Monday morning, Lucas woke up and stumbled sleepily to the kitchen where he found Peyton already dressed and feeding Emma. It was a rare occasion that Peyton was up and mobile before 8:00. Especially since he'd heard Emma crying at midnight, then again around 4:30. The second time, he heard her singing to the little girl. The lullaby had put him back to sleep too.
"Morning," she said with a smirk, eyeing his tired appearance. His hair was shooting off in every imaginable direction and his clothes were wrinkled. There was a crease on his cheek from his pillow.
"Morning," he grumbled. He poured himself a cup of coffee and slumped into the chair next to her at the table.
"Someone's tired this morning," she said, spooning another bite of food into Emma's mouth.
"I'll be alright," he said, rubbing his right eye with his hand. "You didn't get much sleep last night, did you?"
"I'm fine. Somehow soothing a baby, it didn't seem like I was losing sleep," she explained with a quiet smile.
She'd longed for this life for so long. She'd wanted a child for as long as she could remember. Ever since her mother had died, she'd vowed to be a mom. She wanted a daughter who she could pass along her wisdom to, and carry on the traditions she'd had with her own mother. She wanted to take her daughter to the beach every Friday after school when the weather was nice and pick up every piece of sea glass they could find. She wanted to bake cookies and build forts and read stories to her kids. Now that dream seemed further away than ever.
"What do you think, Emma?" she said, looking at the little girl. "Doesn't uncle Luke look goofy?"
As if on cue, Emma began giggling and kicking her feet, eliciting a laugh from Peyton.
"Sure," Lucas said with a grin, standing from his place. "Gang up on me." He pressed a kiss to the crown of Emma's head and turned to Peyton. "I'm going to shower. We should do something today, though."
"Sure," Peyton said, looking up from the jar of baby food in her hands to meet his eyes. "You can think about it while you fix that hair," she teased.
"Yeah, yeah. I'm on it," he called to her on his way to the bathroom to shower.
Peyton finished feeding Emma and changed her into one of the outfits Brooke had demanded she wear if they went anywhere. She was packing 'supplies' into a bag when Lucas emerged from his room fully clothed and ready to go.
"Better?" he asked, leaning on the door frame to her room. She turned to face him and noticed his navy blue polo shirt and jeans, and clean white shoes. He hadn't shaved, but his hair had been styled and tamed considerably.
"It's an improvement," she chuckled. "So what's your plan?"
She picked up Emma and slung the bag over her shoulder and began walking towards him. He moved so she could exit the room, and followed behind her, trying to will himself not to notice how her jeans were slung low on her hips.
"Why don't we just walk along the Riverwalk?" he suggested. "Maybe get some lunch or something."
"That sounds perfect," she said with a smile. She'd been wanting to spend another lazy day with him since the last one they'd shared. "Grab the camera." He shot her a puzzled look. "You never know!"
He laughed and followed her out of the house to Brooke's SUV. She loaded Emma into her car seat and hopped in the passenger side. They drove through town with Lucas' arm resting on the centre console and leaning towards her. Emma was cooing in the back seat while Peyton and Lucas chatted about nothing in particular. Peyton couldn't help but feel like this was the most comfortable she'd felt in years. Joshua slipped into her memory for a moment, and she remembered the weekend road trips they'd take to go see unsigned bands. But even this felt better than those trips. Maybe it was home. Maybe it was the happy baby sitting behind her. Maybe it was Lucas.
He parked the vehicle on the side of the street and walked to the back to pull out the stoller while Peyton got Emma out of her car seat. She tucked the diaper bag into its place on the stroller and sat Emma in her seat. Lucas began pushing the stroller towards the Riverwalk and Peyton walked alongside him.
"So listen, will you judge me if I have a third cup of coffee?" she asked quickly.
He laughed and shook his head. "You know, you could have woken me up to help you."
"No!" she insisted. "It's really no problem."
"Yeah," he said softly. "I just feel like you're doing all the work."
She stopped walking and looked over at him. "You know, sometimes you're too nice."
"Is that a bad thing?" he asked with a laugh.
"Not at all," she said. She threw her arm around his shoulder as they approached the coffee shop.
"Lucas Scott!" a voice rang out. They both turned around to see one of their old teachers from their days at Tree Hill. "And Peyton Sawyer."
"Hi, Mr. Chambers," Lucas said with a smile. He hadn't seen the man in years. His first year coaching at Tree Hill, Mr. Chambers had retired at the end of the first semester.
"Please, it's just Bill now," he said, shaking Lucas' hand. He looked to Peyton who was smiling, and shook her hand as well. "I always knew you two would end up together."
Lucas and Peyton looked at each other with wide eyes and then towards the stroller, and Peyton chuckled at how they must look to outsiders.
"Actually, we're not," Lucas clarified with a nervous laugh. "We're just baby sitting Brooke Davis' daughter."
"Brooke Davis! Wow. You know in a small town, you'd think I'd run into some of you kids more often," the man said, then let out a hearty chuckle. "Well you two make a good looking couple. I had best be getting back to my wife, but you take care."
"You too," Peyton said as Lucas just stared in the direction of the man as he walked away. She wondered if he hadn't heard them say that they weren't together. His statement made it seem that way.
As soon as he was out of earshot, Peyton spoke again. "That was a little awkward."
They began to walk again, but Lucas' mind was racing. They looked like a family. They looked like a couple with their child. For a fleeting moment, he wished that was true.
"Yeah, awkward," he said absently. "I'll wait here for you."
"You want anything?" she asked, making her way towards the door.
"I'm good, thanks," he replied.
He needed to stop the thoughts that were flooding his mind. He looked at her as she held the door open for an older couple, watching the sunlight bounce off her blonde hair. He noticed how her v-neck tee shirt rested on her collar bone. These were things he shouldn't be paying attention to. Yet every little detail about her was completely captivating him. But watching her and spending so much time with her for the week since she'd been in town just made him see her in a completely different light. His brother's words still rung in his ear though. She'd just gotten divorced and he had to be careful with both their hearts. His heart couldn't bear to lose their friendship, that much he knew.
They spent the rest of their morning strolling through the town, stopping to take a few photos, before eventually making it back to the car. On the short drive back to the house, Lucas noticed Peyton's eyes get heavy and he offered a sympathetic smile.
"I am going to have to insist that you lay down for a bit," he said, briefly taking his eyes off the road to glance at her.
She looked back at him and smiled weakly, then rolled her eyes. "Alright. If you insist."
He laughed again and as they pulled into his driveway, he told her to go ahead in and that he would bring everything inside.
She made her way to her bedroom and lay down on the bed, almost instantly falling asleep.
When she woke almost an hour later, she walked past Lucas' room on her way to the living room, where she figured they'd be, but noticed him sitting on his bed with Emma on his lap, reading her a story. He noticed Peyton standing in the doorway and shot her a smile. She stood there for a couple minutes, arms crossed on her chest and watched him as he read Because a Little Bug Went Ka-choo. He closed the book and laid it next to him on the bed.
"She's pretty tuckered out," he said.
"Tuckered out?" Peyton teased, walking over and sitting on the edge of the bed. He rolled his eyes and shook his head.
Peyton laid back on his bed with her feet still touching the ground, and he had to force himself not to stare. Her arms were above her head and there were a couple of inches of her stomach showing between her white tee shirt and the top of her jeans.
"Still tired?" he asked, rocking Emma lightly in his arms as she drifted to sleep.
"Surprisingly, yes," she said quietly.
"Come on," he said, laying Emma down in the centre of the bed, then laying down himself. He gestured with his hand for her to move into 'her' spot on the other side of the sleeping baby.
She shook her head, but then slid into the empty space. Lucas rolled onto his side so they were face-to-face, and smiled at her. She sighed deeply and closed her eyes. After staring at the two bodies next to him for a few moments, he closed his eyes and let himself drift to sleep.
That's how they were positioned when Haley entered the room nearly an hour later. She stood just inside the door and smiled in the direction of the three sleeping blondes. She noticed Lucas' camera sitting on his desk, so she grabbed it and quickly snapped a picture. This was something she knew Brooke would love evidence of.
Lucas was awoken by the feeling of being stared at, and opened his eyes to realize it was true. He looked at Haley and smiled a sleepy smile and offered a weak wave. He stood from the bed and followed her to the living room.
"Got a picture for you," she said with a barely-contained grin as she sat down on the couch and tucked one leg beneath her.
"Uh...thanks?" he said skeptically, running a hand through his hair.
"Do you realize how adorable that was?" she asked.
"We were tired," he explained with a grin, smoothing out a wrinkle on his shirt and avoiding eye contact.
"I was going to ask how things are going, but it looks like you've got it under control," Haley mused.
"Yeah, Emma's been an angel," he said.
"Great," Haley nodded. "But that's not what I'm talking about."
He groaned and rolled his eyes. "Hales, please. Just...don't."
"What?" she asked innocently. "Tell me what I just walked in on wasn't what you used to dream of before we were friends with them?"
"That was over 10 years ago!" he proclaimed.
"So! I've been with Nathan for 10 years and that love hasn't gone away," she said softly.
"OK, that is a totally different situation, Haley, and you know it. You and Nathan are married," he argued, tilting his head at her and narrowing his eyes. "I don't get it. Nathan's telling me not to do anything, you're pushing us together...There's nothing going on."
"I'm sorry I said anything." She held her hands up defensively. "I just kind of always thought you two would get together. I mean before she got married and stuff." Her tone was quiet and soft, the way it always was when she was serious and sincere.
"There was a time when I thought that too, Hales, but it was a long time ago. Too much has happened," he said, shaking his head.
"Lucas, you have to follow your heart," she said and placed her hand on his, giving it a slight squeeze.
"My heart's saying that I don't want to lose one of my best friends," he admitted softly, looking at his lap. He hadn't realized that it was a subtle admission of some of the things he'd been feeling. His heart was conflicted.
Before Haley could question him about the statement, Peyton emerged from the bedroom with Emma in her arms.
"Hey Haley," she said happily.
"Hey girlie," Haley smiled. "Looks like you've got the mom thing down pat."
"Says the woman who juggles two kids, a husband, and a full time job," Peyton laughed, making Haley roll her eyes and smirk.
"What time is Brooke coming to get her?" Haley asked, and all three of them turned to look at the clock on the wall.
"About an hour," Lucas offered.
"OK, well I'll leave you guys alone with her," Haley said with a smile. "But Nathan and I wanted to invite you guys to dinner tomorrow night, OK?" She got up from the couch and walked towards the door.
"Sure. We'll be there," Peyton said, and sat in the space next to Lucas where Haley had been sitting.
They said their goodbyes and Haley left Lucas and Peyton sitting on his couch together in silence. He was recalling his conversation with Haley, and Peyton was realizing how much she loved to be around friends - to have someone just stop by to chat.
They fed Emma and gathered her things together so she'd be ready when Brooke came to pick her up. The brunette had showed up about two hours later and explained that her plane had been delayed in New York, and how antsy she was to get home. She picked up Emma and held her closely, and it was obvious how much she loved and missed the little girl. She thanked Lucas and Peyton profusely for watching her while she was away.
The two blondes retired to the living room after ordering pizza for dinner. Both were too tired to cook, and joked that they had only watched a child for two days and were exhausted. Lucas had poured them each a glass of wine and they sat waiting for their dinner arrived. Peyton was flipping through the channels, and stopped when she came upon The Way We Were.
The two sat watching the movie in relative silence. Every once in a while, one would comment on the situations playing out in front of them. Peyton had never seen the movie, and Lucas had only seen it once, years earlier. They came to the end of the film, and Lucas looked over to see Peyton crying. He'd forgotten that they don't wind up together and live happily ever after in the end.
She noticed him watching her with an empathetic expression. "I'm fine," she stated, before he'd even asked.
"Alright," he said quietly. He didn't believe her. They watched as the credits rolled.
"You think true love exists, Luke?" she asked seriously. "Real, true love."
"I do," he said with a nod.
"Really?" she asked, wiping her face again.
"Yeah," he said, attempting a smile. Seeing her like this was breaking him.
"I don't," she said softly, looking down at her bare left hand.
"Peyton..." he attempted.
"No. I don't. I think people fool themselves."
"What about Haley and Nathan?" he asked gently.
"Maybe they just don't know any better. I mean, I don't doubt that they're in love. But we both know how hard it's been. Maybe people mistake true love for regular love, and they just work harder to keep it," she rambled, finally looking back at him.
"So what's so wrong with that?" he asked with a smirk. "Maybe that's what makes it true love. There's nothing wrong with working hard for love."
"What if you work hard and it's not enough?" she asked, her eyes meeting his.
"Then maybe it wasn't the right person," he said, staring at her intensely. He hoped he hadn't crossed a line, but he wanted her to know how he felt. He'd thought Joshua was right for her. Until he broke her heart.
She said nothing, and just looked back to her hands instead.
"How come I couldn't see it?" she asked after a few moments of silence.
"See what?"
"If he wasn't the right person? How come I couldn't see that?" she repeated. "What if he was right for me but I wasn't right for him and that's the only chance I get?"
"I don't think that's how it works," he offered.
"How do you know?" she asked, another tear threatening to fall. "I liked being married."
"I know you did. You'll get that again, Peyton." She still wouldn't look at him, so he placed his index finger beneath her chin and lifted her face to meet his eyes. "You can't stop believing that."
"It's really hard to," she said softly. Her chin began to quiver again, and she wondered why she could only cry in front of Lucas. She hadn't cried alone, or with Brooke or Haley or Nathan. Just Lucas. "I still want him to come back sometimes."
"That's OK," he insisted.
"No, it's not," she said harshly. She got up and walked into her bedroom and closed the door.
He'd said the wrong thing yet again.
Lucas tidied the living room and kitchen, doing the dishes and cleaning up from the two days they'd both been preoccupied with Emma. It took him about an hour, and the whole time, he'd wondered what Peyton was thinking. What was she doing in there? He could hear light music playing, but that was all. He wondered if she was still beating herself up, or crying, or thinking she wasn't good enough again. All he wanted to do was take her by the shoulders and shake her and make her realize that Joshua was the one that wasn't good enough. No one was good enough for Peyton.
When he was finished cleaning and the kitchen was spotless, he walked to her room and tapped gently on the door. No sound came from the other side, so he risked making her angry and turned the knob, pushing the door open slowly. She was awake, laying on her side and staring at the wall. He walked into the room and sat on the bed next to her. He noticed a gold band on her left hand and his posture fell. She was torturing herself.
"What's this?" he asked delicately, taking her small hand in his.
"I just...wanted to," she said quietly.
"You've gotta stop doing this to yourself," he said, shaking his head sympathetically. She sat up to face him. "I don't want to be the one to have to say this, but it's over Peyton. You've got to let go."
"I don't want to!" she said severely. "You don't understand! No one understands. I was married, Luke. You don't know how that feels. To have someone say forever and then take it back!"
There were tears streaming down her cheeks again and he reached out to wipe them with his hand, but she pulled away. He sighed and she laid back down and rolled away so her back was to him.
"I know it's hard, Peyt.," he started, but she interrupted him.
"No, you don't," she said with finality. "Can I just be alone?"
He hung his head and stood from the bed, still looking down at her. His heart was breaking for her, and a little bit for himself. She was still in love with her ex-husband. She wasn't in love with him. Why did he want her to be?
"OK," he agreed, and walked out of the room and pulled the door shut behind him.
He stood in the hallway outside her room for a few minutes with his head tipped back and his hands on his hips. She'd once pointed out that he always did that when he was frustrated. He certainly was now. He had thought he was helping her all along. He thought she'd finally started to get over the failed marriage. What hurt him even more was that he didn't know how to make her better.