This chapter came to me when I had just gone to bed, but it was such good stuff I had to get up and write it down. As a result I spent a whole day in a haze of tiredness as screwed up a test I had in school, so you'd better like it enough to leave a review!

Chapter 7 – Memories and tears

Byakuya woke up feeling very warm and comfortable. The light in his room suggested it was just before dawn. A movement behind him made him stiffen before he realised that Renji was still in his bed. The redhead was laying close, one arm around Byakuyas waist, face buried in black hair. Byakuya felt Renjis hot breath tickle in the back of his neck.

Suddenly a whole bunch of memories flooded Byakuyas mind, memories of waking up in this very bed with Hisana sleeping next to him. Waking up alone was one of the things Byakuya had found the hardest to cope with after his wife died and now that he felt Renji so close, all those feelings that he'd fought so hard to forget came back to him full force. Feelings of happiness but mostly feelings of sorrow.

Before he could stop himself, Byakuya felt tears welling up in his eyes, blurring his vision before running down his face. Damnit! Was that really the limits of his self-control? He really didn't want to wake Renji, he didn't want him to see his Captain like this, so... weak. However, Byakuya just couldn't stop the tears from falling, his whole body shaking with suppressed sobs.

"Captain?"

Oh no! He woke up! What should I do?!

"Captain, are you all right?"

Byakuya shot up in bed, keeping his face away from Renji.

"I-I'm fine!" He said, not sounding the least convincing, voice cracking with every word.

"Are you sure...? Captain!"

Renji sat up too as Byakuya ran for the bathroom, slamming the door shut.

Damnit! Byakuya washed his face furiously, but new tears kept coming and he could do nothing to stop them.

"Captain?"

Renjis voice sounded from just outside the door, and Byakuya gasped as he heard it so close.

"Captain... What's wrong?"

Renjis voice was softer now. Less confused and more concerned.

Trying to find his voice, Byakuya took deep breaths of air before answering.

"It's nothing Renji, it's just... nothing important"

"Seems important to me"

"Well it isn't!" Byakuya snapped, regretting it the next second.

"I'm sorry Renji, it's just... old memories"

"I see"

There was a pause, so long Byakuya almost thought Renji went back to bed, but then he spoke again in a gentle sort of voice that Byakuya had never heard him use.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Byakuya gasped again at the question. Did he want to talk about it? He wasn't so sure.

"I... I don't know"

"Well if you do, I'll be willing to listen"

Another pause. Byakuya sat down on the floor, burying his face in his hands, tying to figure out his feelings. Meanwhile, Renji sat down in front of the bathroom door, waiting for his Captain to respond to his offer.

Renji had never seen the other man like that and it frightened him a little to see the person he looked up to, the man who was always so flawless and strong, in this miserable state. It made Renji realise that maybe the guy wasn't all that perfect. After a very long time of silence, Byakuya spoke, his voice sounding very small.

"When... when I lost my wife I felt unbelievable lonely. It never crossed my mind that I would lose her so soon. I missed her more than you can ever imagine, and... One of the things that I hated the most after her death was waking up to an empty bed. And when I woke up this morning and you were there, so many memories of her came back full force and it was just too much. I'm sorry if I scared you Renji, but it was just... the feelings were just too much for me to handle"

A number of dry sobs followed, and Renji felt like something inside of him cracked. Standing up he walked over to the door, talking to his Captain through it.

"Captain, you don't have to apologize, I understand"

The sobs stopped abruptly.

"So... you won't look down on me because of this?"

Renji nearly laughed at the thought of ever looking down on Kuckiki Byakuya, but stopped himself and continued talking through the door.

"No I won't. You're still the person I admire and want to be like. I don't think I've ever looked down on you, not even when you tried to get Rukia executed"

Another sob. Then...

"Thank you Renji"

"No problem"

Something that sounded like a cross between a sob and a laugh was heard, and then the sounds of movement. Renji took a step back and the door opened, revealing his captain. He looked tired, dark shadows under his eyes, hair messy, tear trails running down his face. The moment their eyes met new tears started falling down Byakuyas cheeks and he looked away.

"I'm sorry you have to see me like this"

"Idiot"

Byakuya looked up and found Renji standing closer to him now.

"I told you not to apologize, didn't I?"

"I-"

But before Byakuya could say anything else, Renji took a step forward and pulled him into a tight hug. At first Byakuya was too shocked to say or do anything, but then he relaxed and buried has face in the crook of Renjis neck. As he did so, he let go of every little piece of control, sobbing desperately, knowing that Renji would still be there, even if he saw his Captain like this.

This chapter turned out very angsty, and I know this story is supposed to be Romance/Humour, but, ah well. I guess you need some seriousness to appreciate the fun parts. Oh, and I hope Byakuya wasn't too out of character...

Also! I've started to work on my Christmas fic, but I'm still open to suggestions, and I've only got two or three of those, so hurry up! Remember, you can ask for anything at all... (No guaranties I'll be able to put it in the story though, but it still provides me with a lot of inspiration:))