Three days... three days after their strange, little trip it suddenly hit her: her two favourite men's personalities became the exact opposite. Amazingly, Rose got this flash of genius when the Doctor trapped her against the wall and slid his hands under her shirt, while kissing her neck. She was barely able to concentrate and her attempts to resist weren't exactly vast. In fact, the weak "No... we can't..."s between her moans seemed to do the exact opposite and convinced the Doctor of her willingness (and boy, was she willing!).

Unsurprisingly Jack's outraged voice was both relieving and frustrating when it suddenly echoed through the room. "Doctor, stop it right there!"

Rose looked at him and suppressed a giggle. She noticed the past few days that Jack wore more and more clothing since it made him 'feel embarrassed' to show even an inch of skin apart from his face and hands. But this... topped it all: apparently he wore five layers of clothing today and everything in white! To Rose he looked like the marshmallow-man come to life!

Jack stormed up to them and made a motion as to push them apart, when he stopped himself. To do that, he would actually have to touch them... preposterous!

"Move apart you two... two sinners! Even if you were married, a behaviour like that is outrageous! Se-... Se-... the thing you wanted to do is for procreation only!"

Another thing, Rose noticed about Jack, was that his state seemed to become even worse. Before he was able to say 'sinful' words like 'sex' with great difficulty, but he still could if necessary. Now, not only wasn't he able to say anything of the like but he also had problems with things that seemed even the slightest bit phallic. Yesterday, he asked her to get rid of all cucumbers, courgettes, sausages and remaining bananas (the Doctor threw a lot of them out of the TARDIS since he loafed them now). Jack was disgusted enough of the sinful food, he couldn't even touch it!

Not to mention, that he found the cupboard, where he kept his stack of intergalactic sex toys, this morning. The sight shocked him enough that he fainted on the spot... Rose found him a few minutes after thanks to the TARDIS, carried him to his room (with the reluctant help of the Doctor... he became quiet lazy these days) and brought the toys to a safer place (not without nicking a thing or two... Jack's collection was interesting to say the least). He would thank her later when he was in his right mind again... Rose was certain of that.

Meanwhile, the Doctor scowled at him. "Don't you have to get rid of your balls or something?! We are busy."

Jack looked completely shocked. "How- How can you say such a thing? You need to wash your mouth, young man!"

"Oh, shut it you prudish old mole!"

"Sinner!"

"Mummy's boy!"

"Delinquent!"

"Sissy!"

"Hooligan!"

Rose used this opportunity to leave the room unnoticed (after asking the TARDIS to record the interesting quarrel... she still had that YouTube account...) and went straight to the infirmary.

Thanks to the new information she gathered, Rose managed to narrow the search results down to three: Hanceldonishian flies, the Aerona bee and-

Rose frowned. The mean Politician fly... That couldn't be right, could it?

Then she noticed a small note under the name: Doesn't change the character, but makes the victim do the exact opposite than he says.

Okay, that made sense!

So, that left Hanceldonishian flies and the Aerona bee. Same symptoms, same bite marks, different antidote on different planet and in different galaxies...Great!

That meant Rose had to convince the Doctor, who transformed into a couch potato between seducing her, of steering the TARDIS and find a reasonable excuse to search for some herbs on two planets, they have never been to before. Not to mention that she had to take the two idiots with her, if she didn't want them to kill each other. Well, of course, Jack despised all kinds of violence by now but the Doctor would probably result to suicide if he had to listen to him for more than five minutes...

Realizing the full severity of her task, Rose sighed heavily and asked the TARDIS to print the information, she found, out.

"Doctor, I ehm... heard of a beautiful place for our wedding... could we go to Hanceldonia to check it out?" she asked the Time Lord twenty minutes later after soothing the crying Jack with some sweets (which happened to stick his teeth together, making him unable to speak... accidentally, of course).

The Doctor frowned. "Hanceldonia? You want us to get married on a giant swamp planet?"

Rose flinched inwardly. She should have checked the planet first. "Ehm... yeah? I-I think it's cosy?" she said unconvincingly. For good measure, she flattered her eyelashes and pouted slightly, feeling utterly ridiculous. She had never been one of those girls, after all...

Nevertheless, her little acting did the trick. "Of course we can! Everything for my future bride!" He beamed at her and went back to his present favourite activity: knitting.

Rose coughed to hide the disbelieving snort, that threatened to escape her lips. "Thank you... darling."

The Doctor hummed in contentment.

Smiling about her unexpected success, Rose went to find Jack again.

After two hours of searching, the TARDIS seemed to finally feel sorry for her and led Rose to his current hiding place: the LIBRARY.

The Doctor's LIBRARY was such an important source of never-ending knowledge, that he (the Doctor) insisted his companions had to write the name in capital letters only and, when mentioning it, were supposed to speak of it with a low, growling voice. Needless to say, he was a big fan of Terry Pratchett's Death (the character, not the author's death).

Naturally, Rose ignored his antics and called it simply 'the boring place', since eighty percent of the Doctor's books were about scientific themes, she couldn't even pronounce.

She found Jack sitting on the floor, surrounded by books, and judging by his muttering, he tried to decide between two very prude sects, Rose had never heard of. In fact, the only book she knew seemed to be the bible. Apparently, he found the smallest part of 'the boring place': the religion section.

"Jack? Could I speak to you for a moment?"

Startled by her voice, Jack squeaked, jumped up and promptly ran against the nearest bookshelf, knocking himself out.

Rose groaned. A domestic slacker and a prudish coward... what did she ever do to deserve this?

Jack moaned slightly, held his aching head and tried to stand up but had some difficulties due to his amazing amount of cloths. His struggles made him look remarkable like a turtle. After he laid several minutes on his back, Rose began to pity him and offered him her hand.

"No!" he shrieked. "You are a woman! I can't be touched by a woman or the Wono Order won't take me any more..."

Rose smirked. "Jack, believe me, you have been touched by plenty of women in your life... and not just your hands, honey." she said sweetly, smirk still in place.

He shrieked again. "Th-That was before! I changed."

"But will the Wanker Order except that excuse?"

"Wono! A-And I'm sure they will see reason!" Jack answered scandalised.

"Well, if you think so... Anyway, just wanted to tell you that we will be going to Hanceldonia in an hour. The Doctor and I consider to get married there and want to take a look at it. Ever heard of the planet?"

He shook his head no and Rose smiled. "I think it's the home of a very abstinent religious group... Maybe you should come with us."

Jack beamed at her and nodded his head vigorously. "I will come! I will come!"

Rose turned around to hide her smirk and said, "Alright. Might be better than this Wanker thing..."

"Wono!"

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