemnas yelled.
"How?" Roxas questioned.
"You're gonna have to be Xion's slave for the nine months, but you're gonna be killed if you even talk to her right now. I'll get you when it's time. I recommended you hide until that point," Saix explained.
"Axel's gonna try and talk to Xion, but he's gonna hide me in the meantime," Roxas said.
"Too risky! I say you hide here so you don't escape. Xigbar, watch him. Make sure he doesn't escape. You have eight hour shifts with Lexaeus and Luxord.
"As if," Xigbar complained.
"Xigbar!" Saix yelled.
"All right, all right. But what's in it for me?" Xigbar questioned.
"I won't turn you into Dusk, we'll get cable, and you get the next five months off!" Xemnas said.
"Sounds reasonable," Xigbar stated.
"Hurry up with that pancake mix, Thasmox," Xion yelled.
"Here you go!" Thasmox said angrily.
"I don't want pancake mix, get me a cheeseburger!" Xion growled.
"Make up your damn mind!" Thasmox yelled.
"Do your jobs or I'll cripple you!" Xion screamed.
"My job is to complete missions for the Organization, not to be your butler," Thasmox explained loudly.
"I said get me a cheeseburger, so get me a cheeseburger or I'll kill you!" Xion hissed furiously.
"If you lay off me throughout the pregnancy, I'll do you anytime you want for the next year!" Thasmox bargained.
"Sounds good!" Xion replied.
I have to wipe that last part of what I said from her memory somehow, Thasmox thought.
Axel emerged from a Dark Corridor.
"Axel, get Xion a cheeseburger. Got it memorized?" Thasmox mocked.
"All right," Axel said walking to the kitchen.
"Hey, I think there might be some porno on Pay Per View," Xion said in a seductive voice.
What's her problem? "Porno?" Thasmox asked.
"Good ones," Xion said the same way.
"How are we gonna watch that on Pay Per View?" Thasmox asked.
"Like this," Xion announced flashing Xemnas' credit card.
"What else, besides pornography, is on?" Thasmox questioned.
"Paid Programming and Adventures of the Mighty Lobster Men," Xion answered.
"What about DVD's?" Thasmox asked.
"Vexen stole all DVD's except for the pornography, which Demyx stole, and one episode of Sephiroth's Killfest, the one where he didn't show up," Xion replied.
"Fine, we'll watch porn," Thasmox said pouring some cognac into a shot-glass and lighting a smoke.
"Lexaeus, give it up, the score is 78 to 1. I'm not letting you reveal that secret," Xaldin said.
"Best 79 out of 157!" Lexaeus yelled.
"Rock, Paper, Scissors, shoot," Xaldin sighed not looking.
"Damn it!" Lexaeus announced.
"Told you," Xaldin stated.
"Best 80 out of 159!" Lexaeus shouted.
"Give it up!" Xaldin demanded.
"Marluxia, you know what to do!" Lexaeus commanded.
"By the power of Mother Nature, I decree, Flower Power activate!" Marluxia announced holding his scythe up proudly.
"Flower Power, you're f***ing kidding me!" Xaldin said.
"Mister Lexaeus, kindly remove yourself from the perimeter momentarily. I wish to have a friendly talk with Sir Xaldin," Marluxia said in a false sophisticated voice.
Lexaeus entered a Dark Corridor.
"I think we're close to Xemnas' credit limit. Maybe we should stop," Xion said.
"Are you kidding? These are the hottest chicks alive, like I'm gonna pass up a chance to see them in towels and such!" Thasmox screamed.
"You're a pervert!" Xion yelled.
"Who forced me to watch pornography, pregnant bitch?" Thasmox yelled.
"Thasmox!" Xion broke out in tears.
"Here, take this!" Thasmox rushed holding a sedative bottle labeled ibuprofen.
"Is that really ibuprofen?" Xion asked crying.
"Yeah, sure, why not?" Thasmox hesitated.
Axel arrived through a Dark Corridor. "Xion, we need to have a serious talk," Axel said.
"Should I leave you two alone?" Thasmox asked.
"Yes," Axel replied.
"How unfortunate that is," Thasmox stated.
"Smart aleck!" Axel snapped at Thasmox.
"Begin the talking," Thasmox said, not intimidated even slightly.
"Xion, this demon…, that child inside of you, it's as I said, is obviously, it's a,… well, it's definitely a demon. Without a fa… a father, it's gonna become Xemnas if it's male, Larxene if it's a girl. It needs a father, a committed man who truly loves you and will be there for you!" Axel explained.
"Well, then Pervy McGee over there is out of the question," Xion said.
"When was I ever in the question?" Thasmox remarked.
"Xion! The point is, Roxas…"
Xion interrupts Axel by taking a pillow and attempting to suffocate him. "You will not mention that name in my presence, got it memorized!" Xion screamed with hellish fury.
Axel pushes her hand. "Xion, why does it matter…? I mean, true, he did violate you and that is a very serious situation, but you need to let him into your life. You can't hate him for the rest of your life, in time, you're gonna have to forgive him, because if you shun him out, then you're gonna be raising this kid alone. Do you really want to be put through hell because you can't let something go, no matter how big it may be? It's rather let him back into your life, or suffer forever with a young… you know who. Now, which would you prefer?" Axel exclaimed.
"You be the father!" Xion snapped.
"That is not an option, got it memorized?" Axel yelled back.
"Be the father, or be a dead man!" Xion screamed holding a stiletto to Axel's throat.
This is a onetime thing Axel, Thasmox thought jumping Xion and overpowering her. (Not what you think!) "Calm down Xion. This is serious, I normally don't lay a hand on a girl violently, so how tightly and painfully I have you pinned down should express how serious I am to this situation. Now, listen to Axel and let Roxas…"
Xion pushes him off and starts beating him. "Never say that word. That word is forbidden from exiting anyone's lips, on penalty of death! Understood?"
Thasmox says nothing and instead aims his foot for Xion's genitals.
"I don't have testicles! You can't nut-check a girl!" Xion yelled.
"Damn it, I thought a kick in the snatch would hurt a girl!" Thasmox yelled.
Roxas emerges from a Dark Corridor. "Xi…Xion," Roxas said overwhelmed by nervousness.
"Star boy, count your blessings, you got a pass. I'm gonna go beat up Sir F***s-a-lot over there so hard, no one will live to tell about it except me!" Xion screamed calling her Keyblade, and Roxas' as well. She then charges at Roxas full speed and starts pounding him so hard, he can't even feel his bones shattering. Xion does this for 48 hours straight, literally nonstop, not even to rest her arms for a split second.