My Madness, My Saving Sanity

Chapter Ten: Upgrades

By: Nightelfcrawler

Author's note: While this is G1 based, I've made Starscream a blend of his G1 and Armada personalities just because I find the dichotomy of it fascinating. It takes place in no particular timeline, following no particular events. Also, please review politely. If you haven't something nice to say, keep it to yourself please.

For most of the upgrades I was blissfully unaware. It seemed like a metaphysical surreal world in which I was only along for the ride, not a willing participant. Whatever drugs he had me on, Ratchet hadn't spared a bit. I felt weightless, and time passed meaninglessly. It was blissfully silent and peaceful in my head, no incoming chatter from my brothers. Occasionally I would come out of stasis now and then for Ratchet to ask some questions, and most of it I felt groggy and unresponsive. I caught sight of Thundercracker nearby once or twice, sometimes just standing talking to the medic, other times with a panel open here and there. However I didn't remain conscious for long, and continued to drift back into restless recharge…

It was not free of dreams, or in this case nightmares.

"Pull up, pull up!"

"I can't…wind shears…go save yourself. Bring help…"

"I can't leave you! SKYFIRE!"

I woke with a start when something sharp and painful jolted me out of stasis. Suddenly the world snapped back into focus with abrupt clarity. "Hold him, hold him! Slag it, if he moves now this could screw up his wiring."

Strong arms grabbed my arms and legs, and my brief struggle ended as I blinked into awareness, feeling the familiar presence of my wing mates nearby before I knew what was happening. "Easy Screamer." Thundercracker said quietly at my audio receptor. "Just relax."

"Wha…?" I muttered out loud, disoriented as I felt another sharp agonizing jolt of pain in my back.

"He's putting your wings on." Skywarp added cheerily from somewhere behind me. Ah, so he was the one holding my legs.

"So if you want to fly again, hold still for Primus' sake." Ratchet growled.

I bit any retort back as another lance of pain shot through my back as the sound of a welding torch turned back on. "Can't you put him back down for this?" Thundercracker was asking, a dark tone to his voice. I glanced sharply to the side and saw his optics appeared strained. Was the pain still translating over to the two of them? This link was becoming more and more bothersome.

"I could." Ratchet growled irritably. "But it's best he's alert in case I need him to tell me anything last minute. He's the one who designed this body, after all."

I did a quick check of my chronometer to see how long it had been. Slag, months…! That must mean he was nearly done. I wondered idly what I looked like. I could already feel more bulk weighting me down. My armor had been installed, the wings were the last bit other than weapons most likely. I tried to relax and shut out the pain, but it was difficult when all the sensory nodes were being hooked up. Each connection sent a spasm through my frame, though at the same time I could FEEL the air pressure, the wind, the temperature gauges as they were slowly hooked up. I concentrated instead on running diagnostics of my newly installed systems. Armor at 85 percent efficiency, as the wings were still being installed. However my boosters were at 100 percent, scanners on-line, communications systems repaired, vocalizer repaired, and I was a bit interested to note that Ratchet had gone ahead and installed at least one of the weapons systems I'd requested. My null rays would have to be re-built by myself, as they were too complex for Ratchet to handle. He was a doctor, not a weapons designer. However the more simplistic cannons on my shoulders were attached though inactive, and I knew the other weapons I had requested were in place after I shot a quick glance at the other wing laying on the ground. I could see the joints there requiring the transformation of the parts. It was going to be glorious…

It didn't take as long as I thought it would. I supposed that by now pain was secondary to me, and I had learned to shut it out. By the time I had finished restructuring my system priorities and adjusting specifications to my liking, Ratchet had stepped back and was wiping grease off his hands as he studied his work. "All right… you can let him up now."

The pressure left my limbs and I slowly moved to roll to my side. Nothing reeled or whirled this time, everything remained stable as I slowly sat up, flexing my arms as I sat on the table, glancing down at the work. It was a fine job, if I did say so myself. Ratchet had even painted the new armor according to my specifics. Red and white reflected back at me with glimpses of silver at my joints and black accents. It was an entirely different structure, yet there were still hints of the same design of my old self. The black helmet swept over my head with some fine noble additions to my facial plates. The wings were more streamlined and narrow, but just as long as they had been previously. The Seeker influence was still prominent, only the design was different. But there would be no mistaking me from my comerades anymore, even from a distance. Both Thundercracker and Skywarp were watching me warily, though I could see their optics looked interested, impressed at my rebuild. I stood up and flexed my limbs grunting my approval as nothing ground or grated. "Excellent." My voice sounded more mellow now, though it still was not exactly the same, it sounded more like my old voice than it had before. There was still an odd raspiness to my vocalizor that I frowned upon a bit. Perhaps it was merely a lingering effect of Soundwave's attack and my bloodcurdling scream in reaction that might have damaged my calibrating vocalizer. I would have to see if I could fix that.

"I don't want you over-stressing yourself just yet." Ratchet warned. "This means no dramatic aerial stunts." He glared meaningfully at me. "Those weld-joints won't heal overnight, it'll take a few days for your repair system to strengthen them." He tossed a rag into a dirty pile of tools in the corner. "But, Optimus is holding a meeting soon which you should attend. After that I encourage you to try some sparring and try and break everything in properly, just take it easy." He punched up some diagnostics. "Your weapons should all be on-line now, fully powered." He gave me a sidelong glare that told me clearly he hoped and expected I would be prudent enough not to go crazy with them, especially in the base.

I nodded, lifting my head proudly pleased at the finished work. "I must say, Hatchet…" He bristled at the nickname. "While your bedside manner is lacking at times, your skills are certainly worthy of respect."

"You're welcome." Ratchet growled irritably. "I suppose saying 'thank you' is just too hard for you, isn't it."

"Did you expect anything less?" I smirked.

"No, I suppose not. Now get going."

With a snort, I strode firmly out of the med bay on my own two feet finally, no longer feeling weak and powerless. With my new body had come a refurbished sense of confidence. I felt confidant, strong, powerful once more. No further than a few steps out of the med bay, my wing mates finally voiced their thoughts aloud. "Your new armor fits you, Screamer." Thundercracker said quietly. "It's very sleek… Bet you can pull mach 3 now."

"No doubt." I mused. "I'm itching to get back in the sky again… it's been ages."

"Man… no fair." Skywarp crossed his arms sourly. "I want a redesign."

"You could use it, you're beginning to gather too many dents to your head."

"If you really want one I can oblige. Just stand still…"

"Maybe they can upgrade his brain while they're at it…"

"Hey!"

The conference room was already crowded with mechs preparing to listen to Optimus' report. The three of us only hovered in the doorway, unable to proceed as bodies packed the room. Over the murmur of voices, Optimus' could be heard. "Calm down, all of you. Now listen, this is important. I want you all on your best behavior for this… we will be having dignitaries from the various countries visiting our base, and in order to prepare we need to work together. We'll have to tidy up a bit, but above all I want you in top condition for some demonstrations. We will be expected to show our battle prowess to encourage these leaders to lend support to the American government to fund our endeavors. Ironhide?"

"Sir?"

"Weapons training with Prowl. I want all the younglings to display their unique skills. Bluestreak, Red Alert you're in charge of security. Make sure our defense network is in top shape. Sunstreaker, Sideswipe…please for Primus' sake BEHAVE. I'll ask Starscream and his team to do some maneuvers not only to enlighten us, but to show our aerial defense is strong as well."

"But sir, you can't be expecting three Decepticons to actually HELP us when we go into battle?" Someone blurted out in the crowd. "We can't trust them!"

"They are not Decepticons any longer." Optimus said firmly. "Given their co-operation and willingness to help save Bluestreak, Prowl, myself and Jazz have agreed to grant them pardon. I have also extended an invitation for them to unite forces with us, but until I receive their answer they are simply allies in our cause and should be treated with respect. We have three valuable warriors at our disposal, and while you might not agree with their tactics in the past and may harbor grudges, I feel it is important we all study anything they can enlighten us with in order to learn our enemy, and also learn new tactics we might not have developed on our own. Let us put the past behind us and focus on the future. I expect you all to act professionally."

"What a brilliant idea." I said wryly.

As one, every head in the room turned in our direction. There were several stunned expressions, and I couldn't blame them. What they saw was a complete transformation from the mech I once was, and especially the pitiful creature they had come to know over the past few months. I stood tall once more before them, a strong example of elite aerial prowess. My body was mostly red white and black now, with no blue any longer. My wings were thinner and longer, streamlined with my body which was slightly more compact, but just as bulky when it came to the newly mounted cannons on my shoulders. While I still had similar properties to my old form, such as my seeker basic design and helmet protecting my cranium, I clearly stood out as drastically different from my brothers. I smirked as I saw more than one mech gawking. Idiots.

"Starscream. It's good to see you finally on your feet once again." Optimus greeted kindly, betraying the fact that he actually WAS glad to see me. I snorted and strode into the room. Mechs made way for me, though it was a bit awkward here and there as my wings cut a wide berth as I wove my path towards the table. Skywarp and Thundercracker chose wisely to stay behind. "I take it you are satisfied with the end result?"

I smirked wider. "It will do."

Already I could hear some muttering through the ranks. Obviously not all the Autobots had thought it wise to repair me to fighting shape. Ignorant morons. I lifted my shoulders and steeled myself for what had to happen next. "Optimus Prime." I said boldly. That silenced everyone as eyes turned to stare at me. "I have given your proposal serious consideration." There was some puzzlement now, as mechs glanced at each other. He had obviously not informed all of them of his invitation for me to lead their aerial troops, granted my team were the ONLY aerial troops they had, still it was more a ceremonial move than significant. "And I have decided to accept it under one condition." Optimus nodded once, waiting for me to continue. "If we join you, we join you on a trial basis. I am still not yet convinced that this is the place for us… however…" I trailed off frowning thoughtfully as several mechs stared at me in shock hearing this kind of talk from a Decepticon, Starscream no less. It made me want to grin widely at their shock. I withheld my glee. "I believe most of our goals coincide… while our tactics may vary drastically."

"That you three are bloodthirsty murderers?" Someone muttered. I glared darkly across the room, optics narrowing.

"We are at war." I said silkily. "What names do you think Decepticons use to describe you, I wonder?" I smirked at the glowers. "Believe me, names share all boundaries. Some are more commonly used than you think." I turned my gaze back to Optimus. "While I and my comrades may not share your morals and ideals, as you have so obviously pointed out our goals are the same. Therefore it behooves us to work together to achieve that goal. Once we reach it however, it remains to be decided where we go. I must make clear, we are not Autobots. We will work with you for now… but we are not JOINING your faction. We are our own entity."

Optimus nodded once in acceptance of my proposal, and smiled in response. "I understand. In that case it is my pleasure to welcome your team. Though you will not join our faction, I am going to give you the status thereof as Air Commander, as your experience will be valuable."

I could feel the grimace of those around us, but I lifted my head high, pride shining in my optics. We lived to fight Megatron, and that was that. If I got the chance to order others around who hated my guts, all the better for me. Granted, we were the only fliers in the Autobot force, but that was a small insignificant point.

Does this mean we gotta put on Autobot insignia? Grumbled Skywarp resentfully glancing at his own Decepticon symbols painted proudly on his wings. Ironically enough I was the only one without insignia in my brand new body.

I'm sure they'd prefer it. Thundercracker sighed. Though I'm not hot on the idea myself. I'd rather just scratch ours off.

I'm not intending to do so. We could just create our own. I sent wryly to them. We were our own squadron, who was to say we couldn't design our own insignia. That was my intention.

The rest of the meeting was rather boring, however when it was finished I turned to my wing mates. "Come on. I need to test my new systems out. You two can be my target practice." I grinned darkly at them as they exchanged looks.

"Oh, wonderful." Thundercracker muttered. "Maybe that will score some of this white paint off me."

There were more than one curious glances thrown our way at my declaration of doing a test run, and before we knew it, we had an audience following us. As a group, nearly all the base seemed to decide they wanted to get a look at my demonstration up close. After all, how often did they have the chance to see their former enemy's tactics without being fired on. Ususally I was so quick and light in the air that most missed me before they knew what hit them. But all that left my mind as we stepped outside and the sunshine poured down around me making my freshly painted armor practically glow. It felt GOOD to feel the wind ever so gently rippling against my extended wings, practically itching to take to the air. It must have showed, or perhaps it was the rumble of my thrusters that clued him in, but Ratchet put a warning hand on my shoulder. "Start slow and low. I don't want to have to pick up the pieces if something malfunctions in mid-air."

I shrugged him off with a growl. "I know what I'm doing."

"Just be careful." He warned, backing off at my hostility.

I snorted. What kind of fool did he take me for? I'd been flying far longer than he realized, I knew how to do it. As long as my thrusters or my wings remained intact I could maneuver if the other failed. I was confidant in my skills, even if my body had some hiccups to work out at first. Confidently, I tilted my head upwards and ignited my thrusters to test them out. They roared to life, spitting fumes and dirt as they slammed hot air into the ground below. I stretched my wings a little, moving the flaps as I itched to just jump into the sky and get going, however I also knew prudence. I had to test my transformation cog first. This was the most important part, to make sure my body reconfiguration could undergo a smooth transition. I stepped away from the gathered group as my wing mates took to the skies automatically. I however waited on the ground and tested out my first change to the alt form I'd programmed myself with. It was a modified version of my comrades usual F-15 Eagle as I had no new vehicle to scan, therefore when I initialized the sequence and felt everything slide smoothly into place I was extremely respectful of Ratchet's talents. I transformed back and tested my joints then nodded in satisfaction and jumped into the air with a roar of thrusters, transforming in one smooth sequence and blasting into the sky.

It felt GOOD. Really, really good. The wind rushed around my streamlined body and in a flash of wind and sound I buzzed my comrades and laughed at their sudden bolt out of formation. "Fools! Catch me if you can!" I challenged gleefully whipping around and transforming again, hovering directly before them as they bolted towards me with roaring engines. What proceeded then was nothing short of fun. Diving twisting and darting between clouds, Skywarp and Thundercracker fell easily into their familiar roles of chasing me from cloud to cloud. My new form performed admirably, each turn and twist effortless and light on the wind, responding instantly to my mere thought, taking the drafts light and agile. Though I made a point not to push the newly welded wing joints, this body was not only lighter and more agile than my previous one, but it was faster too. In a jet of sound and wind I had left them behind on the horizon and taken to the sky like a streak of light into the distant stars. I felt weightless, free as the sky…

Sky…

Skyfire…

My spark surged with sudden emotion as the name danced around my processors. Odd though it might sound, I found myself wondering if I should ever look for him again. The chat with Perceptor had jogged my nerves. Skyfire had crashed on a remote world… that meant that if no one had heard from him, his body could still be buried in the polar region where he'd crashed… I only had to find out WHERE. As pathetic as it sounded, I knew that if I asked to look for him, Optimus would not only support the endeavor, but probably offer to help himself.

And what would happen when I found him?

The thought gave me pause, as a chill traveled through my lightweight frame. True, things had changed from months ago when I had still be in the Decepticon ranks. I FELT like a different mech, more like my self before the war… but I still had changed drastically from the mech I was then.

He'd understand.

Slag it… I HATED this open connection. Thank you TC, I don't believe I asked for your input.

Not our fault your thoughts are screamin' at us, Screamer.

Shut up.

I twisted back towards the Autobot base and slowed for my wing mates to catch up. They obediently fell into formation at my side, one on each wing in a V pattern. It was a common pose for us and without any prompting they knew what to do. As one, we banked to the right diving towards the ground and peppering the desert with bright dappled laser fire that sent rivets of dirt flying into the air, then banked left and performed a series of fancy aerial stunts. We were fast, deadly and uniform. And oddly enough, the entire procedure felt effortless now. Sharing our thoughts enabled me to give instant directions, and have instant response. It was like a finely oiled machine, flawless and perfect in every move. I was quickly becoming quite thrilled with this new-found connection we shared. It had it's downsides, but it was a huge advantage in battle. Perhaps this is how Soundwave felt: always in control.

We broke formation as I gave the order and then began a demonstration of our aerial prowess. This involved twisting, dodging and firing on each other with low power beams. We had done the practice many times before, testing each others' skills. I was pleased to find that not only was I not rusty, but my new form was far faster and agile than ever before. I didn't allow a single hit to score on me, and landed more than a dozen on each as a result. However that wasn't all that was up my sleeve. I broke formation without warning, and ignored their questions as to what I was doing. In mid-air I performed a perfect transformation and grinned darkly. On my shoulders the cannons rotated and flipped around to point directly at the two seekers who were still flying towards me puzzled. I powered up the cannons and fired.

Predictably they scattered, as I knew they would. The cannons were not instant fire, they took a few seconds to power up and release their energy. This gave them more than enough time to dodge, thankfully as I had no real intention to hurt them. I did however want to test out the power of these formidable weapons. The bright magenta blast sent them scattering to the side as the blast slammed into the cliff-side nearby and it exploded in a brilliant display of red dirt and fire. I stared in amazement as the dust cleared. Half the cliff had been obliterated…. I could feel myself grinning ear to ear. The power in these cannons was almost as strong as Megatron's cannon… almost.

The downside was quite obvious. One glance told me my energy levels had been cut nearly in half. Primus, that was inefficient! I was going to have to be careful when and where I used these…. However that didn't mean I was done playing with my wing mates. I put the cannons back in their dormant position and turned to face the two who had shifted mid-air to stare at me in shock. "Well?" I grinned darkly, aware that we were still being watched from below. "Come on. Show me what you've got. Attack!"

They exchanged glances, and then lifted their arm mounted guns. I tensed mid-air and as they open fired I dodged and twisted to avoid the blasts.

Then, I pulled my trump card.

Before he even realized what was happening, Thundercracker found his neck suddenly occupied by a brightly glowing red blade of energy pressed close to his armor. It was one of my own designes, a blade imbued with my own life force, with a small back-up battery installed in each hilt so it didn't train my own strength. "Surprise." I hissed in his ear, aware he'd frozen in place.

"Holy…" Skywarp froze staring in shock at me, with a look of disbelief mixed with disgust. "Is that… your… WING?!"

I grinned darkly and disengaged the energon charged blade, pulling it away from my wingmate's throat. Thundercracker twisted about, staring at it warily. "That is…interesting Screamer."

"Isn't it though?" I mused, hefting the blade over my shoulder.

"Do they both do that?" Skywarp asked, morbidly curious.

I grinned and with one swift move removed my other wing and twirled both blades around in rapid succession ending with them crossed before my face, energon charging them both with a brilliant ruby glow as my thrusters kept me upright. It was slightly unstable without my wings to balance, but I was a skilled enough flier to manage it. "I doubt Megatron will expect this." I hissed in a low voice. "He'll NEVER know what hit him… poor defenseless Starscream begging for his life…." I chuckled darkly, imagining the shock I would see on his face when I stabbed both swords through his spark. "…the fool will deserve his fate for doing what he did to me… he after all is the one who is responsible for these lovely tools of war." I lifted the blades high and brought them down with streaks of crimson at my side before disengaging the energon charge and slipping them back into place as they snapped into formation becoming wings once more.

I was aware the looks that both my brethren were giving me. "I think he's lost it."

"Definitely lost it this time."

I shot them both glares of scathing dislike, then dove for the ground, landing smoothly with a small burst of my thrusters. "Fragheads." I muttered to myself before turning to glance at the rest of the gathered Autobots. Most of them were watching me with some expressions that told they had been intrigued by our little demonstration.

"That was impressive." Ironhide said with a low grudging voice, eyeing me warily as my two wing mates landed behind me. "Even for you."

"What's that supposed to mean?" I frowned crossing my arms. "Are you implying something?"

"No, stating it." Ironhide said with an equally stubborn frown. "You weren't half bad before, all right you were a pretty damn good flier consider we'd never managed to capture you. But that…" He shook his head and glanced up at the sky. "I suppose I should be glad you've decided to side with us for the time being."

"I suppose." I smirked.

"Hey, Screamer…" Skywarp drawled, looping an arm around my shoulders much to my chagrin. "He's right you know. Your flying HAS gotten better."

I shot him a glare. "My flying has not improved.. I've merely been able to maximize my potential to it's full ability."

"Whatever, Star." Thundercracker said lazily, leaning on my other shoulder. "He IS right to an extent. Your new body lets you cheat."

"All the better for me."

"Yeah so you admit being a cheater…."

"Shut it, 'Warp. You're one to talk."

"Hah! You're just jealous."

Optimus chuckled slightly listening to us trade barbs. "I must say, nonetheless I am impressed. I do have one question however." I lifted an optic ridge in question. "There is one thing I have noticed, and perhaps the answer is obvious. However, it seems Megatron has sought out specifically those with special abilities to enlist in his ranks. Is there any specific reason why, other than the need to increase his power in ranks?"

I blinked in thought. "I never considered it much. I suppose you're right, the reason is obvious. Having those with skills above the norm would be an additive bonus to our ranks. It makes sense he would seek us out."

"Wait…" Ironhide frowned eyeing me with a look I certainly didn't appreciate. "I know what Slippery and Loudaft can do…" I glared at him, knowing what was coming. "What special skill do you have, other than grating on everyone's nerves?"

I narrowed my optics, tempted to snap something sharp, but held my tongue out of the need to not bring out weapons in my direction. Fortunately, my wing mates weren't about to let me take that kind of abuse either. "Don't you know?" Skywarp said, leering at the mech, leaning on my shoulder harder as he pitched forward a bit, wing bumping my head. "What you guys haven't figured that out yet?"

My optic ridge twitched. Skywarp…behave.

He shot me a wide smirk, and ignored me. "He irritates people out of the skies."

"Ah. Thought so." My optic ridge twitched again.

"Actually…" Thundercracker spoke up in an attempt to save my dignity. "No one's faster than he is. Starscream can out-fly anyone. Even us. Speed is his best asset…"

"Brains second." Skywarp smirked. "A distant second sometimes."

"That's it!" I snapped, and whirled about, tackling him full on, slamming him to the ground as he laughed raucously. "I'll twist your fuselage into pieces!"

The Autobots probably thought it was odd seeing two Decepticon killers wrestling in the dust as if it were perfectly ordinary, but given our upbringing we were quite accustomed to trading blows now and then. Thundercracker even kept score for us, calling out the fouls as we struggled. It ended when Skywarp had enough and warped out from under me. "Hey!" I snapped, glaring up at him as he re-appeared behind his wing mate and laughed madly at me. "Oh brilliant… as if you haven't used that trick before. Don't you have ANY creativity?"

"Hey, it worked didn't it?"

"Bah."

The gathered Autobots all seemed rather amused at our antics, but I was tired, and in need of recharge. The burst of excitement had stimulated my energon greatly, but there was still no denying I had been out of commission for months now, and needed rest to calibrate my new systems. "I'm going to get slagged." I muttered with a sigh, flexing my wings a little. They felt oddly out of place with the joints that hadn't been there before, and were a bit sore from their first use. I had probably pushed them as hard as I dared for now.

"I'll join you!" Skywarp was quick to follow, slinging an arm around my wings. I shoved him off irritably, but he still tagged along beside me like a loyal puppy. With a restrained sigh, I made my way back into the base as Thundercracker followed behind the two of us, along with a myriad of Autobots. It wasn't long before I had situated myself in the corner of the rec room, a tall cube of high grade glittering on the table before me as my wing-mates sat down with me. "Um… Screamer… what are you doing?" Skywarp asked as he stared at the tall cube, one of his own in hand, already half empty. "You KNOW you can't handle your high grade."

"I can do just fine, thank you." Was my terse reply as I sipped the tingling fluid, already feeling the burning sensation start through my systems pleasantly heating me up.

The Autobots were all avoiding us, as usual. Despite having been temporarily accepted by Optimus, the others still weren't going to be quick to join his confidence in trusting us. However, there were some exceptions. As we sat quietly talking amongst ourselves, footsteps caused us to pause. I glanced up to see Bluestreak staring down at me with an uncomfortable expression written plainly all over his face. "Uh, hi do you mind if I join you, I mean I'm sure you probably would like to have time to yourselves, but I thought that I should thank you for what you did, after all you did save my life and well I've never heard of any Decepticon doing something like that before so… yeah."

I blinked at the rambling sentence, the mech's trademark, trying to make heads or tails of it. I was consciously aware that everyone was staring and it had grown quite silent in the rec room, though they were trying to pretend they weren't watching. Figures, busybots. Aware Bluestreak was still standing awkwardly waiting for some kind of reply, I set my jaw and cleared my throat uncertainly. "It was nothing…" I muttered, squinting up at him feeling my head already starting to double-stamp images from only the small sips I'd had.

"Nothing?" Thundercracker said amused. "He's just being modest. He loves showing off how great his brain works."

I glared intently at my wing mate, murderously. Bluestreak glanced uncomfortably at the two Seekers who had identical grins a contrast to my scowl. "Yeah, I'm surprised he's not gloating about how wonderful it turned out!" Skywarp added, as both of them latched onto my wings and tugged lightly. My optic ridge twitched more.

"Well… I just wanted to say that I appreciate what you did, even if you had your own reasons for doing it I still think that maybe we can work together…" Bluestreak said nervously glancing between the three of us. "So yeah…" He turned and walked off, but after that I felt a little less awkward being surrounded by Autobots.

But he wasn't the last to interrupt our solitude. To my charign both Wheeljack and Perceptor wandered up with bright smiles. "Hey, mind if we join you guys?" Perceptor asked cheerfully.

Skywarp and Thundercracker both looked at me in tandum. My optic ridge twisted. I was NOT in the mood to chat science in front of these two, but on the other hand… I felt odd thinking this as well… I didn't want to… INSULT them.

OhmyPrimus… hedoesn'twannainsultthem!! Skywarp found himself dumped on the ground thanks to one sharp move of my foot against his chair. That didn't stop him from sniggering out loud.

Studiously ignoring him, I gestured at the now open chair that Skywarp had vacated. "It appears we have free room at our table."

That sent Skywarp into deeper laughter as he picked himself up and gave me a wide smirk then sauntered off through the throngs of Autobots before sitting himself, rather squeezing himself, rather inappropriately between the gold and red troublesome twins. "Hey guys!"

Oh boy. I didn't envy Ratchet tomorrow morning.

Surprisingly, both Wheeljack and Perceptor were open and warm to both Thundercracker and myself. Though Thundercracker was no scientist and understood little of what they started discussing with me, they tried to include him in friendly chat. It was awkward, but not unpleasant. Skywarp, the strange vision of idiocy that he was, had somehow succeeded in not only avoiding getting his wings ripped off by the twins, but had them BOTH laughing raucously after a few cubes.

It was a very strange sight to see them singing bar songs with arms slung around each other's shoulders, completely oblivious to previous battle lines.

The world clearly was doomed.

I shook my head and finished off my own cube, as others were filtering out to recharge as the night wore on.

The high-grade felt good as I indulged, ignoring most of the chatter around me as I sunk deeply into my thoughts. Now that we'd been temporarily instated in the Autobot's forces and permitted some freedoms, my thoughts turned to the one thing that had weighed heavily on my mind. I was the worst kind of scum there was. I was a traitor, in more than one occasion now, and in more ways than one. Not only had I abandoned my old life, my old career to join the Decepticons, but for them I had become a bloodthirsty killer, a brutal warrior, abandoning my own preferences to transform into something else entirely.

Now… I had thrown all that away once more, to embrace something entirely different.

Though it seemed radically different joining the Autobot forces than the Decepticons, the principle and ultimate goal had never changed: Kill Megatron.

I was still going to be a murderer, no matter what I did.

My troubles must have been as loud as a scream of anguish to my wing mates. Though we'd been able to develop a way to block out our thoughts directly when we put our minds to it, the feelings were something that we couldn't hide. I could feel the worry coming from Thundercracker, and puzzlement from Skywarp. They were both staring at me with concern in their optics through out the night, despite their own distractions… They were also smart enough not to break my solace of silence…