((~OOC: Oh my, I'm sorry for not uploading... I've just been lazy to be honest. I actually planned to upload this weekend but my family was having a wedding and so I couldn't update... I promise you I have not quit on it! Thanks for the reviews and critiques 3

-Chibi))

-Chapter One-

It was two years later when my brother was sixteen and I was seven. Father was out of the house and Gilbert was supposed to watch me. I knew he would just invite his friends over and leave me on the couch. I was used to it at this point, and didn't care.

"Heyy Luddy~" a familiar voice slurred and I felt a arm sling itself around my neck. I smelt the alcohol on his breath and I screwed up my nose at the stench.

"Hi Francis." I muttered dully.

"Francis!" my brother called, standing on the stairs and staring down at the other teen impatiently. He had been wearing his hair down since the day he was bullied two years earlier. His fashion choices had gotten even darker and he even wore makeup. Father hated him. I almost did... But how could I? I loved my brother.

Francis rolled his eyes and released me, shoving his hands in his skin-tight pants pockets and following Gil up the stairs.

I glanced over my shoulder and scrambled off of the couch. I crept up the stairs and to the door of my brothers room and pressed an ear to the door.

"Yo. You finished yet Toni?" I made out my brothers voice.

"Almost." another voice, Antonio's, muttered. He was nicer than my brother or his other friends. He hung out with them though, so he must be bad.

I peered under the door, quiet as a mouse. I dared not breath as I shifted to get a good view of them.

They all sat in a circle. There was Francis, my brother, Antonio, and Ivan. I watched as they took a cigarette, each taking a smoke and passing it to the other. I scrunched up my nose, why would they share that?

"I need to pee." Gilbert sighed and stood to leave.

I gasped and scrambled away but it was too late. My brother stood over me, a sort of look of shock and betrayal played on his face. "You were spying on us..? You little shit..." he placed the toe of his shoe on my back, flattening me to the hardwood floor.

"Bruder... Bruder please, I'm sorry." I whimpered, cheek flat against the cold wood, eyes shut tight. I was afraid. I was afraid of what my brother had become and I was afraid what he would do to me now that he had become this.

"Come on Gil... He's a kid. Lay off him." Antonio sighed, pursing his lips.

Gilbert pressed down a bit harder, squeezing a tiny whimper from my lips. He huffed and rose his foot, shuffling down the hallway to the bathroom in a flourish.

Francis smirked at me as I stood shakily. "Hey Ludy. Come an' sit with us!" he called, waving his hand to beckon me.

I glanced cautiously at the others. Ivan pulled the cigarette from his lips and shrugged, holding it out to me. I bit my lip, staring at them for a minute before slowly making my way inside my brothers room. Ivan handed me the cigarette and I blinked at it, the smoke encircling me. "I don't smoke..." I murmured softly.

Francis laughed,"No kid, it's pot. It doesn't count. Makes you feel good."

Antonio furrowed his brow,"Hey... Don't. He's a little kid. He doesn't need this shit." he said sternly.

I jumped when I heard Gilbert's voice behind me. "What's going on here?" he asked, raising a brow as he stepped into the room. His eyes fell to me, and then to the weed. He gave a bitter chuckle. "You gonna do it?"

I opened my mouth to say something, glancing at Antonio who slowly shook his head.

"Pssh. How un-awesome of you both." he scoffed at Antonio and me,"You scared?" he taunted, staring at me intently, an evil look plastered on his face.

I was not ready to be shown up by my brother. "No." I stated defiantly and took a drag. Smoke filled my lungs and I dropped the joint, coughing violently as I tried to empty myself of the bile.

Francis, Ivan, and Gilbert laughed hysterically as I dropped to my knees, hacking as tears came to my eyes. Antonio stood and jogged downstairs. I could hear him running the tap while I choked. He rushed back up and knelt by my side, holding up a glass of water. I took it in my hands and pressed the edge of the cup to my lips, gulping the liquid down greedily.

Antonio pursed his lips, glaring at the three who were still chuckling and wiping tears from their eyes. He stood and shook his head. "You guys are horrible!" he shouted over their laughter.

"Toni... Dude," Gilbert began," What the hell is wrong with you?"

"What the hell is wrong with me? You just gave drugs to your seven. Year. Old. KID BROTHER." he glared at the trio in shame,"You should be asking yourself that." he sighed and shook his head,"I'm leaving. I'll talk to you again after you quit being stupid." he called behind him as he walked down the stairs.

"Shit." Ivan sighed,"He's my ride. Guess I gotta go... Later." he rushed down the stairs to meet his friend.

Francis rolled his eyes,"Laaame~" he sing-songed and turned to Gil and me. I looked up at the two from the floor, my throat still burning slightly. What had he become...? A monster. That was all I could think of at the moment.

Gilbert grabbed the back of my shirt and threw me out the door,"Get lost." he demanded and slammed the door in my face. I stood there for a minute, not daring to spy on what they were up to next, I simply retreated to my room.

I sat upon my bed, muffled noises and moans coming from my brother's room soon arose. I didn't know what the were doing, at the time, and frankly I didn't want to know.

I sat quietly on my bed, throat tingling while the smoke still lingered. I hated him. I hated what he had become... I hated his friends... And I hated that it wasn't the same anymore. I lay back on my bed, staring up at the ceiling and shut my eyes.

I awoke again around nine o'clock and rubbed my eyes sleepily. I had been out for a good hour, and I wasn't usually one to take naps. I shuffled out of my room, and saw my brother's door slightly ajar. He lay under the covers, naked, staring up at the ceiling. One of his hands was flopped over the edge of the bed holding a burning cigarette. I watched him for a minute. He didn't seem deep in thought, just kind of aimlessly staring. It was sickening, like he was mindless.

I started my way downstairs once his eyes had closed and he dozed off, making sure the cigarette had made its way into an ash tray. I saw France standing in the kitchen, clothed only in his boxers. I wrinkled my nose in disgust, pausing at the end of the staircase and hoping not to be seen.

I tried to sneak past him on my way to the living room, but was forced to stop when he called my name. I turned on my heel, standing at the edge of the room and cautiously staring from afar.

He smiled warmly and beckoned me over. He held a milk carton in his hand and he set it on the counter. It took me awhile to reach him, which was what I wanted. He ruffled my hair,"Hey there kid. Sorry 'bout earlier."

I said nothing, crossing my arms.

He lead me to the couch and I sat down in the farthest corner my body could squeeze into. He sat uncomfortably right beside me. We sat watching the TV for awhile before his hand was hung behind me on the back-board of the cough, fingertips lightly brushing my shoulder. I eyed him suspiciously from the corner of my eye,"What did you do with my brother?"

Francis chuckled, his fingers brushing my cheek now. I shied away from his touch, glaring at him now. "Eh... Made him feel good."

I rose an eyebrow,"Oh really? Cause you said the same thing about the stuff you gave me earlier."

Francis smiled down at me, his bright blue eyes locked with mine,"It was different this time. I made his body feel nice... Not his head." he leant over me, I could feel his breath on my face. "I could make you feel nice too.. I promise it won't hurt a bit." his hand had lifted up part of my shirt, running small circles on my bare belly.

I gave a small shudder clutching onto the teenagers hand and shoving it away from myself. "Don't. Touch. Me." I warned through clenched teeth. "Don't touch me or I'll scream and call my Dad. And Gilbert will know how bad you are and you won't come over anymore." I backed away from the couch, glaring at Francis.

The teenager's seductive gaze faltered and was replaced with a cold disdain. "Listen here you little shit," he growled, sitting up,"Gilbert doesn't give a fuck about you anymore, okay? He could care less. And your Dad? Like he's ever home. Don't try and act tough kid. It'll get you no where." he snapped, standing and marching back up to Gilberts room.

I stood there in shock, my bright blue eyes wide and my throat tight while my eyes stung. I stood alone in the living room until Francis emerged back down the stairs, muttering under his breath, before departing and slamming the door behind himself.

I stood there for a few minutes before slowly walked back up to my room. The smell of smoke still hung in the air by my brother's room and I crinkled my nose in disgust, walking through it to my own room and slamming the door.

I wasn't one to throw tantrums either. I was a quiet and obedient child who always talked out my problems or said nothing at all. Tonight though, I just couldn't contain myself. I grabbed a pillow from my bed and sunk to my knees, screaming as loud as I could into the silky fabric. I screamed and screamed until my throat burned as it did earlier.

I only stopped when I felt liquid pooling around my nose. I lifted my head from the pillow, touching my cheeks lightly to feel the lines of tears that streaked them. I never cried. I never cried over anything. I hadn't cried when our dogs had died, or my uncle, or even when I got hurt.

I sniffled, suddenly feeling embarrassed for myself I threw the pillow across the room. It made an unsatisfactory small "Pmff" against the wall. I lay back onto my bed and stared up at the light-up stars that covered the ceiling. My heart swelled at the memory...

"Hey Luddy! Look what I brought home!"

"Huh? What are those?"

"I got 'em from the book-fair! They're little light up stars you an stick on yer ceilin'!"

"Gee... Thanks bruder! But... Dad only let's you buy one thing that's not a book. I thought you were gonna get that poster."

"Awh... Well, 'at can wait. These were runnin' low.. Come on! Lessgo put 'em up!"

I sighed, curling into a ball and slowly shutting my eyes, and drifting off to sleep.