Burning Bright
An Interlude
Featuring: A Sky Filled with Firelights—A Room Facing the Sun—Feelings From Below—Several Acts of Thievery—I Love You—Thoughts on Marriage—The Trickling of Time—Musings on Colors—Smell of Home— The Rolling of the Tide—The Terror of the Waves—Waiting—Hearth—A Perfect Fire Nation Stew—Countdown
Sometimes, during a quiet evening when the cool breeze slapped along the shores and walls of their beach house and hideout, and the waves softly murmured and lapped against the soft, golden sand, Jin would suddenly wake up, walk out the veranda and stare at the big, dark, inky-black sky and see them. The stars. The evening stars flickering in the night, twisting and turning in an eternal luminescent dance. They were like the tiny glow of warmth that glinted on the tiny pegs that held each lantern in the Firelight Fountain. The stars were like firelights. It was a sky filled with firelights.
And Jin's heart would suddenly fill with a strange and queer sense of longing and sadness as she stared upon the sky and it would spread quickly and reverberate across her body.
How far was it from Ba Sing Se? Her eyes would travel across the sea and her lips would part and she would murmur, "Very far." And the distance would stab at her heart and chest and her hands would grip the ledge with so much force that it could break. Ba Sing Se must be a million miles away and the thought of it was more than Jin could ever bear.
She longed for the city in all its dirt infested, population riddled, and cacophony-plagued streets. She longed to see the magnificent walls rise and ascend from all sides, enclosing her with a sense of security. She longed for the warm and cozy evenings she spent with her brothers, the dinners by the dim, rationed fire, the thick, goopy stew that He Shen would cook (her brothers had long discovered by then never to let her near a stove) and the small, low, wooden table from where they would gather and eat. She longed for Duan Jie, the noise and clanking of the forge, the feel of heat against her hands, the pleasure of the metal shaping as she hammered at it and when she thought of Duan Jie, a sick bile would rise through her throat. She longed for her Earth kingdom robes, the frayed and tattered dress that hung loosely on her body and gave her a sense of openness. She longed for the smell of the dirt mixed with all the alternating smells of the city and the feel of it as it clung and stabbed at her heels and shoes. She long for the quiet motions of everyday life, the motions of going to work, of paying the bills, of eating a clean and plain meal, the simplicity of waking up every day to go through the mundane shifts of life.
But most of all she longed for the boy in the teashop, the quiet and sullen, handsome boy with the cropped black hair and passionate golden eyes. She longed for his steady footsteps, his sure arm which placed the teacup soundlessly on her table, and his voice which was only to be heard in those rare moments of dubious unwary.
Jin longed, for the image of Zuko standing with the Firelight Fountain glimmering from all around him, flickering and glowing because of his doing, because of his firebending.
Sometimes, Zuko would wordlessly watch the sky with her and as the stars, the firelights shimmered and twinkled across the dark, black sky, Jin would immediately feel a small sense of contentment in her heart, because for a small instant, a quick, fleeting moment, she had recaptured that image again.
And then just as quickly it would be replaced with longing. She longed for him when he was just the handsome tea server who had just moved into Ba Sing Se. She longed for him when he was nothing more to her than just a boy, a simple boy who had a penchant for scowling. She longed for him when it was a time when there were no complications, when things were as simple as trying to catch the attention of the boy who worked in the teashop.
She would catch him staring at her sometimes before his eyes would swiftly flit upwards, into the sky.
And in that moment, she knew that Zuko longed for those moments too.
Jin loved her room. Zuko, as soon as he had finished dragging her to their impromptu swimming session, had grabbed her by the arm and rushed into the house before anyone else could get a chance to follow. Jin of course, was completely perplexed as to why they had to rush into the house but Zuko re-assured her that them getting there first would be of utmost importance. Jin, though annoyed but slightly curious, nimbly followed him as they crashed through the house and hurried across the stairs and into the hallways containing the rooms.
Jin's foot snagged on a wayward piece of wood and she fell and was momentarily on her knees. Zuko however, quickly grabbed her by the armpits and hoisted her back up. Jin was thoroughly annoyed that she was being handled like some sort of ragdoll.
"Quit it for a sec, would you? What's the rush anyway!" Jin grumbled as she dusted herself off.
Zuko however merely replied with a quick, "Sokka's coming!" before grabbing her wrist and herding her along the halls. Jin of course immediately responded with a stubborn scowl and a resistant plea to get her hand back.
"What's going on?" Jin demanded.
Zuko whirled around to face her and said impatiently, "If we don't hurry, Sokka's going to catch up to us!"
"And what does it matter?" Jin barked. She was feeling a little curious by now and perhaps a small part actually did want to know as to why Zuko did not want Sokka to catch up to them or as to why he was so bent on rushing around the hallways.
Zuko sighed and said peevishly as he roared in her face, "Look, woman, do you want to get the best room in this whole place or do you want Sokka to get it?"
Jin stared at him disbelievingly, confused and surprised that he was so rattled over something as mundane and as ridiculous as a room. And also she was a little miffed at being called and referred to as "woman". She stared at him blankly, raised a brow and said dubiously, "You mean…all this fuss you're causing is because…of who gets the best room?"
Zuko threw his head back and scowled in frustration before staring at Jin with a look on his eyes that clearly said "You don't get it". He then started to pace back and forth in the hallway with his mouth moving rapidly as he began to release a series of mutters. He looked as if he was in the middle of an internal debate. Finally, when Jin heard the distinct heavy footsteps and the loud, boisterous voice of Sokka penetrating through the hallways, Zuko paused, snapped back into focus and looked at Jin as if he was trying to solve a particularly difficult puzzle. Finally, to Jin's shock and utmost surprise, he sped towards her, grabbed her by the waist and hauled her upwards before carrying her in his arms, bridal-style.
Jin was not pleased.
"Zuko! What do you think you're doing? What's going on? What is wrong with you! Let me go!" Jin snapped as she tried to fight off the iron grip that Zuko had her held in. She tried to get off by screaming and kicking and doing generally just everything she could to make him feel uncomfortable.
Finally, they slammed into a room at the far end and Zuko dropped her gently, with a pleased and triumphant expression on his face. Jin stood up and shot him a pointed look, but Zuko was undeterred. He merely raised his arm and gestured for her to look. Jin, although still annoyed and puzzled, sighed, conceding.
She hazarded a glance at the room and once she saw a good look at it, she was immediately sorry that she ever tried to fight Zuko for trying to get there first.
The room was big and wide and the walls were painted a whitewashed yellow giving off the warm, cozy glow Jin sees when she sees a candle flickering in the darkness. A huge window, spread across the wall opposite to her and it provided a stunning view of the entire island, from its crystalline waters to its strong and impressive crags of rocks spiraling and towering across the sea. A thick if not weather beaten carpet extended across the floor and it was colored in bright luminescent patterns reminiscent of fire—bright and pale pinks, glowing oranges, fiery reds. A small, metal chest and a wooden cabinet were positioned at the side and a tiny, unassuming bed was plastered at the other side. A small table stood beside it containing nothing but a bowl full of shells. A lamp fashioned from a couple of translucent seashells hung from the ceiling.
But the most beautiful part of the room was the way the suns hits it. The way it spreads its light across the entire place, illuminating it to a degree that was otherworldly and extremely beautiful. Jin felt a gasp escape her mouth as she looked around it and felt the soft glow of the light flood her eyes and wash over her face.
"This is amazing," Jin said as soon as she remembered to breathe. She rushed towards the window to get a better view of the island.
"Wait a little. It's almost time," Zuko mysteriously said as he pulled her back.
"Almost time for what?" Jin asked inquisitively. Before Zuko could answer, Sokka pulled into her room and let out an annoyed huff, scowling as he said, "Great. As usual, I get the worst room in the whole place."
He stole out of the room muttering curses and scowls and grumblings as he went off, annoyed, in search for a room of his own. Jin looked at Zuko expecting an answer but instead he gently touched her chin and forced her to look outside. Jin felt as if butterflies were rushing and gurgling through her stomach and she felt inexplicably lighter.
It was sunset. And it was so beautiful. Jin trained her eyes over the terrain and a felt a new sensation of awe and wonder. She had never seen a sunset as amazing, as beautiful, as breathtaking as this. Back in the Earth Kingdom they had sunsets of course, but in her old province, Li-Jien, it was hidden by the mountainous terrain on the north, east and west and by the thick and dense woods on the south. And in Ba Sing Se it was hidden by the people, the walls and mostly the fatigue she felt after a long day's work.
But she could see it now. And it was beyond anything she could ever describe. She could see why Zuko was so adamant that she had to get the room first.
"Zuko…it's…it's—''
"See why I told you we had to get here first?" Zuko asked smugly. Jin scowled, irritated with his smug expression.
"Whatever."
"I suppose, now wouldn't be the time to tell you 'I told you so—''"
"Oh, shut up!" Jin said though she was smiling.
"Maybe if you kiss me, I just might," Zuko slyly said. Jin stared at him with a raised brow. Zuko was hardly flirtatious. He was always serious and direct-to –the-point and such a frivolous and fun gesture for him was something completely unexpected to Jin.
"Sure, whatever you say your highness," Jin snickered as she leaned forward and gave him a chaste and quick kiss on the lips. He frowned a little at the word "Your Highness" but quickly regained his bright and happy spirit when Jin made the kiss linger a bit more longer.
"You know why this is called Ember Island?" Zuko asked quietly, his eyes half-lidded as he stared down at her
"No, not really," Jin murmured back.
Zuko smirked and said, "It's because these are one of the few places in the world where you could actually see the sunrise and sunset at the same place. That's why it's called Ember Island. Because the sun rises and leaves here. Setting embers on fire, never for once allowing it to wither."
Jin stared at him, a little transfixed by his explanation.
"And this room…." Jin stared at it once more, completely entranced.
"Provides the best view of the sunrise and sunset. It's what I told you about. The best thing in the Fire Nation is the sun. I had a room in the Palace exactly like this," Zuko said.
"The sun is the first and last thing I see before I wake up or go to bed," Jin murmured, recalling every word Zuko had once said, recalling the conversation they had back in Ba Sing Se, in the distant past. Jin had asked him if had missed the Fire Nation and she had also asked what was the most beautiful thing in the Fire Nation.
Jin now understood why he chose the sun.
"Who owned this room anyway?" Jin asked as she gave it one more look around.
Zuko's mouth drooped and he said in a quiet and sad voice, "I did."
Jin looked at him and tried to find out what sort of emotion he held. But his eyes and face were fathomless. She briefly wondered what made this happy and bright and beautiful place such a sad and cheerless memory for him? What happened here that would make him look so upset? What stories and secrets and skeletons did this room hold? A whole lot of good memories, Jin guessed.
Good memories were always the most painful things in a time of sorrow and war.
Jin tried to wrap her mind around the idea of staying in a room, of sleeping in a bed that once belonged to Zuko. It seemed so heretical of her to do so. Unbelievable, inconceivable even.
The room facing the sun. It had once belonged to Zuko.
Jin wondered why he didn't want to have it back.
Zuko began to feel a strange sensation whenever he kissed Jin lately. Of course, he always felt strange sensations when he kissed her, mostly because he liked her so much to the point that it hurt but this sensation was entirely different.
He had first felt it in the cave.
Zuko had taken Jin to a small cave located at the Eastern side of Ember Island, as a way and an excuse for him so that he may get her out of the sun (he was already starting to worry that she might be getting a severe case of sunburn). They had packed a few sandwiches (made by Zuko) and Jin brought along a couple of shawls and together they made the half-a-day journey to the cave. The Avatar had declared that he wanted a day of rest, and Zuko who had long since missed spending time with Jin, quickly obliged. He decided to show Jin the caves, since she's never been there before and he thought that it was a good place for them to practice her swimming since the rocky barriers that are dotted across that particular area prevented the waves from becoming too big.
Zuko had just tried (and unsuccessfully) managed to teach Jin how to do the backstroke and so far she was having a miserable time with it. At any indication that she was about to sink, she would panic, flail her arms and invariably…sink…more than she would have normally would if she just hadn't panicked. After a few more unsuccessful attempts, Zuko herded her out of the water and into the cave where they sat and watched as the water peacefully lapped against their toes.
"You know…I'm not too good with swimming," Jin said after a nice, hearty lunch of chicken-hawk sandwich.
"Really? I never really noticed," Zuko said as a sarcastic tone set at the edge of his voice.
Jin wrinkled her nose and said snippily though her lips betrayed a smile, "You know you're starting to sound a lot more like Sokka."
"What's so wrong with that?" Zuko demanded, as he tried to furiously hide his smile.
He elbowed Jin playfully and she quickly returned with a more playful punch in the arm. Zuko, who by then could not contain his ridiculously happy expression, quickly caught it as tiny peals of laughter started to escape from his mouth.
"Oh, so you think this very funny, huh?" Jin snickered and she lunged at him playfully. Zuko quickly stopped her by managing to grab her by the waist but the force of her body slamming into him still managed to force him to lie backwards with Jin lying atop him.
"Yes, of course I think this is funny. I always find you funny," Zuko said through a wave of chuckles and with that he began to tickle her, his fingers brushing and skimming through her rib cage and sides and Jin, who was very, very ticklish, began to laugh. The annoyed expression on her face, which she had desperately tried to craft in an attempt to make Zuko guilty immediately broke.
Jin wondered briefly, why Zuko was suddenly acting so carefree. Normally, he acted so serious and withdrawn and aloof even when they were kissing or hugging. Jin of course, understood him so well by then that she never bothered to play any games with him whenever they decided to be affectionate or whenever they have conversations in general. Zuko thrived on plain, uncomplicated settings that sometimes clashed with Jin's carefree nature but it never bothered her as much. She was completely fine with it though she sometimes yearned for a slight lighthearted moment of fun in their relationship at times. Seeing Zuko in this new stature, made her a little more pleased than she cared to admit.
"Zuko! Zuko, stop it!" she giggled and she tried to swat his hands away.
"Say please!" Zuko demanded.
"Please!" Jin choked.
"Okay," Zuko said though he never stopped tickling her.
Jin tried her best to glare at him but it was always ruined by the fact that she continually spouted out laughter, "But you said you'd stop once I said please!"
Before Zuko could retort back an answer, Jin quickly managed to escape from his grasp. Apparently, she was still drunk with laughter since it took her about thirty seconds before she was up in her feet. She hastily tried to scramble back in the water, but Zuko was right behind her, giving a small smirk and a very knowing glance as he pursued her.
She was a goner the moment Zuko realized that Jin was hurrying towards the water. He knew that she was a horrible swimmer and would probably still cringe and hesitate at the first feel of the cool water. She was also still very paranoid over the small hermit crabs that dotted the sand, so as she ran towards the water, she began to move more slowly, trying to sidestep the small and perfectly harmless hermit crabs.
Zuko of course, quickly saw this as his chance. He lunged towards her (in the gentlest way possible) and together they rolled and tumbled together through the sand. They stopped at the edge of the small and narrow shoreline and the swell of the wave momentarily interrupted their little struggle. Zuko had managed to grab Jin in a tight lock grip in the waist and he was staring up at her with an amused expression. Another wave crashed from beneath him and he could feel it soaking his hair and skin.
"Zuko! Let me go!" Jin snarled through gritted teeth and by then, Zuko could tell that the combined feeling of the saltwater splashing through her face and all the hermit crabs that were gathering around them had made Jin more annoyed than playful.
"Maybe I will…if you accept defeat," Zuko smirked.
Jin's eyes darkened and she looked off into the distance, away from his eyes. Zuko could tell that she considering this very seriously. He and Jin, they tended to have a slightly competitive streak. They often sparred with each other and whenever Zuko would win, Jin would say its fine and she's perfectly okay with it though her sulky mood and silent glares said otherwise. Sokka often commented that it was weird that the two of them were so competitive with each other but Jin would only retort that it was good to have a little healthy competition in one's relationship.
Zuko grinned as Jin glared at him. No matter what she said, he knew—she didn't like to lose. Especially to him.
"Well?" Zuko asked with a small smile on his lips.
"How about a draw?" Jin asked hopefully.
"No. I won. You have to admit it."
"You did not!"
"Just admit that I won—''
"First of all, I didn't completely break down in giggles—''
"You did—''
"It's a draw," Jin said firmly and Zuko knew that he probably looked a little lovesick because Jin was demanding for a draw a little bit longer than usual. And he had good reason to.
He had just realized that Jin's hair, which was previously tied into a small ponytail, was slightly unraveled with shots of straight, black hair framing her sides and tumbling down her shoulders. The wind made her look very attractive as it blew past her face and lifted off some of the tendrils from her side. She was wet with seawater and clothed very barely with just a small and skimpy two piece bathing suit, he noticed. And they were in a very compromising position, though of course lately they've been in many compromising positions but for some reason this felt different.
Zuko felt the familiar flush rising through his neck and cheeks whenever he and Jin were ever in extremely close proximity with each other. He also felt it intensify to several magnifying degrees. He suddenly wanted to kiss Jin, wanted to kiss her desperately and passionately.
In a voice that came out in a huskier tone than he intended to, he said, "Maybe if you give me a kiss…we could call it a draw."
Jin smirked and he tried his best to contain himself as she did so. She shrugged and said, "You've got yourself a deal."
And she leaned forward and kissed him, expecting a soft, quick and chaste kiss. Zuko however, had a strange urge to deepen it. He prolonged the kiss and fed it with so much more passion that it surprised Jin a little. Jin looked a little caught off guard by it but she just as quickly she returned them, in a manner that was just as passionate. Zuko didn't know why, but he suddenly wanted this, wanted her and he felt a strong hunger, a strong and desperate need to be closer with her.
His hand clutched her waist tighter as Jin's hands suddenly flew to his wet hair and she began to run her fingers through it.
His hand slid further downwards until it reached the small of her back. He could feel Jin suddenly tighten her grasp at his shoulders and as his hand slid down from the small of her back to her thigh, he felt a small flicker of Jin's tongue push past his lips. He suddenly realized how much he loved it. The feeling, the taste of her tongue. He quickly retaliated and together their lips and their tongues started a fast and furious and passionate dance, one in which he didn't want it to stop. His hand which was on her thigh gently pulled her thighs forward, urging her to be closer to him. Jin responded by wrapping her legs around his waist and straddling him.
And he suddenly realized that well, despite the fact that he was a gentlemanly prince who had always believed in abstinence before marriage, he wanted to be with Jin, to be close with her, in that way. Sure, they had sometimes slept together in the same bed and room but nothing ever happened. Mostly because Zuko believed in preserving a girl's honor with dignity and respect and Jin seemed to condemn the idea, anyways. She merely loved the feeling of warmth and comfort that came when Zuko held her with his arms and she slept on his chest.
His and her kisses were becoming a bit more fevered now, a little more hot; they both tasted of saltwater and heat and Zuko absolutely loved it.
Jin, she didn't see much. Her eyes were closed and whenever she opened them it would immediately flash and go directly to Zuko's gold, amber, passion-filled eyes. The fact that she couldn't see him gave her a small feeling of discontent though she didn't think much of it as they continued to kiss. Her hands which were on his hair immediately pulled out from his messy locks of jet black hair and they reached out into and they instantly came into contact with…his…throat? Jin wasn't sure. She opened her eyes, half-lidded but all she saw were his beautiful gold eyes. She could barely stand the wave of heat that washed over her as soon as she looked into them.
She had the undeniable urge to kiss them. She broke free from Zuko's mouth and kissed the lids of his eyes and she also kissed his scar a bit more passionately than she had ever done. Zuko did and said nothing—he merely continued to dot kisses across her jaw. But he felt like he was on fire. The feelings which he always got whenever he kissed Jin pooled at his stomach and well, much to Zuko's embarrassment, they spiraled downwards. As they kissed, Zuko tried his best to hide the hardness his shorts contained, the feelings from below that kept threatening to leap outside, ready to reveal themselves at Jin.
His hands which were on her thighs slowly snaked back upwards and Jin could barely calm herself down as it reached a rather compromising area—his fingers skimmed the band of her tiny, tiny shorts. She gave a sharp intake of breath and as soon as she stopped kissing the lids of her eyes, Zuko saw this as his chance to recapture her mouth once again.
They continued to kiss and Jin's hands glided further downwards and she felt Zuko's lean pectorals. Okay, so, that was his chest then. Boldly she slipped her hand down even further until she felt his firm abdomen. The tips of her fingers skimmed the sensitive skin under the band of his swimming shorts. It was at Zuko's jagged intake of breath and the constriction of the hand around her derriere that Jin realized that she was, basically, groping him in the middle of the beach. And apparently Zuko was suddenly aware that he was groping her too. Very publicly if they were allowed to add.
It suddenly occurred to Zuko that he was shirtless and in a pair of shorts and Jin was in a very revealing and skimpy swimsuit. All in all they were making out in front of a cave, in the middle of the beach with very minimal clothing. His princely decorum of course started to nag at him. Or maybe it was just his nervousness and his feeling of hesitancy about the whole thing and what was naturally, about to come next. Mostly because he never tried things like these before and the place they were was not the ideal time or place to experiment. And he knew Jin had felt it too because she was proceeding with the whole thing almost cautiously. Like she was a little afraid somehow. Her hands, which were once splayed across his abdominals, quickly removed themselves from it and Zuko quickly loosed his grip on the band of her shorts.
Zuko continued to kiss her heatedly, trying to once again recapture the passion which they had so fervently displayed. But it was too late now. Visions of war and fire and flames and death and a thousand dead faces suddenly filled his mind along with the image of every single person he had condemned to imprisonment in Ba Sing Se and the picture of his lost mother. Jin for her part saw nothing, nothing but war, flames, blood, death and her mother on fire and try as she might, she could not erase Zuko's face mingled with all those images.
They were drifting now. And although, Zuko didn't want it to happen he was glad that the feelings from below were starting to fade, were starting to disappear. He no longer felt any shame as he and Jin's kisses started to go slower, finally coming to a halt as Jin leaned back away from him and untangled herself from his body.
Zuko stared at her trying to asses, her reaction. Did she enjoy it? Was she terrified by it? Offended? Zuko began to wonder if they should discuss what had just happened, and he could see that Jin was thinking about the same thing to. Then the two of them looked at each other and they came to a silent agreement. It would be awkward and embarrassing and it would probably do nothing but put a chink into their already fragile and volatile relationship.
Zuko nodded and Jin nodded as well, putting the closing conclusion in their silent agreement—one day, maybe, they would be ready to explore with each other, with their bodies, with one another. But right now, with the war ongoing, and with the repulsive truth of their reality looming above them, it wasn't the time.
Jin began to play with a lock of her hair before saying in a quiet voice, "It's almost sunset. Do you want to pack up and leave?"
The question hung in the air and Jin blankly stared at him, waiting for his answer.
Zuko quietly nodded, mourning, longing and at the same time rejoicing and gratifying for the loss of the feelings that had come from below.
They never talked about the incident that happened in the cave anymore and for the next few weeks; Zuko no longer visited her room or spent much time with her. His free time was mostly centered on formulating new drills for Aang and Jin busied herself with Earthbending training from Toph. It was as if the two of them were almost afraid to be alone in a room together. Alone enough to do some things, were their main concerns. Zuko convinced himself that he needs to prepare Aang fully to give him some decent enough Firebending skills and Jin often told herself, as she mastered another drill set by Toph, that she still had a long way to go before becoming a decent enough bender.
The two of them refused to admit that maybe their little stint in the cave had ruptured their relationship a little bit more than they expected. They often told themselves and everyone else who noticed their sudden distance from each other that just like any other couple; they needed to spend some time alone from one another to abate their closeness. Having too much of it, was a little suffocating.
But this was suffocating, Zuko realized.
He had no idea what caused their sudden distance from one another. Was it his fault? Did he push Jin too far? He frowned. As far as he was concerned, nothing too extreme happened and the two of them stopped with a mutual agreement before anything too serious could occur. He missed her, he was wretched to admit, and he began to wonder with renewed obsession on whether he had done anything wrong. Or stupid. Somehow he always had an aversion to doing all those things.
He had thought about asking Sokka but for some reason, he felt uncomfortable at the prospect. He was of course, aware that between him and Sokka, Sokka pretty much had more experience in these things. But Zuko had a small inkling that despite being knowledgeable in that area, Sokka still probably had not done anything too serious with Suki.
He continued to distractedly mull over this and remained completely oblivious to the conversation surrounding him.
"Can you believe that the price of meat has gone up?" Katara said as he she stirred the thick, boiling pot of stew in a rather angry manner.
"Is this why you're only feeding us potatoes?" Sokka asked ruefully, his face drawn into an irritable expression. Many weeks of eating nothing but mushrooms and cabbages and turnips have caused Sokka to be in an often temperamental mood.
Katara looked up, gave him a pointed glare and snapped, "You try trying to stretch our budget enough to buy meat!"
Sokka then opened his mouth and the two siblings launched into another heated debate. Toph of course merely rolled her grey eyes in pragmatic indifference while Aang and Suki tried to hold both Katara and Sokka from blowing up into a full-fledged fight. As their little quarrel ensued, Zuko was immediately drawn back from his thoughts by a loud sigh. He looked up and was surprised to see Jin sitting next to him.
He felt his throat go dry but he managed to choke out, "Looks like Sokka is having a bad night huh?"
To his relief, Jin offered him a small smile and she said quietly, "I would have a bad night too if I ate nothing but runny vegetable soups and stews for a whole week."
They laughed together and with a start, Zuko realized that this was the first time since the cave incident that they had even talked to each other without the feeling of emptiness punctuating their every word. He looked at Jin's grimacing face as she stared into the watery bowl of potato stew Katara had prepared. With the war raging on to new, magnifying degrees, the prices on various Fire Nation products have risen up considerably and that invariably included meat. They had gone through one whole week without having the luxury of meat—of course, they could've been worse off but having a meager amount of food has never failed to put everyone in a bad mood.
"I wonder when the stupid prices could go down again," Jin wondered aloud as she tried to force down some of the potato stew.
A thought suddenly occurred to Zuko as he saw a bit of Sokka's blue hand towel as it flashed through the air in his effort to get rid of a honey-wasp that was buzzing low over his head. He stared at Jin slyly and said, "You know, we could get some meat…if we wanted."
"Why? You don't happen to have an entire bag of gold in your pocket do you?" Jin wryly asked him as she gave Zuko a small nudge in the elbow.
"No…I don't. But I've got a better way to get some meat," Zuko murmured and he beckoned her to lean closer. Jin did so and with a conspiratorial whisper Zuko said, "We could steal them."
"That's not a very noble thing for a prince to do," Jin remarked though she suddenly looked excited.
"Well…I'm not exactly a prince anymore," Zuko snickered. He felt a little giddy at showing Jin this aspect of his life. Thievery in itself of course, was a deceitful act, but Zuko often found joy and solace in them, at times of hardships and troubles. It was one of the things that had imprinted itself into his being and he wanted Jin to experience a part of it.
Also, it would be nice to recapture some lost time with Jin. He really wanted to spend more time with her, especially after their momentary lapse in each other's affection. And plus, with all the seriousness regarding the Avatar's training rising up, Zuko's been desperate for another moment of carefree fun. Jin's eyes brightly lit up and her mouth curved into a smile at the prospect of another adventure, another break from the mundane on-goings of their life.
"Need a partner?" Jin asked him.
Zuko snickered and said in a challenging tone, "If you're up to it."
Jin snorted derisively and said, "Of course. The question is if you are up for it."
"I'm the best thief there is," Zuko smugly said as he recounted to her all the acts of thievery he conducted while being the Blue Spirit. Jin laughed along with him and the unsavory and completely disgusting potato stew seemed almost bearable.
When he finished with a, "You could learn a lot from me" Jin smiled at him and shook his hand and together they formed a partnership. And at that very moment Zuko indefinitely knew that somehow, they were right back on track once again.
That very night, Zuko and Jin both slipped into an all-black garb and slowly and quietly they proceeded into the more crowded district of Ember Island. Ember Island was a place that never slept so trying to ease their way into a meat shop was slightly difficult and proved to be an even bigger challenge than Zuko had first imagined. Finally, they settled on stealing meat from a butcher's shop that was tucked away into the upper-eastern side, away from all the merriment and bustle of the crowd.
Zuko learned quickly enough that Jin was a fast learner. She first moved with slow, loud and heavy footsteps but after a few reproaches from Zuko, she padded along in a more silent and nimble manner. At Zuko's instructions they managed to swiftly enter the butcher's shop through the window. They silently crept in and as Jin started to get rows and rows and hooks and hooks of meat from the counter and shelves, Zuko scolds her and tells her a very valuable piece of advice when it comes to stealing things, "Never steal more than what you can carry."
Jin of course, thought that it didn't seem particularly logical. They came here to steal didn't they? Why not steal as much as they could? Zuko of course took the time to painstakingly explain the purpose behind all this and when he had finished, Jin had of course agreed. Another thing that Zuko taught Jin was that time was the epitome of success if they were ever to pull this off. As soon as he finished explaining this to Jin, he immediately dragged her out.
The two of them returned to camp with fresh packets of meat the next day and gave only a mysterious smile when Katara suspiciously drilled them on where they had managed to procure such things. Sokka however, was merely content with the fact that they had meat again and for the first time in days, they managed to have a hearty dinner of fried pork and beef stew. Jin and Zuko gave each other's winks and as Jin slowly pushed the chunk of beef past her lips, Zuko smiled at her and said, "Want to steal some more, partner?"
Jin snickered and said, "Whatever you say Sifu Master-Thief."
And so for three nights in a row they continued their weekly excursions around town to get some meat. They stole other things too—Jin stole a linen blanket, Zuko grabbed a golden anklet for Jin (though he was annoyed to discover that she detested jewelry) and they both managed to grab some fruits and a very huge cantaloupe in the fruits district. Jin however started to feel guilty a few nights on but Zuko quickly assured her that they were stealing from people who deserved to have their stuff stolen. They never stole from anyone poor of course. Zuko had a quick eye for such things and he made sure that they only take from those who were overflowing with wealth and those who we saw were cruel and domineering. Katara of course disapproved but everyone else couldn't care less. They had food and that was all that mattered.
Jin discovered that the feeling was indescribable—a new sense of freedom accompanied here whenever they stole something. It was liberating in some sort of way and the most important part was the fact that it was distracting.
She had a lot to think about lately. And that's exactly what she needed—a distraction. She thought about her brothers—Ge Jiang and he Shen—and how far away they were and how there would be a very distinct possibility that she would never see them again. She thought about her father and she wondered on what had happened to him and whether he would be okay. She thought about her mother, her sweet and graceful mother, who was dead and gone and lost in the fragile recesses of time. But mostly she thought about Zuko.
Zuko and what happened at the cave. Yes, perhaps she was afraid of what would happen next, when all their heated and passionate kisses would progress into something more intense. But she felt more afraid of the fact that as she kissed Zuko, she suddenly saw the war and fire and dead people. But that wasn't what disturbed her the most. What sent her into such a state of discontent was the fact Zuko's faces was intermingled and imprinted into every single one of those images. She was ashamed, she admitted to herself internally.
Perhaps that was why she was so eager to avoid Zuko for the past week. She was ashamed that she even thought about those things while they kissed. And she was also embarrassed at the fact that she pulled away so suddenly. What did he think? That she was afraid enough to back away because of inexperience. Well, that was partly the reason but still.
What was wrong with her? It was so frightening to see how she could never separate even Zuko from that aspect in her life. She didn't want it to be like that. She had too much of the stupid war to go around for centuries. And that was why she pulled away. Because she was suddenly afraid—afraid and angry at herself for closing up again. For failing to even preserve the beauty and simplicity of her and Zuko's relationship. He deserved better than that. She owed him better than that.
And again the ridiculous play came to her mind and she suddenly felt so self-conscious. Zuko liked her and cared about her—did she need to see any more proof or indication? But she couldn't get rid of the nagging feeling that Zuko was better off with someone from the Fire Nation—someone who the people would easily accept, someone who was just as rich and as royal as him, someone who could understand him and his customs. She was afraid that one day; Zuko would suddenly wake up and realize that too. And that he would go out and leave her.
Jin shook her head and tried to banish those thoughts from her head. Now was not the time to think about that.
Jin, as well as Zuko, continued to lose themselves in their acts of thievery. They continued to steal for a week more when Jin's guilt about the matter finally overrode her insatiable thirst for liberation that stealing brought on. Her conscience and moral ethics started to nag at her and finally, she told Zuko that she didn't want to steal things anymore. It wasn't right.
Zuko was of course, disappointed. He loved those trips because they were such a great outlet for him and Jin to spend time with each other. He did however eventually agree. But not before saying invitingly, "How about one more go? We'll steal something really big. Just to seal off our stealing spree."
Jin reluctantly agreed and by sundown, the two of them had strapped on their all-black garb and sprinted away into the busier district. Zuko decided that if they really wanted to steal something big, they should steal from the Ember Island mayor's house. Jin of course was hesitant about the whole idea. She still got the jitters when they were merely walking in and out of some rich kid's house. Stealing something from the mayor's house however, seemed to be pushing it a little too far.
But Zuko was very confident about the whole matter and he was also very insistent so Jin eventually agreed. The two of them stole away into the night and after thirty minutes of ceaseless running; they reached the mayor's house which was located in the northern and rockier part of Ember Island. Zuko expertly managed to unhook the hinge from the window and he silently pushed it upwards. He nimbly crept inside and helped Jin scramble in as his eyes tried to adjust to the darkness.
"Zuko…I don't think this is a good idea," Jin whispered as soon as she managed to get inside.
"Come on. Maybe we could even steal some war plans," Zuko whispered. That immediately grabbed Jin's attention. She perked up and followed Zuko around with much vigor.
They quietly sneaked all the way upstairs and came to a particular room that looked like a cross between a library and a sitting area. As they slowly walked towards the silent hallways, Zuko suddenly stammered out, "Jin…about…about last time…"
Jin paused from looking at a miniature water fountain standing on an ornate kitchen table and quirked her eyebrows upward. She said, "What?"
"You know…the last time…we were…we were in the cave," Zuko sputtered. He was grateful for the darkness. It hid the blush that was slowly spreading from his neck to his face. Jin stopped and stiffly looked at him.
"What about it?" she asked him, her voice ringing with discomfort.
"I just wanted to apologize…" Zuko began.
"Zuko…is it really a good idea to talk about it in here?" Jin asked worriedly.
Zuko, for some reason, felt irritated. His brows furrowed and he snapped, "Fine! If you don't want me to apologize—if you just wanna—if you're just going to be a complete—''
His words stumbled against each other and in his sudden anger and frustration at Jin, he whirled around from her and stomped away scowling, "Let's just get this over with—''
"Zuko! Wait!" Jin cried as she tried to run after him. Zuko continued to stalk away, trying to keep his feelings of anger and hurt and aggravation at bay. Jin managed to catch up with him and she reached forward and grabbed his wrist and gently tugged at it.
"It's not that I don't want to talk about it! I mean —I want to talk about it, '' Jin said frantically. She felt herself redden and was suddenly aware of all the awkwardness that this topic induced.
"Look, just forget about it okay?" Zuko said tiredly. His cheeks felt inexplicably hot and he knew that he was at the receiving end of another embarrassing episode. He could feel Jin retreat a little, obviously feeling the same thing. Then to his surprise, she suddenly turned away from him and marched off.
"Let's just go home," she snapped.
"But what about the war plans? The mayor's stuff?" Zuko cried out desperately.
"Forget about it," Jin snapped.
"Look, I'm sorry okay? I shouldn't have mentioned it—''
"Just stop, okay Zuko?'
"Jin, wait—''
The two of them stopped their little struggle when they heard a loud crashing sound, the distinct voice of someone yelling and the heavy pads of footsteps running up the stairs. The lamps suddenly flickered on and Zuko and Jin froze, quite aware that their little argument had exposed themselves. The door across them suddenly burst open and in came a very angry looking mayor with his scared wife and daughter hiding behind his back. He immediately brandished a whip and barked out something really loud.
"Thieves! Thieves! Guards! Get in here you incompetent nincompoops!" the mayor hollered as he began to unwind his whip.
A stream of guards suddenly entered and before Zuko and Jin could react they immediately sprung into action. Zuko and Jin were quickly engaged into a full out fight with the mayor shouting and yelling and with the wife screaming. Jin was having trouble focusing amidst all the yelling and the noise and she proceeded with the fight in a slightly clumsy manner. Finally, once they managed to fight off a couple of the guards, Zuko hurriedly scrambled towards the window.
Once he finally managed to wrestle the latch free, he pushed the window pane upwards and swiftly jumped out, landing gracefully as he hit the ground. He looked up and saw that Jin was looking out at him, looking afraid. They had come upstairs and the drop from the second floor seemed a long way down. Jin gripped the windowsill tighter and Zuko roared at her, praying and hoping that the guards haven't stirred yet, "Jin! Hurry up and jump!"
Jin bit her lip and with new resolve she griped the window sills tighter and was about to swing her entire body outside when Zuko something move from behind her.
It was the mayor and before he could react, before he could say anything else, he raised his whip and belted an unaware Jin with it. Zuko yelled. Jin didn't cry or scream or looked shock. She merely shuddered and turned around ready to send a kick but the mayor lashed his whip out to her again. It hit across her chest and before Jin could say anything else, she crumpled unto the floor.
From there, Zuko felt nothing. He didn't feel anger. He didn't feel pain. All he felt was emptiness. Hollow, vacant, sunken emptiness. And his visions suddenly turned peripheral and all he could see was Jin lying there, her chest bruised and her back bleeding. He began to panic. What could he do? He should go back up there. But how? He obviously could not take the front door. He couldn't scale all the way to the second floor either. He could run back for the others. But it would be too late by then.
She might never come back.
He was suddenly overcome with a strange new emotion. His head throbbed in a frantic pace, yelling at him that it was his entire fault. That Jin was probably dead because of him. That she may never see her ever again. And his heart registered this and it immediately began to pound against his chest erratically. But it was concave and vacant, try as he might to get some sort of emotion out of it. He suddenly felt so lost. It was as if he was swimming through an endless maze of shapes and patterns and darkness and fire and he couldn't' distinguish one form the other. He realized that he was wringing his hands and that his feet were moving and jumping and tittering. His body was in a mad rush, screaming at him do something. Anything. Just anything.
Finally, his mind snapped back to focus and he dashed towards the door just as the guards burst through. Zuko was in frenzy by now. His fists flew and he spat fire and raged at them. Where was Jin? What had they done to her? Where were they keeping her? Each question was manifested in an angry kick or growl or punch and when he had finally taken them all out, all he heard was silence.
He madly rushed towards the door, trying to will it to open when he heard a noise from up above. He jerked his head upward and heard a loud voice, lots of screaming and the noises of struggle reverberate from the windowsill. He hurried over to see what was going on.
Suddenly something hurtled out the window and crashed unto him.
It was Jin.
She looked pale and tired and her breath was short and labored. But except for her bloodied wrist where the whip sliced through it, she looked virtually fine. Zuko, to his surprise, managed a choking sound out and tears leaked out of his eyes.
"You're alive," he breathed and the emptiness he felt melted away. He kissed her and she kissed him back and with that they knew that whatever happened between them the past week, whatever silent argument that had blossomed between them, it was going to be okay now.
"You didn't leave," Jin whispered in disbelief as she struggled to stand up. She clutched her chest a little and her back and the blood that caked her wrist dripped smeared unto Zuko's hand as he gripped her arm.
"Why would I?" Zuko simply said and when she could stand up again, he hugged her and silently hoped that she didn't see him break down.
He stepped back and saw that Jin had a look of satisfaction on her face mingled with a look of disbelief. She stared at him and a small smile played on her lips as she did so. She murmured in a tone that was in between the border of relief and shock, "You didn't leave."
Zuko loved Jin.
He wasn't exactly sure when he began to love Jin. Perhaps it was when he thought that she was dead and gone for good and a wave of emptiness filled him. At that moment he felt nothing but desperation and willingness to just lie down and die. Perhaps it was when she looked at him and kissed him and wrapped her arms around him, repeating again and again under her breath that he didn't leave. Perhaps it was when he watched Katara tend to her wounds (while letting out a barrage of scolding) and he realized that without her, he couldn't feel anything. That everything was devoid of life if she ever left.
Perhaps it was when he first lit up the Firelight Fountain for her. And he just did not realize it up until he really saw how horrible it was to see her get beaten and whipped, almost to death.
He loved her. And he wondered if she loved him back.
Sure, he knew that he liked her a lot. So much to the point where it hurt. But he had no idea if he loved her. Maybe it was because, he was young and wasn't aware between the differences of like, love and lust or maybe it was because he was so troubled and didn't have the time to think of things like that.
Was what he was feeling even love or just some sort of effect from teenage hormones? Zuko can't be too sure.
As he gently ran his hands through the blades of grass, Sokka joined him and squatted next to him. He said, "Katara's super mad."
"I know," Zuko shortly said.
After awhile Zuko added, "How is she?"
"Knocked out. Katara gave her some herbs to make her fall asleep because her water therapy thing hurt a lot more than she anticipated," Sokka said as he began to drum his fingers against his thighs.
The two of them continued to sit with the wind against their faces. Sokka began to babble on and on about how Katara was angry at him for encouraging Zuko and Jin's stealing spree and how Toph played a prank on him. He recounted the day's events—Aang nearly banged his head against a coral and Suki and him got into a huge fight because he insisted that the Water Tribe warriors were better than the Kyoshi warrior.
Then suddenly, Zuko blurted out, "Do you love Suki, Sokka?"
Sokka stared at him in surprise and in slight annoyance, irritated to be interrupted. But then he confidently said, "Yes. Of course I do."
"How can you be so sure?" Zuko asked skeptically. They were young. How was Sokka so sure that he loved Suki? That the feelings he felt now was something that was going to last into old age—not fade away when the tenor of youth has passed.
"I just know," Sokka simply said.
"Did you love her right away?" Zuko asked, very curious by now.
"No. I liked her at first."
"Because you loved someone else."
"Yes," Sokka slowly said very confused at Zuko's sudden interest in this topic.
"Is there really a difference? Between love and like and lust and teenage hormones?" Zuko asked with his brow furrowed. He began to pluck a blade of grass from the ground and he toyed with it.
"Yeah. Of course there is," Sokka said as he shot Zuko a questioning look.
"But how can you tell one from the other?" Zuko demanded. He looked at Sokka with an extremely solemn expression on his face.
"I can't explain it Zuko. But when you love someone, you just know," Sokka said.
Zuko closed his eyes momentarily and thought and thought. He tried to understand himself, understand what he and Jin had, what he felt for Jin. He tried to assess his feelings, and as he did so he felt slightly jealous at Sokka. He was jealous at Sokka's assurance at his own feelings. How could he and Suki be so sure?
He saw Jin in Ba Sing Se in the Firelight Fountain, Jin in the underground Resistance headquarters, Jin in her Fire Nation outfit, Jin with her bright smile. He then saw it all vanish before him with one loud sound of the whip. He recalled the emptiness he felt, the hollow, vacant concave feelings that rose and spread inwardly and outwardly at the thought of Jin dying and being gone forever.
And he knew.
Zuko looked at Sokka and said, "Sokka, I love Jin."
"And you just realized that now?" Sokka snickered.
Zuko laughed and together they chuckled over in mirth. Yes, why did he just notice it now? He wondered, did Jin realize it early on, was she still unaware of it or like him, did she just understand it just now. He briefly considered telling her but Sokka then elbowed him.
Just as if he's read his mind, Sokka seriously said, "But you know…don't tell her just yet."
Zuko looked at her questioningly.
Sokka shrugged and said, "We're like teenagers. That's something you don't say to each other at our age. I mean, granted most girls would probably be over the moon about it—''
"But the war," Zuko finished for him firmly.
"Yeah…the war. We got the war to think about first," Sokka said grimly.
Zuko looked away from him and silently mulled it over.
When Jin woke up from her heavy sleep she discovered that her chest had a thick bandage wrapped around it, her back felt sore and raw, her wrist had a huge scab growing over it and her mind felt fuzzy and clouded. She sat up and only to be pushed back down from Katara who told her that she had three broken ribs and a huge and ugly, purple bruise on her chest and a big long gash at her back. Jin could hardly believe she got all that from just one whipping. Katara then sniffed and said in a tone of superiority, "You got it from several whippings, actually. I'd tell you 'I told you so' but of course, given your situation…"
Jin whose back and chest felt extremely sore, zoned out of Katara's nagging rant midway. Katara then continued to bark at her that she and Zuko had gotten themselves into a Wanted poster and that their reckless behavior had nearly cost them their safety. When she had finished reproving Jin, she took out a jug of water and set it in front of her. Seeing it, Jin paled. She knew all too well what that jug of water meant.
Water therapy.
It was very painful. The water which Katara bent to envelop her bruises and wounds felt as if they were penetrating deep into her skin.
Jin whimpered and cowered a little under her blankets and Katara, who was now feeling sympathetic, took some herbs and mixed them into a cup of hot water saying, "Here, drink this. This'll make you sleepy. The effects will probably take a little over an hour though before it hits."
Jin took the cup and drank it in one gulp. She set it down, looked at Katara and said pleadingly, "Please….can you just do it once I'm asleep."
Katara mulled it over and after much deliberation, she agreed. A barrage of people came to visit her before she was lulled into a deep sleep. Suki came by and told her about this new shop she saw in town. Toph came and yelled at her that she missed a day's worth of training. Aang brought her a couple of seashells and some peaches, wishing her better health. Sokka swung by and by then she was already starting to feel drowsy. Through her hazy vision and murky hearing, she heard him babbling about pranks played on him, and how Suki beat him in a game of Pai Sho. Finally his talk progressed into how Zuko was so worried about—
Jin sat upright. Zuko! She had completely forgotten about him. Worry flooded her and nearly sent her into a state of frantic frenzy.
"Is he okay? Is he fine? Sokka? Where is he?" Jin nearly strangled him as she flung the questions out. Sokka hastily answered that he went out for a swim and that he would be come straight there once he found out that she was awake and functioning. Then he launched into a boring narration about sea urchins and Jin's previous sleepiness started to return.
She was almost to the point of passing out when Zuko finally arrived. He looked happy but very serious and withdrawn, his brows furrowed as if he was trying to analyze a particularly difficult problem. He squatted next to her and said as he stroked her hair and kissed her forehead, "How's your back?"
He sounded extremely concerned and anxious. Jin wanted him to feel at ease.
Jin managed to mumble a groggy, "It's all right. You should've come earlier. Back when the sleeping tea Katara gave me still didn't unleash its full effects."
"I was busy thinking," Zuko said and his voice sounded nervous. Jin frowned.
When he sounded like that it usually led to an either awkward or heated conversation. She lied there silently, prodding him to continue. Zuko cleared his throat and said in an uneasy tone, "Have you ever thought about…you know…your future?"
Jin squinted her eyes, trying to assess what this statement could possibly mean. She struggled under the hazy sensation washing over and said honestly, "No."
"No?"
"I mean…I never thought about it. Mostly because there was never much to think about," Jin shrugged. She tried to keep her eyes from closing off.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
Jin felt extremely irritated by now. She was confused at where this conversation was heading. She grumpily said, "What I mean is that I never really thought about the future because it seems as if there was never any future for me to get into. In case you've forgotten we're living in a war here. I could die at any given moment."
"Stop talking like that," Zuko snapped sounding agitated.
"It's true. Why think about something when there's a possibility that you're not even going to have it?" Jin said. She was just as aggravated as him by now.
"I thought you are an optimist."
"I was. But now I'm a realist."
"Now you're the one sounding like Sokka," Zuko gently said in an attempt to make things lighter.
Jin scowled and snapped, the sleep syrup disorienting her thoughts and allowing her mouth to fire off like a loose cannon, "Maybe it's because he's right! We should all sound like Sokka!"
"Jin, you don't mean that—''
"Shut up. I'm a realist now," Jin grumbled and by then she decided to completely give up on the conversation because it was just too painful and she couldn't focus with the sleep syrup's effects taking a toll on her. Sleepiness wasn't the only thing she felt from the syrup. She felt hysteria and paranoia and a dangerous sense of inhibition.
"I thought you said that in every cloud there's always a silver lining—''
"Well I was stupid back then. Stupid and dumb and naïve. The only way to go is pessimism. You're always proven right or pleasantly surprised. We should all take a page from Sokka's book," Jin slurred as she buried her head into her pillow, just wishing that Zuko would stop talking. It was making her head ache.
"Look! All I'm saying is that…that maybe it's time we think about our future…"
Jin noticed that Zuko placed special emphasis on the "we". She now had a vague idea of what point he was trying to get across but her eyelids and brain refused to cooperate. She managed to mumble, "What do you mean?"
Zuko nervously tugged at his collar and began to babble as he stroked Jin's hair, "I mean…Aang's getting better at his Firebending now and maybe…maybe within the space of a few weeks, he'd be in full shape to take my dad on. He actually stands a good chance of winning…"
The full implications of what Zuko was talking about finally hit her. Jin closed her eyes and tried her best to pry them open and to fight off the effects of the sleep syrup. Try as she might, her attempts were futile. But she still managed to say sadly, "Zuko…Aang's just a kid."
And with that she voiced the fear of every single person in their little group had felt. Aang was just a kid. A kid who was too young to handle the task set ahead of him. A kid who had the capability to fail.
Zuko sounded angry by then. He spat, "But why are you thinking like this now? Of all times, why now? Now when we are so close to victory?"
"That's exactly why. It would a hundred times more painful if we lost despite the fact that we are this close to winning," Jin said as she tried to calm herself down.
"But haven't you ever thought about it?"
"Thought about what?"
"Having a family. Kids. Marriage," Zuko mumbled. The last word rolled off his tongue uneasily. Jin stiffened.
"Yes. Yes, I do. I do think about it. All the time," Jin said as she started to drift away. When she was a little girl, she always pictured herself to be one of those people who had children and a nice, big, happy family. Life wouldn't be complete, she believed, without marriage and kids. But as the war started to take its toll on her, she started to think otherwise.
Through her hazy vision Zuko beamed at her. Jin closed her eyes and said before she could force the words back inside, "But I'm not sure I want it."
Zuko's face immediately fell.
"But why?" He sputtered.
"Zuko, I lived my whole life in war. War family. War dad. War talks. War plans. War education. And I've seen all the damage war brings. Do I really want to have children and have them born into the world only to live a life of suffering?" Jin slurred as she slowly started to lose all consciousness.
"But it's all going to change. That's what Aang is here for. That's what his destiny is meant to do," Zuko said. He sounded pleading and his voice looked so hurt and dissapointed. She had basically just rejected him.
"If…Zuko. If Aang succeeds," Jin mumbled before falling asleep.
It was funny how not so long ago, Zuko was a deranged prince, bent and obsessed in recapturing his glory and honor by bringing home the one thing the Fire Nation and his father so dearly craved for—the Avatar. Back then, he was brash and impulsive and most of his plans never fell through because it was done without so much as a thorough thought. The world was a dark, bleak ocean of sorrow and despair and everyday served only as a reminder of his shame, of his sentence of dishonor. Nothing was going to be right; nothing was going to be back to normal, not unless he caught the Avatar. The world was no longer a place that filled him with hope—life itself was a manifestation of futile failure.
It was funny how not so long ago, Jin was a bright and cheerful, happy-go-lucky peasant who lived in the Lower Ring of Ba Sing Se. Back then, it did not matter that she lost her father and her home and her mother—she still had her youth, she still had her brothers and she still had her life. The world was a luminescent, clear ocean of beauty and hope and everyday served only as a reminder of her luck, of the blessing of a second chance she and her brothers managed to scrape by after the attack. Everything was right, everything was normal and Jin felt that despite her feeling as if she was lacking a certain something, everything was perfect. The world was a place the filled Jin with hope—life itself was a manifestation of possibilities and promises.
It was funny how in a short span of a few months, Jin was the one who now believed in the stupidity and irrationality of life while Zuko believed in the possibility of new beginnings that life possesses. Jin was wallowing somewhere in the middle of doubt and disappointment—she was now determined not to piece for herself a ridiculous, disillusioned future where everything turned out okay. This time, she was going to condition herself to be prepared for the possibility that things are going to end horribly. Zuko on the other hand was wallowing somewhere in the middle of his hope, anticipation and the prospect of seeing his newly found goals (which mostly concerned Jin) reach fruition.
It was funny how the trickling of time could change a person so drastically.
"Look at them. They should just go get a room," Zuko sneered in distaste as he and Jin watched a couple, making out in the sand. The two of them were seated on a little precipice jutting out from a gravelly sand bar. Zuko had his arm around Jin and Jin was leaning against his shoulders.
Jin snickered, remembering the cave incident and she said, "Ha! You're one to talk."
"At least we had the decency to do it where no one could see us," Zuko sniffed. The Cave incident was still awkward at best but it was already bearable enough for them to have a decent conversation about it without arousing humiliation and discomfort.
Jin laughed and said and so did Zuko. After a few minutes of silence, Zuko muttered, "They look so happy together though."
"Mmm-hmm…."
"I bet they're married…"
Jin sat up, a little surprised at his sudden comment. She had just recovered from all her bruises and gashes and she was still trying to wrap herself around the idea that she and Zuko had just had nonsensical thoughts about the future and marriage and…oh Spirits!...children.
She felt that it was a little unusual and odd that they are even thinking about this. They were young and as far she was concerned, that was the least of their problems. They still had to stop the Fire Nation from burning everything down to the ground, bust up his crazy sister and stop his evil dad. How could Zuko possibly think about something like that at a time such as this? But still, Jin noticed that what she perceived to be a harmless conversation was now something that Zuko thought about with great seriousness. He would often slip little comments about it or at least try to bait Jin to talk about it.
It worried her a little though she didn't bother to tell him.
He wanted to have something like that in the future and well, maybe she did too. She just didn't want it now—not when the war was still going on. She felt a little guilty for ruining his new happy and enthusiastic mood. Everything had been going on so smoothly between them. He was helping the Avatar with the war. They would win. They'd have a nice, bright and peaceful future ahead of them. He was obviously a little annoyed and sad that she had burst his bubble by telling him that Aang might fail and that things would not work out as well as he wanted it to be.
She was going to let him indulge in feeling thoughts such as those, just to keep him at bay and happy.
She didn't want to talk about it however.
Trying to change the subject Jin murmured, "What's your favorite color?"
She expected him to say gold or red or sunset orange. Instead he said without hesitation, "Green."
"Green?"
Jin stared at him in surprise, her big hazel-green eyes expanding. Zuko stared down at it and said quietly, "It used to be gold or maybe a nice yellow. They reminded me of summer. Summers used to be the best times in my life."
Zuko closed his eyes and recalled his last few summers before his banishment—they were spent in infinite hours of play, of running in the beach, of eating ice cream. He didn't have to worry about school or trying to outshine or keep up with Azula. Everything was just right and perfect.
"Why? What happened? I thought you hated green," Jin remarked, feeling a little curious. It was true that he hated green. Zuko once told her that he absolutely despised it because it reminded him of his miserable time wandering around the Earth kingdom in shame, poverty and exile.
But green was also the color of Ba Sing Se, the place where he first met Jin. Green was the color of summer grass, the color of crisp, green leaves that marked the beauty of his favorite season. Green was the color of Jin's dress, not the loose and slightly frayed robe she wore in their first date. Green was the color of peace.
No, he didn't want the golden, angry hues that licked the flames of destruction and death that marked most of his life. He had too much of that already. He wanted green, the color of the city where the girl he loves used to live, the color of the summer grass, the color of a simple dress worn on a first date, the color of rebirth and hope—of the promise that it would all be good again.
Zuko shrugged, kissed her eyelids and simply said, "Green is the color of your eyes."
Jin ducked and narrowly avoided a very dangerous mud-whip from Toph. She arched her back, backwards and did a flip as Toph pressed on her even harder. The day of the comet was coming and Toph was training her with much more rigor and severity. She wanted Jin to master a particular drill to perfection and she wasn't accepting any excuses. Jin sent an earth wall and spun around, attempting to at least flee at a farther distance but as she twisted her heel, a mud-whip snaked around her ankle and pulled her into the mud.
Instead of feeling a sense of disgust, wave of smells enter her nose. She smelled a warm hearth, dry-clay walls and the good strong, musky scent of wood. A series of images filled her mind—a big but modest house, a nice stately gate, a large, ornate door, the ruddy glow of fire underneath a warm pot of soup and a nice round, wooden table with a tall, elegant and cheerful woman at one side, two lanky and mischievous looking boys at the center, a large, lumbering man at one end and small, tiny, messy, little girl at his side.
"Hey Smiley? Get up! What's with the stupid smile on your face? Got enough of dung smell?" Toph hollered at her as she tried to resume her training with Jin.
Jin merely smiled wistfully and said in a sad voice, "Just the smell of home."
"Now you count one-two before you pull your arm back and you put your other arm into the water…" Zuko instructed as Jin coughed out some seawater. They were having another swimming lesson and this time Zuko was trying to see if she could swim in the open sea, where the tide was high and the waters were particularly rough. He was currently regretting that he even bothered to let her swim there. Jin was having a very miserable time. She kept going under, she moved clumsily and she lacked the refined finesse a swimmer possessed.
Zuko was trying to take his mind off a couple of things. He was having an unusually horrible day—Toph chose that untimely moment to pull a prank on him, Katara got mad at him yet again for accidentally spilling her soup, Aang wasn't focused on his training and he flopped three drills, Sokka had eaten his rooster-pig sandwich and most of all Jin was avoiding any discussion about their future. He knew that he probably shouldn't be pushing it. They were still teenagers after all.
But they were growing up and with the whole war thing; they could die at any given moment. Why not talk about it? Why not figure it out? He was always aware that fatherhood was in his future, back when he was younger, mostly because he was the heir of the Fire Nation and as a result, everyone expected him to produce…well, another heir. The woman he was going to marry however was always still in question and Zuko was fully aware that whoever he was going to marry was going to be a result of an arranged marriage.
Things of course, didn't work quite like he expected.
He's not the heir apparent anymore. No more arranged marriages would be thrown on his way. He was a fallen prince, disgraced and shamed. And he wasn't sure if the only girl he could ever love loved him back.
She certainly wasn't showing any indication that she reciprocated his feelings. Sure, he knew that she really cared for him and she really liked him but did she love him back? He wasn't so sure. She seemed genuinely repulsed by the idea of marriage. He wasn't sure why she felt that way. It seemed like the most obvious next step in their relationship.
He tried his best to ignore the little voice murmuring at the back of his head that Jin never truly loved him back, because if she did, she wouldn't be so afraid of getting married and having kids. Zuko was afraid that Jin merely thought of this relationship as something temporary.
He tried to pry that horrible thought out of his mind as Jin wrinkled her brow in concentration making her look so adorable and cute.
Jin nodded at him and readied herself to give the stroke another try when a wave crashed against her midway, forcing her backwards and underwater. Zuko quickly grabbed her elbow and with his strong arm, he hoisted her back up and kept her afloat by wrapping his hands around her waist. She didn't look too pleased. Her hair was damp and wet and it fell in a choppy curtain around her face. Her nose and cheeks were red, from the midday sun. She was sniffling and she kept sputtering water out from her mouth. She shook and shivered in Zuko's grasp.
"I quit," she exhaled as the tide crashed into them before promptly pulling them back. Jin held unto Zuko's shoulders in panic.
"Just one more try," Zuko urged her.
"I'm a horrible swimmer," Jin choked.
"That's what you get for living in a boring landlocked city for most of your life," Zuko teased.
"Zuko can we go now? Please," Jin pleaded as she tried to keep herself from sounding like whimpering and scared puppy. This was an admission that Zuko had, somehow, won. It irritated her beyond belief but she was willing to admit being the loser as long as she was back on dry land.
"Okay! I'll go" Zuko slyly said before letting go of Jin, leaving her to face the violent waters alone. Another wave rolled in and it hit Jin square across the face, sending her spiraling backwards. She frantically flapped her arms in an attempt to keep herself afloat. Once the waters had calmed down she glared at Zuko furiously.
"Zuko! Take me back to shore!" Jin raged.
"If you wanna go back so badly then why don't you swim?" Zuko said in between fits of giggles.
Jin wrinkled her nose, sniffled and said in desperation, "I would if it weren't for this stupid, bipolar tide!"
Zuko laughed and swam towards her, gently encircling his arms around her waist. He pressed his forehead against hers and said in teasingly, "There's a poem about this once."
"What poem?" Jin grumpily muttered, despite the fact that Zuko had just kissed her forehead. She was obviously still annoyed.
"There's a poem about the tides," Zuko chuckled as Jin continued to look annoyed.
Jin huffed and said, "You can tell it to me once we're back at the shore."
She sputtered once again as she accidentally swallowed water. Zuko closed his eyes, ignored her and murmured against her forehead,
"The tide rises, the tide falls,
The twilight darkens, the curlew calls;
Along the sea-sands damp and brown
The traveler hastens toward the town."
Jin froze. She had heard this poem before. Zuko began to draw small patterns on her shoulder as he continued on, his voice low and sad, as if he was reminiscing a particularly melancholic memory. She pressed her head against his chest and listened as the rhythmic beating of his heart coincided with his wistful voice:
"And the tide rises, the tide falls.
Darkness settles on roofs and walls,
But the sea, the sea in darkness calls;
The little waves, with their soft, white hands
Efface the footprints in the sands."
Her mother used to say this out loud. Sing it into a song even. Jin never really understood the meaning of this poem. She just knew that it held such a sad and poignant feel. As the words grew clearer in her head, she started to comprehend that it involved a traveler, who walked by the seashore every day. One day, the traveler did not return but the tides merely continued to rise and fall completely apathetic and unaware of the traveler's passing. It did not matter. Life would go on. The tides would go on.
When her mother died, all that was left of the poem was the painful memory and reminder of her death. When she heard Zuko say it out loud she could barely stop herself from conjuring up the image of her mother walking along the sand looking bright and happy with the tides lapping at her feet. And just like the traveler in the poem, her mother was gone—ceased to exist. But the tides merely continued to go up and down, never even realizing that a person had just died.
She hated the tides for that.
Suddenly, the thought that Zuko could die and things in world would go in a perfectly fine manner made her feel so emotional all of the sudden. Tears started to leak from her eyes.
Zuko didn't notice because the two of them were so wet from the seawater. He continued in his cheerless recitation:
"And the tide rises, the tide falls.
The morning breaks; the steeds in their stalls
Stamp and neigh, as the hostler calls—''
Jin made a small whimper from at the back of her throat and she finished for him:
"The day returns, but nevermore
Returns the traveler to the shore.
And the tide rises, the tide falls."
The two of them stayed there, with the despairing silence hanging above them. Jin pressed herself closer against Zuko and suddenly the thought of losing him forever made her chest constrict. It never occurred to her how much she truly cared for him and how much she loved him. She had always loved him. Maybe she loved him even before he loved her. A horrible thought suddenly overcame Jin. What if he didn't feel the same way? She looked up at Zuko a little fearfully and saw that he was busy thinking something over.
Then to Jin's surprise, he leaned over to her and kissed her on the lips, murmuring as he parted, "I love you."
Jin froze and before she could respond, Zuko spun around and swam off, back to the shore, leaving her at the ocean's mercy.
She would probably kill him for just leaving her like that, especially since she couldn't swim as well. And perhaps she'll kill him even more for saying that to her. But things are changing. The tides are more violent than ever. In just one more week, they would confront the Fire Lord. He would take on his biggest adversary—his sister. Aang would have to fight his father. Aang held everyone's fate—Katara, Sokka, Suki, him, Jin's—in his hands. He could either condemn them all to a life of misery by failing or he could save them all by defeating his father.
Somehow, he knew what Jin's answer would be. But he didn't want to hear it yet. He didn't want to hear that Jin loved him. Not while everything hung in the balance.
Zuko would wait.
He would wait because there might be chance that the scales of luck would finally tip over to his favor. And when they do so, that's when he would want to hear Jin saying that she loves him too.
Jin would've told him that she loved him back. She tried to tell him many times, after he told her. But for some reason, Zuko didn't want her to. She didn't fully comprehend it, but she understood that there would be a right time for her to say it.
It reminded her of a story, of a soldier who refused to kiss his love, who refused to caress her or touch her or say "I love you" until he has brought peace to the land. He wanted everything to be perfect. He wanted their love to be perfect—not marred by the brutality and carnage of war. If she remembered correctly, the soldier died without seeing his wish come true and he never felt the warm lips of his lover pressing against his, or her broken voice screaming "I love you." He died, broken and wrecked, doomed to never hear his "I love you", feel the kiss of his love and see the light of day dawn on peace.
She thought that it was wrong that Zuko wasn't making her say it. You can never guess what would happen. But then again, she was making him wait with the discussion of their future and marriage. If he could understand that, then she must understand him too. One day she'll tell it to him. Now just wasn't the time.
He was waiting for it.
And she would wait too.
"We used to have hearths back at home," Jin said as she and Zuko sat in the living room. Jin was trying to make a seashell necklace but seeing as she was very incompetent when it came to domestic activities such as weaving and string-tying, her necklace came off lopsided and clumsily made. Zuko sat next to her, with his back pressed against hers, so that they were facing opposite from each other. He was examining another Firebending scroll with concentration, trying to figure out how he was supposed to get Aang interested in it enough to take it seriously. Lately, it seemed as if the Avatar flew by their training sessions with utter ease—it was as if he didn't care anymore.
But Zuko would put a stop to that. Aang had to take this seriously. For him, for Jin, for everyone's future.
"Mmm-hmm," Zuko muttered distractedly. He quickly turned the scroll over.
"I miss the hearths. Back at home, not Ba Sing Se, my first home I mean, my mother would build a hearth and together we'd sit around it and drink apple cider and laugh and share songs and stories. It'd be more special if my dad came home from the war front," Jin said wistfully as a translucent piece of shell slid off the string.
"We don't have hearths here. It's hot enough," Zuko muttered absentmindedly. It was true. The Fire Nation weather, even the evenings were excruciatingly hot. A big hearth was something they hardly needed in their homes in the evening.
"I feel homesick," Jin said quietly.
Zuko paused, inched his face towards her and murmured in a tone that was just as quiet, "I've been feeling homesick for three years."
Jin frowned and remembered that Zuko was a banished prince, cursed to exile in an aimless search for the Avatar. She took his hand and said, her voice filled with regret for even mentioning it, "I'm sorry."
Zuko however, did not want to be the receiving end of a pity party. He was too proud for that. He quickly shrugged her hand off and said brightly as an idea came to him, "I know! Why don't we build a hearth?"
"What?" Jin giggled disbelievingly. She turned around and faced him and her smile grew wider when she saw how excited he looked.
"Yeah, I'm serious! Let's build a hearth!" he said as he grabbed her shoulders and shook her excitedly.
"But Zuko…where are we supposed to do that? Everything here is made out of wood! You'd burn the entire house down," Jin snickered.
"Not the courtyard. It's built out of limestone—''
"That would be a bonfire, not a hearth—''
"What does it matter anyway? We'll find a nice, snug corner. I'll steal some of Katara's apple juice. And I have tons of songs and stories to share!" Zuko said, half in a mocking self-effacing manner and half in utter seriousness and gravity. He waggled his eyebrows at her.
"O-okay—''
Zuko hurriedly shuffled off outside and Jin had to run to keep up with him.
"We need some wood or coal," Jin told him as soon as they were outside.
"There's some by the beach," Zuko quickly muttered back.
The two of them spent most of the night gathering driftwood and trying to make it dry enough to become adequately functional firewood. Zuko managed to find some coals lodged somewhere in the house and together they found a nice, quiet corner in the courtyard. Zuko began to pile the coal and the firewood up together. He was about to firebend towards it, just to get the fire starting, but Jin quickly slapped his hand away, claiming that she wanted to start it by herself. She managed to spark a weak flame and Zuko secretly fed it so it managed to spread into a full-blown fire. After grabbing some of Katara's juice, he pulled Jin and together they leaned against the pillar and watched their makeshift little hearth.
Zuko and Jin exchanged stories. Zuko told her about how his uncle once tried to steal some of his grandfather's tea. Jin told him that He Shen once got dragged around their house by a rooster-pig. Zuko sang her the Fire Nation hymn, seeing as it was the only song he knew. Jin sang a boisterous song about a couple of farmers trying to fight over a girl.
"What stories do you think we'll tell each other in the future when we sit by the hearth again? A real hearth this time," Jin asked him as she leaned against him.
"We'll tell each other about the day we met," Zuko said quickly.
"You mean the day where you left me alone, a poor defenseless girl, in the middle of the night?" Jin teasingly said.
"The day we first met and liked each other. And by the way, you were never defenseless to begin with," Zuko sniffed proudly.
"Oh so you did like me back then? Funny, I was under the impression that you didn't," Jin snickered.
"Or we could tell each other about how I found out that you are a horrible cook," Zuko retaliated.
"Or maybe we could tell each other how I found out that you're a horrible date," Jin smirked.
"Or maybe we could tell each other how you could eat twice as much as me—and with horrible table manners too," Zuko shot.
"Or maybe we could tell each other how you could not dance to save your life," Jin smiled.
Zuko tried to look mad, though with the smile that was tugging at the corner of his mouth; he knew he was failing miserably. He said, "Or maybe we could tell each other how you are such a horrible swimmer."
Jin paused, as he mulled over what she was going to say next. Then her face melted into a look solemnity and she said gravely, "Or maybe—hopefully—we could tell each other how Aang defeated the Fire Lord and how we found peace and happiness together after he won."
Zuko pulled her closer, and for some sudden irrational reason, he was suddenly afraid—afraid that he and Jin might not get the chance to tell that to each other.
"Zuko…I need your help," Jin nervously said as she pulled him aside one day from his training with Aang. Zuko looked at her incredulously as he paused from scrupulously looking over Aang's performance of the drill before dismissing him. He stared at his girlfriend as she hemmed and hawed in front of him in an attempt to say something out loud.
Zuko raised a brow at her.
"What?" he asked, trying not to sound too annoyed. He was trying to prepare Aang for his confrontation with the Fire Lord. He was really busy. He didn't really need any distractions right now.
"I know your busy—''
"Good. You actually know," Zuko said trying to keep himself from sounding irritated.
Jin frowned at him but continued on nonetheless, "Sokka and I had an argument today."
"About what?" Zuko asked, sounding a little curious. Jin and Sokka bickered constantly, almost as much as he and Jin, and it usually took a long time before any of their arguments were resolved. Mostly, it involved full-blown contests and huge stand-offs.
"Well he told me that I couldn't cook," Jin began.
"But you really can't cook," Zuko frowned, failing to see how their argument started.
"Don't you think I know that?" Jin impatiently snapped.
"Then what—''
"I challenged Sokka to a cooking contest!" Jin blurted out.
Zuko tried to hide his fit of giggles that threatened to spill over as soon as he heard the news. Jin placed her hands on her hips and shot him a dirty look. The thought of Jin actually winning a cooking contest was beyond preposterous. Zuko loved everything about Jin and he thought that she was absolutely perfect but the sad truth was that she was the most horrible cook he had ever come across. She either overcooked or undercooked her food. Everything was either too seasoned or bland. It was always in the range of extremities with her. There was no middle ground.
"You didn't," Zuko said as he tried to hold his laughter down.
"He was being particularly insulting! I just had to!'" Jin said as she stamped her foot.
Zuko snickered, "And why did you ask me?"
"We're allowed to ask help from one person. Sokka already asked Katara so I thought I'd—''
"You're a goner!" Zuko burst out in laughter as soon as he heard the word "Katara". Katara was their best cook. She could make anything—even dirt—excruciatingly delicious. Jin was crazy if she ever thought that she could stand a chance with Katara.
"—so I thought I'd ask you as my one person," Jin finished in annoyance.
"Jin! I know that compared to you…I'm a better cook but honestly! It's Katara we're talking about here!" Zuko said, his words muffled and distorted by his laughter.
"You didn't let me finish," Jin said sullenly.
"D-do continue," Zuko howled, his syllables distorted because of his giggles.
"Toph, Aang and Suki are the judges," Jin slowly said.
"And you're point is?" Zuko snickered.
"Except for Aang they're total meat lovers. If I'm right, Katara and Sokka would probably try and prepare the dish they know best. And that would be…" Jin gestured at him, prompting him to continue.
Zuko stopped doubling over with laughter and said in realization, "Seafood."
Jin was very familiar with the Water Tribe taste palette from the numerous meals Katara prepared. She continued, "Cold, slimy, uncooked seafood—''
"I see what you're getting at here. But won't the scales tip in Sokka's favor? Suki is his girlfriend," Zuko informed her.
"But it would be a blind testing," Jin said desperately.
Zuko stared at Jin as he tried to compose himself and suddenly he saw this not as a stupid argument between Jin and Sokka, but an all-out war and a good way to test his ability at being a good strategist. He smirked at her and she smiled back at him and said with an impish grin, "Ready to take some Water Tribe butt down?"
Zuko pulled her closer and breathed on, "What do you have in mind?"
"I'm thinking a perfect Fire Nation stew," Jin said after some thought.
Zuko was beyond excited by the whole idea. He wasn't of course a better cook than Katara, and his and Jin's chances of winning were very slim. But the idea of taking a break from the stress-filled week he had spent with all the training for Aang and his obsession with making plans for taking down his father seemed wonderful. Also, he thought that it would be hilarious for Jin to attempt to try and be domestic. He of course, knew that there was no use trying to teach her how to cook. She was that horrible in the kitchen. But it would probably be very entertaining for him to see her trying to cook something palatable.
The two of them hurried to the other kitchen, at the far end of the house since Sokka already claimed the other kitchen. Zuko began to take the pots and pans out and he dusted the grime off. Jin unwrapped the meat cutlets and the vegetables. After a few minutes of preparation they started off to work. Zuko told Jin the recipe and helped her make the stew along the way, carefully trying to guide her in the right direction.
Zuko could not find it in his heart to tell Jin that she was doing every single thing wrong. Despite his watchful eye and careful instruction, she cut the meat wrong, put too much cornstarch in the sauce and added very little salt to the stew. Zuko also found out, from the blood leaking off the meat, as the beef stew boiled, that she didn't fry it properly. The whole think looked too overcooked and the pieces of carrots and beef were starting to look like clumps of coal. Things of course, were not going as spectacularly and he knew that Jin's chances at winning were close to zero by now. Whatever slimy concoction Sokka and Katara had prepared would easily trump their beef stew.
Jin watched over his shoulder as he sampled her stew.
"What do you think?" she asked him enthusiastically.
Zuko blanched and tried to hide the disgust from his voice. He said, "A perfect Fire Nation stew."
"Perfect enough to win?" Jin asked hopefully.
Zuko briefly wondered if he should lie to her and say no. But then he knew that she would be so dissapointed, especially since it meant losing to Sokka and her pride would always refuse to allow that. So he said yes and tried to ignore that sinking feeling he got as she happily shuttled off, excited at the prospect of beating Sokka. He had to do something. But what could he do? Jin's stew was beyond any point of salvation now.
He decided that the only way to remedy this was to sabotage the other camp's dish. It was an old Fire Nation tactic. If things weren't working out in their side, than they'd drag the other side into their misfortune.
Zuko contemplated seriously on what he should do and he decided that maybe he would sneak over to their kitchen and dump some chili paste and bitter gourd into whatever they had cooking. The plan seemed perfect in his head but of course, like most plans he had, it never fell through. Katara caught him almost immediately and Sokka spent half-an-hour declaring foul and citing reasons why he should've won. Of course they had a minor altercation and when Jin was called into the scene things were beyond ugly by then. She had to forcefully pry Zuko away from Sokka to keep him from exploding.
Finally, the jury had decided that since Zuko was caught in the act of cheating, Sokka of course deserved to be the winner. He exercised his rights to brag fully and spent two hours stating the merits of his win. As soon as the entire scuffle was all over, Jin glumly sat on the stone steps of Zuko's huge house and said sadly, "You thought it was horrible."
"No!" Zuko defensively said.
"If you didn't, why did you have to ruin Katara and Sokka's meal?" Jin pouted.
"Because…because…well—''
"You lied," Jin said, though her face didn't look as sad.
"I didn't lie," Zuko said as he sat down next to her.
He said honestly, "I thought your stew was perfect."
He meant every word of it. Her cooking was horrible but he'd still eat it. She could do no wrong as far as he was concerned. She was perfect.
Jin scoffed.
Zuko said in a sincere and slightly joking tone after awhile as he leaned in to kiss her nose, "I think you're perfect."
Jin avoided his kiss, gave him a small, playful punch and pretended to look mad though her lips were spread into a wide smile. She snapped, "Shut up! You just cost me the competition!"
Zuko managed to give her a peck on the cheek before scrambling off, yelling as he did so, "You would've lost the competition anyway with that stew of yours!"
5 Days until the Comet
Zuko was feeling nervous. It was five days, less than a week before the comet. Before Aang's big confrontation. And Aang couldn't care less. He was busy having fun in the beach, being carefree and oh-so frolicsome. It sickened Zuko—he knew that Aang was just a kid and all but he was also a kid who held everyone's future in his hands. Perhaps, he could at least try to be serious about it.
Everyone but him and Jin feel at ease. They were all proceeding with things normally, without any urgency. It was as if the comet wasn't even coming at all. Jin spent most of her time training while Zuko lost himself over with trying to get Aang in shape. Evenings were spent apart. They no longer ate dinner together. Jin went to dinner late because it would take her a long time before she could master it and she never stopped until she did. Zuko rarely ate dinner with everyone else because of his frustration with Aang. He spent the evenings poring over new Firebending scrolls, over new military tactics they could use during their attack.
The time they spent apart from each other hardly mattered anymore.
When Aang won, it would be all worth it because by then, they would have all the time in the world to spend with each other.
4 Days Until the Comet
Jin began to have a steady stream of nightmares. It mostly involved horrible, potential scenarios in which Aang would fail and they would all be imprisoned and condemned. The possibility wasn't so far-fetched by then. Aang seemed to have completely clocked out on his training. He spent most of his time in beach parties and having fun and being carefree. Jin began to feel worried.
Zuko was very busy so she could barely talk to him about it. Her anxiety was rising at a dangerous level of paralysis and acrimony. She couldn't shake off the feeling that something horrible was doomed to happen to them. To try to calm herself down, she would often sit by the seashore and earthbend sandcastles—sandcastles of Ba Sing Se, of the Fire Nation Capitol, of her home, of Zuko's home—sometimes to the point of obsession. The anticipation of what the outcome of what their battle against the Fire Nation would be, slowly ate her up from the inside.
Would they win? Would they lose? As each thought passed through her mind, the sandcastle would crumble and she would earthbend a newer, better version.
Zuko took out his frustration in the only way he knew how—venting it out through his firebending. He raged and roared as he sent shoots of fire from his hands, angry at everything. The world, the war. His father. Aang. Stupid Aang who thought this was all a game. Stupid Aang and all his friends who didn't care. He knew that he shouldn't be angry because there is only so much he could expect from Aang. He was only twelve years old.
A mere child.
He and Jin release their anxiety and anger and worry apart but after a couple of nights they found each other, in the empty shores of the beach. Jin was obsessively making another sandcastle while Zuko was performing another drill.
"How's training?" Jin asked him absentmindedly as her sandcastle crumbled to the ground again.
"Stupid. Useless. Pointless. Aang abandoned it in favor for a barbeque," Zuko muttered as he made an arc out of fire.
Jin's hands tightened in a ball as she earthbent another sandcastle—this time it was one of the Fire Nation Capitol, a place where they were about attack soon. Jin's hands trembled in nervousness at the thought of their upcoming battle.
"Zuko…do you think Aang would win?" she asked him, very quietly.
Zuko closed his eyes and despite all the doubts he has been harboring in his head, he said after a few moments, in a confident tone, "Yes. Yes, he'll win. I'm sure of it."
Jin looked up at him and said in a voice that possessed as much conviction and certainty, "I'm sure of it too."
3 Days Until the Comet
The nightmares were unbearable. They were always filled with shadows and darkness and confusion. Mostly they were filled with death—its sickly stench loomed over incessantly, crooning and preening of her destiny to die young. It was irrational of course but not impossible. Many people, throughout the course of the war, have died in the prime of their youth. Some have died at an even younger age. Death was always omnipresent and with their upcoming attack, his aura seemed to emanate more and more.
Jin couldn't sleep. She couldn't sleep because she was so nervous and anxious. She couldn't sleep because she felt alone.
Jin spent most of her nights aimlessly wandering around the shores of the beach, creating sandcastles, destroying them, putting them back together, and taking them apart. She let the water lap against her feet, allowed the sand to rub against her toes as she walked in silence, dreading in anticipation of what was to come in a matter of a few more days.
She could lose or gain everything with the battle of the comet. The thought that everything hung in delicate balance, that the scales would tip at the slightest movement made her feel sick. Sometimes, she would sit on a rock and just stare at the ocean, watching the waves as it lulled her into sleep.
It could never make her fall asleep.
But the win and the water were very comforting. Most of the time, in her state of insomnia, she would feel very alone. She knew that it was perfectly normal. Everyone felt alone at one point in their lives. She felt as if there was nothing left for her and that there was no point in moving forward because perhaps in her future, there would really be nothing but an empty canvass for hopelessness and despair. But then she would remind herself that she still had Zuko and her brothers and her friends and that she was just being irrational and stupid. This was all brought on by a classic case of anxiety.
One night, she met Zuko across the shores. He was looking so angry and frustrated. Together they sat down and she said quietly, "Three more days…."
"I know," Zuko mumbled.
"Can't sleep?" Jin asked him. He shifted his position, so he was sitting next to her. Jin leaned her head against his shoulder.
"I dream about you sometimes," Zuko whispered suddenly.
Jin didn't answer him.
"I dream of you disappearing, of just leaving, of being gone without a trace. Like my mother," Zuko quietly said as he stroked her hair.
Jin frowned and said, "I dream about losing. About losing my brothers and my father and you. Zuko, I'm afraid."
"Yeah, I'm afraid too," Zuko said hoarsely.
"What if…what if this doesn't work out? Where would we go? What would happen to all of us?" Jin said wistfully as she looked at the horizon.
Zuko didn't bother sugarcoating the facts. He said sullenly, "If I know my father, we'd be dead."
The tone of certainty in his voice scared Jin. She burrowed deeper into his chest and said, "Everyone says that they're ready to die for the greater good."
Zuko said, "No. Not everyone says that. I don't say that."
Jin sighed and said in a groggy voice, "I don't want to die Zuko. I'm scared."
For the first time in days, she was falling into the recesses of slumber. Zuko stroked her hair.
Zuko shrugged and said quietly, "I don't want to die, either."
Jin closed her eyes and fell asleep, completely impervious to whatever Zuko was saying. He then added, "But if my father wins, I doubt we'll really have the luxury of having a choice."
2 Days Until the Comet
"I yelled at him today," Zuko grumbled as they sat by the seashore, allowing the waves to lap against their feet.
Jin didn't look at him. She was perfectly aware of the argument Zuko and Aang had that morning. Zuko had yelled at Aang for being so irresponsible and for not taking things seriously enough. Aang yelled at Zuko for taking things too seriously and for obsessing over it. The two of them got into a huge fight and by the end of the day; Zuko was considered the bad guy. He stormed off into the seashore where he proceeded to throw pebbles into the ocean with anger and frustration. Jin followed him and sat next to him as he continued to rage and fume in his wrath and fury.
"Zuko, take it easy on him," Jin murmured as she stared at the ocean. It was sunset and the sky was melting into soft pink and hazy violet.
"He's been taking it easy for days!" Zuko spat.
"This is probably all too much for him. Imagine having the whole world on your shoulders," Jin said.
Zuko ignored her and continued to throw rocks into the water.
Jin tugged at his hand. He looked at her and she said softly, "Zuko, he's just a kid."
He pulled his hand away from her and snapped, "Yeah, well I'm just a teenager."
Zuko looked away from her and said, "He's got no excuse. Every one of us is young and screwed."
1 Day Until the Comet
They had each other and that was what really mattered. The clock was ticking, the hour was passing and soon, they would all be ready to face their destinies. Jin held Zuko's hand and looked up at him and she wondered briefly, how it would've been like if she had met him in a world of peace, a world where no war had ever started.
"Do you ever wonder?" she mused.
"About what?"
"Do you ever wonder what life would be like if the war had never started?" Jin said as leaned on his shoulder.
"I can't imagine it. Nor would I ever want it," Zuko seriously said as he strapped his sword on.
"Why?" Jin frowned.
Zuko shrugged and said, "If it weren't for the war, I would have never met you."
He leaned over to kiss her and though the thought sickened her, she couldn't imagine or want a world where the war had never started either.
This chapter is dull and boring, I know, so I'm not really expecting much of a reaction from you guys. As the title suggest, it's more of a filler chapter actually. Each division are actually oneshots (sort-of) and they don't really have a particular order—they're sort-of nonlinear, random but hopefully not unwanted.
In this chapter, I wanted to explore a bit more about Zuko and Jin's relationship. In one part they make out. Since they're both teenagers, I really wanted to explore their sexuality without pushing it a bit too far because well…I did rate this as K+ fic. Perhaps, I'll change the rating but I don't think that anything too kinky happened. Zuko and Jin just realized the other aspect of any regular teenage relationship: hormones and sexual exploration.
Second would be the portion where Zuko realizes he loves Jin and vice-versa. Yes, I am aware that Jin once said in a chapter that she fell for Zuko, but it was kind of just an impulse reaction of what any regular teenager would say when she/he is in a relationship. The love I'm talking about here is not the regular teenaged, young love but the kind of the real thing. If you've noticed in previous chapters, it's always been "I like you" or "I care about you". I wanted to be realistic. True, love happens instantly for most people but for me, I think the development of Zuko and Jin's relationship with each other was gradual. It was not something that was instant. I wanted to explore the idea of them waking up and realizing that not only do they like and care for each other, like most teenagers do, but they also, truly, truly love each other.
Third, would be the talk on marriages and their future and the fear that accompanied it. Maybe many people would feel that it is too out-of-place or unnecessary or too contrived or too fast but I felt that it was right for the story. I was actually inspired after we had to do paper on History class about World war Veterans. My grandfather, survived World War II and I was actually very fascinated with all the emotions he felt when it happened. He was only fifteen years old at that time. He and his childhood sweetheart began to talk about the future and the fear of what might happen if they did not have a future at all. Granted, I realized that marriage and the like would probably be the next step for Zuko and Jin and with the war's conclusion coming closer, naturally, it would force them to actually talk about it. Jin and Zuko are maturing and growing up and in a time of war, this something that most adolescent actually commonly discuss.
Jin's reaction seemed natural to me as well. She's afraid of getting her hopes up because things might not work out as well as she wanted them to and she's trying to let Zuko understand that side of the whole issue.
The feelings of fear, horror and desperation Zuko and Jin felt were actually inspired by my grandfather's tale. Being an adolescent at the time of conflict, it is natural to feel these emotions and I doubt that since Zuko and Jin, Zuko most especially, were in a far worst situation than my grandfather, and then they would probably experience it to a more heightened degree.
Lots of fluffiness and randomness dominate this chapter and nothing remotely important for the story happens so if you're not into fillers, then you don't have to read this. It probably wouldn't affect the plotline as much.
Sorry for the late update (again.)
Thanks to: nature is the future, jrba95, Shakeru, tgbwe, Kaeso Corvinus, Panther-Strife, ArrayePL, Suki17, divinedemon1 for the reviews! I really appreciate it you guys.
Much thanks to those who added this story to their favorites, who story-alerted this and who added me as their favorite author.
P.S: The poem about the tides is written by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow. Not a single word belongs to me.
If you have read this don't be afraid to tell me what you think.
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