This has got to be the saddest thing I have ever written in my entire life. I've read some pretty sad stuff, but I've never written anything that could be considered sad.
I own nothing. The Almighty Larson owns it all.
"Are you cool yet?" I ask Collins, dabbing his forehead with a cold, wet cloth. I've been doing this for 10 minutes now, which is 7 minutes after he told me that his side hurt really bad and then almost punched me for touching it.
"A little," Collins replies. We both fall silent. After a while, Collins breaks the silence. "Hey, Mark?"
"Yeah?" I say.
"Thanks."
"For what?"
"For caring. You've always cared. Although, your caring . . . is a little strange at times."
"I bet it reminds you of a paranoid old lady with 27 pets who can't get a date cause she smells like dog shit and cat piss." Collins tries to laugh, but stops himself and grabs his right side.
"God. Don't make me laugh. It hurts," he says.
"I'm sorry," I reply. "Just tryin' to lighten up the mood. Guess it didn't work, huh?" Collins is smiling now.
"It worked," he says. "You cheered me up."
"I did?" I ask.
"Yeah." Collins looks up and his attention remains there.
"What exactly are you lookin' at?" I ask.
"Heaven." He sighs and smiles again. "I'm gonna see her soon Mark. I'll be with her again." I know who he's talking about. Angel. He's telling me that he's gotten worse in a nicer way. "You think she'll be happy to see me?"
I inhale sharply. "I'm sure she will. Unless she's moved on up there," I joke. He smiles at my joke rather than laugh as a nurse walks in the room with a tray.
"Good afternoon Mr. Collins," she says. Collins smiles at her.
"Good afternoon to you too," he says.
The nurse smiles back at him and looks at the window. "Oh. You haven't opened the curtain." She walks over to the window. opens the curtain herself and lets the sunshine in. "Isn't it a beautiful day?"
"It is. It is indeed," Collins says, looking out the window. The nurse walks back over to the tray.
"So, are you going to try and eat something now?" she asks.
"I don't know. I don't have much of an apatite."
"Well, I'll just leave this here and you can eat it whenever you feel you can, alright?" Collins nods and the nurse turns to me. "Are you two close?"
"Very close," I say.
"Are you . . . how do I put this? I don't know how to ask without offending anyone."
"Just ask. If it's offensive, I'll let you know."
"Okay. Are you two . . . lovers?" My eyes widen and Collins laughs. Actually laughs. In his normal laugh. I swear if you could hear it, you wouldn't think he was sick at all.
"No! I'd never date him!" I say.
"Am I not good enough for you or somethin'?" Collins asks, smiling.
"No, you're good enough. It's just . . . how do I say this without being prejudice against your kind?"
"Mark? Are you tryin' to tell me you would wanna date me if I wasn't black?"
"That's not what I'm saying!"
"Then what are you sayin'?"
"I just honestly would never date you cause . . . well . . . you're gay and I'm not."
"Oh, now I'm hurt Mark. Did you somehow turn into a homophobe?"
"Stop twisting my words!"
"My question hasn't been answered," the nurse points out.
"Sorry. The answer to your question is no. Yes, we're close, but we ain't that close," Collins explains.
"Okay. Well since you're close, do you mind if I take him out of the room for a moment?" the nurse asks Collins.
"Go ahead." I follow the nurse into the hallway. She shuts the door and sighs.
"I really don't know how to put this," she says. My heart stops.
"Put what?" I ask.
"Your friend . . . his health, because he has AIDS, is . . . fading faster than doctors expected."
"What are you saying?" The nurse sighs again.
"Tom Collins only has three days to live." My eyes widen and I'm silent for a moment. I pretend she didn't just say that. He's gonna live longer. I know he will. He's strong enough to. But still, it's a possibility.
"Thr . . . why? What happened? He says he's been feeling okay, what's goin' on?"
"He may feel okay, but he's not okay. I'm really sorry. Should I tell him?"
"No. I think he needs to hear it from me." The nurse walks away and I swear I saw a tear come out of her eye. I walk back into the room and sit down.
"Welcome back," Collins says. I force myself to smile, which is something you should never do around Collins. He can tell a forced smile from a real smile at anytime. "What happened out there?"
"Nothing really. Just medical stuff," I say.
"I'm serious. I can tell when you're hidin' somethin'. You ain't a very good liar." I stand back up and grab Collins hand. "What are you doin'?"
"I'm about to tell you the truth," I say. I take a deep breath. "The nurse told me how much time you have before you . . . um . . . you know."
"I see. Does that amount of time have anything to do with you holdin' my hand?" Collins replies. I nod. "Well, get on with it." I take another deep breath.
"Collins . . . you have . . . three days to live," I say as I watch Collins' facial expression change.
"What?" he says.
"I'm sorry."
"That can't be right. I feel fine!"
"That's what I told her. Apparently, just cause you feel fine, doesn't mean you are."
"Mark, tell me you're kidding!" I'm silent. "Mark, please. Tell me she's wrong." He's on the verge of crying.
"I can't," I say. Tears start to stream down Collins' face. I hate seeing him cry. Yet, I have no choice sometimes. I give his hand a gentle squeeze. "Collins, please don't cry. Try to be happy. You'll see Angel soon." I don't think that was a very smart thing to say when trying to comfort someone who's dying. To my surprise, he somewhat stops crying, though his face is tear stained.
"You're right," he says. I hug him for further comfort.
"Just calm yourself down, okay?" I say.
"I can't."
"Why not?" He's silent for a moment before speaking again.
"I'm scared," he whispers. I've never heard those words come out of his mouth before except when the word 'not' is in-between them. Never side-by-side. I rub his back gently.
"Just be strong. It's gonna be okay," I tell him.
Even though I know pretty damn well by now that it's not.
So, there was no flashback thingy in this. Oh well. I'll put one in the next chapter. I know this is short and might have some mistakes, but please review my sadness. :(