Simpsons vs. Harry Potter Survivor
Episode 7
Brian: The Merger is still two episodes away yet the two tribes have already begun interacting with each other. In light of the attack on Luna, Lisa joined Harry and Hermione to help investigate the attack. This increased the already strong divide between her and her brother Bart. To keep herself in the game, Lisa decided to pick apart the alliance, starting with the successful conversion of Moe to her side.
Meanwhile, at the Hogwarts Tribe, Harry, Ron and Hermione found a wand by the spring, a crucial piece of evidence but still not enough to pin the crime on anyone despite Ron's insistence that it was Neville. The Hogwarts Tribe won new camping chairs in the reward challenge, but the Simpsons Tribe came out on top in the immunity challenge when they found the immunity idol hidden in the woods first, forcing the Hogwarts Tribe into tribal council.
At tribal council, Ron voted for Neville while Harry and Hermione voted for Draco Malfoy, a move that would cost Ron as all three members of Malfoy's alliance voted him off and made him the first member of our jury. Before leaving, Ron reaffirmed his prediction that either Harry or Hermione is going to win it all.
With the tribes now even at five members each, the last few days before the merger should be interesting. Will Harry and Hermione expose Neville as the snake conjurer? Will Lisa be able to sway Nelson away from Bart's side? With ten castaways remaining, who will be voted off next?
Hogwarts Tribe, Day 19
(Harry and Hermione are out fishing by the river. Hermione has a bite and manages to reel in a decent-sized fish.)
Hermione: Wow, I'm really getting the hang of this.
Harry: Of course, you've always been a quick learner. (wraps his arms around her and plants a kiss on her lips)
Hermione: (blushes and gives her boyfriend a kiss in return) Thank you Harry. (expression changes to mild sadness) I do miss Ron though.
Harry: Yeah, me too. We need to figure out who conjured the snake before our next tribal council. I'm almost certain they'll go after you next, and I don't think I could make it through the rest of this game without your company.
Hermione: Harry, you are more than capable of winning this game without me. (stroking Harry's hair, Hermione has a brilliant idea) Wait a minute! I think I found the solution to our problem.
Harry: What is it?
Hermione: Ollivander, the wandmaker.
Harry: (puzzled) What about him?
Hermione: He would be able to figure whose wand this is and who cast the last spell.
Harry: (smiling) Hermione, that's brilliant! (smile vanishes) but how are we going to get him here? We can't use magic because we would be disqualified.
Hermione: Well, if we can't go to Ollivander, Ollivander will have to come to us.
Harry: We need to talk with Brian about this.
(Hermione nods in response and the two resume fishing for a couple of hours before heading back to the shelter.)
Simpsons Tribe, Day 19
(Nelson returns to the shelter from hunting with Bart. They head towards the shelter to relax.)
Bart: Ay caramba, we rounded up quite a few scorpions today. We're gonna be eating a lot of meat today. (dumps about 5-7 scorpions in the shelter)
Nelson: (pointing to the dead scorpions) Ha-Ha!
Bart: I'm got to go pee. Go ahead and start preparing these scorpions for dinner.
Nelson: Aye-aye, captain.
(Bart heads into the oasis to find a palm tree to piss on. Lisa, who is sitting under a tree on the other side of the shelter reading a book, looks up and sees her opportunity to talk to Nelson.)
Lisa: You must getting tired of him bossing you around like that. (Nelson looks up from the scorpions to see Lisa.)
Nelson: What are you playing at?
Lisa: (slightly surprised) Hmmm, you're smarter than I thought. I'm here to talk you into leaving Bart's alliance.
Nelson: What? No way Lisa! Bart has been my friend out here since we arrived, and I'm not about to stab him in the back.
Lisa: What if I told you I wasn't going to vote Bart off?
Nelson: (still not convinced) I would call you a liar because you've been at Bart's throat since day one.
Lisa: (confounded for a moment but then smirks) Oh Nelson…did you know I still have that photo of you kissing me back when we were boyfriend and girlfriend?
Nelson: (nervously gulps) Uhhh…so who exactly did you have in mind?
(Lisa points over to the overweight figure of Homer sleeping in the hammock.)
Nelson: I'll sleep on it Lisa.
(Bart returns from the woods a few moments later and Lisa returns to reading her book.)
Bart: I've got a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. I can sense a change in the status quo around camp, and that change is certainly not in my favor. Lisa obviously has gotten to Moe, but I don't see Nelson leaving my side anytime soon.
Day 20: Reward Challenge
Brian: The ten remaining castaways have just passed the halfway point of their 39-day stay here in Egypt. With the merger just five days away, each challenge is even more crucial than the last one. Take, for example, today's reward challenge, in which three members from each tribe will have to joust against each other for three separate prizes. (looks out in the distance) It looks like our castaways are about to arrive.
(Simpsons and Hogwarts Tribes arrive.)
Brian: Okay tribes, today is the 1st annual jousting tournament. Three members from each tribe will go one on one against each other on a small wooden platform in the river for three separate prizes. The last person standing on each one-on-one match wins the prize for their team. Before we start, I'm going you all to pick your three fighters.
(Hogwarts Tribe selects Harry, Crabbe and Neville while the Simpsons selects Homer, Bart and Nelson.)
Brian: Alright then. Harry and Homer, you two will compete each other first. Our first prize will be (opens a crate) this brand new golf cart which should make traveling down shore a lot easier.
(Harry and Homer swim out and get on the wooden platform with giant foam ear swab-like things and giant Styrofoam helmets on their heads.)
Brian: Okay guys, begins on my signal. Survivors Ready, and GO!
[Harry and Homer start beating each other with the double-edged foam mallets. The fight goes on for about 30 seconds. Homer makes an aggressive move, but Harry dodges and outsmarts him and knocks him into the water.]
Brian: Hogwarts Tribe wins the golf cart! Crabbe and Bart, you two go next, and you'll be playing for (opens 2nd crate) a brand new set of…golf clubs? Is this challenge sponsored by Taylor Made or something? Anyway, Survivors Ready….GO!
[Crabbe seems to have the upper hand with his brute strength, but Bart has the edge in cunning, dodging most of Crabbe's moves, forcing Crabbe to lose his balance and fall in the river.]
Brian: Simpsons Tribe takes the golf clubs. Neville and Nelson, you guys are last up, and you'll be fighting for…(opens last crate)…a year's supply of toilet paper? (confused) That's an interesting choice of prizes today. (turns to Neville and Nelson) Okay you two, Survivors ready…GO!
[Nelson and Neville's dual is easily the longest and hardest fought of the three. It lasts a good minute and a half with both men trading shots on each other before Neville whacks Nelson hard in the right side of the head. Nelson gets woozy and falls over into the water. Hogwarts Tribe cheers the tie-breaking victory.]
Brian: Hogwarts gets the toilet paper. Maybe you can go teepee the Simpsons camp or something.
Bart: (snorting) Yeah, fat chance of that happening.
Brian: (lights up cigarettes) Are you guys still here? Go on back to camp, I need my nicotine fix!
(Hogwarts and Simpsons Tribe head back to their respective camps. Hermione tugs on Harry's shirt sleeve, reminding them of something they need to do.)
Harry: Brian, Hermione and I need to talk to you about something.
Brian: Yeah, yeah congrats on being a couple.
Hermione: (blushing) Thank you, but that's not what we need to talk about.
Brian: (sighs) Fine, but make it quick.
(Harry and Hermione talk with Brian for a few minutes before heading back to camp.)
Simpsons Tribe, Day 20
(For once, Homer is out of the hammock and is busying trying out the new golf club/golf balls. Homer hits a 3 iron into the forest of palm trees.)
Homer: D'OH….stupid palm trees! (Homer is so frustrated that he doesn't notice Bart approaching him.)
Bart: No luck on the driving range Homeslice?
Homer: Nope, not a single straight shot yet boy.
Bart: Dad, I don't know if you've notice with your constant sleeping and all, but Lisa been talking to Moe and Nelson an awful lot lately, and I think she's trying to talk them into voting for one of us.
Homer: I'm no genius, but I'm pretty sure she wants them to vote you.
Bart: (questioning look on his face) Are you sure about that Homeboy? At least I've contributed to the tribe, but you haven't done anything.
Homer: (shrugs his shoulder) Meh, my strategy has gotten me this far…
Bart: (interrupting) but it won't get you to the million dollars Homer. Your only chance of getting far into this game is to team up with somebody, so either team up with me now or you'll be out of here quickly.
(Homer takes a few moments to mull this offer before speaking again.)
Homer: Alright boy, go fetch my balls and you got yourself a deal.
(Bart gives Homer a really weird look, almost as if he swallowed a bug.)
Bart: If you're talking about what I think you're talking about, then no deal man!
Homer: WHY YOU LITTLE (reaches in and strangles Bart) I meant….my….golf balls! (lets go of Bart)
Bart: (gasping for air) Okay….okay, you got yourself a deal.
(Bart heads into the woods to retrieve Homer's golf balls.)
Hogwarts Tribe, Day 20
Harry: So, we talked to Brian about getting Ollivander to come here to examine the wand, but they won't be able to get him here until the day after the next tribal council. In other words, tomorrow's immunity challenge is incredibly important for me and Hermione.
(Harry and Hermione are sitting on lawn chairs by the camp fire, eating some of the last remains of their supply of chocolate.)
Harry: Well, that meeting with Brian was not what I was hoping for.
Hermione: Well, at least Ollivander's coming soon enough for one of us to make it to the merger.
Harry: (holds Hermione's hand) Hermione, if we go to tribal council tomorrow night, I hope they vote for me. That way you can make it to the merger, and I believe you can hold your own with anyone else remaining in this game.
Hermione: Harry, I've always admired your selflessness, but you shouldn't sell yourself short like that. In fact, I think you have a better chance at the million galleons than I do.
Harry: (smiling) Thanks Hermione. Well, let's not worry about that just yet. Right now, I want to enjoy this night with my soul mate. Care to walk down to the beach with me?
Hermione: (smiling) Of course.
(Still holding hands, the couple lies down by the beach, watching the stars and just talking. They passionately kiss each other for minutes but it seemed like hours before they returned to the shelter to go to bed.)
Harry: I love you Hermione Jean Granger.
Hermione (smiling and crying tears of joy) I love you too Harry James Potter…with all my heart.
Day 21: Immunity Challenge
Brian: With the merger close at hand and 3-on-2 alliances in both tribes, this immunity challenge is perhaps the most critical one yet. Today's challenge will test the castaway's newly acquired skills with the fishing pole.
(Simpsons and Hogwarts Tribes arrive.)
Brian: Okay tribes, today three members from each team will face off to see who can catch the most pounds of fish in two hours. (looks at Hogwarts Tribe) Oh, and by pounds, I mean…
Malfoy: You know what you bloody mean dog, now get on with it!
(Brian glares at Malfoy before resuming)
Brian: Anyway, whichever team catches the most pounds in fish will win immunity. Before we begin, I need each team to select three members to do the fishing.
(Harry, Hermione and Malfoy step forward for the Hogwarts Tribe while Bart, Nelson and Lisa step forward for the Simpsons Tribe. They each pick up a pole and head for the shore.)
Brian: Alright Survivors on your marks! Ready, and...GO!
[The six castaways cast their lines into the water and wait. This is the scene for most of the next two hours, with the occasional reeling-in of a decent-sized fish. Hermione and Bart prove to be the best fishers in their tribe, as they catch four fish each within the time limit.]
Brian: 3, 2, 1….(blows whistle) Okay castaways, bring me your fish and put them on the scale. Simpsons Tribe, you first. [The Simpsons Tribe puts their catch on the electronic scale, which reads 15.1 lbs.] 15.1 lbs for the Simpsons Tribe. Hogwarts Tribe, let's see if you can top that. [Hogwarts Tribe puts their fish on the scale, and the scale reads….15.6 lbs. Hogwarts Tribe is jubilant upon seeing the number on the scale, especially Harry and Hermione.]
Brian: Hogwarts Tribe, you win! Here is the immunity idol, enjoy your next three days on the island. (Harry grabs immunity idol and hoists over his head) Simpsons Tribe, I'll see you all tonight.
Simpsons Tribe, Day 21
Lisa: So, are you with me or against me?
Nelson: (confused and uncertain look on his face) yes, no…uhhhh, I don't know!
(Lisa walks away, not getting the outcome she wanted out of that conversation. She gathers her things and prepares for tribal council.)
Hogwarts Tribe, Day 21
(Malfoy and Crabbe are meeting in their usual spot in the forest of palm tree.)
Crabbe: Oi Malfoy, where is Longbottom?
Malfoy: Longbottom won't be joining us this evening. I told him to stay behind.
Crabbe: Okay, soooo….what's this about?
Malfoy: Did you notice Potter and Granger talking with the dog after that reward challenge?
Crabbe: Yeah, so what?
Malfoy: (looks at him like he's stupid) Sooooo, I think they may have figured out a way to identify the wand and the last spell cast.
Crabbe: (shrugs his shoulders) Okay, so what? The last spell cast was by Longbottom. They trace it back to him, he's gone and we stay.
Draco: (anxiously runs hands through hair) Ummmm….yeah, actually there's one more thing….
Tribal Council
(The Simpsons Tribe enters the hut and takes their seats. Brian is already waiting for them in the hut.)
Brian: Well, it's been a while, but you guys are finally back at tribal council. Lisa, what is the state of your tribe?
Lisa: There's a lot of uncertainty right now Brian. We have some people on the tribe that don't really know whose side they're on, and now they have no choice but to make up their minds.
Brian: Homer, this question is for you…I couldn't help but notice you shanking those golf shots. Are you always that horrible a golfer?
Homer: Hey, watch it dog!
Brian: (backs off) Whoa there, just asking! (stares at watch) Anyway, it's time to vote. Lisa, lead us off please.
[Lisa walks up to the voting booth, grabs a piece of paper, and scribbles down her vote: HOMER]
Lisa: You haven't contributed any to the tribe in camp or at the challenges. I'm sorry dad, but you should have been gone a long time ago.
[Shot of Bart voting, then Moe Voting, then Homer shows that his vote is for LISA]
Homer: I really didn't have a specific person in mind. Since she's forming the alliance against me, I figure I'll vote for her….Sorry sweetie.
[Shot of Nelson voting and putting his ballot in the box. He returns to his seat and Brian grabs the ballot box.]
Brian: Okay, you should know the drill by now, so let's go ahead and read the votes. (Brian opens voting box and takes out vote) First vote is for….Lisa….Second vote…Homer….Third Vote…Homer….Fourth vote….Lisa…(takes out last vote) the next castaway voted off and the second member of our jury is….Homer! Please bring me your torch.
Homer: Woohoo…Duff Beer here I come! (Homer gets up and brings torch to Brian)
Brian: Homer, the tribe has spoken. (extinguishes flame) I'm sorry, but you'll have to leave now.
(Homer runs out the side door, ready to be reunited with donuts and beer.)
Brian: To the four of you, congratulations on making it to the final 9! You may now head back to camp.
(Remaining four members of the Simpsons Tribe grab their torches and head back to camp.)
END OF EPISODE SEVEN
Tribal Council #7 Voting
Candidate (# of votes)
Homer (3)
Lisa
Nelson
Moe
Lisa (2)
Bart
Homer