Unwanted or Improper
ImmortalFlick
Disclaimer: Harry Potter is not mine.
Warnings: Slash. SS/HP. SB/RL. Implied abuse. Language and intense bitterness (be prepared. I'm a sucker for angst).
Pairings: See above.
A/N: I wasn't sure about this chapter, but here it is. It may not have the same undertones of humor because the 'realization' taking place.
Thanks to:
barbarataku - Possibility? Possibilities are good. Hmm. I'm just that quick. Oh dear, more expectations. Well, I hope this chapter is up to par. Maybe better? Thanks to you too.
c[R]ud[E]dly - I loved the movie too, I finally bought the DVD the other day and watched it, which brought on some inspiration for that chapter. Sad? Aww. Hope this isn't angsty. I am always drawn to angst though.
Shea Loner - Good. Where I go? Where should I go? Forward? Well, forward I shall trudge and hope each chapter is as good as the last and much, much better. See ya! Thanks.
goldenpaw - Thank you. As I said: I'm going forward. You will have to wait and see, I'm trying to add new and interesting things but I'm crap at that. Hope this looks good to you. You're welcome.
Fuzzy-Bumpkins - Yes, my poor baby Harry. He does start to feel better... eventually *smiles evilly*.
Starr Light1 - Yep. Snape's not actually such a bloody bastard all the time. But, as I've pointed out, the bond does have an effect and also it becomes stronger once you're aware and slightly closer (they're living together now). Negative four! Oh you poor, poor thing! *smothers you with hugs and blankets* I would be an icicle! Where the hell does it get that cold? I'm glad it's summer! Very glad! I'm just New Zealand homegrown cattle (something like all our sheep - there are more of them then us! I guess we'd better be nice). Thanks for reviewing!
Iced Flame - I loved that line too, I can just imagine the look on poor Siri's face though! Good, you remember that line, 'cause I think I poured a little more angst into this chapter. Thanks!
Siv, the Elf - All the more motivation! Who are you calling a sick bastard? I happen to be a category seven sick bastard! Now that's real devotion! Nah, just being stupid. Thanks for reviewing!
TheSecretCharacter - Yep. Another one of my wonderful chapters! Slash is, of course, absolutely lovely. As with all fics, there are some wonderfully, perfectly good and some that are just so bad it makes your stomach turn. That's life. I'm glad I'm not in the stomach turning category! Here's the next chapter. Hope I didn't disappoint.
Alynna Lis Eachann - What's worse: so do I! I'm still trying to work out what to do with Siri! But I already know, so I'm confusing myself trying not to be typical. Not much he can do. Kill Harry? Neither can I, friend, neither can I.
Pilas - Why thank you very much. Please review again!
Awen - Actually? *snorts indignantly* (I'm just being self-conceited) Thanks! Here's the next part! Hope you enjoy it (I'm really worried about this chapter, I'd really like your feedback)
athenakitty - Snape's not happy at all. Harry didn't sleep much, if at all. Draco. Well, you'll see.
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Unwanted or Improper - Chapter 6
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Disillusionment - The freeing or deprivation of illusion.
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Revelation
by Robert Lee Frost
We make ourselves a place apart
Behind light words that tease and flout,
But oh, the agitated hear
Till someone really find us out.
'Tis pity if the case require
(Or so we say) that in the end
We speak the literal to inspire
The understanding of a friend.
But so with all, from babes that play
At hid-and-seek to God afar,
So all who hide too well away
Must speak and tell us where they are.
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Merlin! You'd think he'd be used to the pain. This wasn't summoning pain though. Strange. It was the pain he hadn't felt since the beginning of his ties as a Death Eater. It was Riddle's feelings themselves. At the beginning the man had been young and still slightly naive. He'd let his feelings, only extreme ones, immense happiness with something or utter fury. He's distracted. That meant it was big. Be it good or bad, it certainly wasn't going to be pleasant.
Snape sighed. The pain was gone. Should he tell Dumbledore? No, tomorrow, today had been exhausting. He'd made sure Potter was not going to be tumbling in at midnight. Malfoy had been making some rather... rude comments. Snape did not approve, but Riddle nor anyone else was going to be convinced he was a Death Eater if he began taking points from his own house, the prince of his own house, for insulting Harry Potter.
Harry Potter. The Boy-who-lived. Harry Potter. He hated hearing Harry Potter. It reminded him that the boy wasn't his father but a different person altogether. Harry. Harry. Ha- no, Potter. Just Potter. Oh Merlin, Severus, you need to get yourself together if you don't want to be dead by this time next year! Denial isn't going to get you anywhere, he told himself, as if trying to convince himself that this whole bond wasn't completely immoral. Completely immoral. Bed. Snape decided sleeping would be the best thing for him right now. He'd think about the issue in the morning.
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"You have a week to consummate your relationship!"
That was definitely not what the two had expected to hear while arguing over Harry having broken one of the pots in Snape's chambers. An antique. A family heirloom.
A ruffled Albus Dumbledore stood in the door way.
The two just stared at him.
"We don't even have a relationship!" Harry protested after coming out of his frozen state.
"Exactly!" Snape agreed, surprisingly enough, it didn't even register that he was agreeing with someone he hated.
"Lucius defected."
This time it was in unison. "What!"
Snape stared, shocked. "Did you use the truth potion?"
"One you brewed yourself."
"Why?"
"His son. The school."
"Why a week?" Harry asked, he was so confused.
"Riddle is going to attack the school in two months. He has found a way."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes."
"Can't you correct it?"
"No. He has found a way through, I am sure of that, I am also sure there are no weaknesses in the wards."
"And?"
"So, he must have found another way, a way I don't know, therefore cannot correct."
"Shit."
"Language, Severus." Snape glared at Harry, daring him to use the name.
"A week?" He asked, still stunned.
"I am truly sorry."
"We haven't even got anything even remotely imitating a relationship!"
"You have a week."
"So this *is* to use against him!" Harry exclaimed.
"You can't defeat him alone, Harry, and I certainly can't expect you to."
"But why Snape?!" Snape couldn't help him, he'd rather kill him.
"I'm not sure you understand, Harry, the bond was already there, I had seen it. I had also seen the advantages in it. I would still have told you if Riddle was not there. I don't fancy having two dead bodies on my hands." Albus was deadpan.
"You said he's not going to attack for two months though, why don't we have that long?"
"The bond need time. You need to learn how to use it."
"But -"
"Look," Albus cut him off. "I would have you consummate it tonight if I thought it possible. Powers the books have never even contemplated are brought out. However, it would be cruel to demand it tonight. I suggest you, Harry, disillusion Severus of some of his notions of you, and you, Severus, should do the same. And for Merlin's sake, being on a first name basis is a start! You both have the day off." The old man left, effectively ending the conversation.
As soon as the door closed Snape ran, shouting something, he grasped the door knob and turned it frantically.. "Damn you, Albus, you have no right to do this!" There was no answer.
"Did he lock it?"
"Yes."
"Ron and Hermione will be so worried." Harry moaned dragging his fingers through his hair, messing it up further.
"They'll probably think I've murdered you in your sleep."
"Ron will."
"Weasley?"
"He told me not to get you mad."
"He's right." Snape half-growled.
"Whatever."
Snape fumed. He almost could kill the irritating brat.
There was over an hour of complete, utter silence before a small voice spoke up.
"I don't want to die." Harry almost didn't recognize himself speaking. Snape didn't either.
"Do you think I want to?" He wasn't going to be pleasant just because he had to fuck the child. Snape almost groaned. I do not have to do this. He said to himself. But one look at the trembling Harry changed his mind. Sacrificing a life for his own conscience was worse than what he'd have to do to save one. But still. Potter?
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Harry didn't mean to show weakness to the bastard across the room but he didn't. He really didn't. Sure, he never was sure if he was going to live past Voldemort but he didn't want to die just because he couldn't - wouldn't - have sex with his professor.
Yeah, he was gay. He didn't even want to think about how Dumbledore knew that. He'd had his fair share of crushes after Cho. Seamus. Justin. Terry. Fred. Ernie. Remus Lupin. Lee. Oliver. Even Malfoy. Okay, he was a horny bastard, so what?
The problem was, he'd never actually been in a relationship before, with a male or female. That also meant he was 100% virgin. Harry Potter had never actually kissed anyone. Now he had a week to become educated.
And he had to tell Sirius and Remus before he actually did it with Snape. Wait. No! He was talking like it was absolutely going to happen. It wasn't! He wasn't going to lose his virginity to Snape! Oh, bloody hell, Harry, what are you going to do? Go out and have sex with some stranger now? He reprimanded himself. He supposed he could always go and talk to Seamus... no, he wouldn't do that to himself! Even if Seamus was sexy as hell.
Siri and Remus didn't even know he liked guys. That was going to be a mess. Now he just had to deal with being locked in a room with Snape for a day. There were some mornings when it wasn't worth getting up.
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"Potter."
"What?"
"It's been seven hours."
"So what?"
"Don't talk to me like that!" He'd take points but that wouldn't get him much of anywhere at that moment.
Harry didn't say anything.
"Talk." Snape demanded.
"About what?"
"Fine." Snape decided he was tired of this and he had no doubt that Albus was going to lock them in here again tomorrow if they hadn't done something.
"I was born in London. Outside of London actually, in the country. I lived in a manor, larger than Malfoy manor, not that you would've seen it." Harry glared at the not so subtle insult.
"The Snapes were a well known wizarding family, powerful, supporters of Voldemort as you probably know.
"My father wasn't a nice man. My mother was... less than pleasant. I was an only child. Fascinated with Dark Arts." Harry snorted. "There was little controversy over what I would do with my future. I was excellent with potions, as I would have to be to become a Master. There was no doubt I would join the Death Eaters. There was a time when I didn't want to but that was quickly diminished after feeling what my father did when someone disobeyed him. I'm not claiming I was forced to become a Death Eater, but had my father not... there is no point in dwelling on that." Snape fell into an uncomfortable silence. "I have done my part." He finally said. "You do yours."
Harry didn't want to say anything about himself. "First, tell me why you began spying."
"Because the Headmaster requested it." Snape said shortly. "Ten points off Gryffindor." Prying child.
"Sensitive subject then?"
He glared at the boy. "I couldn't stand the fact that I had killed someone who was so innocent."
"How old?"
"Five at most."
"You?"
"Eighteen."
"Hmm."
"Hmm, indeed." Snape muttered.
It wasn't until half an hour later that Harry broke the silence. "I spent the first 10 years of my life in a cupboard. I lived with a family that hated me and did very little to hide it. I cooked for them. I cleaned for them. I didn't know how my parents had died, they had told me some bull story about a car crash. My cousin used to beat me up. I didn't have any friends until I met Hagrid. Then the Weasleys. Then Hermione. I hate not being able to live with Sirius and I don't like being called the Boy-who-lived. I despise the Daily Prophet.
"I hate being pitied and am jealous of Ron. My godfather doesn't know I'm gay. I've never been in a relationship in my life. I'm terrified of Voldemort. I wish the world didn't expect me to save them."
There was a silence as Harry wondered if he should've said as much as he did. Once he'd begun, it was like he needed to say it. Bugger it, if something like this was to happen he'd wished it was one of his friends. Snape now had enough blackmail material to last further than forever. His fears melted into confusion when Snape finally spoke, though not in disgust or loathing.
It was something akin to humor. "You'll have no trouble with Black. Nor his partner, Lupin." Snape smirked. "I should take points off for stupidity." He added dryly.
"Partner?" Harry didn't understand.
"Bed partner. Love partner. Fuck partner?"
"They're...?" Harry trailed off in realization.
"Yes, they're together."
"Oh."
"Why didn't they tell me?" He felt slightly hurt.
"Oh come on." Snape just looked at him before seeing he really had no idea. "He's your godfather. You're his godson. You're Harry Potter. He's probably more afraid you'd hate him than you fear he'd reject you."
"I'm not afraid he'd reject me!"
"You're afraid he wouldn't want to be your godfather any longer, that he'd believe you a disgrace to your father, that he'd look at you in disgust. Admit it!" Snape felt like a child saying that but honestly!
"So what if I am?"
"Exactly! So what if you are? Go tell him that. The mutt would probably drop down on his knees and beg your forgiveness."
"Don't call him that!"
"Five points from Gryffindor. You have no right to tell me what I can and cannot call him, especially when it only flows one way."
"What, so you'd rather I defend you?" Harry snorted in disbelief.
"No, Potter, despite what you may think of me. I'd rather you not be contrary."
"Who are you calling contrary? You're the one who all of a suddenly isn't so bad!" Oh shit! He hadn't meant to say that. Fuck.
"Isn't so bad?" Now Severus was totally confused. He was being his usual cruel and unpleasant bastard and suddenly he wasn't so bad?
"Considering how you usually are, being a nasty bastard isn't so bad." That would fix it. Maybe.
"Ten points off Gryffindor."
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Damn. He couldn't imagine how many points he would lose for Gryffindor while living with Snape. The pot had cost him forty. That had practically called for haggling. Snape was going for a hundred. Harry would've prefered none, but there was nothing to be done for it. Sure, Snape had repaired it, but he still went on about it afterwards.
He rubbed his hand. It was still bleeding. One of the shards had caught him. Bloody sharp. Harry had thought about getting up but Snape hadn't moved. He wouldn't move until the Potions Master moved. It showed him as weaker.
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So the boy isn't quite as much of a spoilt brat as he'd thought? So what? Everyone had their own burdens to bear. It was a shame Potter seemed so set on handling it himself. That would probably have something to do with Diggory. Everybody bears their invisible scars too. Some better than others.
Potter still hadn't moved. Severus was almost dying of restlessness. There was nothing he hated more than sitting still. But it was a matter of weakness. He didn't want to be the one who moved first.
The brat's bleeding. What am I supposed to do? Go over and kiss it better? Oh, don't be such a bastard Severus! He yelled at himself. He had to stop speaking to himself. It wasn't healthy.
"Do you want me to fix that?" He settled with. Potter didn't answer. Fine. Snape stood up and opened a cupboard in the corner. Damn. He'd moved. Ah, well, it had to happen sometime. Still. A loss. To him. Now where was it? There.
He stalked over to the boy. Potter looked up at him, a hint of fear in his eyes. What did he think he was going to do? Kill him. I probably should, he thought to himself, the child attracted trouble.
Snape just grabbed his hand. Trying to be angry but not too rough, he wiped the disinfectant over the cut. It looked deep. He heard the short hiss of pain from the boy but ignored it, pride meant something.
He murmured a small healing charm. That should do it. He stood, sharply and returned to the chair nearby, scowling fiercely. What had possessed him to do anything? He should've just let Potter bleed. Once again, something had stopped him from doing nothing. What he normally would've done. Well, nothing and some nice derogatory and cutting comment. He did have reputation.
"Oh, and Potter?"
"What?" He snapped. Potter's temper was reaching the end of it's tether. Snape knew the boy hadn't any sleep last night. He could hear him tossing.
"I'm afraid-" He didn't want to say it. He didn't. But Albus... "you'll have to call me..." He couldn't say it. He wouldn't. "Severus." He gritted his teeth together and said it. That was harder than it should have been.
Potter seemed to have a small heart attack. It wasn't until another minute or so when he finally shut his mouth and spoke. "Well... Severus," The boy was baiting him. "You'll have to call me H-Harry." He stuttered! He stuttered! Snape's mind crowed. Potter was having as much trouble as him!
"Fine." That was done. They'd done what Albus had asked. He'd better be damn well happy.
Snape didn't anticipate a great night tonight. He had to talk to Lucius tomorrow. The man wasn't too infuriating, no more than Potter. Why hadn't he been informed?
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He'd just given the man permission to call him Harry! What was he thinking? Then again. As Snape... Severus - it sounded strange - had said: the Headmaster wouldn't let them free unless they'd followed his instructions. The old man could be quite a bastard sometimes. Harry immediately felt bad about saying it.
How he wished this wasn't happening. But, he supposed, there were worse fates than Snape. Like Voldemort. At least Snape was sexy. Oh Merlin! He did not just think that! Denial is the way to go. It never happened. Harry tried not to think at all, it seemed he was calmer that way.
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End Chapter 6
Lucy is on the good side! I'll delve into that later. Also, the use of first names will be discovered in the next chapter. Hope this didn't um, screw everything up. I know the poem may sound weird but I found it strangely fitting. Hope this chapter was good. Not too short (stuff that! Look at this bloody chapter!). Too long. Whatever. Feedback? Review, please?