Title: Promises to Keep

By: Cheddar the Cheese

Chapter Six: Better As A Memory

Summery: A single moment can mean nothing or everything. Bella finds a way to live after a part of her dies.

Disclaimer: I do not own anything you recognize from Stephanie Meyer's Twilight series. I do own the plot and any original characters that may pop up.

Note: This chapter dedicated to Muggle 1983 for making me laugh!

I struggle sometimes to find the words
always sure until I doubt
walk a line until it blurs
build walls too high to climb out
but I'm honest to a fault, it's just who I am
I'm better as a memory…
I see you leanin', you're bound to fall
I don't wanna be that mistake
I'm just a dreamer, n' nothing more
you should know it before it gets too late
cause goodbyes are like a roulette wheel
you never know where they're gonna land
first you're spinning, then you're standing still
left holding a losin' hand
one day you're gonna find someone
right away, you'll know it's true
that all of your seeking is done
Its just a part of the passing through
right there in that moment
you'll finally understand
that I was better as a memory…

-Better as a Memory by Kenny Chesney.

I didn't call Alice. It was everything I could do not to get in my truck and leave Texas altogether.

Instead, I called Ian. We talked for four hours about everything and nothing. It was just what I needed to get my head around thing. By the time I hung up, my ear hurt and I was ready to face whatever fate had in store for me this time.

In the morning, it was raining so hard that for a moment I thought I was back in Forks. I burrowed deeper under my blankets but sleep wouldn't come back. I had gotten up every morning at the same time for so long that my body refused to go back to sleep.

I got up and looked out the window. There was no way I was going to the beach today. I didn't even really want to go to work in the afternoon but I did. It wasn't like we were busy. No one wanted to face the rain.

The next few days followed the same pattern. I felt I was stuck in a place of waiting- I didn't see Alice, Jasper, or the mysterious vampire again in those days. I simply waited for the other shoe to drop.

But it didn't come.

I began to think I dreamed it all- that whole twenty-four hours. As the days passed, it slipped further and further fron my mind until I only thought of it occasionally as I lay down to sleep at night. Even then, it didn't last long.

Every day I talked to Ian and every day I felt the walls around my heart crumbling a little more. There was something about him that made butterflies jump to life in my stomach. I had never felt this way- even about Edward.

That was what had me confused. Wasn't I supposed to be depressed or terrified? Sure I missed Jacob, but I knew in my heart that he would want this for me- for me to be happy. And I was. I was happy with Ian- he was someone I never felt I had to lie to. And the terror that I knew I should be feeling just wasn't overtaking me. My red-eyed visitor and Alice's cryptic comments only left me annoyed. Edward was willing to let me live my life and be human, why couldn't everyone else?

By the time that Thanksgiving came around, I had nearly forgotten that any of it had happened. I was so happy being with Ian and Emily that I didn't have time to worry about what may be happening. As the days passed and nothing big and scary showed up to kill me, I began to think that I had all been something that Alice had made up. It was another game for the immortals.

"Are you ready?" Ian asked as I climbed into his car.

"I'm a little nervous," I admitted.

He laughed. "Don't worry; everyone is going to love you. It's only dinner."

"Yeah, Thanksgiving dinner with my boyfriend's family. No sweat."

Ian laughed. I liked it when he did that. It was so carefree and honest that I felt like laughing along with him. "It won't be that bad. My mother already thinks you're wonderful and my dad likes everyone so you have nothing to worry about."

"So what about everyone else?" I said trying not to giggle at his smile.

"You mean my brothers?" I nodded. His grin got wider if that was possible. "I can beat them up. It's not a problem."

I rolled my eyes. "You know what I mean."

"I do. I'm just giving you a hard time. You're going to have to get over this thing you have."

"What thing is that?" I asked somewhat coldly.

"That thing you do where you think you aren't worthy of respect. You can't understand why people like you."

I was silent for a moment. I didn't know how to respond that that. I hadn't even realized that it was a problem. I just thought it was amazing how I had been so lucky to meet first Edward, and then Ian. And Jacob. I missed him less and less as the days went by but there wasn't a day that went by that I didn't thank whatever gods were listening that I'd had him as a friend-even if only for a little while.

"I just don't understand how I got so lucky," I murmured.

"You think you're lucky? Imagine how I felt!" He laughed. "There was this girl on the beach and she looked like the world had kicked her hard and I took a chance and said hello. God! When she smiled, I thought the world was made of magic for a minute. Do you know what I would give if I could make you smile all the time?"

Every word was said with such honest and open truth that I sat there, slightly shocked for a moment.

I missed smiling. I realized then that since Edward had left, almost every time I had smiled, it was because of the man sitting next to me. That thought alone made me smile. Ian smiled back.

"That's the smile I mean," He said as he took my hand. We were off to Huston.

His family was big. They filled the big house until I felt like it was as small as Charlie's house. It was the most amazing feeling of home I had ever experienced.

Ian's brothers- all five of them- spent of the day in front of the TV playing video games. The youngest, a sweet faced boy of nine who looked just like I imagined Ian to look at that age- came over to sit next to me on the couch.

"Are you gonna marry my brother?" he asked me in a very serious tone.

"What?" I stuttered blushing.

"You heard me," he said very sincerely as he rolled his eyes. Ian had overheard the question it seemed for he was watching my face with a wide grin. "Are you going to marry Ian?"

The rest of the boys heard Jack's earnest question this time and turned to stare.

"Dude," one of them muttered. "I ain't wearin' a tux. No way." It was the perfect thing to break the tension.

"No, I'm not," I managed. I knew I was as red as Jack's sweater but I didn't care. The boys began to tease their oldest brother who took it with a good natured humor for about ten minutes before he tackled the brother nearest to him. In a flash it looked like a snake pit full of angry rattle snakes that I had seen once in a fair in Arizona.

Ian's mother came in at that moment. She was a tiny woman with a huge heart and an iron fist. She put two fingers in her mouth and whistled. The room became instantly still as the boys all froze and turned to look expectantly at their mother. She turned to me.

"I'm sorry, Bella. Sometimes I wonder if I shouldn't have drowned a few of them at birth," she said with a fond smile.

"It's ok, Mrs. Sharpe. Really."

"Jack asked if she was gonna marry Ian," someone piped up.

Mrs. Sharpe's face was shocked for a moment as she tried to take a covert look at my left hand. Seeing it was bare, she grinned. "Well, it's time for dinner. Go get cleaned up and get back down here."

In a moment, all six of the Sharpe brothers were racing and shoving their way up the stairs. "Bella," said Mrs. Sharpe. "You can use my bathroom. It's through there," she said pointing to the back of the house.

"Thanks," I said as I slipped into the quiet space to wash up for dinner.

Dinner was a loud affair with everyone talking and laughing. It was easy to see where Ian got his easy laugh from. His bright eyes came from his mother and his laid-back ease came from his father. His brothers were all as different as you could imagine but they were all unfailing polite when they had to be and each one knew that no matter what, he always had a place to come home to. It was the most loving and rambunctious family I'd ever seen.

After dinner, Ian and I decided to go for a walk. It was cool out but it wasn't as cold as I knew it would be in Forks this time of year. We walked down the street hand-in-hand. A few other couples were out walking in the green twilight.

I led me through the light mist that had begun to fall. His hair was pulling into tight curls and I knew my own hair must look a mess. But I didn't care. A part of my mind was still on Jack's innocent face sitting next to me on the couch.

We wandered into a small park and found a relatively dry bench. I was comfortable to just sit there with him and watch the mist falling, but Ian had other plans.

He kissed me softly and began to kiss along my jaw line. I took his hand clasped in mine, and brought it to my mouth to kiss it softly. "Bella," he whispered in my ear. "Bella, I… I think I'm falling in love with you."

I froze. The words rang in my head like a church bell gone off right next to me. Love…

"Ian, I-"

But he didn't let me finish. "I know you don't feel the same way, but, Bella, I couldn't not tell you. You're all I think about. I dream about you- about the way you smile and the way you looked that first day on the beach. Bella, I love everything about you- I even love that you aren't ready yet."

I felt the tears burning tracks down my face. "I don't want to lose you," I whispered. "But I'm not ready for this. It's too much… It's too fast."

"You aren't going to lose me. I'm not going anywhere until you tell me to. We can take it as slowly as you want to. I just want to be there for you. I want to see you when you remember what it means to be alive again. Bella, every day I'm with you, I see you rediscovering your life and that is the most incredible thing in the world to me."

I couldn't find the words to reply. "I'm sorry," I said.

"Don't apologize. When you're ready, you'll know. It will be worth it in the end. We've got forever, Bella."

"Forever?" I asked. "No one has forever." Not us at least. Edward had forever.

"We don't need forever, Bella. We've got tomorrow. And tomorrow's tomorrow. What else do we need?"

I buried my head in his shoulder as I cried. What else do we need? What if I do need forever?

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