My Madness, My Saving Sanity

Chapter Twenty One: Awakening

By: Nightelfcrawler

Author's note: While this is G1 based, I've made Starscream a blend of his G1 and Armada personalities just because I find the dichotomy of it fascinating. It takes place in no particular timeline, following no particular events. Also, please review politely. If you haven't something nice to say, keep it to yourself please. Also, I despise nitpicking, please don't make comments about grammar or single spelling mistakes. Enjoy the story, don't be picky.

Further note: I have officially finished the story, so I'll be posting the chapters quicker now. Once done here, it's on to the How it Will Be story I've been working on. Anyone with ideas they might like to see, feel free to email them to me! I have the plot down, but I would welcome any input for things people might like implemented in the story.

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It was silent in the medical ward when Starscream's optics finally flickered from dim to light. White light lit up behind blue optics before they faded to a calm azure. To the side, Optimus watched the mech in silence, as his optics flickered rapidly while he processed the data files waiting for him to access. After several long moments, his optics blazed back to full power again and snapped about the room with sharp deliberate movements. Then with swift accuracy, his optics snapped to focus on Optimus, and narrowed. "You…" He hissed in a dark tone, his voice smooth and without the scratchy damage they were used to hearing from him. Even his own voice seemed to briefly startle the awoken Air Commander as he paused blinking with some surprise as the information didn't compute with his standard memory files.

"Before you let loose a stream of curses in my direction…" Optimus said calmly, a smile tugging his faceplate behind the ever-present battle mask. "…you might want to access the files from your wing mates. You will find they're encrypted with protocols Autobots are not familiar with."

Starscream's gaze sharpened even more, warily watching him with distaste. "Why should I trust you, Prime? Why am I even HERE!?"

"The files will explain, I assure you." Optimus said patiently.

Starscream glared fiercely at him, but his optics dimmed as he checked his data files for the referenced packets left by his wing mates. After a moment, a small frown crossed his features, and his optics dimmed further as he began to access the data that he clearly had confirmed had not been tampered with by the Autobots. Optimus watched as Starscream's carefully composed face twitched a bit as he assessed the data, read through it, absorbed it. It took some time, assumedly for him to think over the information before re-addressing his 'captor', but eventually Starscream's optics brightened again, to stare at Optimus with a deeply thoughtful, and slightly less challenging expression. The suspicion was still there, however. "How do I know this isn't a trick of some sorts. Bah, befriending Autobots, working WITH you… it's all very fictional."

"You would doubt the testimony given by your wing mates?" Optimus lifted an optic ridge.

"They are ignorant fools who…" Starscream stopped mid-sentence and abruptly winced, optics flickering with obvious surprise as they roamed wildly around the room. "What…?" He whispered in a sudden complete change of behavior, optics widening as communications were clearly being passed in silence from those 'ignorant fools'.

"I think it best I let them catch you up first." Optimus murmured, turning as the door slid open, revealing two cross looking mechs, and one smiling large 'dead' mech. He quickly slipped out only after catching the rather amusing expression of shock and confusion on Starscream's facial plates as Thundercrakcer, Skywarp and Skyfire walked in. This was going to be one interesting 'catch-up', but it was not his place to be there for it. He waited patiently in his office while the trine reconnected, and went over all the events of the past several months with their memory deprived commander.

A few hours later, he got a com summons from Thundercracker. "We've finished with him. Better come in now while he's docile."

Optimus found 'docile' was probably the best way to describe Starscream. He was laying on the table, frowning with a vacant expression in his optics. Granted, it was a LOT to take in, especially with no physical memories to back it up, but given the obvious fact Skyfire was there to prove their words, it seemed he had at least accepted most of their story to a point. However, as the Autobot commander entered the med bay, Starscream's gaze focused on him with some sharp suspicion, but remained silent. "I take it your wing mates caught you up-to-date?" Optimus said mildly, studying the defiant expression as it returned.

"Their tale is quite… unique." Starscream muttered, reluctantly.

"Can I at least continue on the assumption you believe it to be true?"

Starscream let out a frustrated sigh through his vents, his expression turning irritated. "I have little choice."

Optimus smiled quietly, taking a seat on Ratchet's rolling chair. "Very well then. Let us continue our conversation then."

"Wonderful." Was the dry response.

"I must first congratulate you on your miraculous recovery." Optimus smiled a little behind his mask seeing Starscream's optic ridges twitch. "That in itself is an amazing feat."

"I am STILL a bit confused over how I managed that." Starscream muttered. "My wing mates were NOT of much help in that regard. They kept mentioning 'talking' to my spark…" He rolled his optics in frustration. "Would you MIND telling me in more depth just how they were able to do that?"

Optimus frowned. "You don't remember anything I take it?"

"Aside from the memories provided from my wing mates points of view, which were not exactly very enlightening, the rest of it reads like a bad story. I mean, getting my aft handed to me by Megatron is not an extraordinary occurrence, however the rest of it…" he made a face. "…buddy-buddy with the science geeks, chatting it up with a human, surviving in spark-form after being disintegrated…" His cheeky attitude died down a little as he frowned. Optimus wondered just how much Starscream remembered of being a non-corporeal being of energy disembodied from any physical form. It seemed he might remember more than he let on, but was holding it back. "It's all a bit out there, if you ask me."

"Nonetheless…" Optimus said softly. "It is the truth of the matter. Surely Skyfire's presence proves even that."

Starscream's face twisted into a confused mesh of expressions not usually found on his face. "…so it does." He finally admitted grudgingly. "There's little I can do to discount what they show me when the proof is standing right there."

"So we shall operate on the assumption you accept it as the truth." Starscream just made a disgusted face, but didn't deny his suggestion. "Then I have several things I would like to go over with you, namely related to your miraculous survival."

Starscream's face sobered. "Yes… about that." He murmured. "I must admit my faculties are run dry attempting to figure THAT little tidbit out."

"Thundercracker and Skywarp informed me that you've suffered serious injuries in the past that required you to update your CPU with the data you'd stored…"

Starscream made a face, his optics lifted, suddenly flat and unemotional. "Indeed. Megatron has always been renowned for his temper. I learned quickly that he took it out on those closest to him in order to keep them in line. After the first few attempts, I decided it was wise to start backing up data just in case. It was fortunate I did so. Not more than a few cycles later it came in very handy." He smirked a bit. "The hardest part was actually remembering where I'd backed up the data."

"I can imagine." Optimus mused. "However I do have one question." His optics studied the restrained mech intently. "Were you not aware of your spark's unusual properties?"

"Unusual properties?" Starscream mocked. "Come on Prime. Just spit it out. I'm a freak."

"That wouldn't be my choice of words." Optimus chided slightly. "Unique would be better."

"Humph." Starscream just looked away with a disgusted look. "Say what you will. It explains much of the unsolved mysteries of my life."

"What would you think is the cause?"

Optimus could see the scientist half of him start to grab hold of the situation, analyzing it as Starscream thought it over. "A mutation perhaps. I've heard of such things happening. Usually it's NOT a good thing. In my case however…" He frowned. "It seems to have been a boon more than once. There have been times in the past I suspected something but never acted upon it. And there was that deal with Skywarp…" His optics snapped up to stare intently at Optimus. "You have your own idea about such a thing, don't you?"

"I believe I may have the answer for you… however, you might not like the results."

Starscream scowled. "I would rather know the truth than constantly wonder about why I am a freak of nature." The ferocity in his gaze was bordered with something akin to anguish.

Optimus sighed. "You are not a freak of nature, Starscream… rather, you are a very rare and unique individual." The Seeker snorted in mirth at that. "I am being truthful." Optimus said firmly, staring directly into the flier's optics. "Through history there have been rumors of one spark that has unique properties… I did not realize it was truth until meeting you, but now I believe you are this individual that every Prime learns of, and learns to watch for…" Starscream's optics were now staring at him with unhidden curiosity, as well as slight hostility at not being sure what he was talking about. Prime however was not about to keep him in suspense for any cruel length of time. "It is my belief that you hold the an indestructible spark within you… that this spark passes down through generations remembering the lives of it's previous incarnations, and cannot be destroyed by any means."

Starscream's mouth fell open as his optics widened at the news, obviously not having been expecting that information. He sat there in silence for a moment, mouth opening and closing until he finally shut it once more, his jaw setting. "You are speaking about immortality."

"Indeed." Optimus said softly. "And if we consider this, I believe it might explain a few things. Let us consider what we know… you stated yourself that you have survived serious injuries and been unable to explain it. This time, as you know, the result was disintegration of your body, yet your spark found another vessel to survive within."

Starscream's lips smirked slightly. "Thundercracker omitted that from his report… Skywarp did not. Apparently he found it more than adequate entertainment."

"I admit, it was eerily disconcerting to see your wing mate behaving like you." Optimus admitted with a small chuckle. "Thundercracker wasn't amused."

"I'm certain he was not."

"Nonetheless, we now know your spark can survive on it's own without an energy source… Ratchet performed a few tests. You can self-sustain without any outside interaction. This is a significant discovery. It might also explain why you were able to link with your wing mates, and why the three of you can sustain one another's' lives. Ratchet surmised that the reason you were able to save Skywarp's life was this bond you share, linking their sparks to yours… and if your spark truly is special in this way, it might explain your ability to perform this miraculous healing."

Starscream's brow was furrowed, thinking over the explanation presented to him. "It makes sense." He said solemnly, optics narrowed in thought. "Any bond linking to a spark possessing unique abilities would transfer some of those abilities through the shared link… it's simple physics." His optics hesitantly lifted to stare at Optimus warily. "But to accept that theory, I must then assume you're telling me that my spark is immortal."

"From what Ratchet and I can surmise, that is the truth." Optimus said quietly. "Megatron crushed your spark chamber… you survived. That in itself is strong proof, but the ability to survive without power sustaining your spark cinches it for me. What I know of the legends holds true to what we've seen here…"

Starscream snorted, leaning back against the berth with a wry expression on his face. "I find this both ironic and amusing… ME, of all people…" His optics narrowed abruptly. "Does this mean I cannot die?"

Optimus sighed slightly. "No, I do believe you can 'die', in the fact that your body can be destroyed and some memories as well. But your spark itself might find another place to rest… the memories of your past lives imprinted themselves on your spark, thus this is how your 'data' was carried over through time from your various incarnations, it makes sense something of your own present self could possibly do the same thing."

"Well, that's one option I never considered." Starscream admitted wryly, optics shuttering.

Optimus studied the flier with some thought. Overall he was taking it quite well, but then it appeared he had suspected bits and pieces most of his life, and was merely content to have finally found the answer he'd been unconsciously seeking. They were called Seekers for a reason… each for their own unique varieties. "Starscream…" The flier glanced at him, still seeming worn down. "I realize how much of a burden this can be, but I must point out that you obviously are not alone to bear it. It's incredibly fascinating that you are able to persevere through this, even Megatron will not expect you to return now."

"Oh won't he be surprised." Was the wry answer, the air commander's lips curling into a smirk. "I'm almost tempted to dare him to do it again."

"Please don't." Came a cross voice from the doorway, both of them turning their heads to see Ratchet glaring his way. "I spent cycles of hard work to get you back up on your feet, you ungrateful lout. The least you can do is show a little gratitude." He leaned forward and released the bindings holding the seeker to the bench, allowing Starscream to sit up at last.

"Thank you." Starscream drawled out sarcastically, leaning back on the berth lazily, flexing his fingers. "Though I must say, I feel like a whole new mech."

"You ARE a whole new mech…again." Ratchet growled. "Now, you're perfectly functional, get out. And by Primus' sake, if you destroy ANOTHER body, I'll kill you myself… or at least keep your spark in a jar on my workbench."

"My, my, short temper much?" Starscream muttered, but slid off the bunk smoothly rising to his feet and turning to face Optimus who stood to the side. "We should talk." He said firmly, blue optics hard and unmoving from the Autobot Commanders'.

"Very well. My office then." Optimus turned and led the way down the corridor.

They didn't get far.

The moment the doors slid open, no less than twenty mechs scrambled back from the hallway, guilty looks on their faces. Skywarp and Thundercracker were half grasping onto Skyfire's arms for support as everyone scrambled backwards. Optimus sighed slightly and fixed them all with a stare. "What is going on here?"

No one answered. Dozens of guilty optics slid anywhere but their commander's face.

"My, my…" Starscream said in a bold sarcastic voice. "How sentimental. Don't tell me all the Autoscum are WORRIED about me?"

"Hell no. We were just taking bets on whether you'd start shooting at us." Sunstreaker spat out with a smirk, crossing his arms over his chest.

Starscream's arm twitched. "I could indulge you, if you'd prefer."

"Er, no. I'm good."

Starscream's optics slid off the vain autobot to fix his three friends with a pointed look. "And what's your excuse?"

"Erm…" Skywarp looked as if he'd been caught with his hand in the high-grade. "I got nothin'…"

"I'm touched."

"He's just saying he missed you." Skyfire said gently, smiling down at the red and white mech. "You should have seen these two…. Pacing like sparklings lost without you."

"It's just good to have you back in your own body." Thundercracker said, rolling his optics. "I'd heard of getting close to your team, but you crossed the line. If I'm ever that close to you again, it'll be too soon."

"I'm sure had I been conscious, I would have been just as disgusted." Starscream reassured him with a snort. "Nonetheless, I seem to be in one piece… again."

"Yeah about that…"

"Later." Starscream said with a wave of his hand pushing past his wing mates with a rough shoulder-push. "I have business to attend to first."

"Business?" Skywarp looked floored, staring at him suspiciously. "You just woke up from being dead… again. And you've got BUSINESS?"

"Indeed he does." Optimus rumbled, a smirk tickling his optics, a bit disappointed at having to interrupt their close reunion.

"With him?!" Skywarp said huffily looking insulted. "You're going to hang out with Autobots before you hang out with your own brothers?!"

"Since when have you professed to being my sibling?"

"Er…"

"Don't answer that, 'Warp. It's a trick."

"Primus…" Starscream sighed and then turned to glare at the rest of the gathered mechs. "And what's THEIR excuse?"

"We just couldn't believe that YOU of all mechs, just won't die." Ironhide drawled lazily, smirking right back at the air commander. "Of course, it does explain a few things."

"Uh huh." Starscream said dryly, eyeing him like he expected to be required to dodge an attack. "How touching. Now move it, I have business to discuss with Optimus." He barged past the crowd, leaving stunned mechs in his wake as Optimus followed him.

"Dude… TC….?"

"Yeah 'Warp?"

"He just called him Optimus… not Autoscum, not Prime, not something derogatory…"

"Yeah. I know."

"That is so wrong."