So far: Hermione's gotten over her prejudice (with the help of the elusive Draco Malfoy), Ron is acting mature (for once!), Lucius Malfoy has swapped sides, Severus and Harry have until Sunday evening (evening assumed) to go at it. Harry has been excused from class, so he's not been in class for the past week. He will begin back on Monday. Harry and Sev have been in the same bed twice (once drunk, does anyone want to hear what happened then?).
UN-BETA'D as of yet.
Unwanted or Improper - Chapter 13
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Constancy - Steadfastness, as in purpose or affection; faithfulness. Changelessness.
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Harry had never before woken up with someone else in his bed. Even when he and Snape had somehow passed out in this very room, Harry had missed out on the opportunity to open his eyes and feel the weight of another body next to his. He decided he liked it. The lines on Severus' face did not make him look old. Weary and jaded, maybe, but not old. Watching the man sleeping almost made him forget the spy could be so cruel. Almost. Harry knew he was in bed with a man who had murdered in numbers unimaginable to him. Somehow it didn't bother him as much as it would of if he had not been so comfortably pressed against the professor's hips, grateful he could not feel a bulge and slightly disappointed all the same.
Harry heard the slow breathing change and tucked his head into the other's shoulder. He wanted to do it before Severus changed his mind about this whole thing. As he evened his breath he felt the man wake, moving slightly. There was a moment when Harry was sure Severus would push his burden off but there was only silence. Then still. A warm feeling settled over him.
"No nightmares, I trust?" The near inaudible whisper caught him unawares. It didn't sound uncertain, or uncomfortable, very Snape still. But that was okay, Harry was beginning to think he liked Snape being Snape-like. He was still coming to terms with it.
"Slept like a log." He replied, a smile creeping onto his face as he realized it was the truth.
"Then that is settled." Harry did not inquire as to what was settled, he just basked in the rare warmth and wondered if was accepting his fate too docilely.
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"So there's nothing wrong?"
"That's the point. I woke up next to him and NOTHING was wrong. That's not normal for me, Hermione, it's not normal!"
Hermione smiled at him in a smug, infuriating manner. "Well you're bonded to him, right? In a moment where you might have panicked, his closeness suffocated the anxiety."
"He smiled at me before I came to see you!"
"Professor Snape smiled?" Harry thought he might have side-tracked Hermione's argument for a second, she sounded genuinely surprised, but he was mistaken. "That would've been because of you, you're a good influence, Harry!"
Harry stared at her. "I don't think you understand," He began slowly. "This morning was like a dream. No arguments. No nasty comments. No sneer. It wasn't normal!"
"Like you said, since when is anything normal with you? Besides, it's probably just the euphoria due to the bond."
"What?" Harry hadn't a clue what she was talking about and it showed on his face.
"Have you even read a book about bonding, Harry?" Hermione's disbelieving tone made him worry.
"I skimmed one!" Harry defended himself. There was that book. Soulmates- something or another.
She sighed. "This is important, Harry. There must be so much stuff you're not prepared for."
"It's not a test, you know."
"It is Snape." She warned him.
Harry had been surprised to see how easily Hermione was coming to terms with the whole thing. It had been backwards from the beginning, of course, with Ron instantly accepting and Hermione radiating hate. It was unexpected and Harry hated the unexpected.
Harry had yet to have a proper introduction with Malfoy, the Slytherin had apparently been the applying force behind Hermione's shift of thinking. Hermione kept asking and Harry kept refusing. He wasn't ready, he told her. He wasn't sure he wouldn't fight, he said. But Harry wasn't telling the whole truth. In all honesty he was afraid. He was terrified. His life had gone totally haywire just a few days after the beginning of school. He'd been excused from classes for over a week, something Hermione fretted about. The Dursleys were six feet under. He'd been sleeping in the same bed as his most hated professor. He was going to lose his virginity in three days. If Malfoy couldn't stay the same then all constancy was gone.
Harry admitted that was a little silly but couldn't stop the terror all the same.
"So, Draco says he wouldn't mind if you joined us in Hogsmeade..." The hopeful and suggestive tone made Harry cringe.
'Us'? Since when had Ron, Hermione and Draco become an 'us'?
Harry knew he was being absurd. But an 'us'? What was he now?
He was Snape's. The thought made Harry start in surprise. It was what his life was evolving about. No classes, no quidditch practice (Harry had missed three, much to the distaste of Ron, who made Captain), no distractions. Again, he was pulled back into his issue of constancy. It annoyed him.
"Snape... and I... are spending the weekend together." Harry regretted the sentence as soon as it escaped his mouth.
The only good thing that came out of it was the delight on Hermione's face. "Really? That's great!"
It wasn't such a good thing, it turned out, because Harry felt dreadful for lying to her.
"Before... you know... I'm back to school."
The subject of school distracted her, as expected. "Have you finished your essays?"
He nodded, relieved she didn't want to discuss the weekend. He realized what he'd just answered and shook his head in the negative. "Sorry, no, I haven't had time."
For the first time, in light of reporting undone homework, the disapproval in Hermione's eyes was only mild.
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Friday evening found Harry sitting in the comfortable armchair opposite the fire, a position he'd been occupying often as of late. He closed his eyes. Three days. Sunday. Two, really. A panic struck him as he realized he had two nights.
"Mr. Potter," The terse tone made Harry turn quickly. Severus was standing behind him. "There will be no repeats of last night." The words hit Harry like a club to the chest. He stared as the dark eyes of his bond-mate flashed. The man retreated to his private potions lab and shut the door, the sharp echoing of the wood expressing what words could not.
It took a few seconds for the stunned Harry to find his tongue. "Except when you fuck me, you mean?!"
"Language, Potter!"
Harry almost exploded. The man was reproaching him for that, when he was being so unreasonable! "I'm serious! What do you want from me, Snape?!"
Severus re-emerged looking ruffled.
"Potter, understand, I did not ask for any of this!"
Harry shook his head uncomprehendingly. "Do you think I did? If you don't want me, fine, but I'm not going to die because of it!"
That seemed to calm the other man down. The tall Potions Master looked so lost and the foreign expression made him almost unrecognizable.
"Understandable." Snape nodded once. "Do not believe I do not... want... you. You are... attractive... but you are sixteen and my student. It is morally wrong. I certainly do not like you as a person, I will not deny that, but that will come in time if we are in luck."
"We only have the rest of your life." Harry smiled weakly. "Or would it be mine, considering... ?" He asked as an afterthought.
"I would hope it is mine." Harry did too. It was yet another thing bothering him. He'd accepted that his life would be shortened because of the bond, but would he die when he faced Voldemort? Now that someone else's life was handcuffed to him, he really wished Voldemort didn't exist at all, that he and Snape could've got on under different circumstances.
"The Ministry will have kittens over this." Snape remarked quietly.
"It will be all over the Daily Prophet and Witch Weekly!" Harry groaned.
"I will receive howlers."
"By Monday breakfast the entire Wizarding world will know." Harry had always been in awe of how fast news spread Hogwarts, reporters would be fully informed within hours of the announcement Dumbledore had offered to make (It had actually been more Dumbledore politely -informing- them of the announcement).
It would effectively end Snape's spying, thankfully Malfoy would step into that place, Harry wondered if Malfoy Junior had a clue.
"It will allow us to end our exile, dine in the Great Hall." Severus pointed out. They'd been nearly totally confined to Snape's rooms until after they'd finished bonding.
"More like brief appearances, driven away by the stares and whispers."
"Shooed away from our meals by gossips, I think not, Potter. If it comes to that we will give them something to gossip about until their tongues shrivel."
"The look on Malfoy's face." Harry smirked.
"Minerva's would be much more entertaining, I should think."
They both laughed at the thought. Laughing appeared to change the professor immensely. Made him look more relaxed, pleasant and younger. Harry liked the change but knew it wasn't in the man's nature to laugh often. Though he had learned sarcasm could extract such a response.
An sorrowful look broke the previously joyful mood on Snape's face. It wasn't fleeting like the other short moments Harry had seen such an expression from Snape.
"What happened to Severus and Harry?" He asked. "We cannot even bring ourselves to name each other properly and I am to bed you in two days."
"We're not really trying that hard, are we?"
"It confuses our images of one another, creating mixed emotions, which neither of us are dealing very well with." Snape looked uncomfortable admitting it. "If we must mull over every single interaction that would formerly be unusual then we would be mulling for an eternity more."
"Ron reminds me of you lately." Harry suddenly said.
Harry could tell he did not find the idea pleasant. "Maybe Mr. Weasley is finally growing up."
Harry found those few words quite accurate. It was a pretty decent explanation for Ron. "I just want to know why." Harry sighed. "I'm worried."
"No doubt he is also worried for you. Perhaps you should discuss this with him"
Harry nodded. Severus was right. He should bring this up with Ron.
Harry fiddled with the edge of the chair. He yawned. It was getting late. "Can I... well, I mean to say..." Harry stumbled over the question.
"Yes."
"Thank you." He replied, relieved. He wasn't even sure why he asked.
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"Kill the spare."
Harry lifted his wand. "Avada Kedavra."
"Murderer," Hissed his mother, his own green eyes sparking at him.
"Filth," James Potter glared at him accusingly.
Cho's wailing pierced his mind. Anguish.
His parents morphed into Ron and Hermione.
"You killed us, Harry." They mournfully gazed at him. "You've killed us all."
"It's your fault, Harry, you didn't save us." The people from his visions closed around him.
"Why did you kill us, Harry?"
"Why, Harry?"
"Harry."
"Harry!"
Harry sat straight up, panting. He looked around wildly and groped for his glasses.
They were placed in his clammy hands.
"It was a nightmare," A soft voice reassured him. "Nothing more."
"I know," Harry murmured. "I know."
Still breathing heavily, he lay back down.
"Do you usually become dangerously cold while having nightmares?" Snape's voice in the dark came from beside him.
"I don't know." He answered, rolling to face the voice.
Harry didn't want to close his eyes.
An arm slipped over his shoulders and pulled him close.
Harry tensed.
Severus didn't say anything.
Harry began to relax.
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End of Chapter 13
Thanks to: SidheLady (I haven't been licked by a reviewer before... :D)
Infinite13, potts, Andie (oops), reviewer of summaries, Sandalino Silvio Leif, Every Now And Then, sparkin, Jimaine, Dius Corvus, Amanda Saitou, Tazthedevilman, Clara Clog, The-Magnificent-Fuzzy (I'll think about it), peacockgal17 (it'll come, I promise, it'll just take a while), oOWeasleyWizardWheezesOo, Teldra, Potrickterman, Yuuki Miyahara, DaughterofDeath, Elven Warrior1, Alynna Lis Eachann, Blah, ataraxis, NatalieJ, Arch-Nemesis, wintermoon2, The Little Swimmy Dudette, americanpie, Kateri1, Pilas, shiroiryu144, C.M Aeris Queen of Insanity, Beautiful Tenshi, HecateDeMort (sure, I'll start), TheSecretCharacter, Shick, Awen, im-a-daydream-believer, athenakitty, daredcrescent and Lady Lightning.
UN-BETA'D as of yet.
Unwanted or Improper - Chapter 13
0-0
Constancy - Steadfastness, as in purpose or affection; faithfulness. Changelessness.
0-0
Harry had never before woken up with someone else in his bed. Even when he and Snape had somehow passed out in this very room, Harry had missed out on the opportunity to open his eyes and feel the weight of another body next to his. He decided he liked it. The lines on Severus' face did not make him look old. Weary and jaded, maybe, but not old. Watching the man sleeping almost made him forget the spy could be so cruel. Almost. Harry knew he was in bed with a man who had murdered in numbers unimaginable to him. Somehow it didn't bother him as much as it would of if he had not been so comfortably pressed against the professor's hips, grateful he could not feel a bulge and slightly disappointed all the same.
Harry heard the slow breathing change and tucked his head into the other's shoulder. He wanted to do it before Severus changed his mind about this whole thing. As he evened his breath he felt the man wake, moving slightly. There was a moment when Harry was sure Severus would push his burden off but there was only silence. Then still. A warm feeling settled over him.
"No nightmares, I trust?" The near inaudible whisper caught him unawares. It didn't sound uncertain, or uncomfortable, very Snape still. But that was okay, Harry was beginning to think he liked Snape being Snape-like. He was still coming to terms with it.
"Slept like a log." He replied, a smile creeping onto his face as he realized it was the truth.
"Then that is settled." Harry did not inquire as to what was settled, he just basked in the rare warmth and wondered if was accepting his fate too docilely.
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"So there's nothing wrong?"
"That's the point. I woke up next to him and NOTHING was wrong. That's not normal for me, Hermione, it's not normal!"
Hermione smiled at him in a smug, infuriating manner. "Well you're bonded to him, right? In a moment where you might have panicked, his closeness suffocated the anxiety."
"He smiled at me before I came to see you!"
"Professor Snape smiled?" Harry thought he might have side-tracked Hermione's argument for a second, she sounded genuinely surprised, but he was mistaken. "That would've been because of you, you're a good influence, Harry!"
Harry stared at her. "I don't think you understand," He began slowly. "This morning was like a dream. No arguments. No nasty comments. No sneer. It wasn't normal!"
"Like you said, since when is anything normal with you? Besides, it's probably just the euphoria due to the bond."
"What?" Harry hadn't a clue what she was talking about and it showed on his face.
"Have you even read a book about bonding, Harry?" Hermione's disbelieving tone made him worry.
"I skimmed one!" Harry defended himself. There was that book. Soulmates- something or another.
She sighed. "This is important, Harry. There must be so much stuff you're not prepared for."
"It's not a test, you know."
"It is Snape." She warned him.
Harry had been surprised to see how easily Hermione was coming to terms with the whole thing. It had been backwards from the beginning, of course, with Ron instantly accepting and Hermione radiating hate. It was unexpected and Harry hated the unexpected.
Harry had yet to have a proper introduction with Malfoy, the Slytherin had apparently been the applying force behind Hermione's shift of thinking. Hermione kept asking and Harry kept refusing. He wasn't ready, he told her. He wasn't sure he wouldn't fight, he said. But Harry wasn't telling the whole truth. In all honesty he was afraid. He was terrified. His life had gone totally haywire just a few days after the beginning of school. He'd been excused from classes for over a week, something Hermione fretted about. The Dursleys were six feet under. He'd been sleeping in the same bed as his most hated professor. He was going to lose his virginity in three days. If Malfoy couldn't stay the same then all constancy was gone.
Harry admitted that was a little silly but couldn't stop the terror all the same.
"So, Draco says he wouldn't mind if you joined us in Hogsmeade..." The hopeful and suggestive tone made Harry cringe.
'Us'? Since when had Ron, Hermione and Draco become an 'us'?
Harry knew he was being absurd. But an 'us'? What was he now?
He was Snape's. The thought made Harry start in surprise. It was what his life was evolving about. No classes, no quidditch practice (Harry had missed three, much to the distaste of Ron, who made Captain), no distractions. Again, he was pulled back into his issue of constancy. It annoyed him.
"Snape... and I... are spending the weekend together." Harry regretted the sentence as soon as it escaped his mouth.
The only good thing that came out of it was the delight on Hermione's face. "Really? That's great!"
It wasn't such a good thing, it turned out, because Harry felt dreadful for lying to her.
"Before... you know... I'm back to school."
The subject of school distracted her, as expected. "Have you finished your essays?"
He nodded, relieved she didn't want to discuss the weekend. He realized what he'd just answered and shook his head in the negative. "Sorry, no, I haven't had time."
For the first time, in light of reporting undone homework, the disapproval in Hermione's eyes was only mild.
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Friday evening found Harry sitting in the comfortable armchair opposite the fire, a position he'd been occupying often as of late. He closed his eyes. Three days. Sunday. Two, really. A panic struck him as he realized he had two nights.
"Mr. Potter," The terse tone made Harry turn quickly. Severus was standing behind him. "There will be no repeats of last night." The words hit Harry like a club to the chest. He stared as the dark eyes of his bond-mate flashed. The man retreated to his private potions lab and shut the door, the sharp echoing of the wood expressing what words could not.
It took a few seconds for the stunned Harry to find his tongue. "Except when you fuck me, you mean?!"
"Language, Potter!"
Harry almost exploded. The man was reproaching him for that, when he was being so unreasonable! "I'm serious! What do you want from me, Snape?!"
Severus re-emerged looking ruffled.
"Potter, understand, I did not ask for any of this!"
Harry shook his head uncomprehendingly. "Do you think I did? If you don't want me, fine, but I'm not going to die because of it!"
That seemed to calm the other man down. The tall Potions Master looked so lost and the foreign expression made him almost unrecognizable.
"Understandable." Snape nodded once. "Do not believe I do not... want... you. You are... attractive... but you are sixteen and my student. It is morally wrong. I certainly do not like you as a person, I will not deny that, but that will come in time if we are in luck."
"We only have the rest of your life." Harry smiled weakly. "Or would it be mine, considering... ?" He asked as an afterthought.
"I would hope it is mine." Harry did too. It was yet another thing bothering him. He'd accepted that his life would be shortened because of the bond, but would he die when he faced Voldemort? Now that someone else's life was handcuffed to him, he really wished Voldemort didn't exist at all, that he and Snape could've got on under different circumstances.
"The Ministry will have kittens over this." Snape remarked quietly.
"It will be all over the Daily Prophet and Witch Weekly!" Harry groaned.
"I will receive howlers."
"By Monday breakfast the entire Wizarding world will know." Harry had always been in awe of how fast news spread Hogwarts, reporters would be fully informed within hours of the announcement Dumbledore had offered to make (It had actually been more Dumbledore politely -informing- them of the announcement).
It would effectively end Snape's spying, thankfully Malfoy would step into that place, Harry wondered if Malfoy Junior had a clue.
"It will allow us to end our exile, dine in the Great Hall." Severus pointed out. They'd been nearly totally confined to Snape's rooms until after they'd finished bonding.
"More like brief appearances, driven away by the stares and whispers."
"Shooed away from our meals by gossips, I think not, Potter. If it comes to that we will give them something to gossip about until their tongues shrivel."
"The look on Malfoy's face." Harry smirked.
"Minerva's would be much more entertaining, I should think."
They both laughed at the thought. Laughing appeared to change the professor immensely. Made him look more relaxed, pleasant and younger. Harry liked the change but knew it wasn't in the man's nature to laugh often. Though he had learned sarcasm could extract such a response.
An sorrowful look broke the previously joyful mood on Snape's face. It wasn't fleeting like the other short moments Harry had seen such an expression from Snape.
"What happened to Severus and Harry?" He asked. "We cannot even bring ourselves to name each other properly and I am to bed you in two days."
"We're not really trying that hard, are we?"
"It confuses our images of one another, creating mixed emotions, which neither of us are dealing very well with." Snape looked uncomfortable admitting it. "If we must mull over every single interaction that would formerly be unusual then we would be mulling for an eternity more."
"Ron reminds me of you lately." Harry suddenly said.
Harry could tell he did not find the idea pleasant. "Maybe Mr. Weasley is finally growing up."
Harry found those few words quite accurate. It was a pretty decent explanation for Ron. "I just want to know why." Harry sighed. "I'm worried."
"No doubt he is also worried for you. Perhaps you should discuss this with him"
Harry nodded. Severus was right. He should bring this up with Ron.
Harry fiddled with the edge of the chair. He yawned. It was getting late. "Can I... well, I mean to say..." Harry stumbled over the question.
"Yes."
"Thank you." He replied, relieved. He wasn't even sure why he asked.
0-0
"Kill the spare."
Harry lifted his wand. "Avada Kedavra."
"Murderer," Hissed his mother, his own green eyes sparking at him.
"Filth," James Potter glared at him accusingly.
Cho's wailing pierced his mind. Anguish.
His parents morphed into Ron and Hermione.
"You killed us, Harry." They mournfully gazed at him. "You've killed us all."
"It's your fault, Harry, you didn't save us." The people from his visions closed around him.
"Why did you kill us, Harry?"
"Why, Harry?"
"Harry."
"Harry!"
Harry sat straight up, panting. He looked around wildly and groped for his glasses.
They were placed in his clammy hands.
"It was a nightmare," A soft voice reassured him. "Nothing more."
"I know," Harry murmured. "I know."
Still breathing heavily, he lay back down.
"Do you usually become dangerously cold while having nightmares?" Snape's voice in the dark came from beside him.
"I don't know." He answered, rolling to face the voice.
Harry didn't want to close his eyes.
An arm slipped over his shoulders and pulled him close.
Harry tensed.
Severus didn't say anything.
Harry began to relax.
0-0
End of Chapter 13
Thanks to: SidheLady (I haven't been licked by a reviewer before... :D)
Infinite13, potts, Andie (oops), reviewer of summaries, Sandalino Silvio Leif, Every Now And Then, sparkin, Jimaine, Dius Corvus, Amanda Saitou, Tazthedevilman, Clara Clog, The-Magnificent-Fuzzy (I'll think about it), peacockgal17 (it'll come, I promise, it'll just take a while), oOWeasleyWizardWheezesOo, Teldra, Potrickterman, Yuuki Miyahara, DaughterofDeath, Elven Warrior1, Alynna Lis Eachann, Blah, ataraxis, NatalieJ, Arch-Nemesis, wintermoon2, The Little Swimmy Dudette, americanpie, Kateri1, Pilas, shiroiryu144, C.M Aeris Queen of Insanity, Beautiful Tenshi, HecateDeMort (sure, I'll start), TheSecretCharacter, Shick, Awen, im-a-daydream-believer, athenakitty, daredcrescent and Lady Lightning.