Standing at the arrivals gate at Logan Jane Rizzoli found herself nervously chewing on her thumbnail. She hadn't done that in a long time, but the old habit had resurfaced almost immediately after Maura left her apartment almost two weeks ago. Even though they talked everyday, emailed, and texted, neither of them had said a word about how they'd left things. Nine days ago Maura had shown up at her apartment and told Jane she was in love with her. Nine days ago Jane had pulled Maura close and kissed her. Nine days ago they'd been so caught up in the moment that if it weren't for Maura's need to get her mother to Switzerland they might have gone a lot further then some very passionate kisses. When Maura finally pulled away from Jane that evening she promised to be back as soon as she could so they could talk about all of this, about them. Jane promised to be at the airport to pick her up. So here she was, standing in the baggage area chewing her thumb sore waiting on Maura so they could start figuring things out.
"Jane." Maura scolded as she walked towards the taller woman. "You really shouldn't bite your nails like that. You could cause you're thumb to become sore and infected. Biting your nails tears them, which is damaging. Plus the germs, Jane."
Jane smiled at the sight of Maura and rolled her eyes at the little reprimand. Jane's smile got brighter when Maura smiled back at her, those beautiful hazel eyes bright and happy to see her in return. "I'll try and remember that."
"Good." Maura said primly before softening her voice. "Hi Jane."
"Hi Maura." Jane said a little awkwardly. Was she supposed to kiss her hello? Was she allowed to kiss her hello? It's not like Jane knew what they were exactly or where they stood. All they knew for certain was that they were in love with each other. Being in love with someone meant you got to kiss them hello at the airport right?
While Jane was busy thinking Maura was creeping a little closer. She smiled reassuringly at Jane before leaning in and kissing her gently. "Better?"
"Almost." Jane whispered before pulling Maura closer and giving her a proper, though still chaste, hello kiss. When she pulled away she smirked and said, "So I guess that means what happened in my living room really happened."
Maura smiled. "Yes Jane, it really happened." Maura paused for a moment and then added, "As long as you still want it to have happened."
Jane caressed Maura's cheek. "Of course I still want it to have happened."
The relief on Maura's face was unmistakable. She'd spent the whole plane ride worried that Jane would regret what had happened between them. It had taken a lot of courage on her part to finally tell Jane how she felt, to finally take that kind of risk, and even though she'd felt incredibly light and happy when she'd left Jane's apartment, she'd also felt as if a tiny little black cloud had been following her around. This little black cloud of doubt that nagged at her saying that when she got back everything would be different and messed up, that her actions would lead to the loss of her best friend.
"Where's your bags?" Jane asked softly.
"They should be coming." Maura said as they moved to the luggage carousel.
As they waited for Maura's luggage to appear Jane asked, "How's Constance?"
"Much happier being where she is now then she was in the hospital." Maura answered. "The facility she's in is more like a five star hotel then a medical facility. She has a long recovery ahead of her but she's making remarkable advancements already." Maura then proceeded to go into detail about her mother's condition. "I'm going back to see her when I can. You should come with me."
"I've got some time off." Jane said as she grabbed the Louis Vuitton luggage she knew was Maura's. She knew it was Maura's, not only because of the travel tag, but because someone, not saying it was her, had put little skull and cross bone charms on the handles the last time they'd gone on vacation together.
As they walked out towards the parking lot Maura asked, "How's Patrick?"
"Better." Jane answered. "He contracted an infection but they have it under control. Did you ask your parents about him?"
Maura nodded at the news of his medical condition. In a weird way this was kind of better. As long as he was in the hospital he was safe from being taken to a federal prison and there was a small piece of her that didn't want to see him in prison, despite knowing full well he deserved to be in one. Her emotions were conflicting when it came to her father, and for a long time she tried to deny even having feelings towards him, but she couldn't do that anymore, not after what happened in that warehouse. She shook her head at Jane's question. "I had other things on my mind. Besides, I didn't want to add any unneeded stress to Mother's recovery."
Jane nodded this time and then asked, "Hungry?" While putting Maura's luggage into the trunk of Maura's car, which she'd picked up from Maura's that morning.
"Yes, but I'd much rather have a shower and change first." Maura replied as she slid into the passenger seat.
Jane nodded as she started the annoyingly quite car. "How about I drop you off at the house and while you shower off the airplane ick I'll run to that Chinese place we like?"
Maura raised an amused brow at the 'airplane ick' and then said, "Sounds good." She paused a moment and then said, "But…"
"But?" Jane asked glancing over at the honey blonde. She had the sudden urge to take Maura's hand but stopped herself. She was sure about how she felt about Maura but so unsure about how to act around her, what actions were ok and which ones were pushing it. It was all kind of nice and kind of annoying at the same time.
"I just spent nine days with my father who is very," She paused to think. "Picky." Wasn't quiet the word but she went with it anyway. "When it comes to food." Jane was smirking and Maura found comfort in that simple expression.
"Are you trying to ask for something you shouldn't have?" Jane asked.
"Burger and fries from the Dirty Robber?" Maura said quickly and then bit her lip and smiled sweetly at Jane.
Jane laughed, she couldn't help it, the look on Maura's face was just too cute and the way she asked came across like a naughty child asking for something they were told no to. "You really must have been deprived in Switzerland."
"My father's decided being vegan is a worth while path to follow." Maura said with a shrug.
"Oh you poor thing. I'm so sorry." Jane teased. "Ok, one greasy burger it is for the doc whose dad eats from the same menu as her turtle."
"Tortoise." Maura corrected automatically.
After dropping Maura off Jane headed out to pick up their food. Alone in the car knowing that Maura was home safe and sound, Jane could finally admit that while Maura was gone her world felt empty. Sure she still had her family and friends and work, but something interregnal was missing and it left her feeling off center and out of focus. Now that Maura was home everything felt right again. And now that everything felt back on track she could focus on thinking about what comes next. She knew that they needed to talk, but Jane wasn't much of a talker. It was a little frightening to think about sitting down with Maura and opening up like that, despite the fact that Maura had always been the one she could open up too. This was different, this was about them, and this was far more real to Jane, far more special, then anything they'd talked about before. Now that the truth about how they felt was out there Jane had to be careful not to let it get away from her.
Maura felt the same way. While she stood under the hot shower spray she was sorting through her emotions and contemplating her actions. Being back in Jane's presence had made her feel better then she had in days and even though she'd known for awhile that she loved Jane, now she knew for sure that she needed her too. There was no question in Maura's mind that they belonged together and she was ready to put the work in to see that happen. They would do what they needed and go at a pace that was comfortable for them both. Stepping out of the shower Maura wrapped a towel around herself and then walked into her bedroom. Everything she chose from her closet was comfortable, but it was also something she knew Jane would enjoy seeing on her. A pair of grey slacks that accentuated her curves, a soft cardigan that brought out the green in her eyes, and a pair of her staying-in heels. After tying her damp curls up in a ponytail and going very minimalistic on her make-up, Maura went to her kitchen to pick out a bottle of wine.
"Don't you dare open that bottle." Jane's voice suddenly cut through the quite of Maura's home which caused the other woman to give off a startled little yelp.
"Jane!" Maura scolded. "Don't do that!"
Jane laughed. "Sorry, but seriously, don't open that. You don't have wine with greasy bar food." She set the bag of burgers and fries on the counter. "Grab a couple bottles of Sam Adams."
"I have several microbrews." Maura said as she put the wine back and grabbed the beer.
"Sam's fine for this." Jane said as she pulled out the styrofoam containers, filling the house with the smell of deep fried potatoes, onions, bacon, and steamed buns.
After putted the food on plates, because Maura wasn't about to have anyone eating this messy food in her t.v. area without plates, the two moved to the sofa. They sat close together like they always did, but now they realized that for years they'd been sitting a lot closer together then was necessary for just friends. Maura always enjoyed the warmth of Jane's body close to hers, and Jane liked being able to smell Maura's scent, a mix of her shampoo and perfume, with undertones of simply Maura. Actually Jane liked it better when Maura wasn't wearing perfume like now, it was just Maura freshly showered, and it nearly made Jane moan but she stopped herself.
Maura on the other hand didn't hold back a moan as she bit into her cheeseburger.
"Good there, Maur?" Jane teased and Maura simply nodded with a beautiful smile.
After their food was finished and things cleaned up the two found themselves sitting on Maura's sofa, cross-legged, and facing each other. They both knew that they needed to talk but either knew where to start or what to say, so they sat there looking at each other, eyes locked in soft gazes and heads titled slightly. It almost looked as if they were having a conversation as their faces twitched, their lips ticked into smiles or frowns, and their eyes closed, half-closed, and went wide, but not a single word had been spoken since they sat down. After what seemed like forever Maura finally reached out and took Jane's hands in her own. "I missed you."
"I missed you too." Jane replied as she laced her fingers with Maura's.
There was another long stretch of silence between them before Maura spoke up again. "You're blood was seeping through my fingers while I was putting pressure on your bullet wound…"
Jane blinked at the sudden and unexpected statement. Cutting Maura off she said, "Huh?"
"That's when I first realized, when I first let myself admit, that I was in love with you." Maura said softly. "I was trying to keep you from bleeding to death and all of my medical knowledge took a back seat to one thought, one really loud thought. I'm in love with Jane Rizzoli."
"You've known that long?" Jane asked, her voice soft and more gravely then normal.
Maura nodded. "At first I thought maybe it was just because of the shock over everything, that it was one of those stress induced moments that brought people together because of the shared experience, but the feeling never went away. It was finally acknowledged and refused to be hidden away or lessened in any way."
"You never said anything." Jane said. "You never let on."
"I was afraid too." Maura replied. "You're my best friend, Jane. I didn't want to risk loosing you by putting you in a conflicting position with your family, your beliefs."
Jane chuckled softly. "Yeah, I kind of used that to keep my own feelings at bay. I mean, even I look at myself some times and think, 'Really? You're completely hardcore straight? Really Rizzoli?' but until recently I always answered back with yes, I'm Catholic for pete's sake."
"How recently?" Maura asked softly.
"Maybe not recently recently." Jane answered. She was quiet for so long that a flicker of panic and worry clouded Maura's eyes and that finally made Jane said, "When Hoyt attacked you something inside me broke free. That's why I was able to over power his apprentice and why I was finally able to put an end to him, not for me, not because of what he'd done or would do to me. He hurt you. That night," She paused a moment. "I did wake up from a nightmare but that's not what kept me awake. What kept me awake was me coming around to the fact that I'd fallen in love with my best friend and that it had happened a while ago."
"You never said anything." Maura said, repeating what Jane had just said moment eariler. "I never picked up on it."
Jane smiled softly. "For two people who pride themselves on being able to read each other, we missed those little tidbits by a mile easy."
Maura chuckled softly. "Selective sight I suppose. We were both so frightened by our own emotions we wouldn't allow ourselves to see them in the other."
"Yeah. Yeah, that makes sense." Jane sighed softly and gave a little nod of agreement. "I was scared of loosing you, of making you feel uncomfortable, of driving you…" She stopped.
"Into the arms of someone else?" Maura asked. "Into Ian's arms?"
"Yes." Jane answered. "The thought of you going off with the Wild Thornberry made me feel like I was covered in brambles."
"Wild Thornberry?" Mauara asked.
Jane laughed. "We're going to need to watch cartoons together one of these days."
Maura laughed, and then nodded her head in understanding. "I really don't like Lt. Col. Casey or Agent Dean; or Lt. Grant for that matter."
There was a flicker of something in Maura's eyes that made Jane smirk. "Are you the jealous type Maura?"
Pretty hazel eyes blinked while a head of honey blonde hair titled slightly in thought. "I don't know." Then Maura smirked. "But I would advise you against testing the theory."
Jane laughed again, which took the edge off the seriousness that had bubbled up around them as they talked. Feeling much more at ease now Jane said, "Ma knows."
Maura's eyes went wide with surprise and little fear. "She does?"
"Yeap." Jane replied. "Has for awhile. She's been telling me for weeks to say something to you."
The shock and surprise lingered on Maura's features until it slowly morphed into a quizzical and then an annoyed look.
"What?" Jane asked as she watched all of that play out on Maura's face.
"I think my Mother meddled." Maura said as she thought back to the last few conversations she'd had with her mother before the accident. "She called me in on it."
"Called you out on it." Jane corrected.
Maura simply nodded and filed away the correction for later use. "She told me before the accident that I should tell you, that I should take the risk."
"Where you?" Jane asked.
The blonde thought for a moment. "Yes. You?"
"I tried but couldn't do it." Jane admitted. "I'd talk myself into it and then chicken out as soon as you were close by. Then the warehouse happen and everything went to shit." Jane paused for a moment and then looked into Maura's eyes and said, "Maura, I'm…"
Maura let go of Jane's hand so she could press her fingers to Jane's lips. "Stop saying you're sorry, Jane. I've forgiven you, ok?" Jane nodded since Maura still had her fingers pressed to her lips. "You didn't know if he was going to fire at you, you had no choice but to fire first, I know that now, I understand. I was scared, Jane. Scared of the feelings I could make sense of and scared of the ones I couldn't. My thoughts were muddled, I didn't understand what was happening, or how I was feeling, so what I did was cling to the emotions that did make sense. It was safe to be angry with you because I knew you'd be there, I knew you would be waiting for me."
"I'll always be there for you Maura." Jane promised after moving Maura's fingers. "I promise."
"I know." Maura said with a loving smile. "I know because I know I'll always be there for you too."
Jane smiled a beautifully bright smile. She was glad that that was finally past them, and that they'd talked about the other traumatic events they'd gone through. It felt like they were working towards starting this relationship off on a clean page.
Once again the two fell into silence though this one was a lot more comfortable. They were sorting through everything that had been said, organizing thoughts and emotions. Without even thinking they shifted on the sofa until Maura was leaning against Jane's chest and Jane had her arms around Maura. Jane closed her eyes and let her senses take Maura in, the smell of her just washed hair, the warmth of her body, the press of her weight. This must be one of those perfect moments in time she'd heard people talk about.
The moment came to an abrupt end when Maura suddenly asked, "Jane, do you find me attractive?"
Dark eyes flew open as Jane asked, "What?"
"Do you find me sexually attractive Jane?" Maura asked as she titled her head so she could look up at Jane.
"Really Maura?" Jane asked. "We're going right from hashing out some pretty heavy emotional stuff to sex?" She could see it coming, a long explanation of hormones and brain chemicals, and the names of doctors who wrote this paper, or a college who did that study. Jane stopped the onslaught of information by leaning close and pressing her lips to Maura's. Once she felt Maura's surprise melt into willingness she deepened the kiss. When her lungs begged for fresh air Jane pulled away and looked into slightly darker then they were thirty seconds ago hazel eyes. "Yes, Maura. I find you very sexually attractive."
Maura was a bit lightheaded as she breathed out, "Good, that's good." As Maura's head cleared her ability to think returned. "It's important that there be sexual attraction in a healthy relationship. Early on it's about forging a bond but as the relationship progresses its important for maintaining that close…"
Jane was smirking as she pressed her fingers to Maura's lips. "So is that what we're in? A relationship?"
Maura flicked her eyes down towards Jane's fingers, a silent request for her to move them, and then she replied, "Yes. That is what all of this was about wasn't it? Working out the new perimeters, redefining our relationship from simply being best friends to being more."
"Yeah, it was." Jane agreed. Then her voice dropped to a whisper, "Maura, what if…"
"I don't like what ifs." Maura said quickly. She titled Jane's head up and held her face in her hands. "I love you Jane. Nothing's going to change that. I want more and I'm willing to do what I have to, to get it."
"I want more too." Jane admitted.
Maura smiled. "Good."
"So what next?" Jane asked softly.
She had to think a moment but then Maura said, "I think we should go out on a date."
"A date?" Jane said with a snort.
"Yes, a date." Maura said firmly.
Jane chuckled. "Ok, ok, we'll go on a date." Leaning in Jane pressed a soft kiss to Maura's lips. "I love you too."