Disclaimer: Don't own 'em. Not making money. I work for reviews and Pocky.
I took Mouse downstairs, disabled my wards and entered my apartment. The sight before me, illuminated by candlelight, immediately took me by surprise. I blinked.
"Hi, Murph."
Murphy looked up at me. Her shoulder visibly relaxed as she saw me walk through the door. Her eyes were still hard, letting me know that she was all business and I know better than to comment on the slight redness that was in her eyes. She stared at me and then quickly looked away. I sighed.
"You don't have to do that," I said and watched as Mouse made his way over to her. She wasn't going to pet him, but with a little doggie begging, she relented and scratched the top of his head. Mouse is good with people like that.
"A soulgaze only happens once," I informed her as I approached. She continued petting Mouse.
"After that" I continued and sat in the chair across from her, "You can look into my eyes like anyone else."
Her eyebrow went up in minute interest.
"Good to know," she replied. She took a breath and looked up into my face, still avoiding my eyes.
"I shouldn't have ran out like that," she said, "It was childish."
"Listen, soulgazes—"
She cut me off.
"You needed me. I let you down. End of story. I'm here to make it right," she stated, not giving me an inch to do anything but accept what she was offering. It wasn't an apology. Murphy doesn't do apologies. An explanation would have been nice, but sometimes Murphy doesn't do that either… Not that I'm a saint in that department either.
"So what did you see?" I asked.
Murphy closed her eyes, "I was in a barn. It smelled of hay and fresh earth. It was warm, but filled to the top with things. Memories, pictures, those things that you collect in a lifetime, good and bad."
"What do you mean bad?"
"Some of the wood had cracked or warped. Holes were in different parts of the barn. I think it was from times when you compromised yourself."
I narrowed my eyebrows together, "What makes you think that?"
Murphy shrugged, "I just do."
She leaned toward me.
"You hold your principles really close to you, Harry. It's easy to tell when you fall apart a little," she stated with a gentle voice I didn't quite understand.
I gave her a small sideways smile, "I didn't think I was that transparent."
"To me, you are," she said, finally looking into my eyes. She stared for a minute. I let her and it gave me the chance to study her a bit.
I've seen beyond Murphy exterior with my Sight, learned how she sees herself by looking into her soul and have discovered her behaviors by being her friend, but somehow finally seeing the size, shape and depth of those aquamarine eyes that faced terror after terror with me, pushed me to fight harder and fought her own battles with a intensity that caused even Knight of the Cross to respect her made everything falling into place. The woman before me was incredible and with all her nicks and bruises, or maybe because of them… Hell's bells, she was beautiful.
Murphy jerked away like she had been shocked. I looked at her and mentally smacked myself upside the head.
"Shit," I cursed, "I said that out loud?"
She gave me a nervous nod. I swallowed and leaned back in my chair.
"Aaaa…So… what else did you see?"
She breathed a sigh of relief.
"I walked outside of the barn," she continued, "And saw you, about sixteen, guarding the barn with a wall of fire. You were protecting it."
She looked at the ground, "And me."
"There were pictures of me, Susan, Thomas, Elaine, The Carpenters and others in a circle around your feet."
When I do ritual magic, there is a part of the ritual that represents myself, specifically the unity of my mind, heart and soul. I use pictures of all the people Murphy named to represent my heart plus pictures of my mom and dad.
"Protecting you all from what?" I asked.
Murphy shook her head, "I don't know."
"There was darkness beyond the fire, but I don't know what was in it. I couldn't see beyond the flames and then it was over," she finished.
"The fire is a shield," I said mostly to myself, "Do you remember what color it was?"
Murphy closed her eyes in remembrance, "Blue. White and blue," she stated.
Soulfire. I was protecting those I love from what was inside me with soulfire. So the question was, what was so scary? And somehow, I didn't think it was a coincidence that the internal me was the same age I was when I fought Justin and He Who Walks Behind.
"Harry?" Murph asked, bringing me out of my thoughts.
"Thanks, Murph," I said, "That's really helps."
"Really?"
I smiled, "Yeah, you're always helpful."
She took my hand.
"You know I'm always here if you need anything," she said, squeezed my hand and got up to leave.
"Karrin?" I called as she got to the door. She turned slowly, hearing her first name. I looked up at her.
"Why'd you come back? I mean, you were royally pissed when you left and…"
Murphy looked down at the ground, let out a breath and then grabbed the amulet that I had given her to pass through my wards. She lifted it up.
"Fifteen minutes ago, this thing glowed like a lighthouse. I got worried that something happened to you. If you had been hurt or killed because I ran out of here… because I was too…" she fought herself to get the next words out, "weak to handle my past, I could never forgive myself."
I wanted to hug her. I wanted to hold her and tell her she had nothing to be ashamed of. But that's not how we do things. When Murphy cries, I turn away quickly so she can pretend that I can't see her tears. I can count on one hand how many times Murphy has allowed herself to be vulnerable with me. I count myself as lucky because while it's rare, it does happen and Karrin doesn't let her guard down easily.
"I'm fine, Murph," I said lamely. I suck at words.
Murph rolled her eyes, "I know that now, you jerk."
She shook her head, "Anyway, I've got to go. I'm meeting my mom for dinner."
This just keeps getting better.
"Tell her I said, 'Hi'." I stated.
She smiled at me, "Will do." She left.
I looked at my dog.
"Shit's about to hit the fan, isn't it?" I asked.
"Rooaaw," Mouse said in agreement.