Chapter 5

Last chapter. All those warnings were chances for you to back out, but here it is. THE chapter. And for the OTC states, let's fudge it up and switch Washington for Florida. This makes more sense near the end…

Contains suicide in this chapter-not graphic.

DISCLAIMER: SM owns the awesomeness of Twilight and I own a pug named Banana, because her previous owners were idiots.

The burial was uneventful. The casket was lowered to the ground covered in various flowers. I stood at the edge watching as it made its descent. The plaque I picked to be placed had a double header, my name and date of birth already planned on there along with his. But that wouldn't be placed for a few weeks at most.

Everything for my own burial has been planned and paid for. Asking for a few extra thousand wasn't suspicious to Esme and Carlisle, who easily wrote a check. She only needed two grand and the rest she could pay for with her life-savings. They were already paying for his funeral, so asking for two thousand more wasn't questioned and just assumed to be for his arrangements.

They obviously don't know about these arrangements, but I'll tell them somehow.

The casket is in the ground now and people are starting to leave, offering condolences and farewells. I stand at the edge, vaguely responding to anyone speaking to me.

When only the people who drove me here are left, we all walk towards the parking lot. After a short drive, I'm dropped off at home after one meek assurance I'm fine.

I'm obviously not, but they don't care enough to figure that out.

Walking into the cold dark house, I forgo lights and head straight to the bedroom. Grabbing a pen and paper from his bag, I stop for a minute to try to see if his scent lingers. It's faint, but there and I decide to take the bag with me to the bed.

I turn on the lamp beside the bed and uncap the pen, flipping to a clear page.

PROS: I get forever with him.

CONS: ...

I come up blank and try to think of anything to outweigh the first pro, but have nothing.

Okay, decision made.

But how...

Thinking I know I don't want a messy death, just in case someone I care something for finds me. To think, what if my dad came over to see brain matter on the walls. So, no to guns.

Pills seem like a good idea, but what if I just end up like a vegetable, because I manage to fuck up suicide.

Plus, I think all I have is Tylenol.

Can you overdose on Tylenol?

I'll Google it.

Writing down scribbles on the paper, I go in a search for the computer. It's on the desk and I easily find a site about overdose of acetaminophen. Reading over everything, it doesn't look as simple as I thought. No swallowing the pills and getting instant overdose, no, it's said to take days of pain without medical help and eventual death. Uh, no.

What else?

Underneath was a blue link I click on. Codeine.

Scanning the page, this death sounds slightly better. If someone doesn't find me immediately, then I should be fine. Searching where to find it over the counter sent me to a few useless sites, but eventually I found one saying only five states sold it OTC. One of those five, Florida.

It's a sign.

Nodding, I close the laptop after erasing the history and shutting it off. I close my pad, but keep the bag on the bed. I finally take off my clothes and crawl in one of his old tee shirts. It smells like him a little.

I finally cried and slip in and out of sleep throughout the night. A good night of sleep wasn't for me anyway. The next morning, I eat something, but my body rejects it and I'm sent running to the sink since I couldn't make it to the toilet. After washing my mouth, I get dressed for the day and grab my keys and wallet before heading out. Just deciding to go for the closest pharmacy, I head to Walgreens. What I'm looking for isn't there, so I go to CVS. Not there either. Finally, I just go to any random drug store, wondering why I hadn't specified my location search. Deciding to just come back later after Googling it, I start to leave after another failed attempt, but stop on my drive home when I see a lone drug store. Parking in the lot, I head inside and straight for the medicine.

Robitussin A-C.

YES!

I found it and pay for it quickly, walking back to the car.

At home, I clean the house and take everything of importance into mind. I should write a will or something, right?

Sure.

So, with the same lined paper s last night, I start.

For whom this may concern...

I gave Esme my kitchen utensils, Emmett got my action movies, whichever ones he wanted. Jasper got our music collection. Carlisle could have my books, though that vampire saga might turn him off. Alice can have all my unused cosmetics and beauty supplies. Rosalie can have my wishes for her to get pregnant. My dad can take the property, which I own. Mom can have all those old scrapbooks I kept. Everything like my clothes and the furniture can be given to charity or whatever. I left it up to them.

Thinking, what the hell, I start to write my suicide note on the same sheet, or sheets, considering I'm on the second one.

Before you judge me, just think of how your life would be if you didn't half your other half? Alice, if you didn't have Jasper? Esme without Carlisle. Rose, minus Em? Unimaginable, yeah? Well, we're Bella and Edward. You can't have one without the other. You all said so yourself in your speeches. Bella and Edward, or Edward and Bella. We're kind of like love bugs when they stick together and I'm the living one, carrying around the dead on. The living one never lasts long.

Plus, he promised me forever. He never breaks his promise. I love you all, but I can't live in a world where he doesn't exist. I'm going to die someday; I guess I'm just speeding up the process.

P.S. Funeral arrangements are all paid and ready for. So, don't worry.

I love you,

Bella.

I place the note on the counter and go to my room with the things I've bought. Changing from my day clothes to one of his shirts and sweatpants, I climb into bed. The website said I've just slowly stop breathing or lose consciousness before OD-ing, so I just open the bottle and take a whiff.

I've always hated syrup medicine. It's like they don't even try to make it take good.

But I push that back and tip the bottle towards the roof.

"Only you," I promise.

"Forever," He finishes in a promise.

I tip the bottle back and drink.

Yeah, that's it. Might write an outtake of the reactions of family or something. I don't know…

BYYYEEE! (:

-Bianca