Simpsons vs. Harry Potter Survivor

Episode 4

Brian: Previously on Simpsons vs. Harry Potter Survivor, one friendship was mended while the other fell apart in an act of deception and betrayal. After a few days of anger and ignoring each other, Harry and Ron apologized to each other and reformed their friendship and alliance, thanks in no small part to Luna confessing her love for Ron.

However, at the Simpsons Tribe, it was a whole other story altogether. Bart once again offered Milhouse a spot in his alliance with Nelson, and Milhouse accepted on the condition that Lisa would make it to the merger. The two friends had seemingly made up, but that all changed after the Simpsons Tribe was upset in American football by the Hogwarts Tribe and were forced to go to tribal council. In the vote, Bart and Nelson turned their back on Milhouse, with a second tiebreaker vote by Nelson kicking Milhouse out of the game.

What will be the consequences of Bart's stab in the back? When will Harry tell Hermione how he really feels about her? Who will be the next castaway voted off? Let's find out…

Simpsons Tribe, Day 10

Bart: Yeah, about last night…Well, my deal with Milhouse was that Lisa would make it to the merger. I didn't say anything about him making it to the merger.

(Bart wakes up to the sight of Lisa glaring down at him with a dagger stare.)

Bart: What's eating you Lis?

Lisa: (staring at him accusingly) Bart, would you happen to know how Milhouse got voted off last night?

Bart: Homer, Nelson and I voted for him.

Lisa: (tears welling up in eyes) You just can't stand to see me or MIlhouse happy, can you?

Bart: Lis, I didn't know…

Lisa: I don't want to hear it Bart! (cries and walks away)

Nelson: Trouble with the sis, Bart?

Bart: (sighs) Yeah man. I still say we voted for the right person though. What time is it anyway?

Nelson: (looks at watch surprised) About half past ten…I'm surprised we didn't get the early wake up call from Flanders.

Bart: Probably took the hint last night and decided to stop doing it.

Flanders: I was really hoping to bring some new Christians into the flock, but I believe that last night's near elimination was a sign from God to stop being so preachy and just play the game.

Bart: Anyway, I think we should bring someone in to replace Milhouse.

Nelson: Good idea, except who is going to trust us after what we did to Milhouse?

(Out of the corner of his eye, Bart sees Moe emerging from the woods.)

Moe: Hey, how ya doin there Bart?

Bart: Great Moe! How about a round of coconut juice for the three of us?

Moe: Yeah sure, no problem.

(Moe goes over to makeshift bar that he made out of two crates and a tree trunk. He pours coconut juice into three empty coconut shells, and the trio shares a drink.)

Hogwarts Tribe, Day 10

(Harry and Ron are out fishing by the Nile.)

Ron: Ya got a bite mate?

Harry: Nothing. I hope we get something soon because I'm starving.

(Harry and Ron's stomachs grumble to confirm Harry's statement.)

Ron: So, you tell Hermione yet?

Harry: Tell her what?

Ron: Well, you know…

Harry: (shakes his head) Not yet. I'm waiting for the right moment.

Ron: Well, you better do it soon. You never know when you or Hermione could be eliminated.

Harry: If the three of us work together with Neville and Luna, then I should have plenty of time to muster the courage to tell her.

(Harry and Ron return to shelter after a few hours of fishing with only 2 fish to show for their efforts. Hermione and Luna await them.)

Hermione: So, not much luck today?

(Harry and Ron shakes their heads.)

Hermione: Well, on the bright side, Luna and I found a nice spring of freshwater in the oasis today.

Ron: Thank bloody Merlin, our initial water supplies were starting to dwindle.

Harry: Hey, have you guys seen Neville today?

Luna: No, I can't say that I have.

Hermione: Well, I'm sure he's just looking for food or water somewhere.

Ron: Yeah, or he's being recruited by Malfoy and Crabbe.

Luna: Nonsense! Neville would never betray us.

Harry: Then again, no one thought Bart would betray Milhouse.

(The four end the conversation as they prepare for lunch.)

Harry: As much as I hate to admit it, I don't think we can trust Neville right now. We don't really see much of him nor do we see much of Malfoy or Crabbe, and we all heard about what happened to Milhouse last night. I'm not accusing anyone of anything, but it is rather suspicious.

Day 11: Reward Challenge

Brian: (drinking a mojito) Yeah, I don't think it's a gay drink…MO-JI- TOOOOOO!

Cameraman: Uh, Brian…

Brian: (slightly drunk) Yeah yeah, whatever, just bring in the fuckin tribes.

(Hogwarts and Simpsons tribe arrive at another makeshift sand field, except this is slightly larger and with three circular goals on each end. In the middle of the field are two piles of broomsticks. The Hogwarts Tribe has knowing looks on their faces while the Simpsons Tribe looks baffled.)

Brian: So, for today's reward challenge, I figured since we played a sport the Simpsons Tribe was familiar with at the last challenge, we'll play a sport that the Hogwarts Tribe is familiar with. Therefore, today we will be playing a game of Quidditch. However, there will be a few differences from the game that the Hogwarts Tribe is used to. First and foremost, these brooms are not magical, so you will need to run while holding a broom as if you're actually riding it. Secondly, since we don't have a Golden Snitch, we have found a suitable replacement. (Brian walks over to a cage on the beach.) Ladies and gentleman, I give you my fellow Family Guy cast member and the Golden Snitch for today's match, Greased Up Deaf Guy!

(Brian opens the cage and a naked white man covered in grease and starts running around the Quidditch pitch. Everyone except Brian looks at the man with disgust, and a few of them are about to throw up. After a brief rules explanation, Brian continues.)

Brian: Before we begin, Hogwarts Tribe, you are up a person, so I need you to choose one person to sit out.

(Harry and Ron look at each other. The answer is obvious.)

Hermione: Okay fine, I'm going.

Brian: Hermione is sitting out this challenge for the Hogwarts Tribe. Survivors, get into your positions. (whispering to Hermione) By the way, you are looking mighty fine today baby.

Hermione: (revolted) Ewww….I think I'll stand there for the duration of the challenge. (Hermione walks over to other side of field)

Brian: (tipsy) Well fine, be that way.

[The teams prepare for the 6 on 6 Quidditch match. For the Hogwarts Tribe, Ron is the Keeper, Luna and Neville are the Chasers, Crabbe and Malfoy are the Beaters, and Harry is, of course, the Seeker. For the Simpsons Tribe, Homer is the Keeper, Flanders and Lisa are Chasers, Nelson and Moe are Beaters and Bart is the Seeker. The participants get on their brooms and await Brian's signal.]

Brian: Survivors Ready, and GO!

[Neville grabs the Quaffle in the center of the field and the game begins. The Hogwarts Tribe dominates early, as Neville and Luna score three quick goals against Homer, who is not quick enough to react. The Simpsons Tribe is able to muster a few goals themselves , as they close the gap to 70-30 in favor of the Hogwarts Tribe. Meanwhile, Harry and Bart battle each other to catch Greased Up Deaf Guy. Suddenly, Nelson hits Harry in the head with a Bludger. Harry falls to the ground and Hermione gasps on the sidelines. Bart, with no one challenging him, is able to just get a hold on Greased Up Deaf Guy to win the match for the Simpsons Tribe.]

Brian: Game over, Simpsons Tribe wins!

(The Simpsons Tribe celebrates while the Hogwarts Tribe experiences shock similar to what the Simpsons Tribe felt after the last challenge.)

Brian: Congratulations Simpsons Tribe, now let me show you what you all have won!

(Brian grabs a crate and opens it up to reveal brand new fishing and culinary equipment. The Simpsons Tribe revels in their new loot, as Bart grabs a fishing pole while Lisa checks out the new filet knife. Meanwhile, Harry comes to and Hermione runs over to him and kisses him on the cheek, glad that her friend is okay. Then, they walk back to camp with the rest of the dejected Hogwarts Tribe.)

Simpsons Tribe, Day 11

Flanders: Hey Lisa, with this new fishing pole, I caught several fishies in a jiffy!

Lisa: (chuckling at Flander's little rhyme) That's great! It gives me a chance to test out the new filet knife.

(Lisa cuts the fish with the filet knife while Homer relaxes in a hammock the Simpsons Tribe won in a previous reward challenge. Bart walks over to join them.)

Bart: Hey Lis, need some help?

(Lisa ignores him, continuing with the task.)

Bart: Oh come on, you're still mad about that?

(Lisa still ignores him.)

Bart: You know, if I hadn't caught Greased Up Deaf Guy, you wouldn't be using that knife right now!

(Lisa looks up, glaring at Bart.)

Lisa: Don't think your minor accomplishment today changes anything. (Lisa resumes with cutting the fish.)

Bart: Fine then! I come here and extend the olive branch, and you spit in my face. Lisa, you've made yourself a powerful enemy.

(Bart walks away, leaving Lisa alone to prepare the fish.)

Hogwarts Tribe, Day 11

(Still a little woozy from the bludger to the head, Harry is lying down on a bench next to the fire while Ron and Luna talk in the shelter and Hermione prepares dinner.)

Harry: Hey Hermione.

Hermione: Yes, Harry?

(Ron and Luna go into the woods to give Harry and Hermione some privacy.)

Harry: Umm…uhh..I just wanted to thank you for checking up on me after the match.

Hermione: Of course Harry, you're my best friend. You mean the world to me.

Harry: (sits up and smiles) You're my best friend too. In fact, you've been my best friend ever since that time Ron and I saved you from the troll. (Hermione blushes) Actually, for some time, I've considered you as (Harry pauses and musters up that Gryffindor courage) as even more than a friend, more like a soul mate, someone I want to spend the rest of my life with.

(By the time Harry is done speaking, Hermione is beginning to cry.)

Harry: Are you alright?

Hermione: (dries her eyes) Oh Harry, I'm…I'm more than alirght! I've been waiting for you to say that for so long. You know why I tried to look so nice at the Yule Ball? It was to impress you, Harry. I tried to get your attention, but you didn't notice.

Harry: Oh Hermione, I noticed. It was that moment that made me fall in love with you. The only reason I didn't make a move is because I thought Ron wanted to date you. Now that he's dating Luna, I can do what I wanted to do when I saw you that night!

(Harry locks lips with Hermione and the two kiss. After a few minutes, the two finally break apart, both of them blushing and looking lovingly into each other's eyes.)

Harry: So….umm, need help with the dinner?

Hermione: No…no, you sit and rest.

(Hermione kisses Harry on the forehead and Harry lies back down to rest. Even though his head is hurting, he had never been happier in his entire life.)

Day 12: Immunity Challenge

Stewie Griffin: (looking at video monitor) Well, it's about dang time you told her Harry!

Cameraman: Stewie, you're on!

Stewie: (turns around) Oh, hi there! The dog has a bit of a hangover from all those mojitos yesterday, so I'm taking over as host temporarily. With that being said, let's bring out the tribes for today's immunity challenge.

(Hogwarts and Simpsons Tribes arrive.)

Stewie: Okay tribes, today's immunity challenge is simple. I need five members from each team to answer trivia questions about the opposing tribe.

(Hermione, Luna, Malfoy, Neville and Harry step forward for the Hogwarts Tribe while Bart, Lisa, Flanders, Moe and Nelson step forward for the Simpsons Tribe.)

Stewie: Whichever team answers the most questions correctly wins immunity for their team. Hermione, I'll start with you. What is the address of the Simpsons residence?

Hermione: 742 Evergreen Terrace.

Stewie: Correct, point to the Hogwarts Tribe.

[The Hogwarts Tribe answers four of five questions correctly. The Simpsons Tribe answers three of its first four correctly. Nelson is last up and needs to answer his question correctly to force a tiebreaker.]

Stewie: Nelson, what is the name of the hippogriff from the Prisoner of Azkaban?

(Nelson, having no clue, blurts out the first answer that comes to mind.)

Nelson: Ummm….Scabbers?

Stewie: Oh, sorry! That was the name of Ron's rat. We were looking for Buckbeak. Hogwarts Tribe, you win by a score of 4 to 3 and retain the immunity idol. Simpsons Tribe, you are going to Tribal Council for the second straight time.

(The Hogwarts Tribe celebrates while the demoralized Simpsons Tribe heads back to camp.)

Simpsons Tribe, Day 12

Bart: Okay, so we're all in agreement then?

Moe: Yeah, I guess so. Whatever you say Bart, you're the boss.

Moe: At the beginning of the game, I was trying to lay low and just be the guy that serves everybody drinks. However, I am starting to see the benefits of this little alliance thing.

Homer: Lisa, I can't vote him off.

Lisa: Why not?

Flanders: Now Lisa, as the Bible says, obey thy father and thy mother.

Tribal Council

(The Simpsons Tribe solemnly enters the hut and takes their seats)

Brian: Oh gosh, my head! No more mojitos for a while. (Looks up and sees Simpsons Tribe) Wait, you guys again?

(Simpsons Tribe nods their heads.)

Brian: I have the world's largest hangover right now, so just go ahead and vote so I can go back to bed! Homer, lead us off.

[Homer walks over to the voting booth and casts his vote for FLANDERS.]

Homer: I repeat, Stupid Flanders!

[Shot of Flanders Voting, Nelson Voting, then Lisa votes and shows it to the camera: BART.]

Lisa: This is for Milhouse, Bart. How dare you betray your best friend like that.

[Shot of Moe voting, then Bart votes, puts in the bucket and returns to his seat. Brian then grabs the bucket.]

Brian: Voted off…decision is final…etc. etc. I'm reading the votes. (Opens the bucket and takes out a piece of paper.) First vote is for…Flanders. Second vote is for…Bart….Third Vote is for…Bart…Fourth Vote..Flanders…Fifth Vote...Flanders…and the last vote is for ….Flanders! (Flanders grabs his torch and walks over to Brian.)

Brian: Ned Flanders, the tribe has spoken. (Brian extinguishes the torch and Flanders leaves through a side door.) Well, now you are down by two members to the Hogwarts Tribe. It's time to get your act together, or the Hogwarts Tribe is going to have the vast majority of people at the merger. You may head back to camp.

(The remaining five members of the Simpsons Tribe grab their torches and head back to camp.)

END OF EPISODE FOUR

Tribal Council #4 Voting

Candidate (# of votes)

Flanders (4)

Bart

Homer

Nelson

Moe

Bart (2)

Lisa

Flanders