Simpsons vs. Harry Potter Survivor
Episode 2
Brian: Hello, and welcome back to Simpsons vs. Harry Potter Survivor here in the heart of Egypt. The two tribes have only been on the island for three days, but alliances have already started forming. For the Simpsons Tribe, Bart and Nelson have decided to join together; however, they were unsuccessful at voting off Bart's sister Lisa at last night's tribal council. Instead, Ralph Wiggum was the first castaway to be voted off with four votes.
As for the Hogwarts Tribe, Malfoy is plotting an alliance, with his target being Ron "The King of Gingers" Weasley. A romance is also beginning to bloom as Harry plans to reveal his true feelings to Hermione Granger at some point during the game. How will the next three days play out? We don't know, but we do know that at the end, there will only be one sole survivor.
Simpsons Tribe, Day 4
Bart: Now that I've had some time to think about it, Ralph getting voted off last night will be a good thing for this tribe in the long run. However, this does not change Nelson and I's plans to target Lisa.
Flanders: I cannot for the life of me figure out who voted for me last night. As the tree said to the lumberjack, I'm stumped!
(Sunrise bathes the Simpsons camp in sunlight. The peaceful calm is interrupted by the sound of an air horn the wakes up the grumpy tribe members.)
Homer: (groggy) Flanders, I'm trying to sleep here.
Flanders: (chuckles) Sorry for the early wake-up call, but since our tribe hasn't exactly gotten off on the right foot, I figured we could come together and listen to some of the Lord's juicy nuggets of advi-diddly-ice!
(Everyone except Flanders groans as they huddle around the currently unlit campfire. They half-heartedly listen to Flanders as he reads an excerpt from the book of John. During the surprise sermon, Bart has a talk with Milhouse.)
Bart: (whispering) Psstt…Milhouse!
Milhouse: Yeah Bart?
Bart: You wanna join Nelson and I's alliance?
Milhouse: (gasp of excitement) Oh, of course, Bart! Who do you plan on voting off next?
Bart: Lisa
Milhouse: (taken aback) Lisa? But…but I love her, Bart. I'm not gonna vote off the girl I love.
Bart: Admit it Milhouse, this tribe would be better off without Lisa around being a bossy know-it-all getting on everyone's nerves.
Milhouse: I'm sorry Bart, but I can't side with you on this! I'm with Lisa!
(Milhouse walks away from Bart and moves to the other side to sit next to Homer and Lisa. Bart looks at him with a look of shock on his face.)
Lisa: I saw Milhouse walking away from Bart during Flanders' prayer session this morning. It looks like he tried to recruit him for his alliance and failed. I guess that's a good sign for me because it's likely that Bart and Nelson were the two who voted for me last night.
Bart: Losing Milhouse is but a minor setback in my master plan. Besides, after this morning, I think I have a different person in mind to be voted off next rather than Lisa.
(Flanders continues to pray and preach while the rest of the tribe either feigns attention or goes back to sleep.)
Hogwarts Tribe, Day 4
(Harry and Ron are out fishing in the river.)
Ron: We've certainly been on a roll with the challenges of late.
Harry: Yep! We keep working together, the Simpsons Tribe doesn't stand a chance. Even if we don't have our magic…
(Silence for a few moments before Ron speaks again.)
Ron: Harry, I wanted to apologize for eating all that rice the other day.
Harry: It's alright Ron. I forgive you. I actually contemplated stealing a helping of rice the other day myself. I'm so hungry! Just promise you'll show a little bit more willpower from now on, okay?
Ron: Sure thing Harry!
(Harry and Ron continue to fish another hour or two before heading back to shore with about 3-4 fish between the two of them.)
Harry: (yelling as he approaches camp) Hey guys, we're eating protein tonight!
Hermione: (surprised) Wow, great job you two!
Ron: Always the tone of surprise?
Hermione: (smiles as she grabs fish out of Harry's hands) I'll start cooking these fish for tonight's dinner.
(Harry and Ron sit down by the campfire. They are joined by Neville, who has just returned from gathering firewood. Hermione and Luna are busy cooking the fish for dinner. They all watch as Malfoy is talking with Crabbe and Goyle in the distance.)
Ron: What do you think they're talking about?
Harry: Probably forming an alliance. We should be doing the same thing.
Ron: Good idea, Harry! With the five of us all together, Malfoy and his cronies won't stand a chance.
Hermione: Yeah, but which one of them should we vote for first?
Neville: Whoever we vote off, it should be the person who has been the most incompetent in the tribe.
Luna: The fish is done! Neville, go tell the others that dinner is ready. We'll talk about the alliance more tomorrow.
(Everyone nods in agreement as they all begin to eat their rations of rice and fish.)
Later that night…
(Hermione couldn't sleep. It was freezing cold out and she didn't have a blanket on her as she didn't expect the nights in Egypt to be this cold. Harry looks over and sees Hermione shivering.)
Harry: You alright, Hermione?
Hermione: Yeah, it's just a little colder out here than I thought it would be.
Harry: You want to share my blanket?
Hermione: (smiling) Thanks Harry!
(The two friends squeeze closer together as they both get under the blanket. They fall asleep shortly thereafter, not noticing a certain redhead watching them.)
Simpsons Tribe, Day 5
(Bart and Nelson walk down the beach to check the tree-mail.)
Nelson: No luck recruiting Milhouse, huh?
Bart: I can still get him to be part of the alliance as long as we promise not to vote off Lisa.
Nelson: You sure you want to keep Lisa around? She could be a dangerous player later in the game.
Bart: I don't know. We've still some time to think about it before the next tribal council though.
(Bart grabs the tree-mail and reads it to himself.)
Nelson: What does it say?
Bart: Looks like we got a reward challenge for food today, and not a moment too soon because I'm starving!
(Bart and Nelson walk back to alert the others to the day's challenge.)
Day 5: Reward Challenge
Brian: (texting on a cell phone)
Camera guy: Brian, you're on!
Brian: (puts cell phone away) We await the arrival of our tribes.
(Simpsons and Hogwarts Tribes arrive at challenge, sitting down at a long table.)
Brian: Well, is anyone here hungry?
(Several stomachs growl, with Homer's growling the loudest.)
Brian: Well then, I have some good news. The reward for today's challenge is four large cheese pizzas with breadsticks and two one-liter bottles of Coca-Cola.
(The castaways respond very enthusiastically to the prospect of a pizza dinner.)
Brian: However, in order to get that food, you'll first have to eat this.
(Brian uncovers a plate filled with all kinds of bugs. The expressions on most castaways' faces quickly change to disgust. Bart looks at his vegetarian sister with worry.)
Brian: Okay, so here's how it's going to work! We're going to go down the row and each tribe member will have to eat their bug. The first castaway who fails to eat their bug within the 90 second time limit will lose the challenge for their tribe.
(Being a vegetarian, Lisa is quick to move to the very end of the table. Since the Hogwarts Tribe has a one-man advantage, Draco opts to sit out this challenge.)
Brian: Alright, if there are no questions, then let's get this match started with Homer and Ron.
[Homer and Ron both eat their bugs quickly.]
Brian: Okay, Bart and Harry, you're next.
[Bart and Harry also eat their bugs, though not as quickly as Homer and Ron.]
Brian: Both teams 2 for 2 so far. Moe and Hermione…
[Moe devours the bug, but Hermione is hesitant.]
Hermione: Ugh, I feel so bad for this poor bug.
Ron: Come on Hermione, you've eaten meat before. Jus t pretend it's a nice, juicy steak at the Great Hall.
[Hermione bucks up the courage to eat her bug. Both teams eat their bugs without fanfare until it gets to Lisa and Luna at the very end of the table.]
Lisa: I can't do it, this is completely barbaric!
Luna: I'm having my qualms about this as well.
[The castaways encourage their teammates, eventually persuading both of them into slowly eating their bugs.]
Brian: Fortunately, I was prepared for the possibility of a tie. That's why we have a second course to offer you.
(Brian uncovers another plate with two small scorpions on it.)
Brian: I need each tribe to pick a member from the opposing team to eat this scorpion.
Hogwarts Tribe: (in unison) Lisa!
Lisa: D'oh!
Bart: We're going with Hermione.
(Lisa and Hermione take the seats at the front of the table.)
Brian: Lisa and Hermione, here are the rules for the tiebreaker. There is no time limit, and whoever finishes their scorpion first wins the pizza for their tribe. Understand?
(Lisa and Hermione both nod in agreement.)
Brian: Alright, whenever you're ready you two.
[Lisa and Hermione are both hesitant to pick up their scorpions.]
Harry: Come on Hermione, use that Gryffindor courage of yours. You've got this.
[Hermione, empowered by the words of encouragement from her best friend, grabs the scorpion, chews it up and swallows it, much to the jubilation of her fellow tribe members. The Simpsons Tribe meanwhile, frustrated by another loss, glare at Lisa.]
Brian: Congratulations Hogwarts Tribe, you're now 3 for 3 on challenges and the pizza is yours.
(As the Hogwarts Tribe celebrates, Hermione looks over to the demoralized Simpsons Tribe.)
Hermione: Hey guys, we're probably not gonna eat all this pizza, so if you want one of them…
Lisa: You would do that for us, Hermione?
Hermione: Sure, why not? What do you think guys, can they have one of the pizzas?
(The Hogwarts Tribe deliberates, eventually deciding to concede a pizza to their opponents, much to the chagrin of Ron, Crabbe and Goyle.)
Hogwarts Tribe, Day 5
(The tribe members gather around the campfire as they dig into the pizza, breadsticks and soda.)
Malfoy: I have to admit Granger. You really stepped up for the team today.
Hermione: Wow, that means a lot coming from you Malfoy…Thanks!
(Ron taps Harry on the shoulder.)
Ron: Hey Harry, you mind if I talk to you in private for a minute?
Harry: Oh, sure thing Ron.
(Harry and Ron move their private conversation into the shelter.)
Ron: I couldn't help but notice that you and Hermione got a little closer last night.
Harry: You saw that?
Ron: Yeah, every bit of it.
(The two stare at each other in awkward silence before Harry finally speaks again.)
Harry: Look Ron, I'm sorry…
Ron: (raising his voice) SORRY? Harry, that's my girlfriend you were getting intimate with last night.
(Malfoy overhears the conversation as he walks towards the forest and decides to eavesdrop.)
Harry: But she was freezing cold because she didn't have a blanket, so…
Ron: (yelling) Oh whatever, you're just using that as an excuse to cuddle with her!
Harry: Well maybe YOU should have taken the initiative to help out your girlfriend.
Ron: Oh, piss off! (Ron walks away down the beach.)
Harry: Ron, Ron come back!
(Malfoy watches behind a tree with a grin on his face.)
Malfoy: This is absolutely brilliant! With Potter and Weasley at each other's throats over Granger, there's no way their alliance can possibly work.
Day 6: Immunity Challenge
Brian: (on a laptop) Wow, wifi internet in the middle of Egypt.
Camera guy: Uhhh, Brian…
Brian: Oh! (puts away laptop) Thanks to a display of generosity and sportsmanship on the part of Hermione, both tribes got to enjoy some pizza last night. However, it is right back to business as both teams must capture the opponent's flag if they wish to avoid tribal council tonight. Here come our tribes now!
(Both tribes arrive at challenge.)
Brian: Alright castaways, we'll be playing a game of Capture the Flag for today's immunity challenge. On each side of the playing field is a flag representing your tribe. Hogwarts Tribe, your flag is the black one on the left, and Simpsons Tribe your flag is the yellow one on the right. To win, all you have to do is capture the other team's flag and bring it back to your team base right next to your own flag. Hogwarts Tribe, since you're a man up, I'm going to need one person to sit out this game. (Luna steps forward beside Brian) Okay, Luna is sitting out for the Hogwarts Tribe. Well, this game is a pretty simple concept, so there shouldn't be any questions.
(Homer raises his hand.)
Homer: Sooooo, we capture our own flag, right?
Brian: (sighs) Obviously, I have overestimated your IQ levels. Moving on, Survivors ready….GO!
[Both tribes spend a few minutes strategizing and determining who is doing what before pursuing the opponent's flag. The Hogwarts Tribe is the first to attempt a capture, but Harry and Hermione end up getting tagged and put in the Simpsons Tribe's jail. The Simpsons Tribe sends two people on each side, with Bart and Moe on the left and Lisa and Nelson on the right. On defense, Crabbe and Goyle is able to get Moe and Lisa into jail, but Bart evades them and grabs the flag. Neville tries to run down Bart as he approaches his base, but cannot quite tag him. Bart reaches base with the flag and claims immunity for the Simpsons Tribe.]
Nelson and Milhouse: Bart, Bart, he's our man! If he can't do it, no one can!
Brian: Congratulations Simpsons Tribe, you finally win a challenge here and claim immunity. All seven of you are in the game for the next three days! Hogwarts Tribe, I'll see you all at tribal council tonight.
(The Simpsons Tribe celebrates with the idol. Harry, Hermione and Neville offer their congratulations to the Simpsons Tribe before going back to their camp.)
Hogwarts Tribe
Hermione: It was bad enough losing the challenge, but when we got back to camp, we noticed that the leftover pizza was gone.
Harry: Okay, who ate the pizza? Come on, fess up!
(Silence from all tribe members. Hermione stares accusingly at Ron.)
Ron: I swear, I had nothing to do with it.
Crabbe/Goyle: (burps)
(Tribe members start glaring at the two Slytherins, even Malfoy is unhappy with his cohorts.)
Malfoy: Guys, Again? REALLY?
Hermione: (whispering to Harry) I think I know who we're voting off tonight.
Harry: Uhhh, yeah, but which one?
Hermione: Good question.
(Ron stares at a distance as Harry and Hermione continue to confer quietly.)
Tribal Council
(The eight Hogwarts Tribe arrive and sit down in the hut. Brian enters from a side door.)
Brian: Welcome to tribal council, Hogwarts Tribe. After a good start, your winning streak was broken in today's immunity challenge. Neville, what do you think contributed primarily to this loss?
Neville: I think everyone could have done better, but if I had to pinpoint two individuals, I'd say Crabbe and Goyle could have done a better job defending the flag. They weren't really paying that much attention when Bart and Lisa executed that flank attack.
(Crabbe and Goyle stare into space as if their names weren't mentioned.)
Brian: This next question is for Harry and Ron. You two had a bit of a private argument last night. Have you forgiven each other, or is there still some tension there?
Harry: Well, we haven't formally apologized yet, but hopefully our friendship is strong enough that we can see past the small argument and…
Ron: SMALL? You were spooning with my girlfriend, you were!
(Hermione looks over at Ron and Harry with an embarrassed look on her face.)
Brian: Hermione, any thoughts on this?
(Hermione, still stunned by the recent events, has no response.)
Brian: Okay, then I guess it's time to vote. Luna, lead us off.
[Shot of Luna casting her vote, then Malfoy casting his vote, revealing it to be for RON.]
Malfoy: Crabbe and Goyle have been hurting the tribe, but I'm sticking with my plans. So long Weasley!
[Shot of Neville, then Ron voting and showing his vote to the camera: HARRY.]
Ron: I didn't want to do this man, but I trusted you and you betrayed that trust.
[Shot of Hermione voting, Crabbe and Goyle voting, then Harry voting for GOYLE.]
Harry: Ideally, I would vote for both Crabbe and Goyle, but seeing as we can only eliminate one person at a time, I decided to pick the latter.
[Harry sits back down. Brian tallies the votes and then joins them.]
Brian: Once the votes are tallied, the decision is final, blah blah blah…let's read the votes.
(Brian opens the voting bucket and grabs the first vote.)
Brian: 1st vote is for…Ron. Second vote, Goyle. Third vote is for…Harry. Fourth vote…Goyle….Fifth vote…Ron. Sixth vote is for…Goyle. Three for Goyle, Two for Ron, One for Harry. Next vote…is Goyle, so the last vote isn't necessary.
(Goyle grabs his torch and takes it to Brian.)
Brian: Goyle, the tribe has spoken. (Brian extinguishes Goyle's torch.) You'll have to leave now.
(Goyle leaves in silence.)
Brian: Well, this has certainly been an interesting and revealing tribal council to say the least. You all may head back to your camp now. Good night.
(Hogwarts tribe grabs their torches and exits single file out of the hut.)
END OF EPISODE TWO
What, did you actually think I was going to eliminate Harry or Ron this early in the game? Ha, child please!
Tribal Council #2 Voting
Candidate (# of votes)
Goyle (4)
Harry
Hermione
Luna
Neville
Ron (3)
Draco
Crabbe
Goyle
Harry (1)
Ron