Chapter Five: The Light

In the five months that they had been living in the room, nothing had changed much, but it did seem just a little bit like home. It was less clean now, for sure, with various newspapers thrown all over the floor as though someone started to hurt themselves laughing once their read halfway through an article. The furniture had been arranged to make room for an added chair, and the sun's rays were cast upon the new bed sheets.

This is where Kate sat, engrossed in her writing in a simple brown journal. She used a quill pen and although she wrote very small all the way down the page, she still had to blow lightly on the words to make the ink dry before quickly flipping to the next page and begin her furious scratching once again.

The pocket mirror had moved itself from the dresser to be attached on to the wall. This is where Adam was, carefully shaving his chin. Through the mirror, he could watch Kate carefully, and he did so often, smiling when he did.

After some time, Kate finally noticed it. "Excuse me?" she said.

He merely smiled more grandly. "You've better make that book last. I'm not buying you another for at least a year."

"It's not my fault that this century give me more problems than I can fit in a journal," she stated sharply. Once Adam wiped his face off and approached the bed, she snapped the book closed and started to bottle your ink.

Adam raised an eyebrow. "And what sort of problems could you possibly have that are only entitled to you and a book?" he asked humorously.

Kate put on a sour face and stashed her book under her pillow for a moment. "As I am not entitled to all of your secrets, you should not be entitled to all of mine."

"I've told you what I owe you for putting you through this time period, and all of that alone could make one's head explode." Adam scowled, insulted.

She clearly didn't care. "Your secrets in relation to mine are still infinitely bigger than what mine could ever be. You do know that I don't have to tell you anything? I choose to talk about my life with you, but of course, I don't have to. It's not like you've made some kind of law--"

"What kind of things would you hide from me anyway? Is there anything in the entire universe that could possibly benefit from being hidden from me? Anything at all?"

Kate kept her mouth closed.

Adam leaned his back down on the bed, putting his hands over his eyes. "Only a year…" he murmured, "just a single year and already…"

"Joseph, I'm expecting," she said.

Adam kept his hands over his eyes. "Expecting what?" he asked flatly.

"A child," she replied.

"To do what?" he asked again.

Kate let out a sharp breath and gritted her teeth. "To be expelled from my vagina," she said.

Finally, although casually, Adam sat up and looked at her with a completely composed face. She, on the other hand, was curled up with her knees.

"The other day, Louise just kept staring at me all amused. When I finally asked her what was wrong, she asked how far I was. She calmly said my appetite and breasts gave it away, and I even thought it was the smallpox again when even a few injections of your blood weren't helping."

"Well, you seem thrilled," said Adam.

Kate swallowed. "Well, of course, I don't want it. I do believe the infant mortality rate is high enough with this sub-human healthcare. Overall, it's no place for any kind of child. But now? I'm twenty-three and in Revolutionary France for fuck's sake. God, I don't want it now."

She stopped and waited for Adam to reply, but he said nothing, and just looked at her.

"An abortion is out of the question. Far too risky with the current technology," Kate replied, and signaled that she was done speaking.

"So…" started Adam curiously, "we're going to keep it?"

She swallowed again. "That would be the most rational choice, provided that Elizabeth comes back for us in the next few months."

He nodded unsurely. They were both quite unsure about that. It was the only hope they held on to.

White sunlight beamed through the windows to create a striped pattern onto the sheets that wrapped around Kate's body. When at last she awoke, she was still partially sleeping as nothing but her eyes were working as of yet. She saw the white sunlight upon the white sheets and then she moved her eyes around her, seeing the room as silent and still as a painting, but could not think of anything. No words came to her mind, and no need for any kind of thought was triggered.

But, naturally, one thought did come. The word was light.

The sunlight was focused upon the sheets that covered her legs. Yes, she did feel light. She related this to her hunger. If there wasn't any food in her stomach, then she would be lighter, as in less heavy than if there was, correct?

Kate remembered only then. Light, she thought of as a swear, and quickly clenched her stomach. Only now, there was no immeasurable pain, no involuntary screams, and no endless flow of blood, soaking through every thread of that white sheet.

She dropped both hands to her abdomen to make sure it was true. It was. A rush of quickened breaths and heartbeats started through her, and out of freight, her brain started to function correctly. It was just that it was clouded with pain as the phrase echoed through it: "Please, no. Please, my Lord, of all the things I could ask for..."

As if on cue, Adam entered, immediately noticing Kate awake as though he had been waiting for just that. His expression switched on to a pathetic frown with worry lines that Kate had not seen from him more than perhaps twice before. He paced over to the foot of the bed, asking, "How are you? Hungry? Thirsty? Shall I get you some water?"

The last she had seen of him, he was kneeled over at the side of the bed, and he was tightly grasping her hand with a slick layer of blood squeezed between both their fingers. She was thinking, God, I don't want to die here, but didn't dare say a word as Adam was speaking through gasping sobs:

"Kate, p-please. Please, K-k-kate, stay. D-don't you dare... Don't you d-dare leave me. P-please, Kate. I love you. I love you s-so much. Keep fi-fighting, Kate. Kate, please. Don't you d-do this to me."

But still, Kate could glance between her legs at the doctor, who was just as shakily fiddling around with some of his instruments. She could remember thinking, Does he even know what's wrong? Has he ever delivered a baby four months premature?

Kate blinked at Adam. "I'm f-fine," she said, although her throat croaked once she used it. She hoped that he knew her next words even though she herself could not currently fit her questions and emotions into a complete phrase.

"Are you sure? You've been sleeping for two days. Philippe-Charlot just finished making clafoutis. I can bring some up if you'd like?" There was no visual evidence of him knowing those next words.

Although the youngest, Philippe-Charlot was granted the title of making the best clafoutis in the family, and that was certainly saying something. The first and last time Kate had eaten some was a few months ago, when a few relatives of Jean-Clair's wife were coming to visit. Because having tenants would make Jean-Clair seem poor and desperate, he suggested for Adam and Kate to see France's country for a few days. He practically begged them to leave, packing a basket of food for them to eat on their holiday, which happened to include the custard dessert.

"Joseph! Look at these blue ones, here! What a color!" Kate kneeled down to pick a few of the flowers, joining them with a bouquet of at least six other kinds. They had been walking for about two hours until they found the field that went on for miles. Most of it was grass up to Kate's waist, but she soon found patches of wildflowers that fascinated her to no end. How could nature produce something so beautiful all on its own without the use of artificial enhancers that produced flowers of all colors, shapes, and sizes.

Adam wasn't looking at the flowers. Instead, he had stopped following her and was faced toward the horizon, gazing at the dark set of mountains under a bright pink sky brushed with violet clouds.

After some time, Kate stopped to look up and notice this as well. "It's beautiful," she breathed, and Adam nodded to that comment, as well.

"No," said Kate automatically and lied again, "I'm not hungry. I'm-I'm fine."

"Perhaps some water, then?"

Before she could speak again, Adam left and returned soon later with a cup of water. He handed it to her saying, "Look at your hair. It's a mess," and tucked a few strands behind her ears.

It reminded her of a time, again a few months ago, but it was around the time that she was starting to show.

"Julie-René, what are you doing with your hair?"

Kate took the five-year-old's hands from the top of her head, where she seemed to be tying her hair into complex knots. The girl took her hands from Kate's, and instead lifted them up, wanting to be picked up and carried into someone's lap. Kate followed the signals and went along with it, starting to untangle the mane before her.

"I was making my hair all pretty like yours, Auntie Claud."

The young woman raised her eyebrows. "Do you mean in a braid like I had it last week? Don't you want to look like your Mama and all the other women?"

Julie-René shook her head so hard it looked like it was going to twist off, making Kate laugh and hold the head still.

"Do you want me to braid it?" she asked and brought her fingers through the final lumps of the girl's hair.

The child nodded, and Kate couldn't help but to smile, preparing so that she could make a braid on either side of the head. She also couldn't stop thinking of how cute the girl was going to be when it was done.

Kate took the cup of water, but didn't drink from it. "Joseph," she said, her throat blocking up, "Joseph, please..."

He stood up straight, slightly twitching as he licked his lips. "Yes?"

"Is it a boy or a girl?"

It seemed to come out with some difficulty, but Adam very simply stated, "It was a boy."

Kate turned her head to look in her cup of water. She shook and she shuddered, but the tears were not ready yet. "Where is he?" she asked.

Adam took a smaller pause. "I buried it in the back," he said.

"Didn't think I could see him?" The tears started to well up, but she fought to keep them back.

"There was nothing to see," he replied. "He died in the womb. Not even our technology could have saved him."

Kate swallowed her emotions down, but they piled up to a mountain.

"I suppose that's what we wanted," she said.

She started to sob, and then bawl. Adam took the cup from her and then sat himself upon the bed. She pressed herself into his chest and he held her tightly in his arms. She cried and cried, and after Adam started to shed some tears, she cried some more.

"Yes," he replied in a barely audible whisper. "I suppose so."