The pain was unlike anything Jane had ever felt before. It was like an emotional knife plunged deep into her heart. The way Maura had looked at her in that burned out warehouse, the way she'd pushed Jane away, was something Jane would always remember. The last few days had been an emotion storm for Jane. The reason she'd been in such a rush with Jo on the morning Dean showed up was because she was suppose to have breakfast with Maura and she'd just spent the entire night talking herself into telling Maura how she felt. With her mother's approval, and the fact that she was pretty sure Korsak already thought they were together, there wasn't any more fear about what the people she loved would think. She was going to tell Maura and then let the chips fall where they may. Then Dean showed up with pink roses. Maura knows she hates pink. Maura wouldn't have brought pink roses. His sudden reappearance had thrown her off and before she could get herself back into the right frame of mind she'd gotten the call about the warehouse fire. Jane's focus had been redirected to the case until the hit and run.
When she stepped off the elevator and saw Maura standing there looking so broken and lost it broke Jane's heart. Pulling Maura into her arms and holding her tight Jane wished she could make it all better somehow. For the first time in her life Jane wished for something girly, a magic fairy wand that would let her fix this. But she didn't have a magic wand, she couldn't turn back the clock, what she could do was find the bastard who'd hurt Constance, who'd tried to kill Maura, and make his sorry ass pay. That's why she hadn't said anything to anyone about Paddy Doyle when Maura told her he was in town. Maura needed protection while she worked the case and she knew Paddy would provide that. Looking back she should have tied Dean's sudden reappearance with Paddy's but she'd been arrogant enough to think that Dean had really come back because of her, not because he wanted information from her.
She should have seen it coming. The way Dean pretended to be concerned, the way he said he cared, the way he promised he was there for her and Maura because she cared about Maura. She should have known he was working her. When she'd told Maura she'd told Dean about Paddy there'd been a flash of something in Maura's hazel eyes that she hadn't understood until she'd seen the full blow emotion there in the warehouse. Betrayal. For as long as Jane had been close to Maura she'd known that Maura wanted a connection to her birth parents. So it shouldn't have been a surprise that when she'd found out about Paddy, even though it pulled her in two difference directions, that connection was something Maura couldn't ignore now that she'd found it. Maura didn't like the man Paddy was but he was still her father, he was still a part of her. It didn't help that Paddy loved Maura that he'd watched her growing up from a distance. It might have been different if Maura had felt unwanted and thrown away rather then sent away from her own good. You didn't have to like someone to love them when it came to family.
It all happened so fast. Flynn pulled a gun on Maura, Paddy shot Flynn, Dean shot Paddy; it was a fucking madhouse and when all was said and done, there was Maura crouching protectively over Paddy and looking up at Jane with such hurt, anger, betrayal, and just enough hate to twist the knife in Jane's heart. When the ambulances and back up cops showed up Jane lost track of Maura who refused to even look at her let along talk to her. Frost said Maura let Vince take her to the hospital so that's where Jane headed when she was finally allowed to leave the scene. Bursting through ER doors she ignored the gaggle of FBI agents who where kicking up a fuss over Doyle, who'd been rushed into surgery, and over to a nurse to ask about Maura. The nurse said Maura hadn't been there and Jane tried to force herself to remember if Maura had been hurt. No, no Maura had ducked and covered, she'd been fine. So she ran up to Constance's hospital room. Constance was asleep and there was no sign of Maura. Would Maura risk people finding out who she was by sticking close to Doyle? Turning to head for the elevators Jane found herself face to face with Agent Dean. Without thinking she hit him, hard, sending him staggering back. "What the fuck was that!" She demanded. "What the hell were you doing there!"
"Moving in on Patrick Doyle." Dean said as he rubbed his jaw with her good hand. He had a field dressing on his shoulder where Paddy had shot him, and Jane thought, good you deserve it, while she glared at him.
"You could have gotten her killed!" Jane yelled at him. "You fucked up our operation and could have gotten Maura killed!"
"Jane." Dean said as he took a step closer.
Jane took a step back. "No, do not come near me."
"Jane." Dean repeated.
There was such anger and hate in Jane's eyes that it caused Dean to move away. "You might have cost me the best thing to ever happen to me. The way she looked at me…" Jane's voice cracked and her body shuddered. "If I've lost her because of you I will make it my personal mission in life to make your life just as much of a living hell as mine will be without her!"
Dean blinked, genuine confusion on his face. "You're acting like you're in love with her or something."
"Yeah, I am, cause I do." Jane said without any hesitation.
She'd wanted to go with Patrick but she knew she couldn't. She knew the dangers that would involve so she had to step back, let the paramedics and police take over. She had to watch Agent Dean gloat through his own pain. Taking down Patrick Doyle was going to make his career, he was going to get any posting he wanted, the prime picks, and all it took was shooting her father. What was he even doing there? Had Jane told him about the set up? Had she invited him along because she knew Patrick would turn up? No, no they had no idea that Patrick would be there. But he was and he'd been shot, and one of the people who'd shot him was Jane. Maybe it wasn't rational, it wasn't like she was close to Patrick or even liked him all that much, but Maura was hurt and angry. Jane shot her father. She shot and could have killed the only person who could help her put that last missing piece of her puzzle in place.
Maura had been to upset to go to the hospital. She didn't want her mother to see her like this, so she'd had Vincent bring her home. She forced herself to take a shower. She needed to wash away the smell of smoke and ash from the warehouse and the blood from trying to tend to Patrick's wounds. Her mind was a cluttered mess. Jane shot her father. Every time she closed her eyes she saw him falling from that catwalk and it brought on a wave of nausea. Patrick had protected her and Jane shot him. The sound of his voice as he straggled for air hurt something inside Maura that she didn't understand. Hope? What did Patrick hope? Had he hoped for a relationship with her? Had he hoped to show her he wasn't as bad as she thought he was? Had he hoped to make up for being the man he was? Had he hoped that she would finally realize he loved her in a way that only a father could? What had Patrick Doyle hoped?
There was someone pounding on her front door. "Maura!" Jane's voice called out. "Come on Maura open the door! Please!" Jane was beating on her front door like the place was on fire or something, but Maura just continued sitting on her bed, back pressed against the headboard, tears rolling down her cheeks. "Damnit Maura I know you're home! Open the fucking door, Maura!"
If Maura weren't drowning in her own hurt she would have heard the tears in Jane's voice.
"Please Maura!" Jane yelled. Jane begged. "I'm sorry! Maura!"
She wondered why Jane just didn't use her key but then figured that Jane didn't want to push her by forcing herself on her. "Go away Jane." Maura said, though it wasn't loud enough to carry through the house. "Just go away."
It took Angela forcing Jane to stop and come into the guesthouse to get her to stop beating on Maura's door. Maura stayed in her room the rest of the night. When Angela knocked to check on her she asked her leave and was grateful that the older woman didn't push. Angela simple left a sandwich and a glass of milk of Maura's dresser, made sure Bass was taken care of, and then left. The next morning Maura called off and headed to the hospital to sit with her mother and check on Patrick. He was in ICU but he was alive. Everything that she'd felt yesterday had dulled into numbness today. She was pleasant and polite but nothing more. It was a good thing that her mother was still heavily sedated because Constance would have been able to see through her to the hurt and she'd have tried to help. Maura wasn't sure anyone could help.
"Maura." Jane whispered from the doorway.
Maura closed her eyes and sighed. "Go away Jane."
"I can't do that." Jane replied. "We need to talk."
"Go away Jane." Maura repeated.
Jane walked in and put her hand on Maura's shoulder. Maura went tense and then pulled away from Jane. She turned hurt and angry eyed on her friend. "Go away Jane!"
The look on her face and the sharpness of Maura's voice made Jane take a step back. "Maura."
Maura shook her head. "I can't, Jane, I just can't. Please go away."
"Not until I say this." Jane replied firmly and then pushed through what she wanted to say. " I didn't know Doyle would be there. I didn't know Dean would be there. After the first shots was fired everything went to hell. It was a firefight Maura and the only thing going through my head was you. You were in danger and my instincts kicked in. I'm sorry I shot Doyle, I am, if there's anyone else in the world just as willing to kill of be killed to protect you then me, it's him, but I'd did it to protect you, I'd do anything to keep you safe."
There were tears in Maura's eyes. "Are you finished?"
"Almost." Jane said, her own eyes stinging. "I'll fix this, us, I'll fix us, I'll make this up to you I promise. And I'm going to wait for you to work this out and I'll be there when you're ready. I promise that too."
"Now are you finished?" Maura asked. Jane nodded. "Then please leave."
Jane made it to the elevator before the tears came.
"Maura." Constance said hoarsely.
Maura sniffled, cleared her throat and then looked up. "Mom? You should be resting."
"She loves you." Constance said as she looked into her daughter's sad, hurt eyes.
Maura's voice cracked with emotion. "I know."
"No." Constance said, struggling to stay coherent with all the pain meds in her system. "She's in love with you, Maura. You are her heart and soul and she only wanted to protect you. Don't punish her for that."
Before she could leave the hospital Jane's phone rang. It was an ICU nurse saying he wanted to see her. It was a little surprising but she went. She ignored the looks she got from the posted FBI agents as she walked to up to the room and she glared back, daring them to try and stop her. She needed someone to take her emotions out on and it would be sickly satisfying to do it on a fucking fed. No one stopped her. Damn. Oh well, maybe next time Jane thought as she walked into the room and over to Paddy Doyle. He looked weak and pale and she found that unsettling. He'd always been a strong man, a man to be reckoned with, and this just didn't fit with her image of him. "I'm here Doyle. What do you want?"
Paddy Doyle forced his eyes open. He was still in critical condition and it could still go either way. He looked into Jane's eyes, his voice horse as he said, "Look after my little girl."
"I always have." Jane said. "I always will. Nothing's going to change that."
Doyle nodded and relaxed a little. "I love her."
"Yeah." Jane said. "Me too."
Doyle nodded again. He turned his head a little, as much as he could, to look at something on the nightstand, it was a bible with a set of rosary beads on top. "Inside, take it."
Jane walked over and carefully flipped through the book. Tucked inside was an old picture of a young woman. A young woman who looked a lot like Maura.
A flicker of a smile appeared on Doyle's face when he saw the picture. "Hope." He whispered and then gave in to the drugs and went under again.
Jane flipped the picture over. "Hope." She repeated.
It took time for Maura to process her emotions and the events of that day. Her mother had said Jane was in love with her. When she snuck in to see Patrick he'd told her not to blame Jane that Jane loved her, that she was only trying to protect her, and he was glad someone like Jane was there to watch her back. Maura didn't know what to do. Every time she thought about Jane she replayed that moment in her mind. Jane aimed her gun at Patrick, Patrick might have been aiming at her but maybe he would have dropped his gun, Jane didn't give him a chance, she fired. She shot her father without giving him a chance. Didn't she? What if she hadn't shot? What if Patrick had shot her instead? It was a firefight and things were happening so fast. If Jane had been shot Maura's world would have crumbled, left in ashes on the floor of that burned out building. Maura watched and rewatched the computer reenactment of what happened over and over again until she'd come to the only conclusion she could. Someone close to her was going to end up shot, either Patrick or Jane, and she wouldn't have been able bare it if it had been Jane.
"Where's Jane?" Maura asked as she walked into the Homicide office.
Korsak and Frost shared a look before Korsak answered, "She took some time off, Doc. She hasn't been here in a couple of days."
"Have you spoken to her?" Maura asked.
He shook his head. "No." Korsak admitted. "What happened really shook her up, Doc. I guess she just needed a little time and space to sort it out in her head."
Whenever a cop shot someone there was an investigation to make sure the shooting was good. During this time their weapon was taken and held by the CO. Maura knew this so when Frost said, "She was cleared by IB. It was a good shooting." He paused a moment, Maura had tensed up. "But she hasn't picked up her weapon."
"The way she looked at it." Korsak added. "She might not ever pick it up again."
Maura frowned at that. "She'd have too."
"Sure, if she stayed a cop." Korsak said.
Maura's heart sank. "I need to find Jane."
Jane wasn't at her apartment and Maura noticed that her overnight bag was missing and so where some of her clothes and personal things. When she questioned Angela, all the older woman said was that Jane said she'd been gone for a few days and had asked her to watch Jo Friday. Jane wasn't the type to run. She stood her ground, she made the hard choices and took the risks, so where the hell was she? She promised to be there when Maura was ready. Well she was ready and Jane was nowhere to be found.
Two days passed and Maura found herself pissed all over again. Well fine, if Jane was just going to take off while this huge chasm was between them, then so would Maura. She was just pulling her suitcases out into the living room when she heard the doorbell. Thinking it was the driver who'd be taking her to the airport she opened it without checking first. "Jane."
"Hi." Jane said carefully. "Can I come in?"
"Now's not a good time, Jane." Maura said angrily.
"Please." Jane begged.
Maura glared at Jane for several long seconds before finally stepping aside. "You'll have to be quick, Jane. I was just on my out."
"This is kind of important Maura." Jane said as she turned to face her best friend.
"I don't want to hear another apology, Jane." Maura said after closing the door and moving towards her desk.
"Ok." Jane replied. "I am though, sorry that is." When Maura gave her a heated look she let it drop. Maura looked tired, a little pale; and was she thinner? It was breaking Jane's heart. "Are you ok?"
"Fine, thank you." Maura replied. "What do you want Jane?"
"I saw Doyle." Jane explained. "When he first woke up he asked to see me."
Maura raised an eyebrow. "And?"
"He gave me this." She pulled the old picture from her pocket and held it out to Maura.
Maura took the picture and looked at it, her eyes going wide.
"Look at the back." Jane said softly.
Flipping the picture over she saw the word Hope and the year Maura was born written on it.
"Hope Todd was originally from Indiana." Jane began to explain as she pulled a large document sized envelope from her jacket pocket and held it out to Maura. "She was a freshman at John Carroll University at the same time Patrick Doyle was in Cleveland working with Danny Green."
Maura took the envelope and opened it. There were pictures and documents inside. "John Carroll, that's a Jesuit college just outside of Cleveland." Maura said softly.
"You're just as Catholic as I am biologically." Jane teased before going on with what she'd found out. "Not long after meeting Doyle Hope moved to Boston transferring from JCU to BCU." When Maura looked up at that Jane couldn't help but smile. Maura had gone to BCU. "She managed to finish her freshman year but took the first semester of her sophomore year off."
"My birthday is at the end of summer." Maura said softly.
"I know." Jane said with a gentle smile. Then she continued. "After she graduated from BCU she went to Johns Hopkins."
Hazel eyes went wide as Maura asked, "Is she…"
"A doctor?" Jane nodded. "Pretty well known in her field of women's health. She lives in D.C. now, but she spends a lot of time in New York."
Tears welled in Maura's eyes as she whispered. "Jane, you found my mother?"
Jane nodded. "I told you I'd make it up to you didn't I? And it has to mean something that Doyle asked me to be the one to bring her to you, right?"
"He doesn't blame you." Maura said.
"Do you?" Jane asked, the fear she felt clearly lacing her voice.
Maura looked up, she looked into Jane's eyes for a long time. "No. Not anymore. No. I never hated you, Jane. I could never hate you. But I was angry and hurt and felt betrayed. It didn't help that you weren't here when I was ready to talk like you said you would be, but now I understand why. So, no, no I'm not angry anymore."
The weight of the world was lifted from Jane's shoulders. Her lips curled into a smile, her eyes finally showed a flicker of light. She was about to say something, she was about to pour her heart out, but then she noticed Maura's luggage. "Are you going somewhere?"
"Yes." Maura said simply. "The plane leaves in a couple of hours."
"Oh." Jane said. A moment ago her heart was swelling and now it was deflating quickly. A thundering pain ripped through her when she realized what the date was. "You changed your mind then. You're going to go after the person you love after all." She nodded as if she agreed but it was killing her inside. She'd waited to long, made to may mistakes, and now Maura was about to fly to Paris, marry Ian, and live happily ever after. "He's out there, Maura. He's waiting for you. Go get the person you love."
Maura was about to reply when her phone rang. She was going to ignore but she couldn't. "That's the hospital Jane. My mother… I need…"
"Go ahead." Jane said simply. She waited until Maura stepped away to take the call and then quietly left. Tears ran down her cheeks the enter drive back to her apartment. Once safely inside she fell onto the couch and cried. She'd blown it. She'd lost Maura and it was her own damn fault for not telling her, for shooting Patrick Doyle, for taking what they had together for granted. She wished she were a big enough person to wish Maura and Ian well but she couldn't, all she could do was feel sorry for herself and mourn something she never had the chance to have.
This time the pounding was on Jane's door but it took her a second to realize it wasn't in her head. Between all of the crying and the half a dozen shots of Jack she was waiting for that part.
"Jane!" Maura called out. "Jane, open the door!"
Maura? Jane got to her feet and walked to the door but hesitated. She leaned forward, her forehead resting on the cool wood. Had that been real? Had she really heard Maura's voice or was she dreaming?
"I can see you're shadow." Maura said through the door. "Open the damn door, Jane."
Jane raised an eyebrow at that. It was so cute when Maura swore. Taking a step back she opened the door and found herself face to face with those beautiful hazel eyes she so often found herself drowning in.
For once in her life Maura was going to take a risk. For once in her life she was going to step up and demand what she wanted. She was going to ask for what she needed. "Jane you snuck out." She said as she crossed her arms over her chest. "No, shut up." She said when Jane was about to say something. She let her arms drop to her sides as she kept her gaze locked with Jane's. "You were right, Jane. I am going to go after the person I love, but I don't need to go anywhere to do that." She swallowed against a dry throat but she didn't falter, she didn't hastate, she didn't doubt what she was about to say. "Because the person I love is right here. The person I love Jane Rizzoli is you."
Jane stood there looking completely dumbstruck. She heard every word Maura said and more importantly she saw it in her eyes. Jane's heart was thundering in her chest, a drum beating out her happiness. Maura loved her! Oh, wait, she should probably tell Maura she loved her too, but her voice didn't seem to work.
Maura felt her heart swell and then start to deflate as she stood there staring at Jane, waiting for her to say something and preying it would be what she wanted to hear. As the seconds ticked by she started to think maybe she'd been wrong, maybe Jane didn't love her this way. She was about to open her mouth to backpedaled when Jane suddenly reached out and grabbed her, pulling her close, and before Maura had a chance to do anything, even blink, Jane's lips were on her own. Hazel eyes went wide in shock at Jane's kiss but then Maura melted into it. As Jane wrapped her arms around Maura's waist, Maura wrapped her arms around Jane's neck.
The kiss was passionate, emotional, and said everything the two women needed and wanted to say, everything they'd been holding back, everything they were afraid of, and only when their lungs burned for air did they pull apart.
Jane rested her forehead against Maura's. "You were leaving."
"To take my mother to a rehabilitation facility in Geneva." Maura said softly. "My father's meeting us there."
"Oh." Jane whispered. She was still holding onto Maura, refusing to let her go, afraid to let her go. "I thought…"
"Jane." Maura said softly as she made Jane look her in the eyes. "I sent Ian's ring back weeks ago. I told him no. I told him I loved someone else."
"Me?" Jane asked, her voice trembling.
Maura took Jane's face in her hands "You."
Then she kissed her again.