The sandcastle wasn't big but she had been staring at it for several hours as if it held all the secrets of the universe. She'd been forbidden in no uncertain terms to leave the camp and she was not to come with to the planned ambush site. To be honest this had been the first time she had ever wanted to go on a raid. But no amount of pleading could convince Gaara that she should be there for the execution of the plan. No matter that it had been her idea from the start.
She sighed, the logical part of her brain knew that she would be more of a nuisance than a help. She could execute the jutsu, and probably better than most but if a battle ensued she would be rather helpless.
Sayuri kicked the leg of her desk repeatedly. Never before had it bothered her so much that she to enter a battle would probably need her own set of bodyguards. She could perform complicated jutsus, forgotten techniques and was a fair strategist but all it took to bring her down was one opponent behind her line of defence. Even as a long range ninja she would be running at a very high risk, every battle would be almost suicidal. And every chain is only as strong as its weakest link, she reminded herself. And she was a strong link, just not in battle. She was suited for her desk and the role of a teacher, passing on her knowledge to those who were better suited at putting that knowledge to use in action.
All this her sensible mind knew, but this was her plan, her work put into action. And Gaara would be there, taking the risks. What if something went wrong? What if she'd made a mistake in the calculations? In the end Gaara had won the argument by deciding that she could come if she could beat Kakashi in a duel. All Kakashi had had to do was push his forehead protector up to reveal his Sharingan before she'd caved. She knew how the Sharingan worked very well, and therefore realized that even if she could use jutsus he couldn't he could easily copy them and she would be the least successful at dodging them.
That left her in her tent. She was an okay healer but no one had returned yet and that meant she had nothing to do. Well, she had loads of work to do but she just couldn't concentrate, she kept worrying that something would go wrong, that Gaara would get hurt. Or anyone else, she reminded herself, she was only staring at the castle making sure he was okay because he was the only one she could keep track of because of the state of the little sand model.
So far it was okay, standing innocently on her desk. Sayuri usually kept it on her nightstand. The nightstand she had asked Yamato to make her for the purpose of keeping the castle on, so she could see it before she went to sleep. Feeling like an idiot she had asked him if he could make it so she could keep a light by her and read in bed. Her voice had seemed ridiculously practiced and false in her ears but Yamato had only agreed, gone to her tent and conjured it. Now she kept it so she could see it, it reminded her of fairy tales and fairy tales meant peace and prosperity. It was a good reminder how life could be, would be again. That he had made it to make her happy wasn't it at all. Not at all.
Frustrated she pulled a random paper closer but the numbers wouldn't dance today. She gave up the thought of working for the umpteenth time of the day and settled back in her chair, eyes fastened on the castle. Time seemed to slow down and speed up regardless of time perception and then - after she didn't know how long, she heard an increase in volume outside, an excited buzz was spreading. The noise grew louder and she stood up, then heard a shouted "they're back!" and was out the tent in a flash.
The whole camp seemed to be moving in the same direction to welcome the returning Earth Style users and she was swallowed up by a tidal wave of people. She let the current bring her to the southeast end of the camp where she spotted a stream of people coming from the opposite direction. Then she was pushed sideways by the jostling crowd, all trying to reach their friends or family. Out of the mass she had more freedom to move and for once she wished she were taller, not to have longer legs, but to spot the familiar form of the Kazekage. Then she saw him, spotted his auburn hair and scarlet coat. He was standing a little away from the crowd, on a small plateau, with his siblings behind him and Kakashi by his side. He was half-turned away from her, silently watching the returning shinobi being hugged and kissed and slapped on the back. Greeting the Commander was obviously taking second place to making sure your friends and family were unharmed. His arms were crossed over his chest, his eyes impenetrable and his coat was snapping in the wind and she felt her heart swell in joy. He was fine, he wasn't hurt. Without thinking she raced forward, pushed through the last barrier of people, ran up to the small rise and flung her arms around him. She wasn't sure but she thought she'd seen Kakashi give Gaara a push so he lost his balance and had to uncross his arms to regain his balance, then her arms were around his neck and she felt his warmth, could finally believe he was really there, safe and sound. She felt him stiffen and quickly pulled away.
"Er…" She stood awkwardly. She'd just hugged the most powerful man in the ninja world. "How did it go?" She felt the heat rise in her cheeks as Gaara only stood, seeming too shocked by her familiar hug to speak. Luckliy, to save her from eternal embarrassment, Kakashi piped in,
"It worked, Sayuri. We got almost a quarter of them in one go. They never knew what hit them. She couldn't help the laugh that escaped her; she'd accomplished something today. She had saved lives. She'd never known victory could be so sweet. Kakashi smiled his happy hedgehog smile at her and she had to hug him too. Then Guy-sensei appeared out of nowhere and grabbed her by the waist and spun her around.
Later that night she was tipsy on congratulations and to be frank, quite a bit of sake. Somehow everyone seemed to know who she was and that she had come up with the plan executed so successfully. Shinobi were allowed rations of sake, a small amount once a week but most refrained to always stay alert. However everyone had been happy to give her their shares and toast her. Feeling as if she'd appear ungrateful if she didn't accept it she had ended up having a bit more than she was used to. She was now a tiny bit affected, she admitted to herself. Kakashi had kindly offered to walk her to her tent and since he'd been nice enough to phrase it as a question rather than a suggestion that she was too tipsy to take care of herself she had accepted. They got to the tent without any mishaps worse than knocking over stuff and her over-sharing (as in whispering loudly in a conspiratorial manner that the Kazekage had a really nice body under all those clothes). Kakashi had taken it in stride and opened the tentflap for her, then spotted the Lord of Sand inside and quickly excused himself.
Now Sayuri was standing, swaying only slightly, with one eye closed to try and focus on the gently spinning shape of Gaara.
"You've kept it", he nodded towards the little castle sitting on her desk.
"Mm, yes. Been watching the whole stupid day for cracks, couldn't even work." She wasn't slurring but talking in the dreamy tone that came before it. "Usually keep it here", she waved towards the nightstand as she made her way to the bed. He have her another of his piercing looks as she struggled with the zipper on her flak jacket.
"Off, you silly thing, need to get it off", she mumbled to the zipper.
"Here, let me help." He stepped closer and gently pushed her hands away, unzipping the jacket and helping her out of it. Had Sayuri been soberer she'd seen his hands shaking slightly but she only plopped down on the bed.
"Thanks. Tricky stuff, zippers."
POV
Gaara tried to swallow what felt like a fistful of his sand. Sayuri was clearly tipsy and needed help but to actually take off a piece of her clothing came a bit too close to some of the dreams he'd had lately. After watching her struggle with the zipper for a moment he shook his head. It was just a flak jacket, what was there to get worked up about? He stepped closer,
"Here, let me help." His voice sounded rusty and he pushed her fumbling hands away. He caught the sent of her as she let her arms fall to her sides, something fresh and appealing, like walking outside in during a summer night. He'd felt the softness of her skin as he'd pushed her hands away and felt his hands shake slightly as he closed his fingers around the zipper. The warmth from her body seemed to caress the back of his hand as he unzipped the jacket and the sound of it seemed to echo unnaturally loudly in his head. Trustingly she turned so he could help her out of the garment and he felt his heart constrict as the words "not for you" flashed in his brain. She crawled onto the bed and he put the jacket down, knowing he was going to spend a painful night, recalling every detail of this night. That was as close as he was ever going to get.
"I just came by to thank you for…today. It was a victory thanks to you." He thought he could make out a small smile in the dusk. He heard her breathing slow and thought she'd fallen asleep, so he pulled up the covers around her and turned to leave when she said sleepily,
"You smell nice." Gaara went out, hoping the cold air would slow down his heartbeat and the heat that was racing through him. He nodded absently to the guards he's posted outside. The research was no longer in danger but he would take no chances. From the guards reports he knew Sayuri often brought them food from the tent and let them sit inside when it was cold, she was just that kind of person. But she didn't hug them. She had hugged him today, like no one ever had before, just thrown her arms around him as if it were the most natural thing in the world. As if in relief that he wasn't hurt, as if she were happy to see him. And she'd kept the little sandcastle he'd given her, next to her bed on a nightstand he couldn't remember having seen in there before. Gaara rubbed a hand over his heart where it felt as if too many emotions were crowded at once. He knew that when he saw her his spirits inexplicably lifted and when he didn't see her he thought about her constantly. When she said his name or smiled at him his heart did the tumbling thing in his chest. He wondered if this was what it was like to like someone. He suddenly realized his feet had taken him to his tent and he went inside. It looked empty and dark inside and he sat down heavily on his bed. Koizumi Sayuri was not for the likes of him. The little flame of hope that she liked him a little only made the pain worse. He could never have her, she wasn't for him. Someone like him should never soil someone as pure as her. He was in love with her, he realized and knowing he couldn't do anything about it left him stuck with a painful hollowness inside.