Sunday, August 10th 2008:
I'll try to tell you the events as I remember them to have happened. It's funny that my watch tells me it's Sunday, although I feel as though whatever happened from that one moment in Prehistoric Park up until now, it all happened in a few days, weeks, months even. I can only speculate as to why that is.
As it turned out, Tobey, whom I mentioned the other day, invented a sort of time-portal, which allowed some people to back in time, to save some prehistoric animals on the brink of extinction. In other words, prehistoric animals (of which I recognized a mammoth, some sabre-tooth cats, a hairy rhino, a Triceratops, some huge bugs, a herd of Titanosauruses and two Tyrannosauruses) who were about to die at the moment they were found, were saved from certain death. Tobey, who invented the machine that made it all possible, was allowed to be the test-visitor, along with his friends (which since recently has me on that list), and a security agent, who simply referred to himself as X-19, and no other name. By the way, that agent hardly even looked older than either me or Tobey and his friends, and that's supposed to be an agent?
But I digress. Much like that park that they tried to built a few years back, something went wrong around here too. I don't know what happened, exept that a huge crocodile (I'd say it was ten to twenty times larger than today's crocodiles) escaped. I also remember that was the last thing I saw, just before I saw the opening of it's mouth, and everything turned black.
Yes, I died. There's no point in denying it. When my eyes opened, I saw a place where you were supposed to take a number and wait your turn. Among the ones waiting, was a guy that looked very much like a clown, but his head was shrunken for some reason. Also, he was the only one of whom I couldn't tell how he died. Looking at myself, I could see the bite-marks that the crocodile left on me, but not with this guy. Anyway, this wasn't a place where I wanted to wait.
Moving away, I found a room, similar to a doctor's waiting room. Waiting here did not take long, as a man entered, of whom I can only assume it was Saint-Peter. He didn't tell me his name, but that didn't matter. He brought me before God himself. I didn't see him at first, but then he started to take some forms. At first he turned into a cloud with a face, a beard, and wearing a crown. I laughed at the sight of that, which only made him angry, and create a thunderstorm. I thought it to be every cliché in the book, which again made him angry. Then he tried taking different forms. Among those forms I recognized Adam Susan, Adenoid Hynkel (big surprise), two men who are best known under the name "Big Brother", Charles Logan, a bunch of Middle-Eastern people (some of whom I remember to be terrorists),... I expected him to change into my parents at some point, but he didn't. Maybe because they're still alive, I don't know. In any case, he decided to take the form as to how a comedian from my home-country described him: dressed like a Roman emperor, white beard, white toga, brown sandals, red coat, black... hat, I should say. And that's the form that he kept.
In this form, he asked me to tell him why I had to torment him. I didn't know what he was talking about, so he explained that I kept saying bad thing about him, and even kept doing so after he, and he claims, warned me. I'd say after he tried to kill me, but whatever. I broke the commandments "honor one god alone", "honor your parents", and "do not lie". He wanted me to explain myself to him. This threw me off. I mean, isn't God supposed to be alknowing? Therefor, shouldn't he know why I did what I did? If so, why do I need to explain myself?
Strike one.
When I asked him that, all he could say was: "Because I created the world, I am the father of all..." and similar not so convincing things, "... and I tell you to explain all your actions." I'd love to tell him exactly why, except... I wasn't not the only one present, guilty of any crime. If you ask me, the father of all, who decides over who lives and who dies, who's responsible for the flood that killed many people, who caused the downfall of big cities, who assigned people to kill each other (inquisition, crusades, 9/11,...), who created diseases like the black plague, or even AIDS,... all that and more, and he demands of ME to explain all my petty acts?
Strike two.
Unless he explains his actions to me, and the rest of the world first, I see no reason why I should explain my actions to him. That's exactly what I told him. He went even redder than a tomato could possibly look. An impressive sight to behold, I must say, but I've seen enough cartoons, where such a sight always but a smile on my face, so I wasn't at all intimidated, if that was the point. He noticed, so he tried a different approach. He knew, of course, that I read "The Bible", so I therefor must have read how much it pains him to have to send people to hell. Upon hearing that, I told him: "Then stop sending people down there." Seriously, if he doesn't want to do it, then don't do it. But then he told me that he has no choice. I laughed at that notion. God himself has no choice? What does that mean? Is there someone watching over him? Someone telling him what he must do, how and why? Then all this means that the god that the whole world worships is just a sissy. He's not almighty at all. After telling him that, he became angry again, and told me that he has no choice because he has to stay true to his own rules. He's right about one thing, though. What kind of a leader would he be if he breaks the rules that his followers must follow. But then, if this guy is responsible for the deaths of billions of people, then he broke the commandment of "do not kill". Conclusion, God is not a sissy, he's a dictator. By meeting him in person, I now have confirmation. Well then, more than he wanted, he explained his actions to me, so honesty's sake, I explained mine to him: I do not support dictators.
Strike three. God's out of the game.
I must say, God's a sore loser, as he still sent me to hell. Didn't matter to me. If being in heaven is in any way like being a religious person on Earth (where you're mentally tortured until you see their god as the one true entity to worship, and even after that they still torture you), then heaven is the real hell. In actual hell, all that happens is physical torture (how that was even possible without a physical body, I still don't know). But physical pain is something you get used to, to a point you might actually enjoy what they're doing to you. In short, hell is not that bad a place. The only reason some people are upset about being here is because they keep telling themselves they should've been in heaven. I tried to make them feel better by telling them what I think, but that only got them to turn against me. I'm used to people hating me for whatever reason, so hell started to feel very much like home.
Unfortunately, the devil realized this in time, so he went back to heaven's gates with me, trying to convince God to allow my entrance into heaven, as that's where I'll really suffer. Of course God refused, as that would mean he has to make an exception, which he can't do. They tried to think of other places where I can still suffer for my (petty and forgivable) acts. They thought of Valhalla, as I don't have the physical strength to fight there forever, but if I diserved Valhalla, a Valkyr would have claimed me already, so that was out of the question. They then decided for the Greek underworld, but that one's still too much like hell. For some reason, even Venus (the planet) was mentioned.
In any case, while they were arguing, I decided to sneak away. They spotted my sneaking away, but it was too late for them to do anything, as suddenly a giant appeared. The giant in question, not only did it look quite familiar, it looked like a man in some kind of dragon-armor, riding a Titanosaurus. By the way, is it me or have I seen more dinosaurs in the past week then I ever did in all the dinosaur-movies I've seen in my life altogether? Anyway, he wasn't alone. Along with him was a giant lady, who appeared to be carrying a sort of magic wand. Along with the dinosaur-man was a group of five youngsters, who battled God, and along with the woman there were four... I don't know what were (though one of them was human), who battled the devil. When they knew they were defeated, they turned into giants, in which form they were beaten by the other two giants.
While the giants were fighting, those of human size came to me and helped me to get away. The ones that were with that dinosaur-man said they were called Zyurangers, and the ones with that woman said they were heavenly saints from Magitopia, except for that one human I mentioned, a girl dressed in blue, who said she's a Magiranger, who married one of the heavenly saints. Zyuranger, Magiranger,... how many kinds of rangers are there? So anyway, they told me that they wanted to take down God a long time ago, yet if that happens, the devil would seize power, and then he'd be unstoppable. The only way in which they could be beaten is when they were both at the same place at the same time. I, apparently, made that possible. But then, I did have some help. That help showed himself. It was that astronaut I remember to have seen in my dream, Bowman he said his name was. He was accompanied by an ant-eater, who called itself Antubis (Anubis in ant-eater form?). Anyway, as I tried to help a Tyrannosaur, despite the fact it wanted to eat me, I earned the respect of the Zyurangers' own god, Daizyujin (don't ask how I at all even know how to spell that name). I also earned Magitopia's Magiel (as that giant woman was called) her respect. For all this, I earned myself a place in their heavens. Just like that, I asked them. Indeed, as everything I did was because I did what I thought was right, not what someone or something else told me to be right. Everything I did was selfless, I didn't care if anyone would reward me. Even if I didn't help them pin down God and the devil, they still would have helped me. Still... there are some things that I want to experience, which I can't when I'm dead. Plus, I still got a trip to finish. They understood, so with the combined efforts of Antubis, Bowman, Magiel and Daizyujin, I was brought back to life. I did, however, request to them to not be brought back to life in Prehistoric Park, or at all even in Australia, as I think I may upset some people, whom do not deserve that. They understood, so they brought my body back together, healed my wounds, put my mind back in my body, and dropped me off here... wherever here may be.
They were generous enough to allow me to have all my stuff with me as well. My backpack, with all my clothes, my Swiss knife, and above all: my journal. I also woke up with a peculiar cell-phone in my hands. After some examination, I realized that this phone served as a wand as well. According to a text message it had, it would answer all my courage with magic. When I looked at it's batteries, I saw that all it had was something that looked like a medallion, which bore the image of a Tyrannosaurus on it. I suppose having a cell-phone of my own, without the interference of any company, would be cheaper, safer, and when it shows it's magic, quite handy. But now my hand's tired of all the writing, so I'd better explore where it is that they dropped me off.